


Gem of the Setting Sun

by duCOQUELICOT



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Being firelord is hard, Coming of Age, F/M, Found Family, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, They're both so stubborn, Travelling heroes, after the war, friendships, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 117,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21570076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duCOQUELICOT/pseuds/duCOQUELICOT
Summary: The war might be over, but that's just the beginning of a whole new era of problems. The Gaang find themselves amidst the struggles of rebuilding the world, growing up, coming of age and understanding who they are, now that everything has changed.When everyone seems to have something to do besides Katara, she sets out to find her own destiny. Zuko, who is trying to change a century of hatred into an era of peace and love, could use the help of a brave waterbender with a heart of gold. Learning about the histories of their respective nations, they discover a threat to the world that is greater than anyone could have foreseen. Also, Zutara.New (final) chapter:At dawn, Zuko and Katara find each other again.
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Hakoda & Katara (Avatar), Hakoda & Sokka (Avatar), Hakoda & Zuko (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Mai (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Katara & Suki (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Mai & Sokka (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Katara, Toph Beifong & Zuko
Comments: 121
Kudos: 222





	1. Aftersun

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to update weekly, sometimes sooner if I can, sometimes later if I can't. If you want more of the same universe, head over to my story collection for Zutara Month 2020. All those story bits and pieces will find their way back into the main fic. All comments and kudos, here and on Tumblr, are greatly appreciated!

**Prologue: Aftersun**

Zuko and Katara looked out over the Coronation Square. Azula was still chained to the metal grid, screaming maniacally. Hearing her sobs was unbearable. Katara could only start to imagine how Zuko must feel.

"We need to get you down to the lake," she said and glanced sideways at Zuko. His mouth was twisted into a grimace, he squinted. One hand rested flat on his stomach, where the wound still throbbed under his fingers. Katara had healed it as much as she could, but she needed more water.

Also, she wanted to get out of there.

"Come on," she said quietly and tugged his sleeve. Zuko spasmed. "Sorry," he whispered in his husky voice, and turned around to follow her.

Slowly, they made their way down to the water. The Fire Nation Capital seemed deserted, but Katara wanted to be careful nonetheless. As long as she was doing something, she wouldn't have to relive the past thirty minutes in her head.

And so she checked every corner, one hand resting on Zuko's arm. WIth anyone else, she would have offered to support them more, but for some reason she felt that Zuko wouldn't allow her to come closer than she was. He was too proud to let other people carry him.

No, she corrected herself mentally. Not too proud. Too stubborn. Just like her, she thought involuntarily.

When they reached the lake, Katara permitted herself to look up in the sky. She hoped Aang was out there, somewhere, as well as Suki and Sokka. It was then she felt how sick with worry she was. And she had no idea how to reach anyone, to let them know that they, at least, were okay. That they had made it.

Zuko sat down, then rested his head on the grass. He closed his eyes. Katara pretended not to listen to the thunder rolling above their heads, the flashes of lightning that brightened the sky.

She was so afraid, so afraid that any of them would die. She realized how tense her muscles were, how dirty her clothes, how tired she was. She wanted to cry, but it felt as if all the tears had dried up within her.

"Are you okay?"

Katara smiled at Zuko. She didn't want to tell him what she was thinking about.

"Yeah." She frowned. "I'm just worried about the others."

He nodded in agreement, then flinched when his wound started bleeding again. Katara bended some water from the lake and sat beside him.

Her hands were cool and soft, his skin was raw and sensitive. Carefully, she placed the tips of her fingers on his wound, then her whole palm. They didn't talk.

As long as she was doing something, Katara kept repeating, she didn't have to feel anything. But her eyes were dry and her arms were heavy and she knew that she could collapse any minute. It wasn't today, it wasn't what just happened. It was everything, the stress that had built up inside her for the past year. What happened just now was the culmination.

Katara realized that she had never felt as if she was in real danger until that moment. There had been moments where her life was in jeopardy, she knew that, but then she had always been surrounded by her friends, by her brother - by Aang.

Katara was not afraid of dying. But she had always been afraid of being alone. And when Azula shot that lightning at her, she felt very, very alone.

She had never expected Zuko to do what he did. But she watched him, as in slow motion, jumping in front of the bolt that was meant for her, and take it square in the stomach. The very same place she was now healing.

"You don't seem okay," said Zuko, his voice still soft as a whisper. "We can take a break if you want to. You already did much more than you needed to."

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

But dark spots were appearing at the edge of her vision and she knew that she was draining all her last energy with her bending. She bended the water in her flask and lied down.

In silence, they waited until the final fight was over.


	2. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that it won't just be Zuko and Katara all the time, by the way. But I had this chapter in my head for so long.

Fire Nation regalia had always felt stiff and heavy, but Zuko absolutely _hated_ the weight of the Fire Lord's crown in his top knot. It was wobbly, and he had to keep fussing with it in order to make sure it wouldn't fall out of his hair. 

He was sure the Fire Sages wouldn't have let him reign long if he would have had to tell them he lost the Fire Crown _on his first day._

After a long week of ceremonial, obligatory celebrations, he had snuck out to do something that had weighed on his mind ever since Aang had returned from the battle field.

Visit his father. Ask about his mother.

Zuko knew Ozai knew more than he had told him on the Day of Black Sun. Zuko also knew that he would never tell him what that was. He would have to find a way. 

And he always found a way.

He hadn't told anyone, but when Aang came back with a nonbender Fatherlord, Zuko couldn't help but feel disappointed. Sure, the man would hardly pose a threat to anyone's life now. And yes, Ozai would've died a martyr, something that would probably only fuel the hatred of Zuko's enemies - and he was sure he had them.

But Zuko had hoped to be able to close that chapter of his book after that day. _The Fire Lord is dead, long live the Fire Lord._

Now, Ozai's _life_ would be the fuel of his nightmares. In fact, it already was.

Zuko managed to get rid of his mantle, the heaviest set piece of all, and now was again struggling with the robes underneath. He just wanted to change into something more comfortable, something that didn't put extra pressure on his shoulders. As if he not only had to mentally feel the burden of his new job, but physically, too. 

"Do you need a hand?" 

_Mai_ , he thought, but then realized that a voice so deep and low could never belong to the slender, dark-haired assassin who was his girlfriend. He still couldn't believe she had wanted him back. Then again, he _was_ the Fire Lord now.

"Uncle!" He smiled sincerely and let the old man take care of the situation. They were the same height now, although Zuko was sure he was still growing. Or at least he hoped he was. He was tall for a sixteen year old, but he didn't want to be outpaced by Aang or Sokka.

"How has the day been for you, nephew?" 

Zuko was still amazed that Iroh had been able to travel from Ba Sing Se to the Fire Nation capital so quickly. Of course, he had missed the official coronation, but that was okay. After all, he now had friends around him, friends who cared about him, and made jokes, and hugged him because they were proud of him. 

Still, it had been happy news when his guards had told him General Iroh was requesting an appointment with the Fire Lord.

"Awful," he said truthfully. "I wish someone would have told me that being Fire Lord means so much _reading_." He let Iroh help him into his other outfit, after which both of them made themselves comfortable on the mats of the floor, to drink tea.

"You haven't even started your official duties yet!" Iroh exclaimed in a good-humoured manner. He sipped from his tea and frowned ever so slightly. "I should have a word with your tea sommelier," he said. 

Zuko couldn't help but grin. "You know I won't have much time for calming tea now, Uncle. I doubt that the quality of it will be high on my list of priorities."

"Ah, but there, Nephew, is where you are wrong." Iroh closed his eyes. "Your first few years as Fire Lord will not be easy, or peaceful. Restoring balance to a wounded world will take time and effort. And you will struggle - but you know how to persevere. So what you will need is something to keep you grounded. And I wouldn't know what else could serve that purpose better than some fine jasmine tea." 

Zuko rolled his eyes, but he made sure Iroh couldn't see it. 

"Does that mean you're going back to Ba Sing Se?" 

Both of them knew that Zuko would need all the help he could get in being Fire Lord. At least, Zuko hoped his Uncle knew that he was terrified. 

Iroh nodded. "Being Fire Lord is _your_ destiny, Zuko. Not mine. Me being around the palace would undermine your authority. Besides, my time here is up. I have seen the insides of these walls too many times."

But his eyes softened, and Zuko thought he could see the old man tear up a little bit.

"You know, I could make a tea shop for you here," he tried hopefully. "You wouldn't have to be in the palace, but you would be close."

"I'm always close, Zuko," Iroh said, and gently put his hand on the young Fire Lord's shoulder. "If you ever need me, just write. I will be there."

"You know I don't like writing, Uncle."

But Iroh didn't respond. They drank their tea in silence. When he finished his cup, the old general stood up - remarkably flexible for his age. Zuko followed. 

They hugged, and for a long time, it seemed as if neither of them dared to break the embrace. 

It was Zuko who let go of his uncle, at last, and looked him in the eye.

"Thank you, Uncle." 

And then he turned around and stepped up on his balcony, so that Iroh wouldn't see the tears streaming down his face.

* * *

The night was beautiful. A full moon stood high above the Fire Nation capital. Zuko's room had the best view of the city - of course - and he made a promise to himself that he would come here often. After all, what is a balcony for, if not for someone to admire the view from it?

Zuko was already a little blinded by the tears in his eyes, but it became even worse when someone splashed a bucketful of water at him.

"Hey, who did that?" he yelled, completely over his sentimental mood. "Show your face!"

"I'm sorry Zuko! I didn't know this was your balcony."

"Oh, Katara. It's you." 

"Let me fix that for you." He felt the moisture seep out of the fabric and from his skin, back into the leather pouch that Katara carried around her. 

Now he could also make out her features in the dark. The pale moonlight embraced her, the master waterbender. It was a sight to behold, someone who was so in tune with her element.

He stepped further out onto the balcony, standing next to her. Both of them rested their arms on the railing, staring at the lake. 

Their silence was a comfortable one.

After what seemed forever, Katara was the first to say something.

"Things are going to change now, aren't they?"

"Things have changed already."

"I know." She sighed. 

"Is something wrong?" Zuko turned his head slightly to catch the expression on her face.

"No… I guess so. I just don't know where I should go next. Part of me longs to go home, like you made your way home. But part of me also wants to keep travelling. Aang needs me, and I want to be there for him." 

"He's the Avatar. I'm sure you can take a break if you want to."

"But he's also just a kid."

They looked at each other, and shared the silent understanding that Aang, although he was a powerful bender and a spirited person, still had a lot to learn. 

"I mean, he still hasn't mastered waterbending," she muttered. "He needs a teacher."

"Now you're just making up excuses," Zuko pointed out, not unfriendly.

"I know that. You don't have to so in my face about it," she retorted. 

"Well if you know everything already, why are you even asking me for advice?" He said in an irritated voice. 

"I wasn't asking you for advice at all!"

Silence.

"...I'm sorry Katara. It's been a long day."

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have snapped at you." 

"I guess we both had a long day." 

They laughed quietly. 

"How did you even get here?" Zuko asked, realizing that she really shouldn't be supposed to be able to get all the way up to his chambers. The palace security was already seriously lacking.

Katara flustered. "I was just out for a late walk to clear my head, and then I noticed the moon was out, and I wanted to get closer. Higher up, I mean. And I found this staircase, but I couldn't see where it was headed, so I just climbed it and I ended up here. I'm really sorry, if I would have known it was your room I wouldn't have stayed."

"It's okay, you can be here as long as you like." He frowned. "I will have to talk to my guards, though. An assassin could find that staircase just as easily, and if it's not guarded… well, I could very well end up with a knife in my back."

"I hadn't even thought of that," Katara admitted. "Do you really think people out there want to kill you?"

Zuko focused his eyes on the lake in front of them. The water was calm. Because of the bright moonlight, he could make out the tiny ripples that hit the shore. 

"I'm sure not everyone likes to have a traitor for a Fire Lord," he said dryly. Katara opened her mouth in protest, but he shut her down. "I know what you're going to say. I'm not a traitor, and people just have to understand it, and everything will be okay." 

His eyes met hers again. "But I know what they're thinking. For a hundred years, Fire Nation people were goaded into believing that we were the greatest nation on earth. We were above everyone else, destined to rule. And now, not only did we lose the war, but the banished prince is on the throne, turning the glory of their nation into shame."

"There's nothing shameful about what you and Aang are doing," Katara said firmly. 

"Thank you Katara." He produced a small smile. "I just wished my Uncle wouldn't leave me here alone. I didn't want to admit it to him, but I'm terrified."

Katara put her hand on his arm, her fingers cool against the warmth of his skin.

"It's okay to be scared," she said. "As long as you don't forget who you are."

He couldn't tell her how much her words echoed his mother's, from so many years ago.

"You know you'll always have us, right? We'll be right by your side if you need us."

She let go of his arm again.

"I need to go. I promised Sokka to go night sailing with him." She held his gaze one last time, her eyes soft and so dark blue that they almost seemed black. 

"Guess I'll see you around," he said, suddenly unsure of what to say.

"See you around, Zuko." 

Before he fully realized it, she had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope - Rush


	3. An Ocean In Between The Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"I'm at the darkened hillside  
>  And there's a haze right between the trees  
> And I can barely see you  
> You're like an ocean in between the waves"  
>   
> \-- The War on Drugs_

"Katara! Have you seen my fans anywhere?" 

Suki stuck her head around the corner of Katara's room. The warrior girl had a worried expression on her face, and Katara could understand why. 

"No…." she said slowly, trying to think while talking. "Where did you see them last?" 

Everyone was supposed to be packing, as the gang was leaving the Fire Nation the next day. A week of celebrations had passed, and there was still so much to be done. Katara and Sokka would travel back to the Southern Water Tribe with Hakoda, while Aang would drop off Toph at Gaoling and then fly to Ba Sing Se, to meet with the Earth King. He had sent Aang a letter, telling him that he had returned to his palace and wanted to discuss politics with him. 

Zuko had wanted to come along, but they all decided that he was badly needed in the Fire Nation for now. If the new Fire Lord left so soon, who knows what might happen. 

Suki, for her part, still hadn't decided where she wanted to go. The Kyoshi warriors would join Hakoda's ship to be dropped off at Kyoshi island. But she could stay on board, and come to the Southern Water Tribe with Sokka and Katara. Or she could do something else entirely. 

Katara could see that the girl wanted to talk. She dropped the robes she was folding onto the bed and stepped up to Suki. Reassuringly, she put her hand on the warrior's shoulder.

"I'm sure you'll find your fans. Maybe Sokka already put them in his bags, in an attempt to be nice."

Suki face fell. "I don't know. I've been looking everywhere and no one knows where they are. I suppose I could always let some new ones be made, but these are special. They were my grandmother's… I'm sure you understand."

Katara nodded. Of course she understood. Instinctively, she touched her necklace. 

"Let's sit down," she said. "All this running around might be counterproductive. Maybe, if we talk about something else, you'll remember where you put them."

The girls made themselves comfortable on the bed. Outside the open window, they could see the palace gardens, with the turtle duck pond. Yesterday, everyone had gathered there to play music and dance. It had been Aang's idea, of course. 

"Are you going to take your Fire Nation clothes with you?" Suki pointed at the ruby colored robes on the bed. Katara had folded them neatly. 

"I don't know yet," she confessed. "It does feel a little weird to hold on to them. But leaving them behind doesn't feel right, either." 

"You won't have much use for them at home," Suki agreed. "They're not really suitable for the Southern climate."

"Can I tell you something?" Katara didn't look at Suki while she spoke. These private thoughts had been troubling her for the past couple of days, and she still wasn't sure whether she could say them aloud.

Suki tilted her head. "Sure. What's on your mind?" 

Katara sighed. "I don't know how to say this… I guess it doesn't feel like I'm going home. As if the Southern Water Tribe is suddenly some entirely different place. A place where I used to belong, but I don't anymore." The muscles in her face had tensed. She looked up at her friend. "Does that make sense?"

"It does to me." Suki glanced out the window, trying to capture something that was really far away. "I used to think that there was only one place that I could call home. But spending the past weeks with all of you made me rethink that. I don't know about you, but our group feels like family."

Katara smiled. "Absolutely," she said, but Suki hadn't stopped talking. 

"There's Toph and Aang, the kids. Oh I know, he's the Avatar and all, but they're both still only twelve years old. Then there's Zuko, the grumpy dad who just wants everyone to behave and be quiet. You are the mom, obviously." She smiled apologetically at the waterbender.

Katara just waved her hand. "I know, I know. I'm the one who gives speeches, cleans up after everyone and cooks. But what about you and Sokka? How do you fit into this?"

Suki frowned and tapped her finger against her lips. "I'm not sure. I guess we are more like the aunt and uncle of the group. But Sokka is such a child sometimes..." She sighed, then chuckled. "I guess that's one of the things that I like about him."

She became serious again. "So maybe, it feels different because your meaning of home has changed. Or expanded."

Katara shifted her weight, stroking her hair behind her ear. "You could be right. But there's also this feeling of uncertainty. About the future."

"What do you mean?"

"Well..." Katara fell silent as she tried to form a coherent sentence. "Before Aang came, there wasn't much for us to do around the village. Then, we had this huge adventure in front of us, which turned into a mission - to help Aang save the world. And now that the world is saved, there's so much more that we need to do."

"You mean like rebuilding the Southern Water Tribe?"

"Yes, but there's more still." Katara raised her arm, waved it around. "We've seen the whole world. We've seen everything, good and bad. Suffering and happiness. It's not just the Southern Water Tribe that needs to be rebuilt. It's all the four nations."

Suki grabbed her friend by the shoulders. "Katara, you're not responsible for fixing the entire world. I know you want to help everyone, but you can't possibly take on everything."

"No one thought we could save the world, either," Katara said with a wry smile. "But we managed to do that, didn't we?"

"Yes, but we did it together," Suki reminded her. "Now you sound like you want to go out there, by yourself, and singlehandedly right all the wrongs. That's something not even Aang is capable of."

"Speaking of Aang...Don't you think someone should go with him to the Earth King?" Katara was a little worried about leaving him alone amidst all these diplomatic talks. She trusted Aang, no doubt, but as Suki just pointed out, he could be a little too childlike sometimes. And situations like these needed adults.

Suki just shrugged. "He's the Avatar. He'll have to start doing these things by himself at some point, so this could be a good start."

"It doesn't sit right with me. Nothing sits right with me." Katara clenched her fists, then stood up and abruptly started folding her clothes again. In a brusque manner, she shoved the neat packages into her bag. 

"Calm down. You're acting like Zuko now, all worked up and grumpy." Suki couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm nothing like Zuko," Katara looked at her friend. "He's a nice guy, I'll admit that. But we have little in common. In fact, our lives are completely opposite." 

"If you say so." Suki had a suspicious smile on her face, but she didn't press the matter further, so Katara wouldn't either. She didn't know why being compared to Zuko ruffled her feathers so much. She _did_ like the guy. He had taken a lightning bolt to the chest for her, after all. 

If she was being honest with herself, Katara couldn't really fathom why he had done that. Her own feelings about that day were still all tumbled up and confusing. A ball of anxiety and worries she didn't want to touch yet. So she had shoved it to the corner of her mind, where it was sitting, waiting. By comparing her to Zuko, Suki had reminded Katara of the existence of that ball of confusion. But she wasn't ready. And she definitely wasn't going to talk to Suki about it.

Or to Zuko, for that matter.

She realized Suki had started talking again. 

"...that I'm supposed to go back with them, but something is holding me back. And I can't put my finger on it."

"I'm sorry, I missed the first part of your sentence," Katara apologized. Suki rolled her eyes, but then smiled. 

"I was just saying that I know that sometimes it's hard to know where you're needed most. We all have so many things we could be doing. Your brother feels the same way, you know." 

"What does Sokka feel?" Katara thought that Sokka was perfectly content about going back to the South Pole.

"Well, he wants to help Hakoda more than anything. Now that the war is over, you guys can finally start healing. Not just as a family, but as a tribe, too. But then he can't stop talking about all these inventions he is thinking about, and how he can improve the whole world with his ideas." 

Suki stopped talking to see the reaction on her friend's face. Katara sat down on the bed again, still holding a piece of fabric. She moved it around in her hands.

"I didn't even know that. Now I feel terrible for just thinking about myself," she said miserably. 

Suki put a comforting hand on Katara's shoulder. "You're the last person who should apologize for that. You're always looking out for everyone. You deserve to think about what you want."

Both of them didn't say anything for a while. Then, Suki asked:

"What is it you really, really want? The first thing that comes to mind?"

Katara knew already. "I want to help restore the balance in the world. I don't care how, as you said, there are so many things we could do. But I don't want to sit around. And I'm afraid..."

"Afraid of what?" Suki interrupted her.

"Afraid that when I go back, I can't leave."

"Why wouldn't you be able to leave?"

"Because… I'm the only girl my age in our tribe. And I'm technically already of marrying age." When Katara saw Suki's face, she couldn't help but laugh. "I know. We marry young in the water tribe." 

"Is there anyone you even _want_ to marry?" Suki asked, her eyes wide open.

Katara bit her lip. "I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, it's confusing. That's what I said to Aang as well."

"To Aang?" Suki sounded confused. "I don't get it. What does he have to do with this?"

"He kissed me, during the play on Ember Island." Katara stared at the fabric in her hands. "I told him I was confused, and he kissed me anyway." She paused. "I didn't really like that."

"I'm sure you didn't," said Suki emphatically. "I mean, that's really not ok. Aang is a nice kid, don't get me wrong, but he shouldn't have done that."

"I know."

"So... How do you feel about it now?"

"Still confused." Katara dumped the fabric in her bag and got up again. She paced the floor. Sometimes, thinking was easier when she was moving around.

"First, it was the war that was getting in the way. Now, it's something else. But the fact is, I still don't know whether I want to be with him or not."

"You don't _need_ to know," offered Suki. "There's nothing wrong with not knowing."

"But he's going to expect an answer soon," Katara said. "He really, really likes me."

"Do you like him?"

"Of course I do. He's my friend."

"But nothing more than a friend," concluded Suki.

"I don't know!" Katara groaned, exasperated.

"See, this is another reason why I don't know where to go. If I'm going to be around Aang, he might think that that means that I've made up my mind about being with him. But I haven't. But if I stay at the South Pole, he might think that I don't want to be with him."

"Can't you just… I don't know..." Suki tapped her finger on her lips again. "Tell him you need more time?"

"Even more time?" Katara laughed a sad laugh. "You haven't seen how he acts around me, Suki. This has been going on for a while now. I managed to avoid talking about it for so long, but I can just feel that he's going to bring it up again, soon."

"Well, if you're not ready, you're not ready," said Suki decidedly. "He can't make you. And you shouldn't let him make you. I know you don't want to hurt him. But you can't always prevent people from being hurt."

She softened her tone a bit. "You're always looking out for him, and you're doing it now, too. I can see this is frustrating you. And I know you think he needs you - and I'm not saying you're wrong. But maybe, you don't need him as much as he needs you. Or in a different way, at least."

Katara didn't say anything.

"Just because he really wants to be with you, doesn't mean you have to feel the same way," Suki looked up at her friend. "It's okay to want different things. You have a great friendship. You're both amazing people. But that doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with him."

"He's just so... immature sometimes." Katara stopped walking and looked at Suki. "And he's _twelve._ I'm two years older than he is." She made a face, and Suki giggled.

"I think you know what you really want, deep down inside. You just don't want to face your own feelings."

Katara groaned again. "Don't say that."

"It's what you need to hear," Suki said simply. She got up and hugged her friend tightly. Then, she looked her in the eye.

"Listen, from one woman to another. Having someone in your life is great. But so is being independent. You have always fought for what you believe in. And when I listened to you just now, it just doesn't sound like this is something you really believe in. Whatever you choose, I'm with you. But don't be afraid to put yourself first sometimes, even if that means you have to hurt someone you love."

Katara returned Suki's gaze and nodded lightly. 

"You're right."

Suki squeezed her upper arm. "You'll both be okay, I promise. I'm going to go now, if you don't mind. I want to say goodbye to Iroh before..." 

Suddenly, her face lit up. 

"What is it?" Katara asked.

"My fans! I know where they are!" Suki exclaimed. "Iroh borrowed them to study them! This is great!" 

She was out of the doorway before Katara could say goodbye. She stared at the empty space her friend had occupied just seconds ago. Then, she straightened her posture, grabbed the final things and stuffed them in her bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An Ocean In Between The Waves - The War On Drugs


	4. Lonely In Your Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Please tread gently on the ground when all around you earth turns to fire_   
>  _Only get a second chance when danger's on the wind  
> _   
>  _Because you're lonely in your nightmare, let me in"_   
>    
>  _\-- Duran Duran_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took a week longer than planned! I have been so busy, and with the holidays coming up, it's going to be even crazier.

The night was cool for this time of year. Zuko found himself sitting on the edge of the caldera, looking down upon the Fire Nation capital. How did he get here? He didn't know. But at the same time, he didn't really care.

He stared down at the houses below him, imagining he could hear people - _his people -_ laugh, and talk, and have fun. It was late, but there were still so many lights on. Everyone was keen to enjoy the summertime as long as possible. 

Suddenly, Zuko felt the earth rumble underneath him. He jumped up, backing away from the cliffside. He turned around to see what was behind him, but all he could see was darkness. It was as if the world didn't exist beyond where he was standing right now.

His fingers ached, and when he looked down he realized that he had clenched his fists all along. He stretched out his palms, trying to decide what to do. The rumbling continued. It could be an earthquake. They were not uncommon around here, especially around this time of year. 

He should go down into the city, Zuko thought. Bring everyone to safety. Especially his friends. Perhaps Toph could help him. She _was_ a master earthbender after all.

He scanned the area around him and found a narrow path, which probably was how he had come here in the first place. Carefully, he started moving down. It was hard to see where he had to go, and one misstep could mean certain death. He wanted to make it back to the city in one piece.

The ground beneath him moved. Sliding down, Zuko only barely managed to keep his balance. He turned his head to check the capital: he thought he could hear people screaming. The rumbling was louder now, and he was shaking. It was definitely an earthquake. And he wasn't even close to the city. 

Zuko started running. Mountain be damned, he had to get down there, fast. A tree struck the ground, just inches away from his feet. He jumped over it, scratched his legs on the branches that were sticking out. 

He was only halfway, he calculated in his head - he could barely hear himself think over the noise the earth was making. He felt something sink inside his stomach, cold sweat breaking out all over him. _He was not going to make it in time._

Zuko tried to run faster, but the forest seemed to be endless. Tree after tree kept falling, narrowly missing him. He was tired, his legs hurt, he was out of breath. And he still had not made any progress.

He could definitely hear people screaming now. They were calling for him. Smoke was circling up from the tree tops, and he could smell the fire. _The city was going to burn to the ground, and everyone would die._ He had failed as a Fire Lord already and he hadn't even officially started yet. 

Suddenly, he noticed something moving in front of him. Or rather, someone. Someone familiar. Zuko almost slipped on the bed of leaves under his feet, but he managed to catch up on the person. It was Aang, he noticed now. The boy looked even more tired than he felt.

"Aang!" He yelled, but he couldn't hear his own voice. Aang had heard him, however, and turned around. 

"Zuko!" 

"What are you doing here? We should get to the city!" Zuko started to panic. On the one hand, he was glad that Aang was okay, on the other hand, this situation seemed to make less sense by the minute. What was going on?

"Yes, but we won't make it," Aang said, looking pained. "I've done this three times tonight already."

"What do you mean?" 

They were running side by side now, the Fire Lord and the Avatar. Around them, the vegetation was slowly retreating, leaving more and more open space. If they hurried, Zuko thought, they might be on time to help save whatever was left of the capital. 

"I mean that this is a dream. And that I've tried to get down from the mountain in time, but I never make it." Aang frowned. "It's the first time you're here, though." 

"A dream? That's crazy. It feels so real." 

"I know. But you have to believe me. It's not. We're almost there - don't forget what I just said." 

Zuko looked up and saw only devastation. Smoke, fire, crying people, people running around, motionless bodies on the ground. Aang ran into a wall of smoke, and he thought the had lost the boy, but then it cleared and he could see him again. The Avatar had opened his glider and looked back at Zuko.

"Come on. We should go look for our friends."

"But it's a dream!" Zuko protested. But it still _felt so real._ So he held onto Aang, and they took off into the sky. Both of them looked down, scanning the ground. 

"We should get closer to the palace, they'll probably be there," Zuko said, and Aang nodded. They changed course, and before long, Zuko could make out the guard towers. 

"There!" He didn't dare to let go of Aang, but the boy knew where to go anyway. They reached the palace walls and landed on top of them, so that they could hopefully spot their friends.

"I don't see them," Zuko said, as his eyes kept moving around. Aang peered into the darkness, his eyes squinted. 

"I think that's Katara," he said, and pointed. Zuko followed his finger and saw a tiny figure, far away from where they were standing, extinguishing flames with a shield of water. 

"You're right, that must be her. I don't know of any other water benders in the city," Zuko replied. "We should get to her. We should help her. We should save her."

But at that moment, the wall collapsed beneath them. Zuko fell, his arms flailing, trying to hold on to anything that wasn't moving. Aang stretched out his hand, but his fingers were just out of reach, and Zuko realized he was falling to his death. If only he knew how to use his fire bending as a jet pack, he thought, uncommonly calm.

"Aang!" 

The Avatar had a terrible sadness in his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Zuko," he said. Then everything turned black.

* * *

With a gasp, Zuko got up. He grabbed the first thing that he could feel. His bedsheets. It _was_ a dream after all.

But what about Aang? He wasn't really part of the dream. Zuko shook his head. He was sweating, and he didn't want to risk reliving those moments. So he kicked back his covers and stood up.

He opened the door to the balcony. After that night with Katara, he had a guard stationed outside at all times. The man looked surprised when Zuko stepped outside of his bedroom, but he didn't say anything.

It was chilly outside, just like in his dream. Zuko hesitated, he could go back inside to change into something warmer - but he decided against it. He was a fire bender, he knew how to keep himself warm.

His feet led him to the palace gardens, to the turtle duck pond - still his favorite place here. The only place that truly felt like home. 

Zuko made himself comfortable under the tall tree. The wind played with his hair, the stars were bright. He closed his eyes, breathing in the sweet and heavy scent of the flowers around him. 

"Hey Zuko, mind if I join you?"

In a reflex, Zuko switched into a defensive position. He ignited the flames in his palms and gritted his teeth. 

"Calm down, Fire Lord. It's me." 

Sokka stepped out of the shadow, his hands in the pockets of his tunic. He had an amused smile on his face, and Zuko knew that if he didn't say something, Sokka would make a terrible joke about his reaction.

"Don't ever sneak up on me like that again!" he yelled. His face felt hot, and he didn't feel like a Fire Lord at all. He felt like a stupid teenager. Which, he concluded bitterly, he really was.

"I wasn't trying to sneak up on you. I was here before you, you know. But you seemed a little tense." Sokka raised his eyebrow. "Actually, you look terrible. What's going on? Did my sister threaten to kill you again?"

"What? She hasn't threatened to kill me since..." Zuko stopped talking. He was always taking Sokka way too seriously, and he hated it. 

Sokka grinned. "I'm kidding. She actually can't stop talking about how thankful she is that you saved her. But don't tell her I said that." Now it was his turn to look frightened.

"I promise. You have my word." 

"Don't be so dramatic, Fire Jerk."

"Why are you out here anyway?" Zuko could feel his irritation rising again. Sokka always knew how to get on his nerves.

"Couldn't sleep. And Suki snores. Loud." Sokka grimaced.

Zuko laughed. "That's rough." He paused. "Wait, you can't sleep either? Did you have a weird dream?"

Sokka raised his eyebrows. "No… Not that I can remember. Why, are you having nightmares?"

"Something like that." Zuko got down on his knees again, and Sokka sat down next to him. They leaned back against the tree.

"I was standing on top of the mountain," he said, and pointed at the top of the caldera they could make out in the distance. "At first, everyone was fine, but then an earthquake happened." He closed his eyes, reliving the terrifying moments in his dream. "The ground was shaking, and I tried to get down to the city, but I never got anywhere. And then, I could smell fire, and I saw the smoke." 

He breathed sharply. "And then I found Aang, he told me that it was a dream. He actually said..." Zuko frowned as he tried to remember the words the young Avatar had said to him. "...He said that he had dreamed it before. And that we would never make it in time."

"So, did you?" Sokka asked.

Zuko shook his head. "By the time we reached the city, there was fire everywhere. People were dead, or injured, or panicking. So we tried to reach the palace, to find you guys -" he swallowed. "We saw Katara, but before we could do anything, the wall we were standing on collapsed. And I just… fell." 

His voice had become as soft as a whisper. He looked at his hands. The hands that would have to rebuild his nation. He wasn't ready.

"You think you'll fail." Sokka sounded empathetic. 

"I know I will fail," said Zuko.

"Well, I remember someone once told me that even though you'll fail many times, you should keep trying," Sokka said. He rested his hand on Zuko's shoulder. 

"Come on, the Zuko I know never gives up. You followed us all around the world, you managed to find us even when we tried our best to avoid you. You even were stupid enough to fight my sister during an eclipse." He chuckled.

Zuko turned his head away. "I would really appreciate it if you would stop shoving all my past mistakes in my face," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry, it's just too funny," said Sokka. Then he turned serious again. 

"Look, I know nothing about leading a nation. But I'm sure you can do it. At your coronation, when you spoke to all those people on the square, I was impressed. I can't do that." He coughed. "Every time I try to do public speaking, I forget everything I wanted to say and make a mess of things." 

Zuko looked at his friend. 

"Leading a nation isn't just about making speeches. It's about doing what's right for your people." He sighed. "And in my case, it's also about trying to figure out how to repair our relationships with the other nations without turning my own nation against me." 

"You know you have us, right?" Sokka said. "We all stand behind you. You have a friend in every nation. We will help you." 

"Thanks, Sokka." He still didn't feel better. 

"Besides," Zuko continued, "Aren't you going to be a leader one day?"

"Not necessarily," Sokka answered. "I mean, my dad is chief of the Southern Tribe now, but unlike in the north, our chief is chosen. That's why Yue -" he looked at the moon "- was a princess, but I'm not a prince." 

Zuko waited to see if his friend wanted to say anything else. When nothing came, he tried to sound reassuring.

"I'm sure they'll be happy to make you the new chief when the time comes. I mean, it's not like they have anyone better!" 

Then he realized how that sounded.

"That came out wrong. I mean-"

"So you think they'll pick someone else if they have the chance?" Sokka looked hurt. 

"I guess you're right," he then said. "I wouldn't even dream of being able to follow in my dad's footsteps. He's always been my role model, and I am nothing like him."

Zuko sighed. "I can't really say the same about my father," he said. His deepest fear came over him, but he pushed it away. He didn't want to talk about that. Not with Sokka.

"So...You're going home tomorrow," he said instead.

"Yeah." Sokka smiled. "It feels great to finally go home again. But at the same time, I feel like I could be doing more. You know? Inventing things to help rebuild the world." 

"You can't do that from the South Pole?"

Sokka shook his head. "Not really. It's not like we have any supplies. All our trade routes got cut off because of the Fire Nation raids."

"You can say it aloud, Sokka," Zuko said, his face hot again. "The Fire Nation - my nation - has ruined your tribe."

"Well, I mean, if that's how you want to put it..." Sokka stopped himself. "No, I guess you're right. That's the only way to put it." 

"Why don't you hate me for that?" Zuko asked incredulously. 

"Why would I?" Sokka shrugged. "It's not like you could have done anything about it."

"I tried to." Zuko touched his scar.

"And now you have the chance to make everything better. I know you can do it, Zuko."

Zuko rested his head against the tree and closed his eyes. It was getting later and earlier at the same time - and his eyes were dry and burning. 

"Thanks, Sokka."

"For what?"

"I didn't know what to focus on first. There's so much that needs to be done. But you've given me an idea."

"What's that?" 

Zuko opened his eyes again. "The first thing that needs to be done is to restore relations with the other nations. But with the Southern Water Tribe specifically. The Fire Nation has wiped the Air Nomads out of existence, and the Southern Water Tribe has been destroyed. I will make sure it gets rebuilt."

He felt two arms around him. Sokka pulled him in hard, and squeezed until Zuko had no air left in his lungs. 

"Cut it out, will you?" He had to use all his willpower not to firebend at the boy.

"That's not how you're supposed to respond to a hug, Zuko," said Sokka.

"You were crushing my ribs!" 

"So what you're saying is, I'm stronger than you?" Sokka grinned again. Zuko rolled his eyes. He could see why Katara was so fed up with her brother sometimes.

"You know that's not what I'm saying."

"Well, thanks, Zuko. For helping us."

"It's the least I could do." Zuko got up, wiped some dirt from his clothes. Then he reached out his hand to Sokka, and pulled him up.

"I'll see you in the morning, then," said Sokka.

"Yeah. If I don't oversleep." Zuko forced a smile.

"I'm sure your uncle will make sure you don't miss his departure," said Sokka and he raised his eyebrows.

Zuko groaned. "Thanks for reminding me. Uncle is probably going to wake me up at 6 in the morning, to drink tea with him." 

"Well, then I think you don't have much time for sleeping left." Sokka pointed at the sky, which was colored ash grey now. Before long, the birds would start singing again.

"I'm doomed." Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yup, I think so." Sokka patted his shoulder. "Good luck with that. I'm going to bed."

Zuko watched the young warrior make his way through the garden and enter the palace from the entrance at the back. He stood in the doorway, the shadows of the hallway obscuring his face. 

It felt like a calm before the storm. But Zuko had no idea what kind of storm was heading towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lonely In Your Nightmare - Duran Duran


	5. Seven Wonders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"So it's hard to find  
>  Someone with that kind of intensity  
> You touched my hand, I played it cool  
> And you reached out your hand to me  
>   
> But if our paths never cross  
> Well you know I'm sorry but"_   
>    
>  _\-- Fleetwood Mac_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long again! I tried to write a longer chapter, and make some headway with the plot - insofar as possible. Hope you'll like it :)

It was time to go. 

They had all gathered around the Fire Nation main harbor, at the southernmost tip of the island. Everyone was buzzing around with anticipation and nerves. No one knew how to feel about having to leave each other behind, after doing everything together for such a long time.

"Come on Sokka, we really have to go," said Katara, and she grabbed the back of her brother's tunic. He was still busy talking to Iroh, who would accompany Aang and Toph on their journey towards the Earth Kingdom. 

"I'm coming!" Sokka waved his hand at her without looking. 

"Where's Zuko?" Toph's clear voice drowned out the others. Katara turned around sharply. 

"What do you mean? He should be here… He was here." She shielded her eyes with her hand and scanned the area. Toph was right. Zuko was nowhere to be found.

But before she could think about what that meant and whether she'd have to look for him, Aang grabbed her hand and demanded her attention.

"Katara!" His big, grey eyes looked up at her. He looked sad, Katara noticed. 

"Aang..." She forced herself to smile. After her talk with Suki, she had made up her mind about what she wanted to say to Aang, but she hadn't found the guts to say it. And judging from the movements her stomach was making, today wasn't going to be that day either.

"I still don't know whether we should be doing this," Aang said. He was still holding her hand. Katara squeezed it.

"I know. I feel the same way. But there's so much you have to do, and dad really needs me at the South Pole."

"Can't we all go together? I mean, my things can wait."

Katara shook her head. "Aang, you know that's not true. We need you to convince the Earth King to make a deal with Zuko and the Fire Nation so that they can retreat peacefully. Who knows what might happen otherwise."

"I still think I should be at that meeting," said a husky voice behind her. Katara's face suddenly felt hot, as if she had been gossiping and she got caught.

"Zuko, there you are!" she said, and Aang beamed at him.

"Zuko! Perfect. You need to convince Katara that we shouldn't split up the group." 

"Aang, we went over this a thousand times already," Katara said, but she was interrupted by yet another voice. A deep one this time.

"Children…." Hakoda hesitated for a second. "Fire Lord Zuko, Avatar Aang, my wonderful daughter Katara." He sighed. "You have to say your goodbyes. We're leaving in five minutes. We have a long journey ahead of us."

Katara wanted to tell her father that he should mind his own business, but stopped herself right in time. Hakoda looked at her.

"Katara, Aang can come visit us anytime he wants. And Zuko..." He looked at the young Fire Lord apologetically. "If you want to visit, I'll have to discuss it with my tribe first. But we'll probably meet each other again soon." 

Zuko's eyes lit up. "Actually, I wanted to discuss something with you," he started, but Hakoda held up his hand. 

"I really want to hear what you have to say, but I need to get home first. I can't discuss business until I know what shape the Southern Water Tribe is in. I don't want to make any promises I can't keep." 

"I understand," Zuko said softly, and he looked at the ground. Katara observed him. He stood tall, proud - but humble, too. His calm response impressed her - she still had to get used to the Zuko who didn't erupt in flames every time someone disagreed with him.

"Nephew!" Iroh walked up to their little group, his arms neatly folded into the sleeves of his robe. "Master Katara, young Avatar, chief Hakoda." He nodded to each of them. Then he looked at Zuko again.

"I'm glad you found some time in your indubitably extremely busy schedule to grace us with your presence," he said, and Katara snickered behind her hand. A vein near Zuko's right eyebrow started pulsing, but he only exhaled.

"Well, Uncle, I have come with news," Zuko said. "I have decided that as Fire Lord, it is my duty to be present at any negotiation that involves the Fire Nation and the restoration of world peace." He turned to Aang and Katara.

"Look, I know what we discussed last week. And I agree that leaving the Fire Nation without a leader would be a stupid thing to do. But you have to understand - if I want to be a different Fire Lord, I can't hide myself away in a palace and have the Avatar negotiate on my behalf. The Fire Nation has done terrible things," and he paused while looking sharply at both Katara and Aang, "and I have to show the world that we will change our ways. I don't think it will help if I stay here."

"But what about the uhm… peaceful transition of … power?" Aang looked puzzled when he used the term Iroh had coined during one of their meetings last week. The old general had laid out a plan for Zuko to overhaul the country's internal system without creating too much animosity within the royal court. 

Katara hadn't known much about the politics of the Fire Nation before, but after sitting in on the meetings, she had realized that although the Fire Lord was the leader of the country, he still had to appease a large court of noblemen and -women. Every island had a governor, appointed by the Fire Lord. The court would hold monthly meetings, where plans for the kingdom were discussed, and the governors had a right to vote. 

Under the previous Fire Lords, everyone was either too scared or too enthralled by the idea of world domination, so they wouldn't object to any proposal the Fire Lord made. But they all knew that would be different from now on. Zuko had the right to appoint new governors, but the nobility in power wouldn't want to give up their positions without a fight. The completely different problem was who else to appoint. Who would pledge loyalty to the new Fire Lord?

Then there was the war council. Katara had wondered aloud if keeping them around would be really necessary, but Iroh had explained that these generals were people with excessive military training and a lot of soldiers loyal to them. If Zuko would simply dismantle the council, he could turn the entire military against him. They would have to find a diplomatic, yet effective way to replace the current generals with new ones, who weren't hellbent on continuing the war.

Katara could understand why Zuko was afraid of Iroh leaving him behind to fend for himself. Honestly, she couldn't understand why the old man, in all his wisdom, had decided to grant his nephew the sole reign of this ottersnake's nest. It seemed to her like a very unwise thing to do. 

Zuko shrugged. 

"It will take months, if not years to change the Fire Nation from within. I'm sure it can wait another couple of weeks. Besides -" he looked sideways at his uncle, who hadn't said anything yet - "I've asked Mai and her father to keep an eye on the things we've already set in motion and report to me if something happens." 

That first week, Zuko and the others had discussed what the Fire Nation should do first. Zuko had subsequently called back all navy fleets, reinstated the Fire Temples for the Avatar and sent a letter to the Earth King to start negotiating the peace terms. Iroh had asked the White Lotus to go into the Fire Nation to listen in on the conversations and see if they could find out who would be eligible for a governor position in the royal court. 

"Are you sure you can trust governor Ukano?" Iroh asked and furrowed his brow. Katara remembered Mai's father as the man who had taken over the rule of Omashu once Azula had claimed it for the Fire Nation. 

"I trust Mai," Zuko said.

Iroh sighed. "Well, nephew, it sounds like you have made up your mind. I am not surprised. In fact, I already predicted to our young earthbender that you wouldn't be able to resist another adventure." 

"It's nothing like that," Zuko protested, but Aang interrupted him by spinning circles around him on his air scooter.

"You're coming! That's great! We'll have so much fun together!" 

"I don't know about that," said Zuko surly. 

Katara felt something heavy in her stomach. They were going on another trip, and she would go home. But she was _happy_ to go home. She was _looking forward_ to go home, she reminded herself. 

"Why are you looking so upset?" Aang asked her and she put her thoughts and feelings aside.

"Me? I'm not upset. I think it's a great idea that Zuko is coming with you," she said and smiled to reinforce her words.

"Sparky is joining us after all?" Toph entered their little circle and immediately held onto the Fire Lord's arm. Zuko blushed. "Toph, would you let go-"

"Absolutely not. You still owe me a field trip. That time when we were looking for Twinkle Toes didn't count."

Zuko shrugged and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. Katara couldn't help but laugh, and he shot her a dark look. 

"Now that that's settled, I think it's time we really leave," said Iroh, and he clapped his hands. "Everyone, gather around please!" 

Katara noticed he barely had to raise his voice in order for everyone to listen to him. She was impressed.

Iroh continued. "We're very grateful that all of you have chosen to spend some time in the Fire Nation to help us make headway on restoring the balance in the world. Now, it's time for us to spread that message outward. My nephew has decided that he will join us after all, and will be coming to Ba Sing Se with the young Avatar, master Toph and me. The Kyoshi warriors will be accompanying the warriors from the Southern Water Tribe and master Katara to Kyoshi Island, and then their ship will set course to the South Pole."

Iroh paused for a moment. 

"I don't know when we will all see each other again. I do know that as long as we hold each other in our hearts, no one will ever really travel alone. Now, we have to go our separate ways."

Katara went to hug Toph and Iroh first. She promised to write Iroh about the developments at the South Pole, and she promised Toph to visit her as soon as possible. Then, she had to say goodbye to Zuko.

"Katara," he said, quite stiff. She raised her eyebrows. 

"Come on Zuko, you don't have to be so formal with me. We're friends, not diplomats." 

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at this." 

He averted his eyes and scratched the back of his head with his right hand. Katara flung her arms around his neck, like she'd done at Ember Island, after their visit to Yon Rha. She felt his muscles tense up underneath her, but then he relaxed and returned her hug.

When she let him go, she grabbed his hand. It was now or never. She had to throw herself a lifeline.

"Zuko, if you ever need me here, just let me know. The South Pole isn't too far from the Fire Nation. And I really want to help. Promise me you'll get in touch." 

"Uh...sure." He let go of her hand. "I don't think you have to worry about anything, Katara. Aang will join you at the South Pole after we go to the Earth King. I'm sure he'll need you and Sokka."

 _But that's the point,_ Katara thought. _I want to start doing my own things. I'm sure you would understand!_ But there was no time to talk about anything anymore. Hakoda had grabbed her arm and was dragging her to the ship.

"Come on, daughter of mine," he said, "if I didn't know you any better, I would almost think you didn't want to go back home!" 

Katara didn't respond to that.

"Dad, I need to say goodbye to Aang. Let go of me!" and she wrestled herself free. Aang would never forgive her if she would just _leave._

* * *

"Aang!" 

"Katara!" Aang ran up to her, staff in hand. She opened her arms, and he ran right into them.

They stood like that for a little while. She breathed in the scent of his clothes, which always smelled vaguely like Appa. 

"I'm going to miss you," she said when she loosened her grip. She _was_ going to miss him.

"I'm going to miss you too," he said. His grey eyes looked up at her. Katara noticed he had grown so much since that day they found him in the iceberg. He was almost her height now. 

"Katara, can we talk about something?"

_Oh spirits, there we go._

She just nodded.

"I want to apologize for what I did before." He stopped. "I just… I really like you. And I know you like me too. And I want us to be together. But I shouldn't have kissed you when you didn't want me to."

"Thank you, Aang. That means a lot to me."

"So…." he looked at her with bright eyes again. "Now that the war is over..."

She cut him off. "Aang, I'm sorry, but I don't think I want to be with _anyone_ right now. The war is over, yes, but I can't make a decision about this yet." She saw his face fall and grabbed both his hands.

"Aang..." 

"I don't understand," he said quietly. "We're supposed to be together." He pursed his lips. "I even gave up the Avatar state for you."

"You did what now?"

Aang suddenly looked uncomfortable. He avoided meeting her eyes, but he did continue talking.

"When I was with the guru… To open my last chakra, I had to let go of my attachments. I had to let go of you." He shook his head violently. "But I didn't want to do it. I love you, Katara, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I didn't think it then, and I don't think it now."

Katara was perplexed. "But… You were in the Avatar state when Azula shot you in the caves under Ba Sing Se," she pointed out. "That was after you went to the guru."

Aang nodded. "I managed to let go of you then. But I would rather give up the Avatar state than having to do that again."

Now it was Katara's turn to shake her head. "Aang, you can't do that. The world needs you. _I_ need you." She felt a little guilty about saying those last words, but she didn't know how to convince him otherwise. It felt absurd. Giving up the _Avatar state_ for her?

"Don't tell me what to do, Katara." He freed himself of her hands.

"You're right," Katara managed to sound more calm than she felt. "I can't tell you what to do. Just like you can't tell me what to do… But I don't want to fight with you. Not now."

Still, he wasn't looking at her. Katara felt her stomach turn. She felt terrible about this, about seeing Aang this way. He had been her only hope all this time. He had been the one who had showed her the world, who had given her the opportunity to learn waterbending. He was her best friend, and she loved him.

"I love you, Aang," she said to his back. "I really do. But..."

"But what?"

She hesitated. 

"I can't do this right now. Make this decision, I mean."

"So when can you?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. I'm sorry too." He sighed.

"Please, Aang," She reached out her hand, held it out where he would see it. "I don't want to lose you." 

For what seemed like the longest time, no one said anything. Then, Aang put his hand in hers. He turned around to look at her.

"I don't want to lose you either. You're my best friend, Katara." 

"And you're mine. You always will be." She smiled, and noticed her throat was thick with swallowed tears. 

"Maybe it's a good thing we'll spend some time apart," he said carefully. 

"Yeah, maybe."

"I'm still going to miss you, no matter what you say."

"Will you come to the South Pole when you're done in the Earth Kingdom?"

"Absolutely." He hugged her again. She hugged him back.

"Take care," Katara said. Her stomach was still twisted, and she felt a little nauseous. Hopefully that would all go away soon.

"I will." He opened his glider. "Bye, Katara."

* * *

At last, they had set sail. The sun was already going down, which meant they had lost an entire day with saying their goodbyes. 

Katara stood on deck, her hands on the railing of the ship. She looked at the setting sun, which was rapidly disappearing.

"Don't tell me you're going to miss the Fire Nation," Sokka said behind her.

"Not really."

"What is the first thing you want to do when you get home?"

"Uhm… I don't know. I'm sure dad will find something to do for me."

"That doesn't sound like you," Sokka said. "The Katara I know doesn't let other people decide what she's going to do."

Katara gently punched her brother on his upper arm.

"Don't say that. You know it's going to be tough to rebuild the tribe. Dad will need all the help he can get."

Sokka nodded. "But are you ready to commit to living your life on the South Pole?"

Katara hesitated to answer. And Sokka noticed.

"If I'm completely honest with you… neither am I." He whispered now. "I still want to go back to find my space sword. Toph promised she'd be able to find it, but there was no time. And..."

"Suki told me a little bit about what you were thinking," Katara said. "You're a great warrior, and you're also a great strategist. I'm sure, if you talk to dad, you might be able to persuade him to take some more lessons with master Piandao. Or you could go back to the Northern Air Temple to work on inventions with Teo and his father."

Sokka shook his head. "I don't know, Katara. I'll have a big responsibility when we come back home. And I doubt either of us will be able to persuade dad of anything. I don't know if you noticed, but he's been… different."

From the corner of her eye, Katara could see Hakoda giving orders to his men. She knew she could help the ship forward with her bending, but she didn't want to. An ever growing part of her wished they would never even set foot on the Southern Water Tribe again. And she hated that part of her.

"Think of all the things we haven't seen yet," she said instead, ignoring Sokka's comments about Hakoda. "Remember what I read about the seven world wonders in the library of Wan Shi Tong?" She stared at the water, bending some droplets up to where they were standing. "They're supposed to be really powerful, spiritual places. Who knows what we'll find out there!" The thought of exploring the world even further got her enthusiastic, and she gesticulated wildly, causing the water droplets to fly in her brother's face.

"Hey, mind your bending!" Sokka wiped his forehead with his arm. "You're right, it sounds great. But we have other things to focus on first. Such as rebuilding our home. And helping Aang and Zuko." He made a face. "Because all they'll do together is come up with is more silly dances." 

Katara chuckled. Hakoda waved at them from the other side of the deck.

"Come on, dad needs us," she tugged at Sokka's arm. The sun had completely disappeared now, turning the water below them a dark ink. The moon hadn't risen yet, but Katara could already feel its pull on the energy flows in her body. 

Sokka yawned. "I hope he needs us to take a nap," he said with a smile.

But Katara knew she wouldn't be able to sleep for a very long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seven Wonders - Fleetwood Mac


	6. Antarctica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Left behind everything I knew_   
>  _All the colors were bone light and sky new_   
>  _Hit the continent running_   
>    
>  _\-- The Weepies_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on I'll be sure to update biweekly! I realized it's a rhythm that works well for me :) also, I'm sorry there's not a lot of Zutara interaction yet. There will be more in the next couple of chapters, I promise. But this is a slow burn still, so don't expect too much romance :p

She would never get enough of the colors, that was for sure.

Katara was standing on the very edge of an overhanging cliff, looking down at the landscape of ice below her. The wind was blowing clouds of dusty snow particles across the plain, and the sun - the days were short this time of year - brightened the scenery. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes, from the biting cold and something else.

"Are you hiding out here again?"

She turned around to look at her brother, scratching his back with his boomerang. He shrugged when he saw the face she made.

"I thought you liked all this diplomatic stuff."

"I do!" She did. But something wasn't right. They had been back for two weeks now. At first, Katara had felt a pang of relief when they set foot on the ice again. _Home_. It had been all so natural, so smooth. Of course, she was exhilarated to see Gran-Gran again, who could only talk about how much they both had grown and how she wanted to hear all their stories.

Soon enough, Hakoda had invited both his children for daily meetings with the highest ranking members of the tribe. There weren't a lot of them left, but it was family, and they all got along swimmingly. Plus, there was much to be done. The trade routes were still closed off, but Hakoda had brought along plenty of food from the Fire Nation - Zuko had insisted on it - and when they stopped on Kyoshi Island to drop off their passengers, the villagers had brought some utilities as well. 

Suki had eventually decided to return to Kyoshi for a little while, to train with her warriors and regain her footing, as she called it. Sokka had been upset, but he understood his girlfriend's desire to return home, as he had the same urge. They promised each other to write often and visit soon, and Katara shared a long hug with the girl she had come to consider her best friend. She, too, made a promise to include a letter every time Sokka would send out Hawky.

So they were all set to get to work, and Katara's hands were aching. But as the days progressed, and everyone else seemed to be able to sink into the daily rhythm, Katara grew agitated. She clashed with her father constantly, disagreeing about everything from the layout of the new igloos to the best way to stew sea prunes. Hakoda had eventually given up on trying to reason with her, and now he sent Sokka every time he wanted something from Katara.

She was, all in all, extremely unhappy, and she didn't have the faintest idea why.

"What does dad want now," she growled at her brother. He took a couple of steps back, away from the ledge. 

"He didn't send me, actually," he said. "But I really think you should come. They're talking about you, and I think you should hear it." 

"Talking about me?" she said, puzzled. But Sokka didn't want to say anything else. 

"Just come back to the village," he said, and turned up the collar of his parka.

* * *

"Ah, Katara!" 

Hakoda sounded happy to see her, which was a vast improvement from just a couple of hours ago, when Katara was berating him for letting Sokka sleep in for too long. The chief of the Southern Water Tribe patted on the hide next to him. Katara sat down and crossed her legs in front of her. 

"Sokka said you were talking about me," she said and looked sideways at her dad to see his reaction. He smiled and nodded.

"He was not wrong. We were discussing the future of the tribe, and since you're our greatest asset, we were indeed talking about you." 

Katara knew she had been a great help to the village with her master waterbending skills. She had put them to good use, quickly freezing blocks of snow together, or healing anyone who came back injured from hunting. But the tasks were pedestrian, domestic, and frankly, she was bored out of her mind. 

"Are you going to allow me to go hunting with you?" Hopefully, Katara glanced at Hania, the leader of the pack of hunters that went out on the ice every day. Sokka had been invited to join them on several occasions, but they hadn't even so much as looked at Katara, even though everyone knew she could easily use her waterbending for this. Besides, Katara had made a point of asking Hania point blank when he was going to invite her along, but he had just laughed and pushed her aside. When she had complained to Hakoda about this, her father had frowned, sighed, and said nothing. 

But Hania shook his head. "Your skills are needed elsewhere, Katara," he said. "Besides, I don't think you'll find hunting with us all that interesting. There's not that much action."

Katara rolled her eyes. "There's not much action here, either," she replied. Hakoda shushed her.

"Now now, Katara, let's return to our topic of conversation. I wanted to discuss something, an idea that I have had for a while now. And it seems everything is coming together nicely, because I have received a letter yesterday that confirms that my idea was a good one." 

He paused to look around the circle of men. Gran-Gran should be here, Katara thought, and she grinned. She would know what to do with all these men, who were way too full of themselves. It was starting to look like the Northern Water Tribe down here, and she didn't like it one bit. 

Her father started talking again. "We've been separated from our brothers and sisters at the Northern Water Tribe for a very long time, longer than anyone of us can remember. I think it's time we reopen the conversation and strengthen the ties." He paused again to look at his daughter. "And I think a marriage would be the perfect way to accomplish that." 

Katara, who had zoned out for a little bit to think about all the other things she could be doing with her time, sat up straight in an instant. 

"I'm sorry, what now?" she looked at her dad incredulously. "You cannot be serious," she continued. But even though she was piercing her dad with her blue eyes, he didn't budge. He just looked back, an innocent expression on his face. 

"On the contrary, I'm very serious!" Hakoda gestured at the others in the iglo. "We were talking about it just before you arrived, and we all agreed it's a great idea." Katara shot a look at her brother, who was sitting close to the wall. His eyes widened and he waved his hand in front of his throat while shaking his head.

"What about the letter you were talking about?" she said suspiciously. 

"Right, the letter! I received a letter from the Northern Water Tribe, they want to send aid to all the Southern Water Tribes. They're arriving with a fleet within the next couple of weeks. Pakku has arranged it." 

Katara clenched her teeth. She knew this was good news. But she didn't want to be offered up as a thank-you gift to someone in the Northern Water Tribe. She remembered the fiancé of Princess Yue. Such an arrogant boy. There was no one under these stars who would be able to convince her to marry him - or anyone else, for that matter.

"So what we'll do,' Hakoda continued, completely oblivious to his daughter's misgivings, "Is as follows. We'll welcome the Northern Water Tribesmen and -women properly, propose to give Katara's hand away as a sign of our wish to strengthen the bond, and then Katara can travel back with them in order to be married out." 

"Dad, stop!" Katara had to run through all her breathing exercises in order not to completely tear down the very iglo they were sitting in. "Are you even listening to yourself? Have all of you gone completely mad?" She got up and stormed out. As she stepped into the cold, she could hear Sokka say: "See, I told you it was a bad idea..." 

Katara ran straight to Gran-Gran's hut. She would know what to do. Luckily, she found her grandmother quietly knitting some decorations on her parka. A fire was crackling in the center of the hut. Katara stared at the flames that were licking at the wood. Fire could be so comforting, she thought.

"You don't look happy, dear," her grandmother said without looking up. Katara tore her eyes away from the fire and looked at Gran-Gran. The old woman put down her needlework. "Tell me what's wrong," she said.

"Oh Gran-Gran, it's terrible," and when she spoke, Katara could feel hot tears streaming down her face and jamming her throat. "Dad is making me marry some guy from the Northern Water Tribe!" 

Gran-Gran opened her arms to let the girl sink into an embrace. "That's not how I raised Hakoda," she said with disapproval in her voice. "That whole Head Chieftain business must've gone to his head."

Upon their return, Hakoda had explained to Sokka and Katara that while they were gone, the local chieftains and the Council of Elders of the Southern Water Tribes had agreed to elect Hakoda as their Head Chieftain, effectively making him the leader of the entire South Pole. They trusted Hakoda because of his skills in combat and negotiation, and he was the only one of all the leaders with the prospect of raising a future generation of leaders. All the other tribes were decimated with such force, only elders and children remained. Sokka and Katara were literally the Southern Water Tribe's future. 

And now her father had decided to put her future in the hands of a complete stranger. 

Katara was sobbing. "Gran-Gran, what am I going to do?" All the pent-up emotions from the last two weeks came in, rolling like waves, overwhelming her. Gran-Gran said nothing for a while, and just stroked her hair while she came back to her senses. 

"First of all," she said when Katara could breathe steadily again, "You're Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, the master waterbender. No one is going to tell you what to do, certainly not your father. Have you forgotten your own spirit?" 

Katara felt a little ashamed. It was as if as soon as she set foot on antarctica again, everything returned to the way it was before she left. She was Katara, the helpless little girl who couldn't save her own mom. Katara, not good enough to do anything important. And Sokka had slid back into his previous role as well: always the boy, never the warrior. Sure, he enjoyed a more privileged status now that he could hunt and fight, but Katara had seen him walk, seen the emotions on his face roll by as clouds in the sky. 

She told her grandmother all this. "I feel trapped," she concluded. "When I'm here, it feels like home, but a kind of home that doesn't fit with who I am anymore. It feels like I stepped back into the past. But I'm not that person anymore." 

The old woman nodded and cupped Katara's face in her hands. 

"My dear, you're wise beyond your years. You've seen more from the world than most of us will ever see, and your courage and curiosity is what makes you unique. You have every right to be your own person. And Hakoda knows this. He is so proud of you and of who you have become."

Katara snorted. "Then why is he acting as if he was born in the Northern Water Tribe?" 

Gran-Gran sighed. "I don't know. Maybe he's trying to think like them. They've been very successful, while the Southern Water Tribe has struggled so much. But I don't think it's because of their attitude towards women that they've thrived. Their position on the Northern arctic is much more advantageous than ours, hidden behind their wall of ice." 

Footsteps approached, and both women looked up to see who had arrived. Hakoda entered the iglo, looking apologetically. He raised his hands in the air. 

"Kanna, Katara," he said. Gran-Gran interrupted him.

"No son of mine would think to send his own daughter away to Spirits know where, to live with a man she has never met, only to make some other chieftain happy. Hakoda, have you lost your mind? Did you forget why I left the Northern Water Tribe all those years ago? Why are you trying to be like them?" 

Hakoda lowered his head and sat on the ground. 

"I'm sorry, Katara, for putting you in this position. I shouldn't have done that to you. Your grandmother is right. I was wrong. Doing something like that is not who I am, and it's not what this tribe stands for." He reached out, touching Katara's knee with the tips of his fingers. She still didn't want to look at him.

"I know you've been… unhappy lately," Hakoda continued, hesitantly now. "I don't know how I can help you. It seems as if you've closed off from me completely. I know life at the South Pole is very different from your adventures of the past year. You probably miss your friends. You probably miss your mother. And I know I can't change any of those things, but I'm at a loss. It feels as if you don't want to be here at all." 

"You're right." Katara's voice still sounded raspy from all the crying. "I'm not happy. I thought that going home was the only thing I wanted more than anything, but now that I'm here, I'm scared to death thinking that I'll never be able to leave again. I want to help, I want to make a difference. Around here, I barely get the chance to do anything meaningful."

"Building houses is very meaningful," Hakoda interjected, but Katara continued talking as if he hadn't said anything.

"I know rebuilding the relations with the Northern tribe is important. They'll be able to help us a lot. But I don't want to be a trophy wife, not to anyone. I'd rather sit on your council and help you reopen the trade routes with the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation, or serve as an ambassador for our Tribe...." she stopped talking. That was it. A brilliant idea. 

"Dad, please let me be the ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe," she said. She felt the corners of her mouth lift, the air returning to her lungs. She could swear she could hear songbirds.

"I don't know, Katara," Hakoda said. "You're still only fourteen."

"You were about to marry me off at fourteen," she countered dryly. Gran-Gran snickered.

"I know." Hakoda frowned. "But I don't think it's a good idea. Politics are a dangerous business, more than you might realize. You have a lot of experience in fighting, but not necessarily in dealing with diplomatic intrigue. I have a better idea. If you really want to learn more about diplomacy, how about you and Sokka accompany me on our trip next month to reopen trade with Kyoshi Island."

Katara pouted. It was better than nothing, she thought. But at the same time, she wanted more. "I'm not a kid anymore," she reminded her father. He smiled without looking happy.

"I know, Katara. You've grown so much. Both of you. I was foolish just now. I would never be able to let you leave so soon already. We need to spend more time as a family. I'm sorry we didn't get to do that much these past few weeks."

She got up and gave her father a hug. In spite of everything, all the turmoil inside her, she loved her dad. That would never change. 

"I'm glad you're not sending me to the North Pole anymore," she said. "If you don't mind, I'm going to find Sokka." She looked at her grandmother. "Thanks, Gran-Gran," she said. Then she stepped outside.

* * *

Sokka was sharpening his weapons when Katara came up to him. She sat down and stared off into the distance.

"Hey there," Sokka said. When she didn't respond, he continued: "How are you?"

She shrugged. 

"I told dad he was making a mistake." Sokka slid his thumb carefully across the blade of his weapon. It caught the sun, almost blinding Katara's eyes when she looked at it.

"Thanks." The liveliness she had felt just a few minutes ago had already seeped out of her.

"Are you happy?" she asked, suddenly. Sokka raised his eyebrows.

"Yes? I mean… I guess? I miss Suki, of course." Just two days ago, he had sent Hawky out with a letter. They both knew it was going to take some time before the hawk returned, but that didn't stop Sokka from scanning the sky every hour or so.

"But on a deeper level?" Katara insisted.

"Why are you asking this?" Sokka put his sword aside and slid closer to his sister. Together, they watched as the sun was slowly making its way down into the ocean. 

"Because I'm not. Happy, I mean." 

"You sound like Zuko," Sokka said. "He is also never happy."

"I'm not _never_ happy," Katara said impatiently, "I'm just not happy _now._ "

"Did you manage to talk dad out of sending you away like that?"

"I didn't have to." Katara plucked at a loose thread on her parka. "He came into Gran-Gran's iglo and apologized all by himself." 

She looked at her brother. "I thought I wanted to be here. But I actually don't want to be here at all. Do you know what I mean?"

"You might be surprised, but I do." Sokka made a face. "Nothing has changed here. But we have changed. When I tell the stories of our adventures, people like to hear them, sure. But they don't understand what it was really like."

Katara nodded. "At least you still have something to do. I feel like all my training is going to waste. I miss our friends."

"And you miss Aang," Sokka said, and stomped her arm.

"I miss Aang, yes. But not like that," Katara replied sharply. 

"Oh, okay. Sorry." Sokka raised his hands. Just like Hakoda, Katara thought. It wasn't the first time she noticed how many traits her father and brother shared. And the older Sokka got, the more he started looking like Hakoda, too.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked.

"We already talked about this, remember," Sokka replied. "On our way here. I want to leave just as badly as you do, but I have a responsibility here."

"You do. And I don't," Katara said bitterly. "That's exactly the problem."

"Well, we are going on a trade mission to Kyoshi Island next month. I already told Suki about it. You should come."

"I know. Dad invited me." She drew circles in the snow with her feet. "It'll have to do, I guess."

"But what is it you really want?"

"I think I would make a good ambassador for the tribe," Katara said simply. "You know, go on missions, meet with foreign leaders. I could even go on trips with Aang. It would make sense."

"You could also start a hospital here," Sokka suggested. "You'll be the greatest healer in the world in no time."

"I could..." Katara was glad she was able to heal, but it was not a skill she wanted to be known for. Sitting in a healing hut all day would make her depressed in no time.

"No," she decided. "I want to be an ambassador. A diplomat. All I have to do is persuade dad that I can do it."

"I'm sure you'll have it covered in no time," said Sokka. He got up, wiped the snow off his pants and stretched out his hand to Katara.

"Come on," he said. "You can show me the proper way to stew sea prunes."

"Only if you promise you won't be as stubborn as dad." Katara grabbed her brother's hand and got up.

"I promise to be just as stubborn as you."

Katara punched Sokka on his upper arm. If she was going to stay here for another month, she would just have to make the best of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Antarctica - The Weepies


	7. Girl is on my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Girl is on my mind  
>  Girl is on my mind  
> Try to ignore it, try to unwind  
> But she is on my mind_   
>    
>  _\-- The Black Keys_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as much Zutara as I promised! This keeps getting out of hand, they all have so much to talk about. Next chapter there will be a proper reunion, I promise.

"Firelord Zuko?"

"...What?" 

"They want to know what you want for lunch," said Aang, who was sitting next to Zuko. He rolled up the sleeves of his robe and smiled at the food placed in front of them. Without hesitation, he dug into the fruit tarts and spicy soup.

Zuko, on the other hand, was not hungry at all. He and Aang had been negotiating a peace treaty with the Earth King for the past couple of days, and it had been nothing but exhausting. Not that the Earth King was an unpleasant man - he was a little strange, but overall a reasonable person - but the lack of fresh air was getting to him. 

"I'm going to go for a walk," he said and briskly got up from his seat. Aang looked up at his friend in confusion. 

"What do you mean, you're going for a walk? You haven't even taken one bite!" 

"I'm not hungry." 

"Hold up! I'll come with you." Aang grabbed some small dishes from the table and ran after Zuko. Momo was following him at the heels, no doubt eager for some snacks. 

Zuko groaned. He was glad Aang was here, because the young boy knew how to lighten the mood and make sure the negotiations remained friendly. On the other hand, he could be a real handful, and Zuko just wasn't always in the mood to goof around.

"Tell me sifu hotman," Aang said while effortlessly dodging a fireball Zuko shot at him, "what's bothering you today? You seem even more tense than usual."

They stepped out onto the courtyard of the palace. It was a large, open space, with barely any trees or buildings to grant some shade. The sun was mercilessly shining down upon them, nearly at the peak of its arc. Slowly, the two teenagers descended the stairs that led them to the main quad.

Zuko chewed on the inside of his cheek. On the one hand, he didn't want to bother Aang with his thoughts. On the other hand, he couldn't help but feel a little upset with Aang's hand in the situation he was currently in. He tried to place his words carefully.

"It's my father," he said, slowly. He glanced down at Aang to gauge his reaction, but Aang wasn't looking at him. So he continued.

"Just after we arrived, I got a letter from Mai. She told me that someone had tried to break Ozai out of prison. The guards prevented it, and they've doubled the security now, but I'm worried about this. Something is going on, I can feel it."

Zuko was really proud of himself that he managed not to say that one thing: _if you would have killed him, this wouldn't have happened._ He chewed a little more on his cheek, his mind racing through all the options he had. He could transfer Ozai to another prison. He could order Ozai's death himself. He could send out spies to find out if his worst suspicions were really true. 

Having Ozai in a prison cell so close to where he lived was conflicting. He wasn't afraid of him - and as long as he kept repeating that to himself, it would remain true - but Zuko knew, more than anyone, what kind of risk Ozai was to their carefully constructed peace. Even without his bending, the man was dangerous and conniving. If someone had tried to break him out of his cell, that meant people wanted him free. And Ozai would want revenge, would want to take back what he saw as rightfully his. 

Zuko had enough trouble as it was, trying to convince his people to change their views. Having an underground resistance movement stirring up the country was the last thing he needed.

But somehow, he knew he had already lost. Something was going to happen, and it was going to happen soon. Before, he had always known where the danger was - Azula, Ozai, Zhao. Now, the danger could be lurking anywhere in the shadows. Or even in broad daylight, he realized when they passed some Earth Kingdom soldiers, who saluted them. 

"Zuko? Earth to Zuko? Are you even listening to me?"

Zuko returned to the present and turned his head towards Aang. The boy had a worried look on his face.

"I wasn't, really," he snapped back. "I was thinking about how to get my country out of this terrible mess you left me with." 

Aang turned his gaze to the ground and didn't reply.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong," Zuko cursed himself for not being able to keep his cool. He would never be successful at anything if he didn't learn how to control his emotions. 

"You know, Zuko, I still think that not killing Ozai was the right thing to do," Aang said. "But..." he hesitated. "At the same time I feel like something is wrong. As if balance isn't really restored yet. You'd think I should know that, being the Avatar and all." He smiled in spite of himself.

Zuko let out a deep breath. If they were going to tackle this subject, he might as well let everything out. Besides, he never got the chance to talk about his nightmare.

"I had a nightmare, a week ago," he started. "You were in it. In my dream, you said you were having the same nightmare." He waited to see if Aang would know what he was talking about.

But Aang didn't say anything, so he continued. 

"In my dream, I was sitting at the top of the caldera, looking out on the capital. Then, an earthquake happened, and everything started to collapse. I tried to run down as fast as I could, and I met you along the way. When we reached the city, everything was already in ruins. We tried to get to the palace and I think we saw Katara, but before we could save anyone, the ground opened and I fell. You didn't save me." 

"I'm sorry about that, Zuko," Aang said solemnly.

"It was a dream," Zuko said pointedly. "It doesn't matter. What matters is whether you had the same dream." 

Aang sighed.

"I guess you could say that. Mine was a little bit different. The first few times I had that nightmare, you weren't in it. I was alone, trying to find Momo. I felt the earth rumble below me and started running away, but it was as if the forest was closing in on me. I couldn't go up, I could only go down, towards the source of the earthquake. And just like you, I would arrive at the city at some point. I would try to find our friends, find Appa, find Momo. But I could only see them in the distance, I couldn't ever get to them. I would always have to watch them get crushed by falling rocks, or swallowed up in the earth, just like how you fell. That's why I didn't save you - I knew I wouldn't be able to."

They both kept quiet for a while, walking without really looking where their feet were taking them. 

"What do you think it means?" Zuko asked eventually.

"I don't know."

"Well, you're the Avatar. Shouldn't you know these kind of things?" Zuko asked with an irritable tone.

"I'm just a kid, Zuko," Aang replied quietly. 

"You're not just a kid. I'm not just a kid. Our friends are not just kids. You're the Avatar, I'm the Firelord, and we're supposed to make sense of these things!" Zuko noticed he had raised his voice, but now that he was yelling, he couldn't make himself stop. He picked up his pace, walking quickly to match the speed of his words.

"How am I supposed to do all this? No one ever told me how to negotiate! No one ever taught me how to properly lead a nation! I can't really take my father as an example, can I? And Uncle has decided to leave the Fire Nation for good and stay here in Ba Sing Se! I'll have to deal with Ozai and Azula all by myself! And sure, I know you and Sokka and Katara all promised you'd be there to help me, but they have gone home and you have to be all over the world! I'm completely alone! Again!" 

Zuko crashed down onto a low brick wall, putting his head in his hands. His face was hot and there was a headache throbbing behind his eyes. He couldn't tell if it was because of the heat of the sun or the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He heard, more than saw, Aang climb onto the wall next to him. The boy put his glider between his legs, lightly tapping the bricks while humming something Zuko didn't quite recognize.

"You know, I think I might have an idea what our dreams meant," Aang said at last. Zuko looked up. 

Aang continued: "You are afraid. I know you like to sound angry, but deep down, you're more afraid than anything else. And I'm afraid, too. But when you're afraid, you charge head first into it. I run away." 

He sighed. 

"And I'm starting to understand why that's not something to be proud of."

Zuko relaxed his hands, not realizing until then that he had curled them up into fists. 

"I don't blame you for this situation," he said. "You just did what you had to do."

Aang nodded. "I did. But the thing is, the more I think about it, the more I feel like I didn't do the right thing after all. I really couldn't have killed him. But if I see what you're going through right now..." 

His voice got picked up by the breeze, and the words traveled away from them. 

"It actually feels as if in doing something that felt right to me, I did the wrong thing for you. And everyone else. I thought I solved it. But it turns out I just replaced one problem with another." 

Aang held onto his glider, not looking at Zuko as he talked. Zuko took a deep breath, trying to calm his mind. A steady breath is the key to great firebending, he repeated his Uncle's lesson in his head. A sharp pain shot through his stomach - not his scar, but something deeper. The fact that Uncle was leaving him felt like such a betrayal, even if he didn't want to admit it. 

"We should probably go back," he said eventually. He didn't know what to tell Aang. He thought about telling him not to worry about it, but as he was still worrying about it himself, he knew that he couldn't say it without sounding insincere. And he really didn't have anything else to offer. 

"Yeah." Aang jumped off the wall and kicked his feet in the gravel.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you like that," Zuko said. 

"It's ok. I think I deserved it." 

* * *

After some more excruciating days of negotiating, they finally came up with a peace treaty worthy of the name. Zuko promised to spend part of his treasury on aiding the reconstruction of the Earth Kingdom villages and cities that were most affected by the Fire Nation invasions. As soon as the reparation works were done, the Earth King would reopen trade routes with the Fire Nation. Zuko would send some of his troops to the Earth Kingdom to join their army, temporarily, until the Earth Kingdom forces had strengthened again.

The colonies turned out to be a particular painful point. Having traveled through them, Zuko knew firsthand what life was like in those places. It was messy, especially since the two nations had mixed over generations. It would prove hard to break those families up, and Zuko honestly didn't want to. He knew what a broken home felt like and he didn't want anyone else to suffer that way.

The Earth King wasn't very keen on this, of course. The idea of having to allow Fire Nation citizens to remain on Earth Kingdom territory was upsetting to him. Aang, too, had his doubts about Zuko's proposal. So Zuko insisted they'd all go down there to see it for themselves. 

The group traveled, on Appa, to the colonies in the south west. They spoke with locals, Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom alike. They met the parents of twins, one of them a firebender and the other an earthbender. 

"You know," Aang said after he played with the kids in the village for a little while, "I'm starting to see what you meant. Perhaps you were right after all." 

Zuko felt as if all the air was sucked out of his lungs. He had to sit down on a big rock next to the sandy road. He was wearing the Earth Kingdom garment that King Kuei had given him. Aang had a similar robe, but said he preferred his monk's attire. 

"You mean I made the right decision?" he managed to get out. Aang nodded and smiled.

"Don't act all surprised. I've told you before: you're pretty smart. You can figure things out. I was skeptical at first, but tearing these families apart wouldn't do any good. I'm a little worried about what Kuei will think about this, though."

Without warning, the Earth King appeared around the corner of a house. His entourage carried a large umbrella against the scorching afternoon heat, and he wasn't looking all too pleased. Aang and Zuko shared a worried glance.

"Well, Avatar, Fire Lord..." Kuei paused and tried to find himself a seat. One of his aides promptly bent a stool for him. 

"I can't say I'm happy with the developments in this part of my Kingdom. Everywhere I look, I see Fire Nation folk and Earth Kingdom folk living together as one. Surely, that can't be what the future of our world will look like!" 

Aang's eyes suddenly lit up. 

"Actually," he said and got up from his lotus position to draw the symbols of the elements in the sand with his glider. It reminded Zuko of the lessons his Uncle taught him, and again he felt a sharp pain in his chest. 

"You see, we like to think of the four nations as different, but we're still the same people. I have friends all over the world, my people were nomads. We would live everywhere, in all the nations. We're not so different from each other as we have made ourselves out to be." 

He paused to look at the Earth King's reaction. The man gestured for him to go on.

"When we lock ourselves up in our own nation, we become rigid. Our knowledge becomes stale. My friend Sokka is one of the best inventors in the world. Surely you'd want him to help design new transportation methods for you? Imagine if you could travel from Ba Sing Se to here in a day, without having to fly on Appa!" 

Aang was really getting ahead of himself now, Zuko thought, but Kuei seemed to go along with it. The man was tapping his chin, looking intently at the enthusiastic display of the young Avatar.

"In order to restore balance to the world, our nations have to be balanced as well," Aang continued. "That means we have to be open minded to change, to new people, and new alliances." At that last word, he smiled and looked at Zuko, who got the hint and forced himself to smile as well. 

"Hm." Kuei closed his eyes for a second. 

"I'm still not entirely convinced. But I have to admit there is some truth in what you say. We'll have to postpone this matter until another day. Fire Lord Zuko, I expect you back at my palace in a month to continue our conversation on this subject." 

Zuko clenched his teeth - he didn't like to be ordered around, especially not by someone like Kuei. But he saw Aang's face and nodded. 

The Earth King got up from his stool and prepared to leave. Zuko got up as well, and he and Aang started walking back to where Appa was being taken care of. 

"Where are we going now?" Zuko asked his friend. Aang shrugged.

"I suppose we'll have to take King Kuei back to Ba Sing Se. You can come with, if you like," he said with a smile. Zuko toyed with the idea, but then decided against it.

"I promised Toph I'd go on a trip with her," he said. After they first arrived in Ba Sing Se, Iroh and Toph had gone to the tea shop while Aang and Zuko were expected at the palace. When they returned from their first day of negotiations, Toph had already left to travel to Gaoling. Iroh said the girl had said something about a rumour she was tracking down. 

"Toph really has a mind of her own," Aang said appreciatively. "She's not afraid of anything." 

"Just like Katara," Zuko said airily. "She's fearless." 

He had an unwavering amount of respect and appreciation for the young woman. No doubt in a couple of years, she would be leading her tribe alongside her brother. He knew he was already looking forward to spending more time with her. He liked her company very much - she always made him feel as if he could really be himself. Quite unlike Mai, he realized, not for the first time. 

Their relationship was already showing cracks, and they weren't even back together for that long. Frankly, he didn't just ask Mai to watch the palace for him because he trusted her, but also because he really needed to spend some time away from her. He knew he wasn't the most cheerful person, but Mai was something else entirely. Her general demeanor was so sulky, so crabby, and she was so closed off - she wouldn't understand what he was going through and he didn't seem to be able to make a dent in her stoic composure. They were always fighting a cold war, which sometimes got heated enough for them to confuse frustration with desire, which is when they would make out.

Zuko sighed. He was a terrible boyfriend, a terrible Firelord and a terrible person in general. He spent every unguarded hour agonizing over all the things he should be doing, but wasn't doing - such as trying to find a way to make Mai happier. He hadn't seen her smile in weeks, he thought. It upset him.

He only then noticed that his friend wasn't looking to joyful either.

"What's up? Something wrong?" 

"You mentioned Katara," Aang said. He shrugged. 

"Did you guys fight?" Zuko didn't really understand what was going on. From what he knew, Aang and Katara had this family-like relationship that he was sometimes jealous of. They would fight sometimes, but never for long. But something was different this time.

"I guess you could say that." They had reached Appa now, and Aang immediately went to get his friend some more water and hay. Momo climbed on his shoulder, holding a mango in his paws.

"Go on," Zuko tried not to sound too impatient.

"I guess I tried to tell her that we should be together, and she told me that she didn't want that right now."

Zuko couldn't help but chuckle. "So she rejected you."

"I really love her," Aang said with an unexpected passion. Zuko had to take a couple of steps back. 

"I'm sure she loves you too," tried Zuko.

"That's the whole point - she doesn't. And I don't understand. We're meant to be together!" 

Aang sounded truly desperate. Even though Zuko never felt so strongly about anyone - except maybe his mother, and that, he argued, was a completely different kind of love - he understood that his friend was in serious agony over this rejection, and that currently, he wasn't handling it too well.

"Why don't we go brushing Appa," he offered, and Aang nodded in agreement. They picked up two large brushes and started working in silence. This way, Zuko reasoned, Aang would have to focus on doing his work while talking, which might help him redirect his feelings. It was a trick Zuko taught himself over the past few months, trying to let out his anger in a different way. 

"Why do you love her?" he said when they had picked up a steady pace.

"Because she's beautiful," Aang said. "And funny, and sweet, and kind. She takes care of me like no one else did in a really long time. She is always there for me. She understands me."

"I see." Zuko chewed on his cheek, trying to think of what to say next. He didn't really know where he wanted to go with this conversation, he just wanted to calm Aang down a little bit. 

"Do you think she loves me?" Aang looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Did she say she didn't love you?" 

"No. She said she loved me. But she also said she couldn't make that decision right now." 

"Hm." 

Zuko tried to put some extra force into his brushing.

"Honestly, I'm probably not the person to ask for advice," he admitted. "I'm not doing so well with Mai at the moment." 

"Oh? What's wrong?"

"It doesn't matter." Zuko wasn't in the mood to discuss his personal problems with a twelve year old, even if that twelve year old was his friend.

"Look, I think you and Katara are great friends. She obviously cares a lot about you. But if she says she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, she's probably not lying. Katara doesn't strike me as the lying type, anyway."

"When I was training with the Guru in the Northern Air Temple to master the Avatar state, I had to let go of my earthly attachments," Aang said. "He was talking about Katara. I didn't want to give her up, so I didn't. My attachment to Katara is not a bad thing. But when I told her I'd rather let go of the Avatar state than to ever let go of her again, she just got mad."

Zuko tried to make sense of those words in his mind. Aang reminded him a little bit of Azula. Prodigy children, for whom everything always came naturally. They succeeded in everything they set their minds to. He had seen with his own eyes what happened to Azula when those tables were turned, what it had done to her - he shuddered when he thought of the empty look that resided in her eyes now, that fire gone completely. Something inside her had broken and neither she or he knew how to pick up the pieces. Not that he dared to get too close to her.

But that made him understand what was troubling Aang so much. And he also understood what his Guru, whoever that was, meant when he told Aang to let go of Katara. 

"You know, it sounds like you don't experience rejection very often," he said carefully. "Let me help you with that. I'm someone who has experienced rejection in all ways, shapes and forms." He sighed and stopped brushing Appa.

"My sister was just like you. She always got what she wanted, she could do everything flawlessly. I had to work really hard for everything that I got. My father always said that I was lucky to be born, while my sister was born lucky. But the thing is, when you never learn what it means to fail, to experience rejection, you never learn to be strong. If you don't know how to see through bad times, if you always run away..." he paused to look at Aang's reaction. The kid was staring at him intently. 

"You need these experiences to grow, to become a better person," he said. "And if that means you need to give up Katara, then that's what it takes. If you allow yourself to feel hurt, and pain, and go through that, you'll learn a valuable lesson."

"What lesson is that?"

"That you can't always get what you want."

* * *

Travel plans were made. Aang would fly Zuko to Gaoling, then return with the Earth King to Ba Sing Se. After their talk, Aang hadn't said much. Zuko could see the boy was mulling the things they discussed over and over in his head, and he really hoped he would take his advice to heart. Not that Zuko was completely sure of his own advice - he immediately felt cold sweat breaking out at the thought of having ruined Aang forever.

"Are you joining Toph and me after you drop off the Earth King?" Zuko asked Aang while they were loading their luggage onto Appa's saddle. Aang didn't immediately respond.

"I might," he said. "I'm not sure yet. The things we've talked about..."

"I'm sorry if I upset you," Zuko said swiftly. "Just ignore what I said."

"No, it was actually very valuable. I think..." Aang paused. "I think I have a lot to think about."

"Okay." Zuko felt a little worried. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I am." Aang's face cleared up. "I think I'll join you after all, if that's okay."

"Sure. I'm sure Toph will be happy to see you."

"Maybe we can go on a trip to the South Pole afterwards, to visit Katara and Sokka," Aang said with a smile.

"Yeah," Zuko nodded, "That could be fun. Besides, I have to discuss business with Hakoda, so that would be a good opportunity."

"Are you sure you can be away from the Fire Nation that long?" Aang asked. "I don't want to put you into trouble."

"No, these missions are important for the future of the Fire Nation. As much as I want to, I can't deal with all my problems at the same time." For the umpteenth time in the past couple of weeks, Zuko got scared at the thought of how lonely palace life would be for him. Before he went back to the Fire Nation, he would have to convince Iroh to come back with him. And for the umpteenth time, he wished his only family member whom he could trust wasn't leaving him to fend for himself.

King Kuei arrived with his luggage and his aides. They helped load everything on Appa.

"Looks like we're ready to go," Aang said cheerfully.

"Then let's leave. The more time we spend here, the more I feel like I'm being followed," Zuko said. For the past couple of days now, he thought he had seen things moving in the corner of his eye. But when he turned around to look, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him.

"Allright. Appa, yip yip!" 

And they set course to Gaoling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Black Keys - Girl is on my Mind


	8. Fire Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Sorry I didn't update for such a long time! If you're not afraid of spoilers, head over to my ZM2020 collection, because I definitely didn't sit still the past month. I'm trying to pick up the pace asap, but times are a little crazy right now. Forgive me.
> 
> _  
> Hey dark eyes  
>  Rest with me a while as I drift closer to sleep  
> But still cannot  
> Still cannot find no peace_  
>   
>  _\-- Half Moon Run_  
> 

They had been on the same patch of grass for over an hour now, hidden behind the bushes. Zuko's back ached, and he had an itch. But every time he tried to move a sore limb or scratch his head, Toph would punch him on his upper arm. He was sure it was bruised now.

"How long are we going to have to do this?" he dared to complain.

"Until I say we can stop," Toph answered without skipping a beat.

Zuko focused on their target again. They were watching a house, more like a mansion, with a huge wall around it. Toph had positioned them right in front of the gate. Zuko watched the treetops behind the wall flow gently in the afternoon breeze.

If only that stubborn little earthbender would tell him what was going on. 

"Toph -" he started, and promptly received another punch. He groaned.

"At least tell me what I'm supposed to be looking for!" he stage whispered. 

"We're waiting until that gate opens," Toph said. "Then we follow whoever comes out."

"See, that wasn't so hard. You could have told me that before you turned my arm into a punching bag."

Toph didn't respond. Another few minutes went by, and Zuko tried to stretch his legs. If they were going to have to run after someone, he didn't want to be stiff. 

"Who is going to come out of that gate?" he asked.

Toph sighed. 

"See, this is why I'm only telling you now. If I would have told you sooner, you would have started asking questions sooner."

Zuko huffed.

With a cracking sound, the wooden gate started moving. Zuko watched intently, squinting his good eye as he tried to catch a glimpse of that person they were supposed to follow. But instead, a carriage appeared. Two ostrich horses were harnessed in front, almost black in color. On the wooden carriage door, a flying boar was painted.

"Let's go," Toph said. Zuko grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back. 

"Hold on. If you barge in there right now, they'll see you. I thought you wanted to follow them."

Now, it was Toph's turn to huff.

* * *

"Why are we after your father again?"

Zuko still couldn't make sense of it. After they had given the carriage some headway, Toph and Zuko had started their pursuit. Ostrich horses were dependable, but not very fast unless you really pushed them. It was easy to keep up with the carriage while remaining out of sight. 

They still had to walk briskly and take sprints every now and again, until Toph decided she had had enough and used her bending to create a carriage of her own. She moved it along with her bending, of course, so she did all the work while Zuko just had to sit and keep his eyes on the carriage.

It took about thirty minutes before he asked her again who they were following.

"My dad," was all she said.

"Why?"

"I'll tell you when we get there."

"Where is _there?"_ But Zuko could see she wasn't going to respond.

The carriage stopped near an inn. They were now in the middle of a forest. The inn stood next to a crossroad, the winding paths leading only deeper into the woods. Zuko had absolutely no idea where they were, and whether or not it was a good idea to go into that tavern. 

"Right, I said I'd tell you when we got there," Toph nodded. She let their carriage disappear into the ground.

Zuko hopped from one leg to the other in an attempt to conceal his impatience.

"I think my dad is working with people from the Fire Nation in a conspiracy against you," Toph said. 

He froze to the ground, not knowing how to respond.

"How do you know that?"

"I don't _know_ it. That's why we're here. To find out if I'm right."

"Well, what do you need _me_ for?"

"I thought maybe you wanted to see this for yourself. And you are going to get us in and out of there."

"What makes you think I can do that?"

Toph snickered. "Zuko, I'm blind, but I'm not stupid. You and Aang getting into the Sun Warrior's Temple, you and Sokka getting in and out of the Boiling Rock, you and Katara getting into the navigation tower of the Fire Nation. I refuse to believe for a second that you were just some innocent bystander in any of those situations."

Zuko opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again.

"Fine," he grumbled. He turned his attention to the inn. Every now and again, people would walk in and out, talking, laughing.

"I suppose we can't just walk in there?" he suggested.

"Na-ah," Toph shook her head. "They'll know who I am straight away. My family is famous in the Earth Kingdom. I suppose there's a flying boar painted on the carriage? That's our seal. Besides, how many blind girls do you think live around here?"

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, fine. I'll figure out something else."

"Just do it quickly. I don't know how long my father is going to be in there."

"How did you even know he was going to be here anyway?"

"Before you came, I asked around a bit. I already had some suspicions, but what I heard confirmed more than enough. He's meeting someone from the Fire Nation. I don't know why. But I thought we should check it out anyway."

"Allright." He sized the earthbender up. "Can you find your way in the dark?"

"Zuko, I'm _blind._ I'm always living in the dark."

"Oh, right." 

"Did you figure out a plan or are we going to stand here until I take root?"

He rolled his eyes, fully aware that she wouldn't be able to see that. "Just follow me," he said.

They moved towards the inn in a circular motion. Zuko wanted to check out the entire perimeter before he tried to make his way in. There'd probably be some back entrance, he figured, for the kitchen staff. Perhaps they could sneak in through there. 

And indeed there was, just as he thought. Two rather buff looking guys were smoking a pipe, passing it back and forth. They were wearing aprons. 

"Stay here," he told Toph. "I'm going to get us a disguise."

He left before he could hear her sassy remark. Glad he was wearing an earth kingdom outfit, he made his way over to the men. They only spotted him when he waved his hand to get their attention.

"Whaddayaneed, chap?" 

"I err… I..." Zuko stammered. He hadn't prepared this part of his idea.

"Lost your tongue or summin'?" 

"No… I mean… I'm the new guy."

The taller of the two men took another puff of the pipe and blew out the smoke in Zuko's face.

"The new guy, eh? Guotin didn't say nothin' about a new guy." 

As they exchanged looks, Zuko could feel his skin heat up until the roots of his hair. He was about to lose his temper and do something extremely stupid when the shorter one grinned brightly.

"Just like Guotin to forget to tell us about the new guy. You're right in time, chap. Rush hour is about to start." 

Zuko looked at the man's hands. They were big, covered in small scars from knife cuts. He also noticed the man was missing the tip of his left index finger.

"What's your name, new guy?"

"My name's Li."

"Well, isn't that great! My name's Li!" The tall one slapped Zuko on the back, knocking the wind out of him. He coughed violently.

"Kuo! Li! Get in here!" A slender man with violent eyes stood in the doorstep. He pointed at Zuko.

"Who are you?"

"He's the new guy!" Kuo said.

"The new guy? I didn't..." the man, who Zuko guessed had to be Guotin, mumbled something. Then his eyes brightened. 

"Ah, yes, the new guy. Come on, let's not waste time. What's your name?"

"His name is Li!" said Li, beaming. 

Guotin rolled his eyes. 

"That's just great. More confusion is just what our kitchen needs." He disappeared inside again, and the two men followed suit. 

Zuko stepped inside, looked over his shoulder to try and signal something to Toph, but of course she couldn't see him and probably had no idea what he was doing. He'd have to trust that once inside, they'd lose sight of him, and he could continue his plan.

Of course, none of that happened. Zuko did manage to grab a second apron and hide it, but that was about all he was able to do. Kuo and Li insisted on showing him around the kitchen, which took forever. Guotin kept walking in and out as well, pacing around, taking notes and sticking them on a rack.

"You'll be bussing tables for now, kid," he said, not unfriendly. Zuko suddenly was glad he had some experience working in his uncle's tea shop. 

The main room of the inn was dark. Smoke laced all the furniture and hung in the air like a thick curtain. Zuko had to wave his hands in front of his face to see anything at all. He gathered it was an advantage: this way, he could easily sneak Toph in here, and they could walk around without being noticed by anyone. As long as they kept quiet, no one would know who they were.

As soon as Guotin left him to his own devices, he turned around on his heels and, after making sure no one followed him, ran outside to meet Toph. She wasn't thrilled.

"What were you thinking, going in there without waiting for me!" she yelled. He put his hand over her mouth, which prompted her to bite his finger. He jumped up and down in anger.

"I found us a way in! Stop screaming and follow me. Here, put this on. You're working in customer service now."

Toph made a face, but she did what was asked. Together, they sneaked back in. Zuko avoided the kitchen and pushed Toph into the smoky main room. 

"This is disgusting," she whispered. "If I stick out my tongue I can taste it."

"It's a good thing you weren't supposed to be talking anyway," Zuko bit back.

No one noticed there were two busboys doing one person's job. In fact, no one even paid an inch of attention to them. They moved around the tables silently, picking up plates and cups along the way. 

Toph heard her father's voice before she felt it was him. She made another round, notified Zuko where they were, and from now on they made sure to pass that table at least once on their rounds.

Where Toph was generally slacking on her 'job', Zuko really tried to do the work no one hired him to do. As he was balancing some dirty plates on his arms, he passed Toph's father. It was a shame he couldn't make out any of the faces at the table, for he was dying to know who Toph's father was talking to. 

"...I think we have no choice but to kill the Fire Lord."

The hairs on the back of Zuko's arms stood up straight. He perked up his ears, slowing his pace in order to try to hear more. The voice was from the stranger, the Fire Nation citizen. Zuko didn't recognize it.

"Right, of course. I can help with the necessary… supplies, under the terms I negotiated with your partner." 

Zuko knew he couldn't stand still for much longer. He started walking again, slowly, but they were out of earshot before he could hear anything more. 

Finding Toph in the dark was harder for him than it was for her. He bumped into her as she was trying to stack up some dishes. Promptly, she dropped a cup, and if it wasn't for Zuko's reflexes, they would have alerted everyone in the building to their presence.

"They're talking about killing me," he hissed.

"So I was right!" Toph said. "They are plotting something against you!"

"I don't like that enthusiasm in your voice," Zuko said sourly.

"You don't like anything," Toph said. "I think we know enough for now. Let's go."

"Wait!" Zuko grabbed her wrist. "I want to make one more round. I need to know what they're planning."

Toph just shrugged, and Zuko made his way around the tables again, listening intently.

"... have a guy out for him. Once we capture him, it's over."

Zuko leaned in a bit to hear more. As he did so, he knocked over a flower vase with his elbow. Its contents spilled all over the table. 

The men stopped talking and Zuko cursed inside his mouth.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, I'll clean this right up... " he said, trying to move as fast as possible.

"Wait a second, boy." The Fire Nation citizen. "You look familiar to me..." 

This was their cue. They had to get out of there, now. 

"Ahead of you, Sparky," he heard a voice around his shoulder. Toph was right behind him, tugging on his apron. "Let's create some chaos in here."

With a well-placed stomp on the floor, she knocked over all the tables, and chaos ensued. People were screaming, crawling over each other to get away from under their tables. The Fire Nation man had gotten up, and was moving towards them with a terrifying speed.

"Hurry," Toph said, and Zuko stumbled behind her to the exit. He felt sorry about the mess he was leaving Gaotin and the others with. 

"You! Stay where you are!" 

A sudden heat in his back made him turn around, just in time to see a ball of fire disappear before his eyes. 

Instinct kicked in. He put down his right foot, pushed his arm forward and released a blast of his own. A startled cry was the response.

"Sparky! Come on!" Toph was holding the door open for him. Zuko took a sprint and jumped over a table. From the corner of his eye, he saw more fire headed his way. Without thinking, he turned around one last time to block the blast. Walking backwards as fast as he could, he was out the door and they had escaped.

* * *

"That was insane," Zuko said, as he tried to wash the stench of smoke out of his clothes. He had kept his trousers on, because, even though Toph was blind, he didn't want her to be able to somehow _feel_ what he looked like without clothes.

"I thought it was good fun," Toph said as she bit into an apple. "More fun than I've had in a long time."

"I'm sorry your dad is not a good guy." He wrung out his shirt and put it out to dry in the sun. 

"It's okay. I knew he wasn't a good guy when he sent out two guys to kidnap me in order to bring me back home." She shrugged.

Zuko frowned. "Back in there, they said they had a guy out for me. I thought I was being followed, but that just confirms it."

"Well, I don't see anyone around here," Toph said.

Zuko cast her a sideway glance. "You never see anyone, Toph."

She chuckled and threw her apple core away.

"You know what we should do? Go to Kyoshi Island. It's not too far from here," she said. "Maybe we can ask Suki for help."

"Hm. That's actually not a bad idea." 

"Do you know when Aang is coming back?" 

"I don't. He said he was going to bring Kuei back to Ba Sing Se and then join us immediately."

"You should let him know we're going to Kyoshi," Toph said.

"Yeah. Let's at least wait until my clothes are dry," Zuko replied.

"Five more minutes. Then we leave. That guy almost recognized you and they'll put the pieces together soon enough." 

Zuko grumbled, but he had to admit Toph was right. 

"Do you know how to get to Kyoshi Island?"

"No idea," she said and smiled. "But how hard can it be?"

 _Where's the flying bison when you need him?_ Zuko thought. He got up and picked up his clothes. They were still damp, and he made a face.

"That's the problem of not having Katara around all the time: once she's gone, you realize how much she does around the camp," Toph said as she got up to her feet.

"Yeah." Zuko shivered. "Let's go." He walked over to a signpost next to the road.

"It says here there's a harbor about twelve miles from here. That's probably where we should go."

"Twelve miles?" Toph groaned.

"Hey! Kyoshi Island was your idea," Zuko reminded her. "Now let's go."


	9. Come Undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me longer than expected! But to compensate this chapter is extremely long :) 
> 
> _Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seams  
>  Can I believe you're taking my heart to pieces?  
>   
> \- Duran Duran_

She grasped the railing of the ship with both hands, staring out over the ocean. A dark blue cape, which protected her from the elements, waved around her. 

"I can see you're happy to be back on the water again," Hakoda said. He placed his hand on his daughter's shoulder. 

Katara turned her head towards her father and sent him a smile. "You have no idea _how_ happy. I've been looking forward to this ever since you invited me."

"Katara, I know life at the South Pole is different than what you've grown accustomed to. Even an old man like me can understand that traveling with the Avatar is much more exciting than building houses."

"Dad, you know I -"

Hakoda raised his hand to make her stop talking. "I know that you would never think of leaving your family behind like that. That's not who you are - you are your mother's daughter after all. But that doesn't mean that your needs should always come second. It was wrong of me to assume that you would just agree with my plan of marrying you away. I should have known better." 

"You don't have to keep apologizing," Katara said. "We've talked about this a million times. I want to help. I just want to be able to do it my way." 

"And I respect that," her father answered. He pulled her in for a hug. "That's why I've brought you along. Use this opportunity to study what diplomacy and negotiations are all about, and I'm sure you'll master this in no time."

"Thanks, dad." Katara released her dad from their embrace. "I'm going to get my stuff from below deck. It won't be long before we arrive." 

* * *

As the ship entered the Kyoshi bay, Katara couldn't wait any longer. She climbed over the railing and lowered herself into the water. With one impressive display of waterbending, she created a wave that brought her onto the shore, where Suki was already waiting for them.

"Katara! I'm so happy to see you!" The warrior, dressed in her uniform, threw her arms around her friend. They hugged each other tightly, and within their hug lied emotions that the girls were unable to express with anyone else.

"Sokka is still on the ship," Katara said, and she saw Suki's eyes light up. "I'm sure he has missed you even more than I did."

They exchanged pleasantries while waiting for the ship to pull in. When it did, Sokka was the first person to emerge.

"Suki!" He opened his arms wide, and Suki ran towards him. Katara watched them, and couldn't help but feel something gnawing away in her stomach. Their relationship came so easy to them… the past few weeks they'd exchanged letters. Clearly, their time apart hadn't diminished their feelings for each other. If anything, it had only made them stronger.

Her thoughts led her to Aang before she could help it. In her mind, she replayed the scene at the Fire Nation harbor once more. The look on his face when she was about to tell him she didn't want to be with him -- she couldn't do it, not then. She loved him, but she wished she loved him better. He _was_ the Avatar, after all. Wasn't she supposed to honor that?

Katara shuddered, trying to rid herself of this dead end. She wasn't going to figure this out, and she had other things to focus on. Such as the upcoming negotiations with the Kyoshi Islanders, about reopening their trade route. This was her moment to shine - this was something she knew she wanted to do. 

"Katara! Why don't you come help me unload?" Hakoda shouted at her. She waved, realizing she had been frozen in place while the others worked to get all the stuff out of the ship. They had brought specimens of items they could trade, from hides and pelts to seal jerky - still Sokka's favorite - and fish. The Southern Water Tribe homed some of the finest seamstresses in the world, and so Katara had come up with the idea to include samples of embroidery and needlework.

Together with Sokka, she pulled one of the large crates with food onto the beach. "I wish we had Toph around to help us earthbend these things to the village," Katara complained to her brother. 

Sokka frowned. "You know, you don't need bending for everything in your life. I can't bend, and neither can the other warriors, but we still manage to carry all the heavy stuff."

"But you have to admit that having Toph here would have been a great help," Katara insisted.

"I wouldn't rely on Toph too much. You know she'd love every opportunity to see you do some heavy lifting," her brother said and snickered.

About thirty minutes later, their party reached the village. They were greeted by the villagers and the other Kyoshi warriors. Ty Lee was among them, having been made an official member of the group. Katara was still a little bit freaked out by the girl, even though she was on their side now.

"Hi there, Katara! And Sokka," Ty lee said with a beaming smile as she cartwheeled her way in their direction. Sokka, who was holding Suki's hand, waved awkwardly. Suki poked him gently in the ribs.

"You don't have to worry about Ty Lee, I promise," she said. "First of all, she knows we're together. Secondly, she's a very skilled fighter and we've been learning a lot from her. I could give you a demonstration, if you like." 

She extended her index- and middle finger, ready to deliver a painful blow that would render Sokka's right arm completely useless.

"Err, no thanks," he said and jerked his arm away from his girlfriend's reach. "I'll take your word for it."

Suki shrugged and stepped forward towards Ty Lee. "We're going to change," she declared. "It's almost lunch time."

Sokka's mouth started to water. "Did you say lunch? I'm coming with you!" 

Katara grabbed her brother by the neck of his robe. "Not so fast, mister. I'm sure that even though Suki won't mind having you in her dressing room, the other Kyoshi warriors might not be so excited about your presence." 

"Oh, right." A blush showed on Sokka's cheeks. Suki and Ty Lee giggled.

"Lunch isn't being served in our dressing room anyway," Ty Lee said and pointed towards the main square. "We've set up tables on the main square, because we knew you were coming. It's going to be a great feast." 

"Do you need any help with cooking?" Katara offered. Her hands were itching to do some work. 

Suki tapped her lips with her finger. "We can always use more strawberries for the cake. They grow a little higher in the hills," she said and pointed at the winding road that led away from the village, upwards into the mountains. 

Katara grabbed a basket from a nearby table. "Sounds like a task for me," she said. Suki grabbed her shoulders.

"Do you want me to come with you?" 

"It's alright, I'm actually looking forward to spending some time by myself," Katara said and gently pushed her friend's hands away. Then she turned around, basket in hand, and started walking.

* * *

Katara saw them before they saw her. She was about to walk down to the village again, basket full of strawberries, when she heard a couple of familiar voices. Her heart jumped up, and she ran over to the other side of the road to see whether she was right.

And she was. There they were - Toph and Zuko, strolling next to each other, talking quietly. They looked a little dishevelled, and Katara couldn't quite understand how they got here, but she was too happy to see them to give it much thought.

"Toph! Zuko!" She dropped her basket and ran towards them. Both of them raised their shoulders, but relaxed again when they saw her. Katara threw herself against them, almost causing the three of them to fall over.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "How did you know we would be here?"

"We didn't," Toph answered. "We're following someone. They're plotting a coup on our little Fire Lord over here." As she spoke, she punched Zuko hard on his arm.

"Ouch!" He made a face and rubbed his skin. "Toph is right," he continued. "We overheard her father talking to some guy. We don't know how many people are in on it, but I was already sure we were being followed and now we're trying to track this person and see if we can convince them to talk."

This was all going a little too fast for Katara. "Wha- I mean- I don't get it. What does your father have to do with anything? And who is following you? Who are 'they'?" 

"Easy there, Sugar Queen," Toph said. "We'll explain later. What are _you_ doing here?" 

"That's easy enough," Katara said and put her hands on her hips. "Sokka and I came here with some Southern Warriors to negotiate a trade deal with Kyoshi Island." Her face lightened up. "I'm going to prove to my father that he should put me in charge of the diplomatic relationships with the other nations." 

"Sounds like something you would be good at," Zuko nodded. Katara treated him to a beaming smile.

"You should tell my dad. He isn't entirely convinced yet, I believe." She lowered her shoulders. "I understand he doesn't want me to leave the South Pole yet, and I don't really want to either. But there's something inside me that's tugging me away."

"I understand what you mean," Toph said. "Traveling the world is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn't give it up for anything." 

Zuko had a worried expression on his face. "Look, I love catching up and everything, but let's move someplace else. It feels like we're being watched."

Katara looked around, but didn't see anything. "Are you sure your mind isn't playing tricks on you?"

He shrugged. "I guess. I don't know. But better safe than sorry."

"Come with me," she said. "I was just going to take some strawberries to the village. They're throwing a big lunch for us." 

"Lunch?" Toph was already making a run for it, leaving Zuko and Katara behind. "I'll see the both of you later!" 

Zuko and Katara looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh. On their way down, Katara picked up the basket she dropped. 

"It's good to see you again," she said and cast a sideway glance at him. "How is your scar?" 

Zuko looked pained. "It's… not too bad, I guess. The palace healers have tried to follow your instructions. But I guess it's going to leave a big scar anyway."

"I think I already warned you about that," Katara said and frowned. "I'm sorry I don't have any spirit water from the North Pole to work with right now."

"It's okay," Zuko made a vague gesture. "What's another scar from a family member, right?"

"What do you mean?" 

"Yeah, what do you mean?" another voice interrupted.

"Sokka!"

"When I heard you were here, I just had to come over and say hello," the young warrior said as he forcefully slapped Zuko on his back. 

"Careful!" Katara opened her eyes wide. "You know he's still healing."

"Yeah, what was all that talk about another scar from a family member?" Sokka let go of his friend and sized him up. 

Zuko raised his good eyebrow and pointed at his face. "I told you how I got this scar, didn't I?"

The water tribe siblings shook their heads simultaneously.

He sighed. "Now is probably as good a time as any." 

The three of them continued their path downward, into the village. Zuko told them about his past, as briefly as possible. 

Both Sokka and Katara had a horrified look on their face when he was done talking.

"Oh Zuko, I'm so sorry," Katara spoke quietly. "It's terrible that something like that happened to you." 

"By your own father!," Sokka shuddered. "Your old man is definitely the cruel and unforgiving type. Glad I didn't grow up in the Fire Nation."

"Sokka!" Katara scolded him.

"He's right, Katara," Zuko said. He lowered his eyes. "I'll always be marked by my past. But I have made the choice not to let it define me anymore."

"Yeah yeah, I've had to listen to your tragic backstory one time too many now, Sparky," said Toph. She was chewing on something that looked like chicken, and forcefully ripped pieces of flesh away with her teeth. Katara's eyes nearly disappeared into their sockets.

"I think Toph is trying to say that lunch is ready," said Suki, who joined their group. She had changed into normal clothes and as always, Katara was surprised by her change in appearance. 

"I've brought the strawberries," she suddenly remembered. "I'll bring them to the kitchen."

"I'll show you where it is," Suki said, and linked her arm through Katara's.

"Wait for me! I want to know where the kitchen is too!" Sokka walked along with them. Zuko stayed behind with Toph.

As they were walking, Katara kept mulling what she just heard over in her head. 

"I can't believe his own father would do something like that," she said eventually, to no one in particular.

"It's messed up," Sokka agreed. He pulled his boomerang out of the sheath on his back and played with it in his hands. "I can't imagine dad would ever do something like that to us, not even when he was super mad."

"And boy, we've made him mad more than once," Katara giggled. She swung the basket in her hand back and forth as they walked. "The more I think about it, the angrier I get." She clenched her fist. "Ozai should pay for this."

"Don't you think he's suffering enough already, rotting away in his cell?" Sokka raised his eyebrows. But Katara shook her head.

"If what Zuko and Toph are telling us is right, apparently he's still plotting something from his cell. That man is disgusting," she almost spat out the words.

Sokka held up his hands in the air. "Look, I think you're right. But I don't see what we can do about it, at least from here. We're miles away from the Fire Nation capital. Besides, what were you going to do? Kill him? I'm sure Zuko won't like that. It's still his dad, after all."

Katara was about to say that she didn't care what Zuko liked and didn't like, but she held back. That would have been a lie - she _did_ care. A lot, actually. But the mental image of a little Zuko being burned by his father made her seethe with rage. 

Suki, who had remained quiet throughout their conversation, tugged on Katara's sleeve. "We're here." 

* * *

After dropping off the strawberries, they made their way back to the lunch table. Suki had breezily changed the topic of conversation to something more light-hearted, and they were happily chatting away.

The three of them sat down, and Sokka immediately started shoving fistfuls of food on his plate. Katara reached over the table to grab some freshly baked bread as well as two fresh fruit tarts that were calling her name. 

"This is delicious!" Sokka exclaimed, his mouth full of food. Katara made a face. 

"Please shut your mouth when you're eating," she said, and Suki snickered. The two girls continued their conversation, leaving Sokka alone with his lunch.

Katara wiped the crumbs from her face with her sleeve, when she heard someone shout. Briskly, she turned around, only to see Zuko being dragged away into the bushes. She jumped up from the table and ran towards the forest, with Suki on her heels.

"They went into the bushes! Let's follow them!" Katara was already trying to make her way through the greenery, but Suki held her back. 

"Let's try to circle around them. These bushes are way too thick for them to go fast and there's really one place they can go. And I know a faster route."

Katara nodded and the girls ran off towards another path. 

"Hey! Where are you going?" Toph appeared on their side. "You're not going to save Zuko without me."

They kept running, quickly leaving the disoriented villagers as well as Sokka and the Water Tribe warriors behind. Toph could easily track their target based on their footsteps, and Suki showed them the quickest path. Katara's heart, meanwhile, was fluttering in her chest. She would never forgive herself if something happened to Zuko.

"There they are!" Suki shouted. Katara followed her arm with her gaze and noticed the group. There were two men, she saw now, both their faces covered with masks. They had Zuko in a headlock with his arms twisted on his back, rendering him unable to firebend or otherwise defend himself. 

"And I think that's their ride," said Toph. A little higher up the hill, a third man was waiting with what looked like an oversized war balloon. 

"They must be firebenders," Katara reasoned, and she looked around to see if there was any water nearby. The water from the pouch could do much, but she'd rather have more power if needed. 

Suki wasted no time and sprinted forward, with Toph and Katara in her wake. The men had now noticed them too, and one of them sent blasts of fire their way. Another man turned out to be an earthbender, who used the ground below his feet to conjure up a large shield of rock. 

But Toph was the greatest earthbender in the world. She quickly broke down the shield and pushed the earth under their feet upwards, which sent them flying - and Zuko along with them.

"Try not to hurt Zuko," Katara said prickly as she unleashed a water whip from her pouch. "We're trying to save the guy, not send him to his death."

Toph shrugged. "He should be glad that I'm saving his ass to begin with."

Suki had reached the first attacker and began stabbing away at him with her fingers and knuckles. Katara admired her flexible limbs, although the sight of taking someone's bending away still spooked her. Seeing Suki behave like that made Katara see her in a different light.

But it was an effective strategy, and the man sunk to the ground, arms and legs rendered useless. Katara quickly froze him to the ground with her water, but realized that she'd need more water if she wanted to be able to continue her attacks. 

Frantically, she looked around, eventually finding a nearby river, hidden behind the trees. She pulled a massive amount of water out of the river, and encased her arms in the cool liquid. This way, she'd have much more reach.

Toph and Suki were working together to trap the remaining two attackers. They'd almost reached the hot air balloon while dragging Zuko along with them. Katara noticed Zuko's hands were bound, probably done by the earthbender. She clenched her teeth.

"Sugar Queen!" Toph shouted at her while she kept fighting with the earthbender. He was clearly very skilled, and Toph had to work harder than usual. "Stop standing there and start doing something!"

Katara used her octopus arms to dump all her water on the earthbender and force him to the ground. Then, Suki jumped forward and hit the guy's pressure points. Toph finished the job by encasing him in a dome made of rock, with only his head sticking out. 

"We're not there yet," Suki said, and they made their way towards the war balloon. The guy had dragged Zuko into the basket and was igniting the flames. Katara extended her hand, shot the water with extreme precision into the balloon and extinguished the flames. 

Toph followed suit, shooting rocks from the ground that punctured holes in the balloon's tarp. Just when they thought this was a done deal, the man grabbed Zuko and held a knife to his throat.

"One step closer and he's dead!" Katara heard him say. It was a dark voice, she registered, deep and puncturing at the same time. She filed that knowledge away.

"I didn't think so," she replied, ice daggers at her fingertips. But the man pushed his knife closer to Zuko's throat, and Katara saw blood appearing at the tip. She dropped her water. Toph and Suki lowered their arms as well, but all three of them remained in a fighting position.

"I'm going to walk away with him now, and you're not going to follow me," the man said. "No funny business, or he's dead."

Katara let out a desperate cry. "Don't hurt him!" she said, her voice trembling.

"Do as I say and your boyfriend remains unharmed," said the man and he gritted his teeth.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Katara yelled and stomped her feet on the ground. "Why does everyone keep saying that," she mumbled to herself, kicking away a rock.

Suki crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I don't like this at all," she said. "There must be something we can do."

Before she could finish her sentence, three armed girls jumped onto the path. They overpowered the man by pressing their fingers into his ribs and between his shoulder blades. Unceremoniously, he sank to the ground.

Katara immediately jumped forward and kneeled down next to Zuko. Toph encased this man in a dome as well, and Suki went to hug her Kyoshi warrior friends who had come to the rescue at exactly the right moment.

"Am I too late for the action?" She turned around and saw Sokka, waving his boomerang around as he ran up the hill. Suki laughed, and soon the other girls joined in.

"I'm sorry, this was a girls only event," Suki said as she swung her arm around her boyfriend's waist. He looked dumbfounded.

"Next time, you should pay more attention to your surroundings and less to your lunch," Toph snided.

Katara didn't have time to exchange banter with the others. She looked at Zuko, examining his body for obvious wounds. She didn't see anything, but she noticed he was wincing, so he must be in pain. She encapsulated her hands in water and put them on his body. 

It was something that came naturally to her - she didn't even have to practice that hard. Her fingers could feel the flow of blood inside the body, and she'd spot it immediately when something was out of place. It was as if she could see inside someone, and rearrange things as needed. 

She found some superficial bruises and cuts, which she healed quickly. Then, she extended her bending until the very edges of the capabilities, and noticed something she had never seen before. It was as if Zuko's entire bloodstream had slowed down to a dangerously slow pulse, thick as syrup. His pulse was very weak.

"I think he's poisoned," she said softly to herself. No one heard her.

"What's going on with Sparky?" Toph said as she kneeled down next to Katara. Briefly, Katara explained her sensations, and what she thought was going on. Toph looked puzzled.

"How could they have poisoned him? And why?"

"Probably to weaken him so he wouldn't firebend to defend himself," Katara said. She felt a little helpless, not knowing what to do. "Usually I only have to touch the wounds with my bending, and they heal. But this is different. I don't know if I can help him."

Suki stood over her, kneading her shoulders with her hands. "You can do it Katara, I'm sure. Just focus. You're a natural."

"Okay." Katara closed her eyes. "Can everyone take a step back, please?" 

She put her hands on Zuko's body again, slowly working her way through the currents of his bloodstream. She forced herself to really dive _inside_ his body, flowing up and down, really using her mind to take in the entire surface she had to work with. She knew she had to act quickly - if the poison reached his heart, it was probably over and done with.

With an immense effort, she found a movement that clicked, and in her mind's eye she saw the poisonous droplets disappear from his body, as she supplanted them with her healing water. It seemed to take forever, but she managed to free Zuko's body from the poison entirely. 

She opened her eyes, and at the same time, so did he. Katara looked at him for a few seconds as he returned her gaze, and there was something in his eyes that she couldn't quite place.

He coughed, his voice sounded raspy and weak. "You saved me again," he whispered.

Katara smiled. "Not just me this time. It was a team effort." 

Suki and Toph moved into view, grabbed hold of his wrists to get him to stand up. They supported him, hanging one of his arms around each of their shoulders. 

"We should go back to the village," Suki said. "We have an infirmary there. That'll be more comfortable than the ground."

"What are we going to do with these men?" Toph asked. Sokka pounded on his chest with his fist. 

"Leave that to me. Normally I wouldn't suggest we take prisoners, but I'm sure we all want to know why they were trying to kidnap Zuko." 

A consenting murmur went through the group. The other Kyoshi warriors offered to help Sokka, which he gladly accepted.

Together, they walked back to where they came from. Zuko seemed to slip in and out of consciousness, and Katara did all she could to keep him awake. About halfway, she switched places with Toph. Feeling Zuko's weight on her shoulders was comforting, somehow.

"Look! It's Aang!" Suki suddenly exclaimed. Katara looked up, Toph just kept on walking. And indeed, Appa's figure cast a shadow on their group, as he flew over their heads. They all started to shout, and Aang turned his flying bison around to land before them.

"What's going on here?" he said as he jumped off Appa's head. Aang had a worried look on his face, and it became worse when he noticed Katara and Suki supporting a half-conscious Zuko. "Did you get into a fight?"

"Sparky and I were following someone who we think belongs to a group who wants to overthrow him," Toph said. "But they caught up with us and tried to kidnap Sparky." 

"But we prevented it," Katara said. She felt extremely tired. "We almost didn't make it. They were threatening to kill Zuko. Luckily the other Kyoshi warriors were around, otherwise who knows what would have happened."

"That's terrible," Aang said, looking sad. Inside Katara, something rose out of the depths of her subconscious. A thought, a feeling she couldn't quite place. But it made her want to shout, and scream, and stomp her feet on the ground.

"Well, you could have helped us, if you weren't so conveniently late," she snapped. "Where were you, even? Having fun by yourself while we're all here trying to do our best to rebuild the world?"

"Katara!" Aang looked hurt. "I've been with Zuko for the past week, trying to negotiate a peace deal with the Earth King. We went to visit the Earth Colonies to see for ourselves what was going on there. Zuko was going to join Toph and I had to return the Earth King to Ba Sing Se."

"Well, that's very nice of you," she continued, the words coming from her mouth like spitfire. Her whole brain was fried. "You're playing nice with the Earth King, and you forget that we might need you as well? We're always helping you out, but you're never here when we need you!!"

Everyone else fell silent. Aang stared at Katara, his shoulders dropped as he switched his staff between his hands.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Katara," he said. "I'm sorry you feel as if I'm not here for you."

"Yeah, thanks for nothing," she said through her set teeth. 

Aang didn't respond. He offered to put Zuko on Appa, but Katara refused to let him go. She was out of breath, all her muscles hurt, but she couldn't take anything from Aang right now. Not his help, not his words. He should have stayed with the Earth King, she thought bitterly. 

Later, when they had dropped Zuko off at the infirmary and were drinking tea, Sokka came to sit next to her.

"I don't want to talk," Katara said and turned her back to her brother.

"I know." He sighed, placed his machete on his lap. A few minutes went by where all they did was listen to the voices of the people around them. Aang's voice, high and childlike, stood out like a sore thumb for Katara.

"Do you know why you're so angry with him?" Sokka asked.

"No." She swallowed. "Maybe."

"I don't think it's fair to treat him like that. He's been through a lot, you know."

"We've all been through a lot." Katara lowered her eyes, examined her tea cup as if it was the most fascinating object in the world. "Why does he get a free pass to come and go as he pleases?"

"He's the Avatar, Katara. It's practically his job." 

Sokka reached out to her, grabbed her wrist. She turned her head from him.

"I think I know why you're angry. You're upset that you're stuck at the South Pole, while he gets to travel around the world like we used to do. I think you're a little jealous of that."

"It's not just that!" she objected. "I'm always there when he needs me, always. But when we need him, he's just not there." Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't explain to Sokka why this was so important to her. She couldn't even explain it to herself. She knew it didn't make sense - Aang just had other obligations, it wasn't like he had chosen to leave them all behind. But the thoughts clawed into her, the injustice she felt when she saw him move around without a care in the world - like the child he still was. 

"Katara, you can't blame him for not always being around you to care for you," Sokka said. 

She wanted to say something back, but the will to fight escaped her. She was _so_ tired, and she couldn't think straight.

"I guess I'm just overworked," she said. "I'll go apologize." 

Sokka gave her a small smile. "I'm sure you'll feel much better after you get some rest. You've worked really hard today." 

Katara got up, placed her cup on the table next to her and walked over to Aang. He pretended not to notice her until she was right in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Aang. It was wrong of me to blow up like that. It's not your fault you weren't here when Zuko was attacked." 

Her apology left a bitter taste in her mouth that she didn't quite understand. But she knew she was doing the right thing - she didn't want to fight him.

"Thank you, Katara, for apologizing." Aang smiled at her. "I promise I'll be around more from now on. I won't leave your side."

"Oh, well..." That wasn't exactly what she had been hoping for, either. "That's great, Aang. I'm glad you're back." 

He gave her a hug, and she wrapped her arms around his robes briefly. 

"I'm going to check on Zuko," she said softly. Aang nodded. 

"Say hi for me," he said.

* * *

It was dark in the infirmary, and a little dusty. Zuko was lying in a bed, stripped half naked and placed under the covers. He was sweating. Katara thought about pulling back the blankets, but the thought of staring at his bare chest gave her jitters.

"Zuko?" she whispered. She didn't want to wake him. But he opened his eyes almost immediately, as if he had been waiting for her.

"Katara," he said. His voice was still raspy, but a little less weak.

"How are you feeling?" She sat on the stool next to his bed, and placed her hands in her lap. Zuko tried to sit up straight, but fell back into the cushions.

"Better, I think. I don't remember much from what happened. But I do remember you saved me."

"Like I said, it was a team effort." Katara smiled. "Suki and Toph were there too, and if the other Kyoshi warriors hadn't showed up, I doubt we would have been able to save you at all."

Her expression fell. The thought of losing Zuko, one of her friends she trusted the most, made her heart heavy.

"Well, you did. And I'm glad." Zuko coughed again, and Katara put her hand on his arm. 

"Don't over-exert yourself. You need all your rest." His arm was hot to the touch, and she jerked her hand back without thinking.

"I'll have to get back to the Fire Nation as soon as I can," Zuko said. "Who knows what they're going to try now that I'm away. They could stage a coup."

"I doubt your Uncle will let it come to that," Katara said reassuringly. But Zuko's remark gaver her an idea.

"We need to make sure this doesn't happen again," she said to herself. "But we can't always be there to protect you. I have to go back to the South Pole soon, and Toph just doesn't seem cut out for that kind of life. But maybe..." 

Then it dawned upon her. The perfect plan. "Zuko! I have an idea. I'm going to ask Suki if the Kyoshi warriors can be your personal bodyguards."

Zuko was either too weak to respond, or he had fallen asleep again. It didn't matter to Katara. She had a plan, and she knew it was a good idea. She rose up from her chair, looking at Zuko one last time. His eyes were closed, and his chest was slowly moving up and down. She resisted the urge to stroke his hand.

* * *

"You want me to do what?" Suki looked at Katara with a confused expression. Katara spread her arms. 

"Think about it. Zuko needs protection from whoever those guys are. The palace guards won't be enough, all of us together could barely manage to fight them off. But the Kyoshi warriors are an elite group of fighters. It could work."

Suki tapped her lips with her fingers. "I don't know, Katara. The last time we left the island, it was because we were at war. We'd leave everyone here completely undefended."

But Katara had thought about that, too. "I have a solution. We're still set to negotiate about reopening the trade route. We could make protection of the island part of the deal. The Southern Water Tribe has skilled warriors and now that the Northern Tribe is coming to help us, we can spare a few. Sokka could come here as well."

"That does sound tempting… but if I'm in the Fire Nation to protect Zuko, I won't be able to see Sokka at all," Suki said with a laugh. 

She put her hand on her friend's arm. "But I understand what you're trying to say. And I'm sure we can figure something out. Perhaps Sokka can help us, he usually comes up with the best plans." 

Katara pouted. "I'm perfectly able of coming up with good ideas on my own! But I guess you're right. I'll discuss it with Sokka. Then we can bring it up during the negotiations tomorrow." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come Undone - Duran Duran


	10. Blue in Green

"So, what's your first big act as Fire Lord going to be?" 

Sokka sat on a stool next to Zuko's bed, hands interwoven behind his head. He grinned.

"Is it sending all corrupt generals to the Boiling Rock? Or reopening all the Avatar temples in the Fire Nation? Oh, I know! You're going to throw a huge party in your own honor!" Sokka snickered. Mentioning his honor to Zuko never failed to get a reaction out of him.

Zuko, who was sitting in his bed, propped up by pillows, shook his head and tried to hide the faint smile on his lips. "Not really. My first acts as Fire Lord are probably going to be much less exciting. We'll have to retreat all the troops, both navy and army. And I'll have to take a good look at the state of our economy. For years, war has been our main source of wealth. We need to … diversify."

Sokka's face fell. "Whew, that sounds boring. When you put it like that, I think I'm actually glad that I still have a few years before I have to take over the leadership of our tribe from my father."

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "I thought that was exactly what you wanted."

"I mean, I do!" Sokka said hastily. "But I don't know if I'm ready for all that … bureaucracy yet. Traveling the world has really opened my eyes to all the _other_ possibilities. It would be great to spend some more time with Teo and his father. I have so many ideas for new inventions. For instance, wouldn't it be great if you could keep food fresh for much longer?"

"Err, sure, but how are you going to do that?"

"Ice!" Sokka cried out. "Think about it. In the South Pole, when we kill a large animal, we can't eat it all on the same day. So we cut pieces off and freeze them in ice. We can keep it for months without it going bad."

"Right, but look around you, Sokka. Ice would _melt_ around here," Zuko said incredulously. 

"Ah, but remember the coolers from the Boiling Rock?" Zuko could see that Sokka really was getting excited now. 

"Sounds like you have it all figured out," he said quickly.

"Perhaps I could come to the Fire Nation for a while and study those coolers in a little more detail," Sokka said, tapping his chin with his finger. "You wouldn't mind, would you?"

"Of course not. You know you're always welcome at the palace." Zuko shifted his weight and winced. His scar was looking better, but from time to time, if he had been sitting the wrong way, it would sting.

"I doubt that dad would like it if you left for the Fire Nation already, Sokka," a familiar voice said. 

Both Zuko and Sokka jerked their head up to see Katara standing in the doorway. She had crossed her arms in front of her chest and smiled. Zuko noticed she wasn't wearing one of her usual blue outfits today.

"I borrowed Suki's clothes," Katara said when she saw him looking. "She has a much larger collection of warm weather clothes than I do." 

Sokka huffed. "I'm sure dad would let me go if I explain to him how important it is."

"Speaking of importance, I want to talk with you about something. Both of you," Katara said. She walked towards them and, finding no place left to sit, sat down on Zuko's bed.

"What happened yesterday was terrible," she started, looking at Zuko while she said it. He nodded. 

"We can't be sure it won't happen again. Actually, the more I think about it, the more convinced I am this is going to happen again. If someone is really plotting to overthrow Zuko as Fire Lord, they won't stop trying. We have to make sure they don't succeed." 

Zuko studied Katara's face. She looked determined, fierce, as she so often did when she had made up her mind about something. It reminded him of that day they went to find her mother's killer. How she hadn't hesitated, not once, until that final moment. And even then, she was so immensely strong.

"So what's your idea?" Sokka asked. He was leaning forward now, all his attention focused on his sister. 

Now she fully turned her upper body towards Zuko, placing one hand on the bed. "You need protection. And -" he had opened his mouth to protest - "your palace guards are not enough. You don't even know for certain you can trust them. In fact, you can't really trust _anyone_ in the Fire Nation palace right now."

He closed his mouth again, lowered his eyes. He clenched his fists. 

"I won't let anyone kill me."

"I know." Katara looked at him. "Because we won't let them, either." 

She turned to Sokka. "Sokka, I talked to Suki about this already, but she wanted your opinion. What if we asked the Kyoshi Warriors to be bodyguards for Zuko?"

"Hmm." Sokka frowned. "I guess it could work. But I know that Suki feels bad about leaving the island unprotected when they left to help in the war. It's a different time now, but still. Villages like these are vulnerable." 

Now, both Sokka and Katara turned their head to watch Zuko. His cheeks heated up. "What? I apologized. We're cool. You know that!" he spit out towards Sokka.

Sokka grinned. "I'm just teasing. But anyway, we'll need to make sure that the island isn't left defenseless."

"Yeah, I know," Katara said impatiently. "I already thought of that. We're here to negotiate a trade deal, so what if we throw some of our warriors into the mix? It's not exactly the same as the Kyoshi Warriors, but our men are more than capable." 

"You know sis, that's actually a good idea. There's only one problem: we don't have enough warriors with us, and even if we did, they can't stay behind. So we'll have to return to the South Pole and come back later. And all that time, it's open season on our friend Zuko here." 

Sokka gestured vaguely in Zuko's direction. The latter watched the brother and sister discuss the plan, and he thought about Azula. The palace guards had put Azula in a cell near the Fire Nation palace. She'd probably be transferred to the Boiling Rock within a couple of weeks. Zuko had asked the guards to wait until he got back - he wanted to oversee the transfer himself. She _was_ still his sister, after all.

"What do you think, Zuko?" he heard Katara say. He blinked, unsure what to respond - his thoughts had led him away from the conversation. She smiled reassuringly. 

"Sokka had a great idea. After the negotiations are over, we're going back to the South Pole. If you come with us, we can guarantee your safety. Once we're back home, we'll send a ship out to pick up the Kyoshi Warriors, and once they're here, you can go back to the Fire Nation."

"Sounds good," Zuko said, and shifted his weight again. He wanted to get out of bed.

"But _how_ is he going to go back to the Fire Nation? I mean, we could send another ship, but..."

"Don't worry about that, Sokka." Zuko held up his hand. "I'll just send a message to Mai to send over a Fire Nation navy ship."

"That's settled, then." Sokka slapped his friend hard on his leg. "You're coming back home with us, buddy!"

"Who is going back home?" Suki's figure cast a shadow over their little group. Sokka beamed a smile at her and got up to give her a kiss.

"Zuko is coming with us first, and then we're going to send out a ship to pick you up. We'll trade you for some Southern Water Tribe warriors, and before you know it, Zuko is safe in his palace again."

"And what about you and Katara?" Suki asked.

"Well, we're not coming with you," Sokka said and he made a face. "But I promise I'll come visit you as soon as I can."

"And you're always welcome at the South Pole," Katara offered. 

"Oh… yeah, sure." Suki looked at the ground. "I mean, I guess that's an option."

"You'll love our home!" Sokka grabbed his girlfriend's hands. "I could show you around. We're currently working super hard to rebuild our tribe. Once that's done, we're going to check on the other tribes as well. My dad was made chieftain right after the war ended."

"That's great, Sokka." Suki produced a forced smile. "But I'm not sure whether the South Pole is really the right climate for me."

"What do you mean?" Sokka pouted. "Our parkas would look so good on you."

Zuko leaned forward and tugged at Katara's sleeve. She turned her head to look at him.

"Maybe we should get out of here. This sounds like it's going to take a while."

She nodded. "Are you okay to get out of bed?"

"I think so." He swung his legs out of bed and planted them on the ground. He still felt a little shaky, but that was probably because he hadn't eaten much in the past 24 hours.

"Hold on." Katara got up, walked around the bed and held out her arm. "Here, grab hold of me." 

Suki and Sokka didn't even notice they left. Outside, it was a little chilly, but Zuko had a naturally high body temperature. They walked towards the main square of the village, both consumed by thoughts.

"We should get you dressed," Katara said eventually. "That is, if you want to be at the meeting."

"I think so," Zuko said. "I wanted to discuss something with your father."

"What's that?" Katara looked up to watch him. In the past few weeks, Zuko had grown even taller. Training on the daily had also made him look physically stronger, less like a gangly teenager and more like an adult. 

"Well..." Suddenly, he didn't really know whether he should look her in the eye or not. He stared at his feet instead. "I know the Southern Water Tribe has suffered immensely under the Fire Nation raids."

A silence fell between them. Now, Katara was staring at her feet as well.

"And so," Zuko continued, scrambling to put the words in the right order, "I want to make amends. On behalf of the Fire Nation. If I'm going to help Aang rebuild the world, I should start with the places that were hurt the most. There's not much I can do for the Air Nomads at this time..." he swallowed hard, "but I can help you. I mean, not just you, but your family and your friends and everyone you care about."

The cold sweat was running over his back when he finished talking. Talking about these things made him nervous. He wondered what she thought. Probably that it was the most stupid plan in the world. He let his shoulders hang a little.

Then, he felt a squeeze in his arm. Katara had a twinkle in her eye and a soft smile on her lips.

"You have no idea how much that means to me. And I'm sure my dad will appreciate it very much, too." 

She held onto his arm, forcing him to stop. Then, she made herself taller by standing on the tip of her toes, cupping his right cheek in her hand as she briefly kissed the tender skin on his left. 

"Thanks, Zuko." 

He felt the heat rise up from the pit in his stomach to the top of his head. 

"Err, you're welcome, Katara. It's the least I could do."

And there she was, pulling him forward again. "Come on, let's get you some proper clothes." 

Zuko decided to lean into it this time.

* * *

"Katara, you were wonderful back there." Hakoda put his hand on the back of his daughter's head, caressing her hair. "You've really impressed me. That was a really well thought-out plan, and your negotiation skills are definitely improving."

She turned her head upwards and smiled. "Thanks, Dad. Sokka helped a great deal, as well."

They walked towards the beach, where they sat down in the sand. It was past midday, and the sun was out high in the sky. Katara pulled at the cape around her shoulders - it was sunny, but it was quite cold as well.

"What do you say, can I be the Southern Water Tribe's first official diplomat?" Playfully, she elbowed her dad in the ribs. He smiled a wry smile.

"I wish I could say that I'm ready to let you roam the world, but I'm not. Having the two of you back in my life for the past month made me realize how much I have missed you. How much I have missed _of_ you. Look at you, Katara, you're a fourteen year old girl, nearly a grown woman." 

She frowned. "It was your decision to leave us behind."

Hakoda sighed. "I know. And you know I had to. It was a choice, but it wasn't a choice made freely."

"I think it's more than a little unfair that you want to decide whether I can travel or not. After mom died..."

"Katara." Hakoda carefully put his hands around his daughter's face. "You are so wise beyond your years. You had to mature so quickly after Kya died. You took care of your brother, and you have taken care of Aang and everyone else. I couldn't stop you from doing anything, even if I wanted to."

"Then what are you talking about?" she said, irritated.

"I'm just a little sad, that's all. I know I have failed you, in more ways than one. And I want to make up for it. But I can't change my feelings. After all, you're still my little girl. And you always will be."

Katara remained silent. She mulled it over in her head, the things her father said to her. His words struck a nerve, and somewhere in her stomach, she felt a dull pain. She crossed her arms in front of her legs, rocking herself back and forth.

"I just want us to be a family again," Hakoda said. 

"I want that too," Katara mumbled. The fabric of the hood tickled her face, but she didn't push it back.

"Maybe we can agree on this," her father offered. "We'll have many more diplomatic missions coming up in the next year. Why don't you just accompany me on all of them? Sokka will be there, too. We'll travel the world together." 

He extended his hand. Katara wavered, but then placed her hand in his. Hakoda's hand was big, and warm. Hers almost disappeared entirely. 

"We should start packing," she said and sighed. They got up together and walked back to the village. Sokka and Suki were already standing outside, arguing about something.

"What's going on here?" she asked when she reached them. Hakoda went inside.

"Nothing," Sokka said. "We're good. Don't worry about it." 

Katara noticed Suki looked utterly unhappy and Sokka was frowning, but she understood the hint and shrugged. 

"Just let me know if there's anything I can do for you," she said.

Inside, she quickly made up her bed, changed out of Suki's clothes into her own travelling clothes and folded everything neatly together. When she returned outside, Sokka had disappeared. Suki was still standing on the porch, watching the tides rolling in.

"Are you alright?" Katara asked.

Suki sniffed and shrugged. "I don't know. All this time, we haven't had a fight like this. Sokka is really upset."

They sat down, and Suki took a deep, trembling breath.

"Do you want me to go punch my brother for you?" Katara asked with a serious face. Suki laughed.

"I don't think that's necessary. We're just… I don't know. It's tough." 

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine too," Katara said. She held onto her bag, fingering the clasp.

"I guess I told him that I'm not sure whether I want to spend the rest of my life in the freezing cold," Suki said, sounding nervous. She looked sideways at Katara. "I don't mean to be offensive. It's just… I've never even been at the South Pole before."

Katara kept silent for a bit, trying to think about what to say. "No place is perfect," she said, cautiously. "And I understand why it scares you. It's definitely very different from all this," and she gestured.

"But Sokka is going to be head of the tribe one day. That's not something he's going to walk out of. His place is at the South Pole, eventually."

"There's another thing." Suki looked directly at her friend. "I'm sure you would understand. Right now, I have a profession, something that defines me. Being a Kyoshi Warrior is such an important part of my identity. I don't really know who I'd be without that."

"I do understand. I'm struggling with that myself, so much. My family is so important to me, but being just another waterbender, even if I'm the daughter of the chief, is not how I want to define myself. I'm a person in my own right."

Katara sighed. "You know, it's not all set in stone, yet. Maybe you should just go visit him sometime. See what it's like. It's different, yes, but it's not all bad. You can even get used to the cold."

The sound of creaky floorboards revealed that someone was coming. Katara and Suki looked behind them, and saw Aang.

"Are you ready to go, Katara?" 

"You're coming too?" She felt ashamed when she realized she hadn't paid much attention to Aang today. There were so many other things to think about, she had almost forgotten he was even here.

"I'm not going to pass up on an opportunity to go penguin sledding," Aang said with a wide smile. He went to hug Suki, who gladly returned his embrace.

"Stay well! I'm sure we'll see each other again soon," he said.

"Where are you going after you leave the South Pole?"

Aang shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. I know Toph wants me to improve my earthbending, and Iroh promised he'd teach me some more firebending if I come back to Ba Sing Se. And of course I have to visit the North Pole, and Omashu, and all the other places around the globe. I want to start restoring the Air Temples to their former glory..." his voice died out. "You know, I still have a feeling, sometimes, that there are still airbenders left in the world. Or maybe that's just me being hopeful." 

Suki grabbed the boy's hand and squeezed it lightly. "I'm sure you'll do great things, Aang. We all believe in you."

"Yeah." Katara grabbed Aang's shoulders and held him tightly. "Let's go, Aang. I can teach you some more waterbending on our way to the South Pole."

She hugged Suki goodbye and strolled with Aang to the shore. Sokka, Hakoda, Zuko and the others were waiting for them. Even Appa was already there.

Sokka looked upset. "I was going to get our prisoners, but they've escaped. You probably shouldn't tell Zuko that," he whispered to Katara. "I don't think that news will make him particularly less freaked out."

"As long as you've checked they didn't board the ship as well?" she whispered back. Sokka shook his head violently. 

"If Zuko asks, just tell him the Kyoshi Warriors have taken care of them."

"If you talk any louder, you'll be able to tell him yourself."

"Appa will have to stay on deck," Hakoda said apologetically. "This ship wasn't built for sky bison."

"That's okay," Aang said. "He doesn't like going underground anyway."

"Wait, where's Toph?" Katara said, and she turned around to look. "Isn't she coming?"

"Don't worry about me, sugar queen," she heard a familiar voice say. "I'm not coming with you. That one time on that sheet of ice was enough to cure me of my interest in the South Pole, forever." 

Katara raised her eyebrows.

"Instead," Toph continued, "I'm going back to Gaoling, trying to figure out more about that group of traitors my father is dealing with. I'll send word if I know more." 

"Take care of yourself." Katara hugged her friend, then climbed aboard the ship. The sails were set, and they were on their way. Soon, Katara could see Kyoshi Island becoming smaller and smaller. But where everyone else was merrily chatting away, or preparing for dinner, she felt an inexplicable sadness coming over her. 

"Katara?"

Aang stood next to her, elbows on the railing. He watched her with intent.

"What's up, Aang?" She pushed away her feelings for a little bit. It'd have to wait until she was alone.

"I..." he stopped talking, averted his eyes. "I don't know how to say this, but … Ever since my battle with Ozai, I've been feeling… strange."

"Strange? Strange how?"

"I have these weird dreams, almost every night. Zuko has them too," he said. Katara thought she must have had a very puzzled look on her face, because he continued:

"We had the same dream a couple of times. You're all in danger, and we're trying to save you: but I can't. Zuko tries to, but he falls, and I fail to catch him. And then I just… run away." 

_It's not like you haven't done that before,_ Katara thought, but she ignored it. 

"But they're just dreams, right?" she asked. "It's not like anything bad is happening right now."

"I know, but that's the thing… I wake up feeling so sad and upset, and I can't shake that feeling. Sometimes, it's like I'm not even in control of my thoughts anymore."

"What kind of thoughts do you have?"

"They're like dark clouds in my head. I'll keep thinking about the battle, and about Ozai's face, and a voice in my head tells me that I messed up. But I didn't mess up. Right?" 

Two hopeful eyes looked up at her, and she didn't have the heart to say otherwise.

"Yes, you did the right thing. You found a way to defeat Ozai without killing him - that's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Then why am I still feeling as if I failed, somehow?"

"I don't know, Aang. But you didn't fail. The world is at peace now, Zuko is Fire Lord. We won. We did it. You did it."

"I guess you're right." He hugged her, and she wrapped her arms around Aang. He was growing, too. It wouldn't be too long before he would be taller than her, she realized.

"Thanks, Katara. This made me feel better."

"I'm happy to hear that, Aang."

The smile on her face faded away when he had left her alone on the deck. She could hear the sounds of cutlery against plates, cups being filled, laughter. It all sounded so strange to her, as if it wasn't really happening.

The evening was about to start, and the moon was already visible in the sky. Katara shivered, pulled her cape closer around her. She didn't want to join the others, not yet. She wanted to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blue in Green - Miles Davis


	11. Stare into the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _  
> The sun is shining down for lovers  
>  But not for me, it shines for others  
>   
> \-- Graffiti6_

It took Zuko a few days to get used to the cold again. Katara had given him one of Hakoda's parkas; it was lavender blue, with complicated embroidery. Most importantly, it kept him warm.

She had also told him about how this time of year was excellent for penguin sledding, as well as watching the winter ice break down into the ocean with a deafening sound. Sokka had invited him to come hunting, but Zuko had declined; Hakoda still made him nervous, and Zuko could imagine he wouldn't like it at all if the Fire Nation kid would do something that was so quintessentially Water Tribe. He may have freed the man from prison, but that was not the same as being forgiven.

"You're looking awfully down again."

"I'm just… thinking," he said. He didn't have to look back to know Aang was standing behind him.

"I thought you might need this." A hand appeared, holding a clay mug with steam coming off of it. "Careful, don't burn your hands."

Zuko scoffed. "You think a firebender can't handle some - ouch!" He frantically waved his hand around, took off his mitten and stuck his thumb in his mouth. 

Aang just laughed. Zuko stretched out his legs in front of him, resting his head against the outer wall of the house he was sitting in front of. Aang sat down in a cross-legged position and put his hands on his knees. He was still wearing nothing more than his monk's robes.

"How come you're not cold?" Zuko grumbled while still sucking on his thumb. He put the mug beside him, waiting for the ice on the ground to cool the liquid inside.

"My airbending keeps me warm," Aang said and shrugged, as if the explanation was so obvious that he wondered why Zuko even asked. "You just have to breathe right."

"Oh." Zuko's good eye widened. "That's like my breath of fire, what Uncle taught me." He frowned. 

"I think it's similar, yeah," Aang nodded. "You could take off your parka and give it a try."

"No thanks. Maybe it's easy for you, as a trained monk and all, but breathing like that for a long period of time is very tiring for me. I really need to focus on what I'm doing." 

Aang perked up. "Hey, what were you thinking about? Before I came and you burned your hand."

Now it was Zuko's turn to shrug. "I guess I was just thinking about… peace. Or something like that."

"What about it?"

"Well..." Zuko shifted his weight, holding one hand against his chest. "We declared the war over, right? So, there should be peace now. In the entire world. But I'm not sure it works that way."

He tried to gauge Aang's reaction. The boy had a puzzled look on his face.

"Why wouldn't it work that way? I mean, it might take some time for the message to reach the more remote corners of the world, but..."

"When I traveled through the Earth Kingdom, I've visited so many towns and villages. In some of them, people were being terrorized by Fire Nation soldiers, but in others, even Earth Kingdom soldiers were up to no good." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "And no one stopped them. I didn't stop them." 

"Zuko, you weren't.." but Zuko interrupted his friend.

"Well, I am now. I'm the Fire Lord, and there's supposed to be peace. I have to make sure that it happens. I owe it to them." He slouched his shoulders, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands.

"Come on, it's not that bad. We're doing great things already. All we have to do is make sure everyone gets the message." 

"Why are you always so optimistic?" Zuko groaned through his fingers.

"You never really got the hang of that upbeat attitude, did you?" Aang said as he cocked his head to the side. "I think your tea is drinkable now," he continued.

"Oh, right." Zuko picked up the mug, letting his fingers explore the uneven patches. He took a sip, sloshed the liquid around in his mouth, then swallowed.

"It's not bad," he said, frowning at the mug.

Aang got up and patted his friend on the back. "Don't worry so much. First, we have to get you back to the Fire Nation. And then we'll tackle your concerns about peace. We were already pretty successful with King Kuei, right?"

"You mean those negotiations were stalled. We weren't successful at all. We never made a deal. We..." 

Aang covered Zuko's mouth with his hand.

"That's enough. Zuko, you're overthinking this. If you really want to worry about something, maybe you should think about those assassins that were trying to murder you back on Kyoshi Island."

"Thanks," Zuko said with a sour look on his face. "That helps a lot."

* * *

It _was_ the perfect time of year for penguin sledding. 

Katara and Aang stood atop a ten foot hill, staring down at the masses of penguins below them. There were at least two hundred, Katara estimated. She shielded her eyes with her hands, as the summer sun burned away the last of the winter ice. All that surrounded them was so white it hurt. 

"Do you have the bait?"

Katara nodded, dug up two little fish that she had wrapped in some parchment. She gave one to Aang, who immediately slid down the hill, right into the waddle of penguins. 

"Wait for me!" She bent the ice underneath her feet to create a plateau she could stand on. Then she glided down, as the wind sang in her ears. Her nose hurt, tears leaked from her eyes, blurring her vision, which almost made her crash into Aang, who was about to feed his fish to his chosen penguin.

She avoided him by an inch. 

Soon after, she found her own penguin, lured it with bait and climbed on its back. They raced down, their penguins just as eager to win as themselves. Katara threw up icy roadblocks in Aang's way. He sent a gust of wind towards her, knocking her sideways. They reached the end of the glacier before they knew it. 

"I almost forgot how much fun we had here," Aang said as they released their penguins from their duty. 

"It feels like a lifetime ago," Katara agreed. "We've all grown so much."

"Yeah." 

Katara could _feel_ Aang wanted to talk about something, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of asking him about it. There were only a couple of subjects she could imagine he was going to bring up and she was not eager to discuss any of them.

Instead, she asked: "What are you going to do next? You know, after you leave."

He raised his eyebrows, stared at her. "Aren't we going to do something together?" 

"I don't know. My father doesn't really want me to go away already." She felt guilty for using her father like this, but it was a useful thing to say right now.

"Well, I'm the Avatar. I'm sure I can convince him," Aang said. There was a sense of bravado in his words, in the look on his face. After the fight with Ozai, the insecure boy she had known had disappeared. The new Avatar deemed himself invincible.

"I'm sure you can," she said under her breath.

"I talked to Zuko this morning," Aang said, frowning. "He said something about peace, and it made me think. "

"What did he say?" 

Katara inhaled, standing on the tip of her toes to let all the air flow into her lungs. The polar air was crisp. It hurt a little. 

"Something about declaring peace not being the same as actually … experiencing it. I can't remember exactly. But it made me think that maybe, I should travel around the world to make sure everyone knows that the war is over." 

"That sounds like a good idea." 

She felt a sting, somewhere in her chest.

"You should come," Aang offered.

Katara closed her eyes. 

"I guess I should." 

"Don't you want to?"

"Are you sure you should be doing this?" she replied.

"What do you mean?" She could hear frustration bubbling up in his voice, the sound of a child being deprived of the candy he wants so bad.

"I mean," she spoke, slowly, as to bide her time before his outburst would inevitably follow, "I don't know if you are enough at peace with yourself to spread peace around the world."

She raised her shoulders in anticipation.

"I'm at peace with myself! I'm a fully realized Avatar!"

"I thought you said you gave up the Avatar state for me," she pointed out, lips pursed to a thin line.

"I did. With the guru. But during my fight with Ozai, I regained it. I don't know how, something just unblocked my chakras. And I didn't even have to give you up to do it. It's perfect. I'll show you."

Before she could say anything to stop him, he slammed his fist into his palm and closed his eyes. Wind spun around them, faster and faster. Katara almost couldn't see anything outside of the circle he had created. 

His eyes and tattoos lit up for a second. Then it disappeared, and he smiled at her as he raised his arms and proceeded to drop an icy cliff into the ocean. 

"That's great, Aang," Katara said. She put her mitted hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for showing me."

As soon as she touched him, the expression on his face changed. His eyes and tattoos glowed again. He rose into the air, fists clenched.

She lost him again.

"Aang!" she shouted, unable to raise her voice over the gusts of wind pounding down on them. "Do you hear me? Snap out of it!" 

She reached up, tried to grasp his arm or leg, but failed. She then raised the ground beneath her feet, trying not to do anything that could scare him or anger him further.

"Aang!" 

He heard her now, looked at her without actually seeing her. She hated this. She leaped forward, lunged at him, tackled him to the ground and held him so close she could feel his bones when she squeezed hard enough.

Silence returned to the world. Underneath her, Aang blinked a couple of times. He groaned. She lifted herself, moved away so she could study his face. He looked tired.

"I'm sorry, Katara." His voice was a whisper.

"It's okay." 

"I don't know how that happened. It wasn't supposed to happen, anyway."

"You're probably just tired." The sooner he would snap out of this, the better.

"I failed you." He picked himself up, got on his feet. Katara was still on her knees. With the sun behind him, it appeared as if he was his own shadow.

"You didn't fail me, Aang. I'm sure you'll get it back again."

"How can you say that?" he snapped. "You don't know anything about the Avatar state!"

"No, you're right, I don't. I'm just trying to help."

"I'm sorry," he said, again. "I don't really feel like myself right now. I'm going back to the village." 

* * *

"Hakoda?"

Zuko pushed the hide that hung in the doorway aside and found himself in a small, cozy room. All the walls were decorated with masks and hides. There was a fire burning in a pit at the center. Hakoda was sitting on the far edge of the room, chin resting in his hand, staring at some documents before him.

"Fire Lord Zuko," the chief said, looking up. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Please, sit. Make yourself comfortable."

Zuko hesitated, then sat down, his legs crossed on top of each other. Hakoda had returned to studying the papers, and he didn't know where to begin. 

He cleared his throat. Then inhaled. Then exhaled again.

"What can I help you with, son?"

It took him by surprise, the friendly face of this man. 

"I err..." he scratched the back of his head with his hand. "I wanted to apologize. And make reparations. For the Fire Nation, I mean."

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Hakoda said, a smile on his face.

"Sorry." Zuko swallowed something, started over again. 

"I know the Fire Nation hurt the Southern Water Tribe deeply, your village perhaps the most of all. Katara and Sokka told me about what happened to Kya..."

"... and Katara told me what you did for her in return," Hakoda interrupted him. "I never had the chance to properly thank you for that, Zuko. It meant a lot to my daughter, and it means a lot to me."

"Oh, uhm, my pleasure, I guess." His cheeks were hot - this wasn't going as planned _at all_. 

"I guess what I'm trying to say is… I want to offer reparations on behalf of the Fire Nation. And an official apology. I promised Aang we would bring balance to the world together. There can't be balance without recognizing the suffering the Fire Nation has put you through."

He didn't dare to look Hakoda in the eye, so he stared at the mask behind him instead.

A warm hand on his shoulder.

"Zuko, Katara told me about another thing you did for her. A selfless act, one that could have killed you and put the future of the Fire Nation in jeopardy." 

His ears were ringing. Before his eyes, he saw Azula's blue lightning, going in the wrong direction. He remembered the thought that had vibrated through his body: she didn't miss. Azula never missed. _She was aiming for someone else._

And that someone else could have only been one person.

 _That way, no one else has to get hurt,_ he had told her, right after he accepted Azula's agni kai. 

He couldn't break his promise like that. He couldn't let her get hurt. 

So he jumped, and caught the lightning, and even as the aftershock cramped his muscles in pain, and he saw the edges of his vision turning black, he knew he saved her. She was unharmed.

And that was all that mattered.

"Zuko?"

"I'm sorry." He shook his head.

"I was saying," Hakoda said, "You saved my daughter's life. For that, I am eternally grateful. There's no need to apologize any further."

"I disagree," Zuko said. "Honor is really important to me. To the Fire Nation. And it wouldn't be honorable if I didn't make amends for the raids, the murders, the destruction. I owe it to you. Please don't take away this chance to redeem myself."

He looked at the chief with watery eyes. All the muscles in his jaw were tense. _True humility is the only antidote to shame._

"Very well then, Fire Lord Zuko." 

He suddenly realized Hakoda's hand had never left his shoulder.

"But allow me to change your proposal slightly. I don't want you to just send over a boatload of money. What we need, in order to rebuild the world, are alliances. Brotherhood. I think it would be much more valuable to the both of us if we could strengthen the bond between the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation. The Fire Nation navy has always been the best in the world, even before the war. We could learn a thing or two from that. And I know that Sokka admires many Fire Nation inventions, and would love nothing more but to study them more closely."

Hakoda looked at Zuko with an earnest expression.

"In return, I think it's only fair if you learn something about our culture, as well. Our traditions, our customs. The only way we can really work together, is if we understand each other and are able to build on each other. So let's work towards that. You can educate your people as well."

Zuko remembered what Katara had told him about her wish to become an ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe. 

"I think it would help me a great deal if someone from the Southern Tribe could come to the Fire Nation, and instruct me on where to begin, and what to learn. I could show them around as well. We could learn from each other."

Hakoda let out a brief laugh.

"It sounds like Katara has gotten into your head with her plans for the future. In time, that position would be great for her. She is great at inspiring people. But right now, if you don't mind me saying, my daughter is needed here, most. At home. With her family. I will think of someone else who can come to the Fire Nation." He glanced at his papers.

"I'm sorry to cut our conversation short, but I have to finish reading these documents before dinner. Our sister tribe has sent us more reinforcement troops, and they're set to arrive any day. I want to make sure I understand what their plans and proposals are, before I welcome them." 

"Of course." Zuko bowed his head, got up from his seated position and was about to leave the iglo, when Hakoda's voice made him turn around once more.

"Zuko?"

"Yes?"

Hakoda's face seemed to have twice as many wrinkles as before their talk.

"Thank you." 

* * *

Two nights later, they were still waiting for the Kyoshi Warriors to arrive. The room of the main igloo was filled with the various scents of dinner. Zuko was instructed by Aang to steer clear of the stewed sea prunes, and so he refused politely when Katara offered to put some on his plate.

"I'm sure Zuko prefers meat," Sokka said, and shoved a plate full of blubbered seal jerky into his hands. "Here you go, buddy. This is what you're looking for."

Aang made a face, but Zuko decided this at least smelled good, so he helped himself to some slices. They still had some vegetables from Kyoshi Island left over, and together with the rice Katara had cooked, it made for an excellent meal.

Sokka was sitting next to Zuko, with Katara straight across him. Aang sat next to Katara, and Zuko noticed that although they were friendly, something seemed off between them. Aang never really looked Katara straight in the eye when he said something to her. Katara, on her part, only gave monosyllabic answers. 

He leaned to his side, elbowed Sokka in the ribs. 

"What's going on with your sister and Aang? They look so tense."

His friend just shrugged, chewing on another mouthful of seal jerky. 

"Ah, Katara's probably mad at Aang because he showed up late for training or something. You know what they can be like together."

"Yeah, I guess." His eyes lingered on Katara's face. Her brow was furrowed, her eyes dull. She had been staring at her stewed sea prunes for minutes now. 

"You alright?" he dared to ask, forward to keep his voice down.

She jerked her head up, dropping her spoon in the process. 

"Yeah, sure, why wouldn't I be?"

Her smile was insincere, but Zuko didn't comment on it. 

"Katara, lighten up a little!" Sokka moved into view, pointed at Aang. "I'm sure whatever Aang did to make you angry, it's not _that_ bad. Stop moping!"

"Just stay out of it, Sokka -" Zuko said with a hushed voice, but across from him, Katara had already dropped her spoon into her bowl with such force that the contents spilled over the edge and splattered on the ground.

"Sokka, could you _shut_ your mouth and _stay_ out of my business for just _one_ second?" 

She was practically heaving, looking at her brother with such fire in her eyes that Zuko backed away to prevent himself from getting burned.

"I'm just saying, Katara, there's no reason to be grumpy. We had a good time at Kyoshi Island, Zuko is here, and you helped negotiate a great trade deal." 

Katara rolled her eyes.

"I see you conveniently forget the fight you had with Suki. She told me all about it, you know."

Sokka turned a little pale. "That was nothing. We're all good again, we made up."

"Yeah, right." Katara snorted. "Don't pretend you don't have problems, Sokka. And if you don't want me nosing around in your life, then leave mine alone as well."

"Why are you arguing?" Hakoda, who had been talking to some of his men at the other end of the room, got up to look at his fighting children.

"He's always sticking his nose in my-" 

"She's always so condescending-"

"Enough!" Now Aang interfered as well. "Can't we all just have dinner in peace?"

"As if you know anything about peace!" Katara shouted at him. She got up from her seat and ran outside. 

"What's with her?" Sokka said, shaking his head. "She's so tense lately. I don't understand, I thought things were getting better. Did you say anything to her?"

He pointed a piece of meat at Aang, who raised his hands in defense. 

"Not me. We went penguin sledding this afternoon. That's all."

"Zuko, did you say anything?"

"No," Zuko answered, his eyes still on the empty door frame. "But I think I know what's going on. Let me handle this."

He got up and went after her.

* * *

He found her sitting on the wall that surrounded her village, her head buried deep in the hood of her parka. She didn't seem to hear him, so he raised himself on the block of ice, trying to keep his teeth from chattering.

"I don't want to hear it," Katara said, sounding bitter.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll just go-"

"Zuko!"

He was already halfway down the wall, his foot on the ground. She held his gaze with her eyes, their blue color enhanced by the ice around them. The wind played with her hair, and he noticed her lips were cracked a little.

"I thought you were someone else."

He nodded, his foot still on the ground. When she stormed out, he had gotten up immediately to go after her. Not because he wanted to bring her back, or give her a talking to. He just thought he recognized something in her.

"You can come sit, if you want." Her face was turned towards the glacier again, her words barely audible through the harsh wind.

"I don't understand myself," she burst out when he sat down beside her. "It's like I can't control my emotions anymore. Everything is supposed to be alright, isn't it? We're supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to be happy. But I'm not."

Zuko sighed. It was as if he heard himself talking, on the beach on Ember Island. _Who are you angry at?_ He heard his sister ask, Ty Lee ask, Mai ask. _I'm angry at myself_! He had shouted.

"You'll figure it out," he said, stretching out his legs in front of him. "I know it feels all entangled right now, but it will become clear sooner or later."

"I keep acting out, at my dad, at Sokka, at Aang... They don't deserve that." Her voice had a tinge of desperation, Zuko noticed.

"Do you know what it is that makes you unhappy?"

She shrugged, and no one said anything for a while. Zuko glanced aside and saw that she was crying. Instinctively, he reached out, but stopped mid-air, not sure whether she'd appreciate the gesture.

"I just feel like I don't belong anymore," she said through her tears. "During the war, everything was clear. We were helping Aang, Aang was going to save the world."

She exhaled forcefully. "And now he did, and we won the war. And... I don't know what to do anymore. I thought going back would be easy, but it's not. All you guys have _stuff_ to do. Suki is the leader of the Kyoshi warriors. Sokka is going to be the next chief. You're the Fire Lord. Aang is the _Avatar_ , for spirit's sake."

"Katara, you're a master waterbender. You're one of the bravest people I know. Without you, Aang wouldn't have made it. None of us would have made it." Zuko spoke quietly.

"See, that's exactly the problem. I know everyone sees me as the mom of the group. And you know what, I'm okay with that. But not like this! I'm looking out for everyone, taking care of everyone, saving everyone's life... I'm Katara of the Water Tribe, but what does that even mean when I have nothing to look forward to anymore?"

She kneaded her parka with her hands, fighting against the tears and losing. Her sobs were heartwrenching. Zuko sat beside her, caught between giving her a hug and making himself invisible.

"Thanks for staying," she said eventually with a thick voice. "You're the first person to just... sit and listen." She smiled, her face glistening wet with tears.

"Katara, I-" Zuko stammered. "You're more than welcome to come with me to the Fire Nation. I mean... If I'm going to do these reparations right, I want to know what I should help with. You could make sure that everything goes according to plan."

"That's sweet of you, Zuko. But I want to find my own purpose. My own destiny. Not some kind of pity project. Even if you mean well."

"I understand," Zuko said. He couldn't even say he was offended. Not really. _Disappointed_ , maybe. But he understood her, probably more than she knew.

* * *

Even later still, when Zuko was getting ready for bed, he heard the sound of footsteps outside. A large _thud_ , something that resembled an engine being turned off. His uncle's voice.

_His uncle's voice._

Zuko stormed outside, walked right into the beaming headlights of a Fire Nation ship. Next to it, another ship, more precisely, a water tribe ship. And a group of people in front of them, barely recognizable because of the lights - but there was one silhouette he would always recognize.

"Uncle!" He breathed heavily as he wrapped his arms around Iroh. "What are you doing here?"

"My dear nephew, it is so good to see you are alive and well," Iroh said. "How is your scar? Is it healing well?"

"It's fine," Zuko said, waving his hand. "That doesn't matter. Why are you here?"

"Toph sent me a letter," Iroh started. Zuko must have had a dumb look on his face, because the old man laughed. "She didn't write it herself, someone else wrote it on her behalf. She told me all about what happened to you on Kyoshi Island." 

Iroh frowned, grabbed Zuko's arm and squeezed it. "I was worried you were in bad shape. But I'm glad to see you're doing well. I'm sure the Southern Water Tribe has treated you well. Toph also told me about master Katara's plan," he continued. "She is a clever young lady. But it made me realize something."

Iroh looked Zuko in the eye, and Zuko noticed how messy his top knot was, and how unkempt his beard.

"Right after I got Toph's letter, I went to the Fire Nation, with some help from the White Lotus. I made a mistake, my dear nephew. I should have never left you to your own devices." Iroh made a face. "It was foolish of me to think you would be safe, now that the war is over. Please forgive me. If I hadn't left, this wouldn't have happened."

Zuko hugged his uncle tightly again. 

"I'm just happy you're here, Uncle. No need to ask for forgiveness," he said, his voice muffled by the fabric of his uncle's robes.

"Zuko! Is that you?" 

"Mai!" He shot up, let go of his uncle and walked towards the tall, slender figure who had called his name.

"So it is you. Good to see you. Do you know how boring the Fire Nation is without you?" Mai rubbed her eyes and suppressed a yawn.

"Good to see you too, Mai." The jump his heart had made when he heard her voice, had been replaced by a dull pain, somewhere below his stomach.

"I have orders from the council to take you back to the Fire Nation immediately," she said, pressing a scroll against his chest. 

"Oh. Okay. Well, it's the good thing the Kyoshi Warriors are here, then," he said. His head was spinning with all the new developments. 

"Zuko!" Suki came running towards him, already fully dressed. "Do you know where Sokka is?"

"I think he's inside -" Zuko managed to get out, but then his voice was overpowered by the sound of the entire Southern Water Tribe village waking up and coming outside. Katara, Sokka and Aang were the first ones to arrive, with Hakoda and the other warriors close behind. 

"Suki!" Sokka ran towards his girlfriend, dressed in nothing more than his underwear. "I'm so sorry about everything I said," Zuko heard him say as he pulled Suki into an embrace.

"Does this mean you're leaving?" Aang asked. He was still rubbing sleep out of his eye.

"I guess so," Zuko said. He turned his face towards the ships, then towards the village again. "I don't know what to do first. I guess I should pack my bags." 

"Well, I hope we see each other again soon," Aang said, and spread his arms.

"I'm sure we will," Zuko said.

* * *

Katara had been watching from a distance. She saw the Kyoshi Warriors, Suki at the helm, dart around Zuko and Mai and Aang and Sokka, in particular. She saw Zuko run inside to grab his stuff, then run outside again to join his uncle. She saw him hug Aang and Sokka goodbye. She even thought she saw him looking around, trying to find her - but he couldn't, because she had hid herself when she figured out what this was all leading up to.

Within a few weeks time, Sokka would get the chance to go to the Fire Nation. He would be able to see Suki, become even better friends with Zuko, learn all about his favorite inventions, and come back to the South Pole with all this new knowledge. And she would get nothing.

Her father was not a bad man. In fact, he was a wonderful man. But he didn't _understand_ her, not like her mother would have done. Not like her grandmother did. He didn't understand what she needed. 

So she would have to take matters into her own hands.

Late at night, when the ships had sailed off and Zuko had had to leave without saying goodbye to her, she rose from her bed, found Aang near Appa, and woke him up. Aang, still sleepy, didn't protest when she pushed him on Appa's saddle. 

The sky was deep blue, and as deep as the ocean. She stared at it when she led Appa outside, her bags safely stowed away on his saddle. She had thought of everything: food, clothes, maps. She was prepared. She knew what she wanted. And now she was finally going to get it.

Without making a sound, she climbed up on Appa's head and took the reins. A whisper was enough to get them off the ground, sailing into the night sky. As the polar air brushed her cheeks for the last time, she dared to look back at the sleeping village she left behind. 

Even if she felt the tears well up behind her eyes, she didn't let them rise to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stare into the Sun - Graffiti6


	12. Corners of the Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _We run into the corners of  
>  The love we choose to make  
>   
> \-- Odesza _

Zuko had moved the council meeting to the palace gardens. It was an unusual move, but he hoped the change of scenery could also inspire a change of perspective for his councilmen and -women. Or at least, that they'd think more positively about his proposals.

He glanced around, catching the facial expressions of the people present. They were all governors, members of the gentry or nobility, chosen not because of their wisdom but because of their rank and status. Many of these people were only in this position because they agreed with Ozai's ideas for Fire Nation expansion. They ensured the people in the villages remained peaceful. And now, they reported unrest in different parts of the country. 

Because while the rich had profited from the war, the commoners had not. They had lost sons, sisters, fathers, mothers. They either remained poor, or had become even poorer. And now that the war was over, they didn't take it any longer. 

They were right, of course. Zuko was ashamed to admit that he hadn't traveled into the country much, but if it was anything like the Earth Kingdom, he could understand why people were unhappy. He had also been vocal about his plans to redistribute the remainder of the wealth of the Fire Nation, much to the dismay of his council and advisors. He knew that behind his back, they were calling him the 'Peasant's Fire Lord'. 

Not too long ago, that would have made him tremble with rage. In fact, he could still feel it, the sensations burning in his muscles, aching to throw punches left and right. But he was not that person anymore, and so he tried to control his temper to the best of his abilities. Which, admittedly, on days like these, wasn't much.

"Your tea, my Lord," said a servant as they held a platter in front of his nose. Zuko grabbed his cup and took a sip. 

_I should have a word with my tea maker_ , he thought.

"Thank you," he said and made an effort to look the young man who served his tea in the eye. They were all so accustomed to averting their eyes when he looked in their direction, bowing so deep that their nose almost touched the ground. A past version of himself would have probably liked those displays of devotion, but he didn't. Not anymore.

"Yukio, I already told you a million times that there's no reason to bow like that. Get up already."

"Sorry, my Lord."

"And stop apologizing!" 

From the corner of his eye, Zuko could see some older women and men shake their heads, their lips pursed. The muscles in his jaw tensed and he squeezed his cup so hard that the ear broke clean off.

"My Lord!" Yukio said, hands already stretched out to take the cup. "I'm so sorry to have brought you a defective cup. Please accept my most humble of apologies."

And before he could say anything, the man had dropped himself to the ground, trembling with fear. 

The eyes of the council members darted from the servant to Zuko. It was as if they collectively held their breath. Even the birds had stopped singing, or so it seemed. 

Zuko sighed. 

"Yukio, could you take this cup away for me? It seems I've broken it." 

* * *

"How was the meeting?"

He looked up, not expecting to hear that voice in these chambers. 

"It was… good, I guess," he said, trying to find the right words. "Still not much luck with trying to get my plans through. I knew this was going to be hard, but it's even worse than I imagined."

He turned around to look at her.

"What about you? Did you do anything fun today?"

Mai shrugged, deeped up a shuriken from her pockets and started fingering the edges. She didn't look at him. 

"Not really," her voice came out like a rasp. "More of the same. I have practiced, I have eaten lunch, then I practiced some more. All days look alike."

Zuko remained silent. He knew that even though his days were filled with work, Mai didn't exactly have a similarly busy schedule. At first, he thought she didn't seem to mind that much, but now he realized that may not have been the case.

"Do you want to go feed the turtle ducks?" he asked, and held out his hand for her to grab.

She looked up, her eyes flickering from under her bangs.

"No thanks."

"Well, do you want to come with me as I feed the turtle ducks?" he tried, determined not to let her mood affect his own.

"Argh, whatever. Let's just go. Don't talk to me." She moved past him, opened the sliding doors in his room that led to the courtyard. From his office, it was only a brief walk to the pond.

"Alright," he muttered under his breath as he followed her. He noticed how the sunlight reflected on her jet black hair, and he had the sudden urge to touch it. Instead, he reached and seized her arm.

"Mai, what's wrong?"

"I'm just not in a good mood," she said. 

"Can I cheer you up?"

"I don't know. Can you?" 

He could hear her sarcasm yet he chose to ignore it.

"It seems like we both had a rough day," he said, softening his tone. He cupped her face in the palm of his hand. She leaned into it, closed her eyes. He caressed her cheek with his thumb, and she responded by putting her hand on top of his own. They stood like that for a little while.

"You should go feed your stupid ducks," Mai said eventually.

"They're not stupid, actually," Zuko said as he put his arm around her waist and pulled her in close. "They're really cute. And you would like them, if you would pay attention to them."

He thought he saw a faint smile on her face. 

"Are you going to grow your hair out?"

The question surprised him. 

"I haven't really thought about it," he said. "I might. Why?"

"Maybe you shouldn't grow it out," she said. They were still walking and had almost reached the pond.

"Since when does my hair bother you so much?" Zuko couldn't help but feel a little confused. 

Mai didn't immediately respond. She freed herself from his arm and sat down in the grass, legs crossed. Once again, she had her shuriken in her hand, moving it between her fingers. 

"Well?" he asked, as he sat down next to her. He moved to reach for her hand, but she snatched it away. 

"Come on, Mai. You can't really be this upset about my hair. You haven't even told me what's wrong with it."

"There's nothing wrong with your hair." She said the words as if she was puncturing the air. Tiny, deadly puncture wounds.

"Fine. If you don't want to tell me what's wrong, never mind. Be cranky, for all I care." He ripped pieces of bread from the slice he had brought and threw them into the water. The turtle ducks immediately came closer, quacking furiously. 

"You go around changing everything around here, but do you ever stop and think about what that's like for the rest of us?" Mai said, eyes still focused on the turtle ducks.

"I thought you hated it here," Zuko said.

"I did. But that doesn't mean that I like it when you just swoop in with your Avatar friends and turn things upside down. Like the rest of us don't matter."

"Mai, you do matter." 

"It doesn't feel that way, Zuko." Without warning, she got up, leaving him behind with the bread and the overly excited turtle ducks. He watched her silhouette as she disappeared into the shadows of the palace.

* * *

They had been flying for three days straight now, and it was time for a break. Katara steered Appa towards the ground, aiming for a patch of grass in between the woods. It was getting chillier up in the air, and she welcomed the more amiable weather on the ground.

"Are we there yet?" Aang's head appeared from Appa's back. He stretched his limbs and yawned. "I had such a weird dream," he said, but Katara interrupted him.

"We can talk about it later. Right now, we have to set up camp. I want to spend at least one night on the ground." 

Katara had decided that they were going to travel towards the Northern Water Tribe. She wanted to see if she could get some more water from the Spirit Oasis, because that could always come in handy. Also, she wanted to talk to Chief Arnook.

"What do you want to discuss with him?" Aang had asked.

"Personal things," she had replied.

They were close to Crescent Island now, she saw. She still wasn't great at map reading, but throwing herself into this adventure had forced her to try her hand at things she had never done before. For the third time that day, she wished she had paid more attention when Sokka was navigating.

"We probably also need to go into town," Aang said as he rolled out Katara's sleeping bag. "We're kind of low on supplies."

Katara sighed. "Sure, we'll go into town. If we can find any, that is." She checked the map again, but didn't see anything that looked like a village.

"I think I saw some houses before we descended, somewhere north from here," Aang offered. "We could check that out."

"Sounds great, let's do it."

"Katara? Everything ok?"

"I'm fine, Aang."

The houses were indeed part of a village, although not a big one. It was around midday, and the market was crowded with people. Katara found some water tribe money in her pocket and held it tightly between her fingers.

As soon as they stepped onto the square, heads turned. People pointed, whispered. Katara kept walking. It wasn't the first time this happened: in fact, every town they had visited since their departure from the South Pole had reacted somewhat similarly. Sometimes, children would run up to them, clinging to her clothes, begging for attention. More often, she'd have to rescue Aang from a circle of admirers. Maybe rescuing wasn't the right word - he seemed to actually like the attention. But Katara didn't have his endless patience, and besides, they had _stuff_ to do. If they indulged every fan asking for an airbending demonstration, they'd never get anywhere.

"Come on, let's keep walking this time," she hissed at Aang. He rolled his eyes. 

"Why can't you just let me enjoy this? I think it's fun." He used his airbending to create an air scooter, and within seconds, a crowd had formed around him. Their excited chatter drowned out Katara's groans.

She continued without Aang, went straight to the stalls and bought what she needed. When people noticed who she was, they'd often refuse her payment. But she always insisted - it would give Aang and her a bad reputation if they went around without paying for their groceries. Besides, as soon as the local authorities got wind of their presence, they'd throw a feast, and they'd leave with more food than they could carry.

"Aren't you -"

"Yes, I am. We are. Nice to meet you," she replied before turning around with a smile. Katara was the one who made the connections, talked to the mayors and officials as Aang merrily played around with the local kids, or gave a bending performance. They hadn't really discussed this division of labor - but Katara liked it all the same. It gave her an opportunity to practice for later. She still hadn't given up on her plans.

The man before her didn't look like an official, though. He was wearing plain clothes, and Katara couldn't see any insignia. He had an excited look on his face, and was gesturing wildly. 

"Perfect. Come with me, we have something to show you."

He grabbed her hand before she could protest. From the corner of her eye, she saw Aang noticed her departure and got up to go after her. 

The man led her to another part of the village. He had a triumphant smile on his face when he let go of Katara and pointed towards the road. 

"We're finally driving them out of here! All thanks to you and the Avatar!" 

Katara saw what looked like a mass migration. People of all ages came by, carrying children, bags, pets. Some were pushing carts with furniture on them. They were wearing Fire Nation clothing, and they looked terrible. People were injured, or bruised, or simply very dirty. When they noticed Katara watching them, they averted their eyes, turned away their heads, as if in shame. No one said anything.

Then, a rock came out of nowhere. Katara turned on her heels and saw a group of villagers she recognized from the market. They shouted obscenities, jeering and booing. Someone picked up another rock and threw it hard into the crowd. 

"Look, that one's got stuff that belongs to us! Let's grab it!"

Katara watched as if paralyzed how several people ran towards a woman who was pulling a small cart with possessions along. It wasn't much: a stool, a couple of scrolls, an old bag. Clothing. Nothing of value. But that didn't stop them: they grabbed the woman by the wrist, forced her to the ground and held her there, as some others snatched away as much as they could carry. 

"Enough!" 

A gulf of water splashed right into the crowd. People fled away, shrieking. Next came the ice daggers, pinning them to the ground. Katara held her water at her fingertips, with gritted teeth and a furrowed brow. Her hair, which she had put up in a braid, had come loose, strands of hair sticking out at every side.

"What do you think you're doing?" she shouted, making her way through the crowd. "Why are you hurting these people?" 

"Katara!" Aang ran after her. 

"Don't tell me what to do, Aang," she said, looking over her shoulder.

"I wasn't going to." He caught up with her, touched her elbow lightly.

"Avatar!" The man who had brought them here walked towards them, his face red and puffy from the exercise. "Tell her to stop attacking the villagers!"

"I'd rather you tell me why you're all throwing rocks at these people, and why you're stealing their stuff," Aang said. 

"These people are Fire Nation!" he said, and spat on the ground. "They deserve everything that's coming to them."

Aang crossed his arms in front of his chest and was about to open his mouth when Katara interjected.

"Is that so? You're holding all these people responsible for the crimes of the Fire Nation? Can't you see how wrong that is? They didn't do this to you!!" she pointed at the crowd, which once again had started moving in a slow, steady pace.

"They committed enough crimes of their own," the man replied. "You're not going to stop us." 

Katara clenched her fists. She raised her arms, about to unleash another salvo of attacks, when Aang jumped between them. 

"Please!" he said, holding up his hands. "Stop hurting each other! We didn't declare an era of peace and love for this to happen." 

He turned to the man. "I can't allow this. Whatever these people have done, they don't deserve this kind of treatment. You have to let them go unharmed."

"Or else?"

Aang put his staff on the ground. "I'm the Avatar. That should be enough."

Katara had calmed down enough to join the conversation again. "I'll be watching you. Aang thinks all life is sacred. I don't necessarily agree. One misstep, and you'll regret it." 

The man shrunk backward. "I'll go tell the others," he mumbled, and ran off to his friends.

Katara and Aang shared a look. They moved to the side of the road and sat down, watching the people from the Fire Nation leave the village.

"I can't believe this," Aang said. He rested his head in his hands. "I can't believe this," he said again, softer this time.

Katara rested her elbows on her knees, supporting her chin with her hands. She let her eyes wander over the group. There were so many different people: young, old, men and women, even children.

"These people aren't soldiers, that's for sure," she said under her breath. 

"Why are they doing this?"

"They're angry." Katara closed her eyes. "To them, these people are the face of the enemy. They've suffered because of the Fire Nation." She shivered. "I understand why they're feeling this way. But it's not the right thing to do. I won't believe those little kids did anything wrong."

"I thought we declared peace," Aang said with a somber face. "I thought we did the right thing. We freed the world from the tyranny of the Fire Nation. And now this happens." He groaned.

Katara rubbed her temples with her fingers. "We _did_ do the right thing. Ozai was the villain. Not these people. But this still needs to stop." 

"What if this is happening in other places as well?" Aang exclaimed. "How am I ever going to stop this violence? I can't be everywhere at the same time!" 

"We'll figure it out."

"No Katara, we won't figure it out. We failed. I failed. Again."

* * *

Their walk back to camp was a silent one. Katara didn't want to disturb Aang, who had worn a blank stare on his face ever since they had their conversation. He would probably want to meditate about it. Talk to his past lives, connect with the other Avatars. 

When they returned, she went to wash their clothes and prepare a meal. Aang took Appa and flew off without saying anything. She watched him go, cooking pot in hand.

About an hour later, when the sky was already turning pink, he came back. She brought him some rice and vegetables, and they sat around the campfire she made. He didn't eat much.

"I talked to Kyoshi," he said. The sound was so unexpected that Katara almost dropped her bowl.

"What did she say?" she asked, staring into the flames. She noticed him doing the same. 

"Only true justice brings peace," he recited, with a lower voice than he usually had. He ate a few bites, swallowed. "Then I talked to Roku."

"What did he say?" 

Aang sighed, shifted his weight, wrinkled his nose. "That the four nations were meant to be just that, four." 

"Oh." She had an idea where this was going, but she didn't want to say it out loud.

"I don't want to make any mistakes," Aang said. "Not anymore. I made so many already." 

"You're making that face again," Katara replied. "As if you're responsible for everything that happens in the world." 

He grimaced. "But I do!" he said, his voice raised. "Can't you see? It's always going to fall on me."

"You're not doing this by yourself," Katara reminded him. "I'm here too, you know. Even if people don't recognize me, or say hi to me. I'm still here." 

"I'm sorry, Katara. I should introduce you more," Aang mumbled.

"It's alright. Give me your bowl - are you finished?" She got up to wash the dishes. From a distance, she watched Aang, shoulders hanging, the flames playing a game of shadows on his face. He looked like a boy and an old man at the same time.

"I think it's my duty to make sure the Fire Nation disappears from the Earth Kingdom," Aang said to her when she came back. "I think that's what Kyoshi and Roku were trying to tell me. It's the only way to ensure peace. As long as there are people from the Fire Nation in the Earth Kingdom, the violence will never end. On either side."

Katara hummed. Sleep was tugging at the corner of her eyes, and her sleeping bag looked very welcoming.

"You still don't have to do it alone, you know," she said and yawned. "Maybe we could create a council with members from all the four nations, to talk about these kinds of things, take care of the details. Take the pressure off of you." 

"No, Katara. I'm the Avatar. This is my job, my responsibility." Aang sighed. "Even if I'm not very good at it."

"You _are_ good at it," Katara said, her voice barely audible. "Don't be so hard on yourself." 

"Are you okay?"

"Just tired. I'm going to sleep. See you in the morning, okay?"

"Okay." 

* * *

_Zuko,_

_I'm in the Earth Kingdom now. Things aren't looking so good. I talked to Roku and Kyoshi. The only way to ensure peace is if we restore the Four Nations, like it used to be. No more colonies. I'm sorry, but I have to do this._

_Aang_

* * *

In the following weeks, a new pattern emerged. Whenever they'd land somewhere, Aang would go into town alone, without asking Katara along. She usually had enough chores to do, so it would take a while before she realized he had left her. Then, when she'd go look for him, she'd find him on the main square, talking to villagers. He'd have his staff in his hand, or resting on his knee, and he'd gesture and shout and try to make jokes. People'd stop and listen, because he was the Avatar but also because he was simply a nice kid, and he'd try to convince them that the only way to restore peace was to let the Fire Nation return to their home land.

Of course, in these regions, that message fell on several very sympathetic ears. There was fervent nodding, sometimes applause. The higher north they came, the more people had had bad experiences with the Fire Nation, either soldiers or with the colonies.

Sometimes, he'd meet a Fire Nation villager, people who were trying to live their life in the Earth Kingdom. He'd never argue with them, but he was still keen on getting his point across. They'd have to leave. It was the _only_ way.

In all those days, he never saw her, watching him, listening to every little thing he said. She grew increasingly disgruntled, not only with the fact that he left without telling her, but that he left her with the chores. Katara didn't leave the South Pole for _that_.

"You know, the next time you go into town, it would be nice of you to invite me along," she said one night while she was scrubbing the rice out of a pan.

Aang looked up from playing with Momo. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it would be nice if we could be a little more equal in this. I know you're the Avatar, but I'm not just someone who cooks and cleans."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, his cheeks a little red. "I hadn't noticed." He turned his attention to Momo again, then said: "You should come with me tomorrow. There's a Fire Nation colony nearby." 

"Hmm." Katara frowned as she put all her energy in those last few clumps of rice that stuck to the bottom of the pot. 

"I think it'd be good if you could see what I'm talking about," Aang continued.

"Okay, I'll come. And then you can show me what you're talking about," she said eventually. 

Later that evening, while Katara was cleaning up, she found a piece of parchment on the bottom of Appa's saddle. It was crumpled, and she was about to throw it away, when she recognized the seal of the Fire Nation.

_Aang,_

_I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I really thought you understood what I was talking about, back in Yu Dao. I thought we were doing this together._

_Zuko_

Even from the writing, Katara could feel the restraint Zuko had put into his words. She had no idea what Aang had written about, but she could make an educated guess. 

* * *

The next morning, they arrived at the colony early. There weren't many people on the streets, but it left an impression on Katara nonetheless. Everywhere she looked, she could see proof of generations of Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom intertwining. Families with outfits in multiple colors, children from the same family who were both firebenders and earthbenders. And of course, Aang told her, the local authorities: the citizens of the colonies had formed alliances, where people from both nations were represented.

"I've heard it works quite well," Aang said with a smile on his face as they walked. "When Zuko and I were in Yu Dao -"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Katara said. She put her hands on Aang's shoulders.

"I've read Zuko's letter," she confessed. "It was on the bottom of Appa's saddle. I don't really understand - if you made a promise to Zuko, why did you decide to change your mind?"

Aang shifted his feet in the sand, averted her gaze. "I just… I just think this is better. Look around you, Katara. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. These people will never stop hurting each other."

"Hurting each other?" Katara asked, and she raised her eyebrows. "The only thing I see is people trying to live together peacefully. Where should all these mixed families go, if you force everyone to return to their 'own' country?"

"See, that's what Zuko talked about as well," Aang said. "And you have a point. So did he."

"Aang, I understand that it's important to you to listen to your past lives, and to the monks' teachings. But could it be possible that they're just… _wrong_ this time? I mean, when all the past Avatars were telling you to kill Ozai, you found another way as well."

He bit his lip. "Katara, this is the only way. I just know it."

Katara suddenly thought of something. "The Air Nomads traveled around the world, right? How could they do that if they weren't allowed to go outside their own nation?"

"That's different. I mean, the Air Nomads never stayed in one place for a long time. These people are… living here. Permanently. And it just… doesn't feel right."

She didn't know what to say to that. She couldn't argue with his feelings, especially not when they were based upon the experience of hundreds of lives he had already lived through. But at the same time, something felt off. She just couldn't put her finger on it yet.

"Aang, what if _you_ ever want to start a family? There aren't any airbenders anymore. How are you ever going to make a life with someone if you can't actually _live_ with them?" 

He stared at her, and she knew what he was thinking about but she wasn't going to have that conversation, not now, not anytime soon, because it was all just _too_ confusing and she still hadn't had time to think about it. But she saw the thoughts spiraling behind his eyes and then it clicked, and his face fell.

"You're right." 

He sounded so broken that she couldn't resist the urge to put her arms around him. 

"My head hurts," Aang murmured. She took his head in her hands, his face warm underneath her fingers.

"Aang, you don't have to make this decision right now. Give it some time. You'll figure it out." She stared into his grey eyes, tried to will her words into his head. 

"Katara, I..."

"I'm right here with you. We're in this together. I'm not leaving you." 

* * *

"Zuko, I don't know how to thank you. This is wonderful!"

"It's nothing, Uncle."

Zuko sat down on the steps that led towards Iroh's new tea shop. It was a low, one-story building, with a cream tiled floor and several large windows, most of them with a direct view on the Fire Nation palace. 

He had bought it for his uncle as soon as they had returned to the Fire Nation. It had taken a few weeks to redecorate, and it had to be a surprise. Now, Iroh was barely able to hold back tears.

"Uncle, can I ask you for advice?"

The former general sat down next to Zuko and put his hand on his knee.

"It's my council. I can't believe it! They're so frustrating. No one is listening to me, I never get any of my plans through, and it's driving me crazy!" 

Iroh smiled. 

"Zuko, these people were put in place by Ozai. They will never agree to fully cooperate with you. I suggest that instead of trying to swim against the stream, you try to let it guide you."

"You mean give in to what they want? But then nothing's ever going to change!"

"No, dear Nephew, that's not what I meant. What you should do is wait, and listen. Strike when the time is right. Like an earthbender. Toph could teach you a thing or two about it." 

Zuko rolled his eyes.

"I'll be sure to ask her about it when I see her again."

"When you see who again?"

Mai stood right in front of them, arms crossed in front of her chest. She looked at Zuko, one eyebrow raised. 

Iroh smiled.

"Miss Mai, how great of you to join us. Do you care for a cup of tea?"

Mai nodded slightly. "Thanks, general Iroh."

"Uncle was giving me advice about politics," said Zuko with a sigh. "I'm afraid I don't understand any of it, though."

He hoped to get a reaction out of her, but she didn't even lift an eyebrow.

"I don't understand why you're trying so hard," she said, sweeping the stairs with her sleeve before sitting down.

"I'm trying hard because it's my country. This is important to me." Zuko couldn't hide the irritation from his voice. "Why can't you support me?"

"I support you, but - "

"But what?"

"I'm so bored, sitting around all day. I have nothing to do. Nothing to look forward to. It's the same old story all over again."”

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not Azula who takes you on a murderous roadtrip with Ty Lee," Zuko snapped.

"I thought both of you could probably use some calming tea," Iroh said, coming outside with two cups of steaming hot tea. Zuko and Mai accepted their drinks and placed them next to them on the stairs.

"Mai, you know you're always welcome at my meetings."

"No thanks. I'd rather die than sit in a stuffy room with old people all day."

"Then what do you want me to _do_? I already told you that Suki would be more than happy to have you on the team, but you refused that, too. I'm running out of ideas."

The corners of Mai's mouth turned down slightly. She turned her head away from Zuko, watching the steam rise up from her tea.

"I don't know. I don't know what I want you to do."

Zuko could barely even hear her. He was about to respond when Suki popped into view.

"Zuko? Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted you to know that a messenger hawk just arrived from Sokka. He's coming to the Fire Nation. Hakoda's orders."

"That's great! Thanks for letting me know, Suki." 

"Oh, joy. More Avatar friends." Mai rolled her eyes.

Suki smiled. "Actually, I have some news for you too. Ty Lee mentioned she wanted to stop by after she's done."

Zuko thought that was the first time in the whole day that he actually saw Mai smile. She never looked that happy around him. What was he doing wrong? 

"I'm going to go," Mai said. "I guess I'll see you later, Zuko." 

"Yeah, sure." 

After she left, he sat on the stairs for a little while longer, watching the sun go down. He forgot about his tea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Corners of the Earth - Odesza


	13. Castles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm gonna build castles  
>  from the rubble of your love  
> I'm gonna be more than  
> you ever thought I was  
>   
> \-- Freya Ridings_

"Katara, we're here!" 

She stared the gates of the Northern Water Tribe straight in the face. Down below, on the ground, fellow waterbenders worked as hard as they could to let the massive columns of ice come down, so they could enter. 

They sailed towards the palace, as crowds of people amassed on the streets to gawk at them. People shouted, cheered, clapped. 

"I could get used to this," Aang said and grinned. Katara smiled.

When they reached the palace walls, chief Arnook and his staff were already waiting for them. As soon as Appa touched the ground, someone shot forward to grab his reins and guide him towards food and water. Aang and Katara were welcomed with a lunch banquet and music.

She didn't have to take care of anything: their luggage was brought to their rooms, and merely lifting a finger was enough to bring more drinks, or food, or anything else they so desired. Arnook and his wife were pleasant and made small talk. His council of advisors was civil. Katara looked around the room, taking it all in.

"We're so happy you came to see us," Arnook said to her, waking her from her daydreams.

"You have outdone yourself," she said. "This welcome is more than generous."

"I'm happy you like it, Katara." Arnook smiled, but seemed to immediately sink deep into thought. 

"Is everything alright?"

Arnook sighed. "I don't want to bother you with it."

"Tell us," Aang chimed in, while still chewing on a moonberry pie. "Maybe we can help."

"I wish you could, young Avatar. But I fear there is not much that can be done. Now that my daughter has left this world, I don't have an heir."

"But I thought Hahn was going to become the new chief," Katara said. She tried to keep her voice free of any emotion. She remembered how much Sokka had hated the guy.

"Hahn unfortunately was never found again after the siege. You will remember, we lost many lives that day." Arnook's stern, dark eyes rested on their faces. Katara heard Aang swallow hard beside her.

"Can't you just pick someone else from the tribe?" Katara asked. "In the Southern Water Tribe, the position of chief isn't inherited, anyway. We vote on it."

"The South has different customs from the North," Arnook said, choosing his words carefully. "And as you probably remember, Katara, our traditions are quite important to us."

She felt her face twitch. Her fight with Pakku would be something she'd remember until the day she died. The injustice of it all still made her blood boil.

"Well, you can always start new traditions," she said, turning her head away to focus on the pastry in front of her. Conversation over, for all she cared. 

* * *

The days on the North Pole were different from the south. Partly, obviously, because their seasons opposed: the winter solstice, which was coming up in a month, was the shortest day here, whereas in the south, it was the longest day of the year. 

Katara was born on the winter solstice. She used to look forward to that day every year, because they'd have so much light and could play games until well after dinner. But after her mom died, she stopped caring about it. The two events were only a week apart, and her ninth birthday was spent mourning over the loss of her mother. She didn't play games that day, or any birthday after it. She didn't have time to play games anymore, anyway.

Perhaps _she_ could start some new traditions of her own.

Katara had gotten up early to catch the sunrise. That was unusual for her: normally, she was a night owl, staying up until everyone else had already gone to bed. But she hadn't slept well, and after staring at the ceiling for hours, she figured she might as well just get up.

Now, she was enjoying her morning stroll, watching her breath escape from her mouth like little puffs of smoke. 

"You're up early for a waterbender," an unfamiliar voice said behind her.

"Good morning to you as well," Katara said without turning around. 

"You're Katara, right? The master waterbender from the Southern Water Tribe?"

Now, Katara turned.

Before her stood a girl, quite possibly her age. Her hair was a shade darker than Katara's, and she wore it differently, too: two long braids hung from her head, reaching almost to her waist. She wore a lavender colored parka, with a simple design. Katara noticed she wasn't wearing a betrothal necklace.

"It's so nice to meet you," the girl said. "My name is Tayen." 

"It's nice to meet you too," Katara answered and made sure to smile. "How did you know it was me?"

"You're famous," Tayen said, sounding almost like she was out of breath. "Everyone knows who you are." 

"Oh. That's… nice, I guess."

"I heard so much about you! It feels as if we're friends already." Tayen moved closer towards Katara and linked her arm through Katara's. 

"But I know nothing about you!" Katara pointed out. She giggled. 

"Oh, well, that's easy enough. I'm fifteen years old, and I've lived here all my life. My mother's name is Uki, my father's name is Panuk. He's the brother of chief Arnook. My favorite dish is moonberry pie and I love punting through the canals with my boat."

"Hold on a second," Katara said and frowned. "Did you just say your father is chief Arnook's brother? Doesn't that mean you're his niece?"

"I am!" Tayen said with a proud smile. "His favorite niece, too. Since I'm the only one." Her turn to giggle.

"I don't get it," Katara spoke under her breath. "If you're his niece, then Arnook has an heir. You're his direct family."

Tayen's face fell. "Oh, you really want to talk about that boring stuff? I thought we could do something fun, like ice gliding. Or I could show you my boat."

Katara's lack of sleep was already making her agitated. "Doesn't the future of your tribe _mean_ anything to you?"

The other girl let go of her arm and took a couple of steps back. "Of course it does. But it's not like I can become chief anyway. Besides, I wouldn't want to."

"Why not?" 

"It's just not something a girl should do. Yue had no choice, she was literally the chief's daughter. But I know how unhappy that made her. I would never want that for myself - let the men handle that stuff. They're better at it."

"That's because they don't allow anyone else to do it!" Katara tapped her foot on the ground and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You don't have to put up with that."

"I don't care," Tayen said. She rearranged her braids. "Look, Katara, I think you're an awesome person. You're a great bender, and you helped save the world. That's really cool. But not everyone is like you. Most girls just want to marry a nice person and live a quiet, happy life."

Katara was too dumbfounded to respond.

"Besides, I thought you were going to marry the Avatar. We all thought it," Tayen said as she gestured around her. "When you arrived with him yesterday, I actually figured you were looking for a wedding venue."

"A what now?" Katara sputtered.

"You know, you have no idea how lucky you are. Aang is nice, and friendly, and he's the Avatar, too. It's hard to find a guy like that."

"I don't really think of him that way." She really wasn't interested in continuing this conversation any longer than strictly necessary.

"Does it really matter? What are the chances of you finding someone else like him? I know the Southern Water Tribe doesn't exactly have a lot of boys our age." Tayen's eyes lit up. "Oh! Is _that_ why you came here? To find a husband?"

Katara took a step back. "Not at all. And even if I was, I don't think that's any of your business."

"It really is a shame," Tayen said. "You could have it all. A nice life in the South Pole, raising your kids while your husband is off to save the world. That's what I would want for myself."

"Well, maybe _you_ should marry Aang," Katara said. Her head was spinning. She was used to the sexism of men, but this… this was new. "Why don't you want something… more? Freedom, independence. Something _else_ ," she asked.

Tayen shrugged. "I just don't see how that would make me happy. And I don't think it would make any of my friends happy, either. It doesn't feel right, you know?"

"No, I don't know," Katara said and shook her head. "And I don't think I really want to know, either."

* * *

He remembered the last time he was in here. It had been in the dead of night, slipping past the guards to avoid getting caught. Now the sun was shining mercilessly outside, and he was almost sweating to death. Zuko walked through the familiar hallways, guarded by two Kyoshi Warriors. A third one, probably Suki, was hiding in the shadows. He never knew exactly who was guarding him - they never came close enough for him to tell them apart.

"Princess Azula, my Lord," the prison guard said as he opened the door.

"Thank you," said Zuko as he stepped inside. His eyes had to adjust to the lack of light, so that he almost couldn't see her sitting on the floor, back turned to him.

"Azula? Are you awake?" he asked. His voice echoed and startled him. 

No answer. He turned around, gestured at the guard to leave them alone, nodded as the Kyoshi warriors took their posts in front of the cell doors, then closed it. 

They were alone now. That should get a reaction out of her.

"Azula?"

"What are you doing here, Zuzu?" 

Her voice was menacing and mellifluous at the same time. Zuko felt the hairs on his arms rising.

"I wanted to let you know that they'll be taking you to the Boiling Rock next week." His mouth felt dry.

"Is that so? The prison that you managed to escape from, with the help of that good for nothing girlfriend of yours? Who betrayed _me_ , because she said she loved _you_ more?" She spat out the words, Zuko thought he could hear them land somewhere in the far corner of her cell.

She still hadn't turned around.

"And you don't think I would escape from there just as easily? There's a plot against you, Zuko. They're going to help me escape and put me and father back into place. And father will reward me for sticking by his side. Because I always do. I deserved to be Fire Lord," Azula said, her voice trailing.

Suddenly, she was staring him right in the face. He jerked his head back, but she was already screaming.

"You _thief!_ Taking that water tribe peasant with you because you were too _weak_ to defeat me by yourself!" She yelled until she sobbed.

Zuko rested his back against the cell wall, looking at his sister from afar. It reminded him of the day of their Agni Kai, after Katara had rescued him. Azula, chained up to the ground. Azula, raging, crying. 

It broke his heart then. He felt it break again now.

Without saying another word, he got up, opened the door. He could hear her cries in his ears all the way back to the palace.

* * *

"So, if no one else has anything to add..."

"...I do." 

They all watched her now, a surprised expression on her face. She knew she wasn't supposed to speak up. 

"Katara," Arnook said, his voice not betraying anything. "What can I do for you?"

"I know the Northern Water Tribe is lacking an heir," she began. "But I think someone else is lacking as well. Pakku hasn't been replaced." 

On the remainder of her walk that morning, she had spoken with several waterbenders. All of them mentioned that no one had been able to fill Pakku's shoes as of yet. There was a whole class of waterbenders waiting to be educated. When she heard that, Katara's heart had started beating faster, and it hadn't stopped until now.

"I want to apply for the position as waterbending teacher," she said, her mouth slightly dry. "Pakku said I was one of the best students he ever trained. I trained Aang, and he's a great waterbender now."

She conveniently left out that he still needed a lot of training.

"I am trained in the Northern style," she continued, feeling a slight twinge. "I have everything it takes. You have to accept me."

A silence fell. The councilmen glanced at each other, and Aang glanced at Katara. She mouthed to him that he should back her up, but she wasn't sure he understood her.

"There's more," she said when no one else took the floor. "I think it's time for some new traditions around here. Women should be allowed to learn how to fight. And men who have the gift should be able to learn to heal. You will have a great number of skilled benders that way. It comes to your advantage."

She looked chief Arnook directly in the eye when she spoke, and held his gaze when she finished. Katara wasn't going to be the one to break eye contact. She wanted to win this.

"You really should consider it, chief Arnook," Aang said. So he _did_ understand her. "Katara has been a great teacher to me. She's an amazing waterbender."

One of the councilmen shifted his weight. "If you allow me, chief," he asked. Arnook nodded. 

The man turned towards Katara. 

"Look, child. I will not deny that you are very skilled, and Pakku does speak highly of you."

The others nodded.

"But I'm sure you know that our tribe has traditions. And we can't just put those traditions aside for you."

Another councilman chimed in.

"Master Katara, don't take this the wrong way. We respect you and the Avatar. We appreciate everything you did for us during the siege of the North Pole. We are grateful you have helped defeat the Fire Lord, and ended the tyranny of the Fire Nation. But what master Pakku did for you was an exception, an… anomaly. What you propose wouldn't work. Our male waterbenders wouldn't respect you. Our women don't want to learn how to fight. You, as a waterbender, should understand that swimming against the stream causes exhaustion rather than success."

A consenting murmur went into crescendo through the group of men. Katara turned towards Aang, hoping to get some support.

"Tell them what you think," she stage-whispered. "Tell them I should be the new waterbending teacher."

"Katara..." Aang hesitated.

"Tell them!" she urged him.

Aang cleared his throat.

"Chief Arnook," he said, directing his speech to the chief. "What my friend Katara is trying to say is that she respects your traditions very much. As the Avatar, it's my job to preserve the balance in the world and help restore the world to the way it was before the one hundred year war. This is not an easy task. But the monks have taught me that conflict is poisonous, and peace should be reached through mutual understanding and acceptance. We understand your wishes, and I hope you understand Katara's. We will accept whatever decision you make."

He bowed. Katara shot him a look, but he ignored her.

"Very well, Aang," Arnook answered. His voice was low and resonated between the columns of the meeting hall. "I will have to think about this. Katara, thank you for your passionate speech. Councilmen, thank you for your considerations. The meeting is adjourned."

As everyone got up from their cushions, Katara placed her hands on her hips as she blocked Aang's way.

"What was that all about?" she asked, her voice raised. "I asked you to come to my defense, not give some half hearted speech about acceptance."

"Katara, you have to understand," Aang said, looking sad. "You're my friend, and I know you want this. But as the Avatar, I have a duty towards other people, too. I can't always put your needs above everyone else's."

"You had no problem agreeing with me when Pakku refused to teach me," she retorted.

"That was different. Back then, it was just you and me. But now, you're asking me to tell all these people to change their ways. That's just… impossible." He looked desperate. "Besides, you can't leave me. I still need you. You said you'd stay with me. You promised." 

"You know what, Aang? Fine. Do whatever you want. I'm out of here."

* * *

Iroh had closed the shop early when he saw his nephew coming up the flight of stairs. Now, they were drinking a cup of jasmine in the kitchen of the apartment above the shop. It was spotless, a bouquet of fresh wildflowers on the table.

"Uncle," Zuko said, tapping his fingers on his cup, "Can I ask you something? About when Azula and I were little."

"Of course," Iroh said. "I'll be happy to answer any of your questions."

"I went to see Azula today," Zuko confessed. He took another sip, swirled it around in his mouth before swallowing.

"How is she doing?"

"I don't know. I'm used to her taunts, but I guess the anger is new." He inhaled deeply, then exhaled again. "What I wanted to ask is… were we always like this? Azula and I?"

Iroh put down his cup and stroked his beard. 

"When you were very little, I think Azula had just turned four, we were all having tea in the palace gardens. Your mother had invited a couple of actors and actresses over to perform a play for us - you do remember she had always been very fond of the performing arts. You and Azula were watching on your mother's lap, until at some point, Azula became bored and pushed you. You started fighting, which caused a huge disruption. Of course, your mother tried to shush everything, but Ozai became absolutely furious. I remember him screaming at your mother and the both of you. It was terrible."

They were both silent for a little while.

"Zuko, I'm sorry I didn't protect you more when you were young. I should have spoken up, and I didn't."

"It's okay, Uncle."

Iroh shook his head. "It's not. I failed at protecting you, but I let Azula down even worse. Ozai had her under his spell from a very young age. I couldn't even get through to her. I still blame myself for not trying harder."

"Father always favored Azula. I don't think you could have gotten through, even if you tried harder. I guess that must have been why my mother favored me over Azula."

"No, Zuko, Ursa loved Azula very much. Your mother protected both of you from your father's tyranny. When Azula was just two years old, she crawled into your father's office and destroyed some of his papers with her firebending. Ozai was going to teach your sister a lesson - but your mother stood up to him."

The air was heavy with the words of their conversation. Zuko finished his tea, leaned back in his chair, fingers interwoven under his chin. He frowned.

Iroh continued: "It wasn't until a year later that Ozai practically took Azula away from your mother, telling her that she had already produced one failure. He would make sure the other child wouldn't fail." 

The old man stood up, grabbed both their cups and placed them in the sink. Humming a tune, he washed the cups and put them on a rack to dry.

"Don't you want any servants, Uncle?" Zuko asked, happy to change the subject.

"Not at all, Nephew. They would just get in my way. I'm more than happy to keep my own home." Iroh placed his hand on Zuko's shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"I think it's time for you to go - the sun is almost going down. You don't want to be late for dinner." 

Indeed, the shadows on the floor were getting longer. Zuko jumped up from his chair, almost forgot his crown, which he had put on the table. 

"Thanks, Uncle. For the tea. And the talk." Then he bolted out of the door.

* * *

Katara let the water glide through her fingers as she practised the familiar motions. Weight on her left foot, then her right, hands forward, palms up. It was almost like meditation at this point.

"Wow, that looks amazing. I didn't know you were _this_ good." 

"Tayen!" Katara said, putting the water back in her pouch als she welcomed the girl. "I didn't expect company." 

"Can you teach me something?" 

Katara noticed the light in the other girl's eyes.

"You're a waterbender, too? Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Oh, I don't know. I guess because I'm not very good at it," Tayen said, pushing the snow away with her foot. "I can't heal, so I can only practise a bit on my own." 

"Okay." Katara was a little taken aback. "I'll show you some basic forms. Follow me." 

Soon enough, the two girls were flowing through the forms, slowly but steadily. As Katara was correcting Tayen's position, she heard shouting behind her.

"Tayen! What do you think you're doing!" 

"Mother!" Tayen flinched, dropping the water she was holding on both Katara and herself. Katara groaned as she removed the moisture from her clothes. 

"You know you're only supposed to practise healing, young lady. These forms of waterbending are reserved for the men only." Tayen's mother looked as if she had grown old before her time, probably from having to raise too many kids in a small home. She had a plethora of wrinkles, and her eyes were set deep in her face, giving her a tired appearance.

"And you," she continued as she turned to Katara, "You should know better. It's all well and good that you want to be like a man and fight, but not everyone's like you. Women in the North are different. We're not like you Southern folk. It would be polite of you to respect that, just like we respect you."

"I'm..." Katara wanted to say that it had been Tayen who had asked for a lesson, but the girl looked so sad and forlorn that she didn't have the heart to tattle on her. "I'm sorry, ma'am."

"Katara!" 

_Oh, great,_ Katara thought. _Perfect timing for Arnook to come here and yell at me, too._

"I looked everywhere for you," the chief explained. He grabbed Katara by the shoulders, leaning forward a bit to be able to look her straight in the eye.

"Katara, you remind me of my daughter," he said. "Yue was such a brave and strong young woman, and not a day goes by that I am not reminded of her great sacrifice." 

The both of them couldn't help but turn their eyes towards the sky.

"I'm sure that when she would have heard your speech, Yue would have convinced me to take you seriously, and listen to you. I can't promise that the Northern Water Tribe can change right away. We _do_ have many traditions, and you must expect progress to be slow. But I want to honor my daughter's spirit, so I have a proposal. Stay with us, and we will figure something out. It would be an honor if you could teach our new generation of students." 

Katara felt the wind ring in her ears. It was finally happening - an opportunity to do something she loved, something that was entirely her own. 

And then, she remembered her promise to Aang. To not leave him. She wouldn't have been able to stay anyway.

Arnook must have seen the look on her face change, because he squeezed her shoulders. 

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," she said, although she could feel the tears stinging behind her eyes. "I just realized I have to decline. I shouldn't have even said anything at the meeting today. I'm sorry." 

She freed herself from Arnook's grasp and ran off. 

* * *

"It's good to see you," Zuko said. 

"Hm." Mai put her chopsticks down and took a sip of her drink. Servants were running in and out, bringing more side dishes, more water, taking empty plates away.

"I had an interesting week," he continued, wiping his slightly sweaty palms on his robes. 

"You did?"

"I went to see Azula a couple of days ago."

The room fell dead silent.

"Why?" 

Zuko noticed the slight change of pitch in Mai's voice, but decided to talk over it.

"Also, I made a decision. I'm going to put my father's biggest supporters on trial. The generals, the former war council. I can't sit around anymore, trying to work with these people who are so hellbent on fighting me every step of the way."

"So you're going to get rid of them because they disagree with you? Sounds like something Ozai would do," Mai said without looking up from her fried bok choy.

"No, that's not what I meant!" Zuko groaned. "This is a proper trial. I'll invite representatives from all the other nations, and Aang should be there as a neutral party. It's about justice, not revenge."

Mai chewed on some cashews, took another sip of her drink. "If you say so. Are you going to put Azula on trial as well, in that case?" 

"Well… no. And I'm not going to send her to the Boiling Rock either." 

"And you're doing that, knowing very well how she treated Ty Lee and me?" Mai didn't raise her voice, but her eyes were shooting fire. 

"I don't remember she had to threaten you to join her, unlike Ty Lee," Zuko shot back. 

"You're really going to pretend you don't know how manipulative Azula can be?"

"I don't think anyone knows better than me," Zuko said. "But she's _also_ a victim here. She wasn't always like that, and I refuse to believe she can't change. I have to believe it. Otherwise, I don't even know what I'm trying to do for my nation."

* * *

In the days after she had turned down Arnook, Katara spent a lot of time by herself. She got up early, snuck out of their room, spent her mornings on the glaciers and her afternoon walking around the capital. She avoided Aang, mostly because she was still angry with him, and partly because she didn't want to lash out at him for something that wasn't even his fault. _She_ was the one who made the promise. 

But she knew she couldn't avoid him forever - and she was proven right when he walked into their rooms while she was brushing her hair. He leaned against the door post, making eye contact through the mirror.

"You're avoiding me, aren't you?"

"What? Of course not!" 

"Katara, you're a really bad liar." Aang sighed, pushed himself away from the doorframe and walked up to her. Standing beside her, they both faced the mirror.

"I had a good meeting with the council today," he said. "I think they might be willing to become a bit more open, a bit more in touch with the rest of the world."

"Hm." Katara started braiding her hair, something she hadn't done in a long time.

"It's a pretty big step," Aang said.

"Sure it is."

"Okay, I get. You're still upset with me. But Katara, I'm the Avatar. My duty is to all the people, not just you."

"Yeah, you said that already. I don't like how you're just pulling the Avatar card whenever it suits you." She finished her braid. Of course, she could have mentioned Arnook's offer to him, but what would be the point? It would only make their argument worse.

"It's not an excuse, it's the truth," Aang said. "Oh, that reminds me: I got a letter from Zuko. It's an invitation to come to the Fire Nation." 

"An invitation? To what?"

"Well, technically, he's just inviting me, but I'm sure you're welcome as well. He's putting some high ranking military men from the Fire Nation on trial and he wants me there, being the Avatar and all. Representatives from the other nations will also be there. I think we should go."

Katara bit her tongue. She could mention Arnook's offer now. She could accept it, and she could stay here, and do what she loved. Aang would have enough to do in the Fire Nation, and he'd love to hang out with Zuko again. Zuko would be able to parent him, at least a little bit, she thought. 

But a part of her was curious about these trials. If representatives from the other nations would be there, that could mean her father would be there too. 

_Her father._

Katara felt a weight drop in her stomach. She had been gone for, what, six weeks now? It was nothing, compared to their journey from last year. But this time, she had left without saying goodbye to anyone. Not Kanna, not Sokka, not her dad. They probably had no idea where she was. 

She missed them terribly. 

She had to go to the Fire Nation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castles - Freya Ridings


	14. Moons and Flowers

It was the middle of the day. The sun was out high, burning down on their shoulders as Zuko and Suki took a stroll around the palace. They did this more frequently lately, as they often had much to discuss. Suki kept him informed of everything that was going on around the palace, she was his eyes and ears when he couldn't be there himself. It helped him a great deal, especially in his dealings with the court: they used to think their gossip wouldn't reach him, but it did.

"And about the meeting with the governor of Hana Island..." 

"There you are!" 

A rumble from the bushes. Zuko took a few steps back, Suki had already pulled out her fans - he hadn't even seen she was wearing them. Someone emerged from the shadows of the trees, and Zuko realized it was a lanky water tribe kid, someone he was quite familiar with. 

"Sokka!" 

"The guards didn't know where you were. I was lucky I found Ty Lee on the way. She pointed me in the right direction." Sokka brushed some twigs and leaves off his tunic. "I'm so happy I finally found you!" He wrapped his arms around Suki first, then tackled Zuko into a hug. The latter nearly lost his balance. 

"It's good to see you too, Sokka," Suki said as she snickered behind her hand. Zuko groaned. 

"We were kind of in the middle of something," he said. Sokka ogled him. "Not like that!" He rolled his eyes.

"I think we were almost finished," Suki said and took Sokka's hand. "In any case, it can wait until another time. Let me show you around!" 

"He knows what it looks like," Zuko grumbled, but they had already left him behind. Suki held on to Sokka's arm, head resting lightly on his shoulder as they walked. Zuko watched them, and he felt something that he couldn't quite explain. It hurt a little.

He had no choice but to follow them - Sokka was his guest, after all, and Suki was his guard. Never mind that he was the Fire Lord and they should be following _him_ around. He didn't make an effort to catch up with them, knowing they probably wanted some privacy to talk about things he didn't even want to hear. Instead, he stayed behind, and used the opportunity to take in the scenery. The palace was beautiful, but he rarely noticed it anymore - too busy with the matters of the mind, as his uncle would probably say.

After a couple of minutes, during which they had moved away from the courtyard and toward the palace gates, he realized where Suki was taking them. The streets in the area directly outside the palace were still wide and sunlit, but it was more crowded here, busier. He wished he had a robe to pull over his head - now, his face would give them away, as it always did. No one had a face like his own. 

"It's the Fire Lord!" he heard people whispering. From the corner of his good eye, he saw someone point at him. They disappeared when he turned his head. Suki glanced back to catch his eye. He shook his head. _I'm fine. Carry on._

He didn't really mind the attention. He did, however, mind the fact that people stared at him, talked about him, but never dared to approach him. They looked at him the same way they had looked at Ozai: not with admiration and reverence, but with fear. Zuko knew that he should probably be glad no one ran up to him to kiss his feet or hold his hand - the threat of assassination never left his mind. But he couldn't love this kind of lifestyle anymore. He didn't even remember if he ever really did love it, even before his banishment. 

Finally, they reached their destination. Zuko looked up the flight of stairs, smiled when he noticed the faint white smoke coming out of the chimney. Uncle was never not brewing tea. 

When they stepped into the tea shop, he noticed the cool air wash over them. Iroh had made sure that his tea shop would provide warmth and comfort on chilly days, and shade and refreshment on warmer days like these. Everyone cherished the end of the indian summer: colder days lied ahead, as did Zuko's birthday. 

Of course, their party couldn't go unnoticed. Not necessarily because their entrance was impressive: Zuko would have kept to the walls if needed be. No, it was his uncle who gave them all away, when he turned around, spread out his arms and exclaimed: "Zuko!"

Immediately, all eyes in the shop were focused on them, the three teenagers in the doorframe. Sokka, who never shied away from an opportunity to take the spotlight, firmly grabbed Suki's hand and trotted forward, all smiles. Zuko tried to duck behind them, but realized that wouldn't be a very Fire Lord-y thing to do, and so he straightened his back again, trying not to look anyone in the eye but his uncle.

"Uncle Iroh!" Sokka said as he hugged the old man. Zuko blew his hair out of his face and frowned. 

"He's _my_ uncle," he whispered. Sokka just shrugged. 

The three of them found a table near the back of the shop, where new visitors wouldn't spot them so easily. Iroh was excellent at making all the other customers at ease, so within a few minutes, no one stared at them anymore. They each got a cup of jasmine tea and a green tea cookie, one of Iroh's new inventions. They were a bit dry, but the taste was okay.

"So, what are you going to do now that you're here?" Suki asked, her eyes bright with enthusiasm.

"Well, officially, I'm here to help Zuko understand the culture and customs of the Southern Water Tribe a bit better," Sokka said, dipping his cookie in his tea. Zuko made a face. 

"You're going to get crumbs in your tea if you do that," he pointed out. 

"What's it to you? It's _my_ tea," Sokka answered, copying Zuko's tone from earlier. 

"Boys, try to keep it civil," Suki said, and placed her hand on Zuko's and Sokka's arm. "Sokka, I'm sure you also want to learn something about the Fire Nation, isn't that right?"

Now Sokka's eyes lit up. "Absolutely. I want to meet every inventor or scientist you have around the palace. I want to soak up their knowledge, examine your buildings… learn all the tools of the trade." 

"You do know that we're putting a lot of those scientists on trial for their actions during the war, right?" Zuko asked, his eyebrows slightly raised.

"Oh, yeah, I remember dad telling me about the trials before I left," Sokka said, waving his hand dismissively. "But that's okay. If I can visit them in prison or something, that's fine too."

Zuko exhaled deeply. "I don't think that's a good idea. But I'm sure we can come up with something else. Didn't you want to visit the Boiling Rock to study the coolers?"

"Oh yeah, for sure. Those are pretty high on my list."

"We'll go over your list tomorrow, and I'll see what I can do."

"About those trials, by the way," Sokka said, "I'm going to be the representative for the Southern Water Tribe."

"That makes sense," Suki said. "But I thought Katara would want to be there for the trials as well. Isn't she coming?"

Sokka's face fell. "We have no idea where Katara is," he said, so soft that Zuko had to lean over the table to hear his words.

"What do you mean, you have no idea where Katara is?" His outburst was so loud, several people turned their heads to look at him. Iroh immediately darted over to ask if they wanted any more tea, and the chatter died down.

"She left the same night you left for the Fire Nation," Sokka said. "You remember we couldn't find her when we were saying goodbye? The next morning, she was gone, and so was Aang. We think they left together."

"And they didn't leave a note?" Suki asked. Her face paint made her look angrier than she really was.

"Nothing. And we haven't heard from either of them since."

Zuko suddenly remembered something. "Hey, I invited Aang to come to the trials as well. I'm sure he'll be there. And if Katara is with him, she'll come too."

Sokka turned his face towards his friend. "I hope what you're saying is true. My dad has been worried sick, not knowing where she is. It's nothing like Katara to just… abandon us like this."

* * *

Drinking tea with his friends made Zuko realize that a conversation with the palace tea sommelier was long overdue. It wasn't that the man didn't do his job right - Zuko just got accustomed to a more refined kind of tea experience. 

He knew the location of the kitchen entrance from his escapades as a little boy - nobility weren't supposed to come in here. When he strolled inside, his eyes blinking against the sudden change in light, all the servants stopped with what they were doing and bowed. 

Zuko raised his hand, a sign that they could stop trying to touch their knees with their chin and stand up straight again. He noticed them looking at each other, their faces a blank: what was the Fire Lord doing here? Was anything wrong? Were they being punished? 

He hated this. 

"Do you know where master Haruki can be found?" 

He realized he sounded gruff, and he was probably frowning, and he was talking way too loud for this crowded, small space. He rolled his eyes at himself, then stopped, because it probably made him look even worse.

"M-master Haruki is in the other room, my Lord," The woman he had addressed his question to bowed again, this time even deeper than before. 

Zuko put his hand on her shoulder. "Come on, don't do that. One bow is more than enough."

"Yes, my Lord." She didn't move an inch.

Zuko sighed, left the confused kitchen staff behind and opened the door to the servant's living quarters. It was nothing like his own rooms - the corridor was cramped, deprived of natural light. He heard flies buzzing, probably looking for the source of the smell of rotting fruit that was inescapable. Several doors were opened slightly, and he checked all of them. The rooms all looked the same: a single bed, a table, a small window. The tiles on the floor were dirty, some of them even broken. Some of the windows were jammed. Most rooms looked as if more than one person was sleeping there. He couldn't imagine how a single person could live here, let alone a couple or a family with children.

_Just another thing to add to the list of things that need to change around here._

"Master Haruki?" he said, his voice muffled because of all the dust. Somewhere from the end of the corridor, he heard another muffled cry.

"Who's asking?" The sound was clearer now, as someone stepped out of one of the rooms. It was a young man, Zuko noticed. He wore a thin mustache, which was already quite long - he must have been cultivating it since he first grew hair. His clothes were clean, but they looked a little faded, as if he wasn't the first person to wear them. Zuko saw the sleeves were a little too long, and someone had done a poor job of taking in the shoulders, which only confirmed his suspicion.

"Fire Lord!" the tea sommelier exclaimed. Zuko caught him before he could complete his bow, which would indubitably have left him with a smudged hem because of all the dirt on the floor.

"Master Haruki, I'm glad I found you. I need to talk with you. Would you mind going for a walk with me?"

"A walk, my lord? Here?" The man looked desperate about the fact that the Fire Lord had come to see him in this undignified state.

"No, not here. Outside." Zuko turned around, beckoned the man to follow him. They went the same way he had come, through the kitchen, where once again, the staff dropped everything to bow him goodbye. He could hardly contain a sigh. 

As soon as they were outside, Zuko invited master Haruki to walk beside him. He folded his arms in his sleeves and said nothing for a while. It made the young man nervous, he could see that, but he wanted to collect his thoughts before he spoke.

"Master Haruki," he said finally, "I hope I don't offend you when I say I would like to request some changes to our tea ceremony."

He couldn't have possibly said something worse. Haruki's face turned white as a sheet, and he nearly tripped. 

"Your wish is my command, my Lord," he said. "My apologies for not making the tea to your liking. I accept my punishment."

"There is no punishment," Zuko said. "I'm not _mad._ When will you people learn that I'm not like my father?"

That only resulted in Haruki actually tripping and falling on the grass. Zuko reached out his hand, pulled the man back up, and brushed the grass off his robes.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm trying to control my temper. But please believe me when I say that I'm not punishing you, not today, not any other day. I just would like to ask if you could get your leaves from my Uncle's tea shop."

"Forgive me, my Lord, I didn't know general Iroh had returned to the Capital," Haruki said, his voice still a little shaky.

"He has, although he does keep a low profile. I have set him up with a tea shop near the flower market. I believe he hasn't named it yet, but he doesn't need to - customers will find him anyway. You can't miss it. It would mean a lot to me if you could do that." 

"Of course, my Lord."

"And stop looking as if I'm about to hit you," Zuko added.

"Yes, my Lord."

* * *

"This is the best meal I've eaten in weeks!" Sokka exclaimed as he tore the flesh off another komodo chicken. The whole table was filled with a variety of the most exemplary dishes of the Fire Nation: boiled clams, fried squid, sea slugs, dumplings, plates with steamed vegetables and noodles. They were sitting on cushions, candles lit throughout the palace garden. Zuko was seated at the far end, Mai at the other. Sokka sat between them, and he also was the only one who seemed to enjoy himself.

Mai had barely touched any food. She and Sokka had spoken three words to each other, all the while Zuko had been reading a heap of papers, while munching on some ash berries. Neither Zuko nor Mai ever looked at each other. The tension in the air was still palpable, and it made Sokka highly uncomfortable. He was glad Suki was going to pick him up later to go into town and have drinks.

"Fire Lord Zuko, master Secretary asks for a meeting," one of the servants said. Zuko didn't look up from his papers.

"Put him in my calendar for tomorrow," he said.

"Err, my Lord, master Secretary wishes to speak with you straight away," the servant responded, his face turning a little red.

Sokka watched as Zuko frowned, folded his papers, and excused himself from the table. Now it was just him and Mai.

"So," he said, as he turned his face to the dark-haired girl with the pale face. "How has your day been?"

"Uneventful," she said, pushing one of her stiletto knives in the palm of her hand.

"Oh." His mind raced, trying to think of something to say. He could try to make her laugh, he thought. That should break the ice.

"So, did I ever tell you the story of how Zuko and I escaped from the Boiling Rock prison?" he said, laying the excitement on thick.

She raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, that was me. If I hadn't stopped the guards from cutting that rope, you would have all fallen into the boiling lake."

"Oh, right." He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Well, I'm pretty sure you never heard the story of how Katara and I convinced Zuko to eat a whole bag of Fire Flakes at once!" 

Before she could answer, he started his story, explaining how, when they were staying at the Fire Lord's house, they had stayed up one night playing games. Everyone had to do the most embarrassing things, and Sokka knew how to make the story interesting and entertaining. 

"... And then he set his own hair on fire! If Katara hadn't been there to douse the flames, who knows what kind of haircut our Fire Lord would have had to put up with." 

"Hmm." Mai looked at him, unnerved. The corners of her mouth hadn't lifted a bit. She only raised her eyebrows again. 

"I err… I could tell you another funny story!" Sokka said, a little desperate. He wasn't used to this deafening silence. He was funny. People said so. Maybe he picked the wrong story.

So he continued, telling Mai about how they had stolen Fire Nation clothes from someone's yard, the dance party, all the funny events he could remember from their trip around the Fire Nation. And all the time, Mai merely looked at him, expressionless, fingers still twirling her stiletto knives in the air. 

After another fifteen minutes, Sokka gave up. He finished his plate, pushed it away, and got up.

"I'm sorry, I have to be somewhere else," he said.

"As does everyone in this place," Mai responded. He wasn't sure if the jab was really directed at him, or meant for someone else.

Sokka got lost twice in the vast palace, turning corners he was sure he had seen only minutes ago. But finally, he found the sleeping quarters of the Kyoshi warriors. Some of them stood outside, soaking in the cooler night air after a long, hot day. He heard them laughing, the sound of young girls who still had a whole life ahead of them. He felt the blood rush back into his veins - the night was still young. And he knew exactly which person he wanted to spend it with.

Suki stepped outside as soon as he mentioned her name to her friends, and she looked so different from before, but just as beautiful. He embraced her, buried his face into her hair, drowning himself in the scent of her shampoo. She used a different one from back on Kyoshi Island, this one smelled like Fire Lilies. It suited her, and he told her as much. 

"You know," he said, hands in his pockets, kicking up little stones that were lying in his way. "I have a feeling Mai doesn't like me."

"She's definitely not the most approachable person around here," Suki agreed with him. She directed him towards a quaint little street, lit by candles. The stars were shining above the caldera, and Sokka had to admit he was more impressed than he thought he would be. 

They continued their stroll. Normally, Sokka would have been the one to lead the way, but he actually kind of liked the fact that he was just a visitor here, and Suki was the one who could show him around. She knew the kind of things that he liked to do and see, and he loved to be surprised by her.

"It's not even like that," he said, a whining tone in his voice. "I really think she hates me, or something. During dinner, I told her some funny stories, and she didn't even flinch. Like, she raised her eyebrows, and she kept twirling her knives around. It was as if she was deciding whether she was going to kill me."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Maybe you're just a bit tired from your trip - oh, here we are." 

A door flung open, and Sokka could hear soft music and faint chatter. This wasn't like a Water Tribe bar, where people sang sea shanties until the crack of dawn, accompanied by tankards of the dark, bitter beer that the Water Tribes were famous for. Instead, the place looked much like Iroh's tea shop, only much darker, with a layer of smoke on top of everything within sight. The music was different, too - there was a tiny stage in one corner, with three people on it. One of them was playing what looked like a Tsungi horn, another plucked on some strings, and the third one was beating the drums - small ones, not the huge timpani they had in the North Pole.

"What do people drink around here?" he whispered. In a place like this, it felt inappropriate to be loud. 

Suki giggled. "If they thought we were old enough, we could probably get some _Awamori_ … but there's no way to fool the bartenders. So we'll probably have to stick with fruit juice, or tea, if you prefer something hot." She put her hand on his arm, let it linger there. "Let me take care of it. Zuko just paid our salaries."

While Suki got their drinks, Sokka picked out a table. It was quite damp inside, and he had really enjoyed the fresh night air, so he sat down at a table near an open window. They were a little bit further away from the music, so it would be easier to talk.

She returned with two glasses of fresh mango juice, and a bowl with fire flakes. Even though Sokka had eaten just half an hour ago, he could feel his stomach rumble. Without hesitation, he put some fire flakes in his mouth and chewed loudly.

"So, tell me about the rest of your day," Suki said. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, not much," Sokka said. "After you left, Zuko showed me some of his plans for new infrastructure. He wants to connect the different islands a bit better, and has taken inspiration from the transportation system in Ba Sing Se. Although I doubt he can pull off anything like that without earthbending."

He sighed. "Suki, I _am_ funny, right?"

"Sokka, you're worrying too much about this. Mai is hard to reach, her shell is even thicker than Zuko's. She'll warm up to you in time, I promise."

"Does she like you?"

"I don't know, we don't talk much. I really don't understand why this is so important to you."

"Because, Zuko is my best friend. And Mai is his girlfriend. If she doesn't like me, Zuko will stop liking me, as well."

"Is that really how you think that works?" Suki laughed. "Boys are so weird. You're overthinking this."

Sokka didn't answer. Instead, he pushed his straw deeper into the glass, watching it pop up, pushing it down again.

"Sokka," Suki put her hand on his shoulder. "What's _really_ going on here? This can't be just about Mai. A few months ago, you hated her." She fell silent. "Is it about Katara?"

"Why did she just leave us behind like that?" Doesn't she know how much I'd miss her?"

Tears welled up in his eyes before he could do anything about it. He buried his hand in his arms, trying to will the anger and sadness away, but the more he tried to push it down, the more forcefully it came back up again. 

"I haven't talked much to Katara lately," Suki said, hovering above his left ear. "But I know that she felt… sad. Out of place. As if she didn't belong anymore."

"Of course she belonged," Sokka replied, sitting up straight and wiping the tears from his face. "She knows that. If there was something wrong, she should have talked about it."

"As far as I can remember, she did try to talk to you about it. And to Hakoda," Suki said. "But nothing changed. And you know what Katara is like. She'll take matters into her own hands."”

Sokka didn't speak, tossing his memories around in his head. "I guess you're right," he said eventually. "I do remember her saying something about wanting to feel more useful. But I thought she had a conversation with dad, and that was it. I thought everything was fixed after that. I guess I didn't really understand what was going on."

He glanced aside. Suki held out his drink, and he took it from her. After he few sips, he stopped. 

"I guess I'm not really understanding what's going on with us, either." He raised his eyebrow. "We had a fight on Kyoshi Island, a couple of weeks ago. I thought we fixed that, but maybe I'm wrong about that. Am I?"

Suki didn't answer immediately. She avoided his gaze, stared out the window instead.

"Suki," he pressed her.

"Alright," she turned to look at him. "I guess you could say that's true. Every time I bring up my thoughts, you get angry, or you run away. It feels like you don't want to listen to what I have to say."

"What is it you want to say? I'll listen this time, I promise." He put his hand on top of hers.

She inhaled deeply. "I just don't know what the future will look like for us. I'm in the Fire Nation, and you're here now, and that's great. But what if I don't want to move to the South Pole permanently? I have a life of my own, Sokka. I don't know if I'm ready to give that up."

"You don't have to give up anything right now," he replied. Then he realized how it sounded.

"I mean, I don't want you to feel like you have to give up anything, at all. I just want to find a way to make this work."

"I know." She sighed, rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand. "I know."

* * *

The next morning promised another warm day. Zuko arrived in the breakfast room, only to discover that the servants had moved the table outside. Sokka's idea, probably. 

He stepped through the open door and took in the view. Suki and Sokka were sitting next to each other, surrounded by copious amounts of pastries. A servant offered him a glass of juice, which he accepted. Zuko never ate much for breakfast.

As he went to sit down, he heard noises from the far end of the garden. Everyone jumped up immediately, weapons drawn, ready to fight. It was Sokka who first noticed the bison horns sticking out above the treetops.

"It's Appa!" Sokka said, and Zuko breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's the second time in two days these people ruin my garden," he muttered under his breath.

They rushed towards the bison. Sokka hacked some trees away with his machete, despite Zuko's desperate protests. The next moment, they saw Katara and Aang, standing next to Appa, with a surprised look on their faces.

"Katara!" Sokka dropped his machete and ran towards his sister, practically tackled her because of the sheer force with which he embraced her. They crashed towards the ground, brother and sister.

"Sokka!" Katara said, sounding as if in pain. "You're crushing me!" 

"Oh, right. Sorry." Sokka got up, grabbed his sister's hand and pulled her up as well. As soon as she was standing on two feet again, his demeanor changed.

"What were you thinking!" he yelled. "Leaving us like that, without saying goodbye, or leaving so much as a note! Dad has been worried sick! I have been worried sick!"

Katara's eyes turned dark. She stepped forward, pointed her finger at her brother. 

"You have no right to tell me what to do! Look at you, the soon-to-be chief of the Southern Water Tribe. Let me guess, you're here because of the reparations that Zuko offered to Dad."

"Well, actually, I'm also here for the trials..." Sokka interrupted her.

"Oh, well, that just makes it better, doesn't it? Don't you see it? While you get to do all the fun stuff, I would have had to stay at home, with nothing to do, just wasting my time. Did it ever occur to you that you were all just ignoring me at home?"

"So instead of talking about your issues like an adult, you just turn your back on us and leave? You're starting to look just like Aang! Running away from your problems!" Sokka retorted. 

The water tribe siblings were having such a shouting match that from all corners of the palace, people had opened windows and doors to view the spectacle. Zuko took it all in - enough was enough. He stepped forward to intervene, but felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to look Suki in the eye, who shook her head.

"Let them fight this out," she said. "It's long overdue. You know what siblings can be like."

Another tug at his robes. This time it was Aang, who hugged him before Zuko could stop it. 

"You've grown, again," Zuko said when he let him go. They both smiled.

"So have you," Aang laughed. "How is everything? How is the Fire Nation doing?"

Zuko averted his eyes. It was hard enough to struggle by himself, but it was even harder to tell Aang about his failures and mistakes.

"I keep feeling like all the good things I'm trying to do, turn against me. Take the trials, for instance. If anything, it has made me even more unpopular within the palace. Sometimes I think that the only reason I'm still alive is because the Kyoshi Warriors are so great at preventing assassins from killing me." He laughed. It sounded as if he wanted to die.

"To make matters worse, this morning before breakfast I heard that the same group of people who are trying to free Ozai out of prison, are now using the trials as an opportunity to infiltrate the capital and start riots. We're going to have to prepare for the worst, if the trials start next week."

Their conversation was interrupted by Sokka and Katara, who seemed to have cooled off. Zuko noticed Sokka was soaking wet, and Katara's hair seemed to have been trimmed several inches shorter. He thought it wise not to ask anything about it. 

"Let's return to the breakfast table," he offered. "I'll call for some tea."

He called on a nearby servant, who promised to fetch the tea sommelier immediately. Within a few minutes, the man came in. He was quite tall, and as such had to bend his knees in order to serve his guests properly. Zuko noticed he was carrying two tea pots: one large one, and one small one. 

It was customary to serve the Fire Lord first, but Zuko didn't mind that Haruki switched things up a bit. He was, however, quite curious about the tea in the small pot: could it be that his uncle had given the sommelier some extra special leaves? 

Zuko followed the man as he made his way around the room, studying his movements. No one could beat his uncle, but it still was a pleasant sight to behold. 

Finally, Haruki reached his end of the table. He noticed the patched up fabric, faded at the elbows. The uniform almost seemed too tight for him.

"Only the best tea for the Fire Lord," the sommelier said as he switched tea pots and poured some hot liquid for Zuko. 

"Thank you, Haruki," he said, his voice a bit strained. The man was about to turn and leave, when Zuko grabbed his arm. He refused to let go.

"My Lord?" The man sounded nervous.

"Haruki, could you do me a favor and look me in the eye?"

"Of course, my Lord." He turned around, lowered his head a bit. Zuko stared at the man's face and realized he had been right all along.

With his other hand, he made a sign that he was sure Suki would understand. He didn't talk to the man in front of him, just held onto his arm as he stared into his eyes. 

"It seems we have a problem," he said, a voice as soft as silk.

"I don't understand, my Lord." The man smiled, drops of sweat gliding from his forehead. "What do you mean?"

"You're not Haruki. You're an imposter." He pointed at the tea. "I don't think I would like that tea very much." 

With a sudden motion, the man jerked himself free from Zuko's grasp. He started to run away, but hadn't counted on three Kyoshi Warriors who had been hiding in the shadows. They apprehended him quickly, and led him away without much ado.

The rest of the table hadn't even noticed what just happened. Sokka tried to stuff as many pastries in his mouth as he could. Katara and Aang were talking, just out of earshot. 

When he caught Suki's eyes, she nodded. He returned the gesture.

"Well, it's a good thing someone is paying attention around here," he quipped dryly. "Otherwise we wouldn't have much of a Fire Lord left."

"What happened?" Katara was the first person to stand up, fists clenched.

"It's okay, Katara, everything has been taken care of." Suki gestured for her to sit down. 

"There was another assassination attempt?" Aang guessed. 

"Not much of an attempt," Zuko said, trying to keep his composure. Part of him was in shock, he realized. 

"It's alright, Katara," he said, noticing that Katara still hadn't returned to her seat. "I'm safe. Someone tried to poison me with tea, but I've learned a thing or two from Uncle about poisonous teas. The only one I'm worried about right now is my actual tea sommelier." 

"I can go look for him, if you want," Suki offered. 

"I'll go with you! If we see some more bad guys on the way, I could practise my new fighting moves on them." Sokka picked up his machete. Zuko thought he looked frighteningly excited.

Katara and Aang moved closer towards him, so they could talk. Katara sipped from her tea - thankfully, the assassin didn't plan on poisoning anyone else but Zuko. 

"So, where's Mai?" she asked. He changed color, scratched the back of his head with his hand.

"You know, she doesn't really like large crowds," he said. "She's probably somewhere else in the palace." 

He didn't have the heart to tell his friends about the fight they had had the night before. He had wanted to surprise her with some time together, and had taken her outside for a walk. Zuko wanted to have a midnight picnic on top of the caldera, so they could watch the moon and stars. 

While they were walking, Mai had been so very quiet - he had tried to fill the silence with jokes and light conversation, but it was a struggle, as she barely responded. When they reached the peak, and they sat down, he had invited her to breakfast, but she had lashed out at him.

"I'm just like a prop around all your bubbly Avatar friends," she had said. "Go ask Ty Lee. Have fun with her." 

"But I want you there," he responded, taking her hands. "Mai, you're my girlfriend. I don't care if you're moody, I don't care if you're silent. I just want you to be there. You're important to me."

She only rebuffed him again, leaving him behind with his sake and his fruit pie and his good intentions. It had taken him forever to walk back town to the palace. 

* * *

"Wow, you have so many papers," Aang said, eyes wide open, as they entered his study.

Zuko groaned and swiped some of the parchments that covered his desk to the ground. "If I would never check this pile, it would reach the ceiling before the end of the week."

They sat down, each on one side of the low table, legs crossed in front of them. Zuko pulled one of the papers closer to him, examined it with squinted eyes.

"I think this is the one," he said, and held it out for Aang to read. "It's a list of all the people who should be put on trial."

"I'll be honest and say that I don't recognize most of them," Aang said, sticking his tongue out of his mouth. "Boy, this sure is a long list."

"It's going to take a while to go through all of them," Zuko agreed. "Should I call for tea?"

"Nah, I'm good. I'm still pretty stuffed from breakfast." 

"So, you're the Avatar." Zuko looked at his friend. "Can you help me with this? I'm a little out of my depth here. And my advisors won't help me, because they're against the plan."

"Well..." Aang turned red. "I really _want_ to help you, but I don't know much about trials either. The monks only taught us about peace, and that you should forgive everyone. But I guess you don't just want to forgive all these people, right?" He smiled.

"No, not really." Zuko frowned. "But I thought the Air Nomads had an army," he countered.

Aang shook his head. "I was so surprised to hear that being taught in the Fire Nation schools, but it's really not true. The Air Nomads had no formal military. How could we? We don't kill anyone. Not animals, not people."

"Wait. You went to a Fire Nation school?"

"I sure did. When we were infiltrating the Fire Nation, we stole some Fire Nation clothing, and I ended up wearing a school uniform. So I got sent there, pretended I was from the colonies, and we had this pop quiz about Fire Nation history. That's where I heard that story."

"Hm."

"Don't you think that's kind of funny?" Aang said.

Zuko merely sighed, his eyes wandering over the list of names.

"What's wrong?"

"Ever since I've become Fire Lord, I'm keeping this list of things that need to change. The foreign troops, of course. The issue of the colonies, that we still have to talk about." He gave Aang a long, hard look. "The infrastructure. The inequality. The military. And now the school system. It's all becoming a bit much, especially given the fact that there aren't that many people who agree with me."

"You know, I think you're looking for allies in the wrong places," Aang said. "When we were traveling through the Fire Nation, we saw so many Fire Nation villages who were absolutely destroyed because of the war. I'm sure you'll find many allies there. You just need to get outside of the capital. You've been locked up in here for far too long." He patted his friend on the back.

"I guess you're right," Zuko said, feeling a bit ashamed that he hadn't thought of this sooner. "I should do that. I'll make arrangements right away."

* * *

Another evening, another dinner. This time, however, they were all sitting down together, enjoying each other's company. It reminded him of the time when they were still traveling together. Sleeping under the starry sky, sitting around a campfire with a simple dish - it was as close to happiness as Zuko had been in a very long time.

And now, he was hosting all of this, emperor of his realm, but without the feeling of moral superiority that other people might have, were they in a similar situation. His eyes scanned the room, taking it all in: the fairy lights in the trees, Appa and Momo enjoying their dinners, Sokka toasting with Suki and Aang. Even Mai seemed to have found a spot among them, sitting back in the cushions, but with something that looked like a smile on her face.

Then he noticed Katara.

She was sitting away from the others, but looking in their direction just as he was: her shoulders were a little slumped, she was holding her nearly full glass without drinking from it. He made his way over to her, careful not to alert her to his presence.

"Are you alright?"

"Zuko! I didn't see you there." She made room for him on the low wall she was sitting on, took a sip of her drink without much enthusiasm. 

"I didn't know you left the South Pole," he offered, keeping his voice down. 

"I didn't want anyone to try and stop me," she said, staring into the middle distance. "I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye."

"Don't worry about it. I understand why you did it, I think." 

"You know, I thought I understood why I did it, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I miss my dad, my brother was absolutely right to yell at me like that just now. I let them down. I let everyone down. And for what? I feel just as lost now as I did when I was still at home."

Zuko followed her gaze, settling on the happy faces of their friends. They seemed to have forgotten about them completely. 

"Even when you know your destiny, that doesn't mean you can't feel lost," he said.

"Now you sound just like your uncle." Katara laughed. She punched his shoulder without putting much weight behind it, then let her hand rest there.

"I have an idea," he said and perked up. "Aang gave me the idea to go into the Fire Nation tomorrow. I'm feeling just as lost as you are, or I least, I think so. He thought that finding people who agree with my cause would help me find back my strength. You should come with me."

She didn't immediately answer. 

"I mean, you don't have to come, of course. It was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, no, I think it's great. Maybe this is just what I need. To get away from everything." 

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Zuko said. He smiled, and she smiled back.

"I'm going to check on Mai. Sorry for leaving you behind," he apologized. She gestured vaguely. 

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine over here. See you tomorrow." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moons and Flowers - Session Victim


	15. My One and Only Thrill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was so much more I wanted to tell in this chapter but this is already 5k+ words, so the other half will come next week. Hope you'll enjoy! 
> 
> _Birds may cease to spread their wings  
>  but it don't matter  
> when does May envelop spring?  
> but it don't matter, cause  
>   
> When I'm with you  
> my whole world  
> stands still  
>   
> You're my one and only thrill -- Melody Gardot_

He opened his eyes and stared into the pale white face of a ghost.

Or so he thought. 

Zuko shrieked, a rather high pitched sound. He kicked his legs out from under him, trying to get himself away from that _thing_ at the end of his bed as far as possible. It was completely dark in his room, save for the little light from the candles in the hallway.

"Zuko! It's me, Suki! Quiet down already!"

"You woke me up!" he hissed from his far end of the bed. Now that his eyes were a little more attuned to the darkness, he saw it was indeed Suki's face paint that had scared the living hell out of him a few seconds earlier. 

"No, I didn't. I've been watching you. You haven't slept for a minute yet. That's why I wanted to check in - are you okay?" 

"I'm fine. You can go now," he muttered. But Suki didn't move. 

"Zuko."

"I just said, I'm fine. You know what, if you're not going to leave, I will." 

He pushed back the blankets and got up to grab his dressing gown from the hanger. Once he got his left arm in, he was stuck: his scar acted up again, and the pain prevented him from moving any further. He moved his right arm up and down, but to no avail.

"Let me help you with that." Suki held onto the gown and helped him in his robe. Then, she stepped around him to look him in the eye.

"Zuko, don't be stubborn. I know something is going on. You can tell me."

He didn't answer. Instead, he walked up to the open windows and stared out into the night. The darkness seemed to stare right back into his soul, making the hairs on his arm stand up straight.

"I can't sleep," he said without turning around. "After what happened today, with the assassin..."

"Zuko, I'm so sorry that happened," Suki said. "We should have made sure that man wouldn't have been able to walk into the palace at all."

"I don't blame you," Zuko said. He rested his head against the window frame. "I blame myself. I should have known this could happen. I should have been more careful. But now, with the trials coming up as well..." his voice trailed as he looked up again, half and half expecting someone to jump at him from the bushes.

"What am I even doing?" he said, more to himself than to Suki. "I can't do this. I'm a failure. My father was right."

"Don't say that." Suki's voice was but a whisper.

"Promise me you don't tell anyone." He turned around abruptly. "Promise me."

"I promise. But you _have_ to try to sleep."

She walked out of his room, resuming her post by the door. Zuko sat down at his desk, and stared into the darkness until the sun rose.

* * *

He didn't want to stay in his room any longer than necessary. After getting dressed, he called for a cup of tea to be sent to his room. When he opened the door to get out, it was waiting for him on a small tray. He picked it up, held it close to feel the warmth radiating off of it. 

With his tea in hand, he got on the move. He kept a brisk pace, greeting servants and ministers as he walked past them. Because he never looked back, he didn't see the looks of confusion that spread out on their faces.

Before breakfast, he finished his first meeting. Zuko raced through all the talking points, made notes, promised to look at some more drafts and plans and schedules, and excused himself. He stopped by the kitchen to tell the staff to forego his breakfast this morning. Yes, his honored guests should still enjoy all the offerings, but he himself wasn't hungry. When he left, he was nonetheless carrying a basket with fruit and pastries. 

On his way to the next meeting then, in the former throne room - Zuko had decommissioned the room in the first week of his reign. Not that he hadn't tried it, sitting within a vortex of flames, barely able to see the person in front of him. But he hated it with a passion. There were too many memories in there.

So he had ordered a renovation, and now he was to inspect the progress. 

Zuko walked in, scrolls under his arm and a cold cup of tea in his hand. He almost dropped the scrolls. 

"You have outdone yourself," he told the architect, who stood in the center of the room, plucking at the edges of his mustache. 

"My Lord, I know you asked to remove the entire interior structure, but these columns are magnificent. You see, they were built even before your great grandfather Sozin's reign, and the decorations lead me to believe that..."

"No need to apologize, master Zhen Su. This is amazing. Now the Fire Nation palace finally has a place to dance again."

"Are we going to dance? When?"

Zuko shrieked, jumped in the air and turned around - all at once. He assumed a fighting stance, his teeth gritted, his good eye squinted. Without looking, he sent out a couple of fire blasts.

"Hey! Ouch! What are you doing?" 

"Sokka?" Zuko dropped his arms. 

"Who did you think it was? Another assassin?" 

Sokka walked up to him, dusting off his slightly charred tunic. Zuko groaned.

"I'm sorry Sokka, I didn't mean to burn you." His fire had completely incinerated the engravings on the door. The handle had molten, too. 

"You're lucky my reflexes are as quick as a crocodile cat," Sokka said as he inspected his nails. 

"My Lord?" 

"Zhen Su, I'm so sorry about the door. And the handle. Do you think it can be fixed?"

"My Lord, you would hardly be the first person to accidentally burn something in here. We can absolutely get this fixed. It will, however, delay the project for another two weeks, I'm afraid."

The man looked at Zuko as if he was about to chew his head off.

"That's alright," Zuko said, his mind already occupied with other thoughts. He wandered off, Sokka in tow.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? Man, what is going on with you today?"

"Nothing is going on with me today. You spooked me, that's all. Now I have another meeting to attend. "

"Oh, I'm _sorry,_ Fire Lord Zuko." Sokka stood in front of Zuko and spread his hands. 

"You're not going anywhere, buddy. Something is up, and I can just _feel_ it."

"You and your girlfriend sure have a knack for meddling in my business," Zuko muttered under his breath.

"Doesn't matter what it is," Sokka continued as if he hadn't heard Zuko, "I know just the thing to cheer you up."

"And what's that?" 

"Shopping!"

* * *

"I don't like this at all." 

"Come on, live a little! Look at all these beautiful belts. Don't you need a belt?" 

Sokka held up a fiery red specimen, embroidered with gold and decorated with emeralds and amethysts. Zuko stuck out his tongue.

"That… looks terrible," he said. "Why did you bring me out here again?"

"Because, my friend," Sokka said as he dropped the belt and put his arm around Zuko's shoulder, "You need to be cheered up. I don't know what's going on with you, but there's nothing a little retail therapy can't fix." 

They were walking in one of the capital's busiest shopping streets. It was market day today as well, and there were stalls everywhere. The street was packed with people, and they were only able to slowly move through the crowd. He would be a very easy target now, Zuko knew.

"Look, we have to get out of here," he tried to tell Sokka. "I have an important meeting that I'm already ten minutes late for, and..."

"Blah blah, you and your meetings. We have meetings at the South Pole, too, you know. But we don't have twenty six of them in _one day._ You're the Fire Lord! Tell them to reschedule the stupid meeting!"

Sokka held up another trinket. This time, it was an enormous leather coat. 

"You could absolutely pull this off! Try it on, come on!" 

Zuko kept on walking, scanning the faces in the crowd as he moved along. The market would continue for at least another two blocks, and there was no way to escape before that. He'd have to make haste.

"Hey, hold on, wait for me!" Sokka caught up with him again. "Haven't you seen anything you like yet?" 

"Did you see any of the Kyoshi Warriors leave with us this morning? I'm not sure if they knew where I was going. But it doesn't really matter, does it? That assassin yesterday was able to sneak into the palace without any problems, and out here it's even easier..."

His breaths became shallow and infrequent. The world seemed to spin, so he stopped moving, but the spinning continued. He pushed his fingertips in his temples and flinched.

"Whoa there, buddy. That doesn't look too good. Is the crowd getting to you? It happens to me sometimes, don't worry about it. We'll get you to the sidewalk. Here, hold on to me. Come on, just a couple more steps… there you go."

Sokka pushed on his shoulders, so Zuko obliged and sat down on the sidewalk. At least he'd be a less easy target to spot from here, he thought. Gradually, the fog in his head started to disappear. 

"I couldn't really hear what you were mumbling about the Kyoshi Warriors just now, but Suki is right there up on that roof," Sokka said as he sat down next to him. He pointed.

Zuko squinted his eyes and through the tree branches, he could indeed make out a small figure sitting on the rooftop. 

"How can you even see that's her?" 

"When you love someone, you can spot them from a mile away," Sokka said with soft eyes and a smile on his face. "I can tell from the way she moves. That's Suki, all right. And I'm fairly sure I spotted Ty Lee and that other girl whose name I can't remember in the crowd, too. They've got their eyes on you. Believe me, after you went to bed last night, I spent a full hour talking to Suki about what happened this afternoon. She feels terrible about it. No way they're going to let you out of their sight."

"If someone stabs me right here, she can't do much from up on that rooftop, can she?"

"That's why they have eyes on the ground as well. Besides, you seem to forget we had those big guys walk along with us the entire time."

Zuko looked up and saw two palace guards, dressed in full armor, keeping watch about five feet away from them. 

Sokka put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "You're in good hands. I promise. Don't worry too much about it."

"But someone must have helped them," Zuko said to himself. "Someone on the inside of the palace."

"Ooh, that sounds like a fun mystery to solve!" 

Zuko shot Sokka a look.

"I mean, not _fun_ fun. But, you know, fun. I'm a pretty decent detective myself, actually. Let me solve this mystery for you." 

Sokka got up from the sidewalk and reached out his hand for Zuko to hold onto. 

"Allright," Zuko said as he rose to his feet. "See if you can find out who is helping them. But please, Sokka, be discrete about this."

"You doubt my talents? That really hurts," Sokka said, and pulled an imaginary knife out of his ribcage. "But I forgive you. You've never seen my genius mind in action."

"Right," Zuko said, trying to find a way to end the conversation. "Let's go back. It's almost lunch time, anyway."

"Good thinking. Hey, you don't mind that I used your money to pay for all this stuff, right?"

Zuko perked up. "What stuff?"

Sokka opened his bag, and Zuko peeked inside. He saw a flute in the shape of a dragon, one of the ugly belts from before, a hairpin and a flask. He shrugged. "If that makes you happy."

"Err," Sokka tapped his index fingers against each other, "There's one more thing."

There stood an animal, about the size of an ostrich horse, but fuzzier. Its fur was striped, and Zuko couldn't help but notice the daunting set of teeth. 

"What's that?" 

"A tiger alpaca! I got the last one!"

The entire market street could hear the sound of Zuko's palm being slapped against his forehead.

* * *

When they reached the palace gates, Katara and Aang and Mai stood there, waiting for them. Zuko tried to gauge Mai's mood, but her face was an impenetrable wall, as usual.

"Where did you run off to this morning," Katara asked, pointing at the bag that Sokka was carrying.

"Zuko and I went shopping," Sokka said and nearly squealed with delight as he showed all his treasures to his friends. "Have a look at this! This is definitely the finishing touch for my new look."

"Which one? The hairpin or the belt?" Aang asked.

"Both, of course!"

Katara rolled her eyes so far back into her head that Zuko couldn't see her irises anymore. 

Aang turned to Zuko.

"Are you nervous about the trials? Because I sure am." He smiled a little sheepishly.

Zuko noticed his mouth was dry. "I guess so, a little bit, yeah. I mean, I'm not really looking forward to having to spend so much time with my father again."

He felt a weight on his arm. When he turned his head to look, he saw Mai, holding onto him. Her fingers searched for his hand, and she gave him a little squeeze. 

Zuko raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything. He squeezed back, smiling. 

* * *

Lunch was another assortment of cured meat, cheeses and fruit. Carafes filled to the brim with orange juice and sparkling water were placed in the center of the table. Zuko saw it all, but he didn't have the appetite to actually eat anything. Unlike his friends.

Mai was sitting next to him, slowly breaking her _melonpan_ and spreading jam on top of the pieces. She handed him one, but he gently pushed her hand away.

"You have to eat, dummy," she said. "Otherwise you won't make it through the day."

"Yeah, I know," he replied, not really listening to what she said. At the far end of the room, a man walked in. A man he could now recognize without hesitation. He jumped up from his cushion and rushed towards Haruki, who pushed a little cart with several teapots on it.

"My Lord," the man turned pale when he saw Zuko coming. He fell on one knee, face towards the ground. "Please accept my sincerest apologies for the tragedies that occurred yesterday. Although I am happy to see your majesty is unharmed, I understand that this is unacceptable behavior of any of your servants. I am ready to receive my punishment whenever you wish, my Lord."

"Haruki, please, get up," Zuko said through gritted teeth, using all his willpower not to blow up at this overzealous expression of humility. "There's really no need-" he grabbed the man at the elbow and hauled him back on his feet. 

"Listen, I only wanted to ask if you're okay. I'm the one who should apologize, I put you in harm's way." Zuko looked Haruki straight in the eye. "You're more than welcome to take a few days off, if you want." 

The tea sommelier bowed and said something Zuko couldn't quite hear. When he got up again, his eyes were a little glassy. 

"Thank you, my Lord," Haruki said. "I am most grateful for your generous and kind offer. Please do me the honor of serving your tea this afternoon."

Zuko went back to his seat. Mai held out a piece of bread for him, and this time, he took it. 

"You should listen to your own advice," Sokka said from across the table. "Take a few days off! Go to Ember Island or something. Have a beach party."

"Yeah, you should do that, Zuko! And we should all come with you!" Aang almost jumped up with excitement, until Katara pulled him back down again.

"This really feels like old times," Zuko said and sighed. "No, I can't. If you don't remember, we have trials coming up within a few days. I need to prepare. We all do."

He caught Katara's eye and nodded. "Do you still want to come with me this afternoon?" he asked her. She smiled. 

"Of course. I borrowed some clothes from Suki so that I'll blend in."

"Where are you two going?" Mai asked, her voice not betraying any emotion."

"Aang said I should get out more, and I kind of agreed. I thought it might be nice for Katara to come along. See the countryside a bit." 

"Sounds like a lot of work," Mai said. She leaned over the table towards Katara. "If you get bored, you could start throwing some knives around. Or at least, that's what I usually do."

Katara snickered. "I don't think that'll be necessary. But thanks for the advice."

* * *

"Wouldn't you rather take the palankine to go outside, my Lord?"

Zuko shook his head so hard that he made himself dizzy. "Absolutely not. What impression would I give off if I went around like that? It's silly."

Katara had changed into Suki's clothes. She wore a pair of baggy, dark pink trousers and a red tunic with golden embroidery. 

"Why don't you borrow Appa?" Aang offered. "I'm sure he'd love the exercise."

"That's a great idea! Thanks, Aang." Katara gave Aang a hug. 

"I'm going to grab some things," Zuko said to Katara. As he left the room, she peeked through the half open door. 

"Where do you think he's going?" Aang asked, standing beside her.

"I have no idea," she said. "Maybe he forgot something."

"Well, I should get going."

Aang stretched his arms above his head. "I promised Sokka I'd help him solve the mystery of the informant inside the palace."

"Is that some kind of game I've never heard of?"

"No, Zuko thinks there's someone inside the palace working with the assassins. Sokka is going to find out who it is, and I'm going to help him."

"Oh, okay. Have fun then, I guess."

As Aang left, footsteps approached.

"Ready to go?"

Zuko had ditched his top knot and crown. His hair hung in his face - it was becoming so long now that he had trouble keeping it out of his eyes. Katara noticed he had also packed his dao swords, and strapped them over his regalia.

"Aren't you afraid you won't be able to see anything like that?" she asked, snickering behind her hand.

"Not reall-ah!" 

With a loud thud, Zuko smacked on the pavement. When he had tried to take a step forward, his shoe caught the hem of his robes, and he had tripped.

Katara couldn't help but laugh. Still laughing, she grabbed Zuko's hand and pulled him back on his feet. 

"This… stupid...outfit!" 

Zuko removed his swords, then took off his shoulder piece and cape. All he was left with now was an outfit that looked like a dress. 

"I hate formal wear," he lamented. "It's stiff, and heavy, and overall I wish I could set fire to it and make it disappear." 

"Well, why don't you?"

"The royal tailors will have made me a new outfit before sundown," he said with a sour look on his face.

"Maybe you should wear something else entirely," she suggested. "Like what you wore when we were traveling together. Here, let me help you."

She grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him back into the hallway. "Now, onto your bedroom, mister. Show me what you got."

"You water tribe folks sure are the meddling kind," Zuko grumbled as he let Katara push him along.

When they arrived at the double doors to the master bedroom, Zuko wanted to slip inside, but Katara held the door. 

"Hold on, I'm coming with you. Otherwise, we'll stand here forever."

"Err, okay." He didn't seem too happy about the idea, but let her in his room nonetheless.

Inside, it was quite dark. His room was on the northern side of the palace, so that he'd have the first light. Now that it was afternoon, the sun had moved on to the other side of the building. 

"I'll just grab something and go-"

"You boys are all the same," Katara said. She picked up a pair of trousers from a heap on the floor. "Instead of putting your stuff back where it belongs, you just leave it behind when you don't need it anymore. Sokka shouldn't get too used to staying here - in the Southern Water Tribe, no one is going to pick up his dirty clothes, not even if he's the chief."

"Hey, I might need that," Zuko snapped and snatched the trousers out of her hand. "And this one, too," he said as he fished a tunic out of the pile.

"Also, for your information, I do clean up my own mess," he snarled as he changed behind his folding screen. "It's just..."

"Just what?" Katara chuckled. "Look, I really don't care. It's not my room, and I don't have to clean up your stuff. Do whatever you like."

"No, I mean..." Zuko hesitated. "Never mind."

* * *

He just didn't want her to know that he had spent half of his night standing in front of the mirror, trying on clothes in which he didn't hate himself. If he let his hair down, it almost reached below his chin now. That in itself was not the problem, but with the robes… he looked just like his father.

They were standing next to Appa, ready for departure. 

"Shouldn't you ask some of the Kyoshi Warriors to come along?" Katara asked.

"I don't think that's necessary," Zuko said. He flung himself onto Appa's head. "Aren't you coming?"

"Hold on a second. Yesterday was the second time that you were almost killed. The Kyoshi Warriors aren't here for nothing. Aren't you being a little reckless now?"

"Katara, we've done things like these before. The Southern Raiders, the Agni Kai with Azula..." he paused. "If there's anyone I would trust with my life without hesitation, it's you."

"Oh." She looked flustered. "What I wanted to ask you..." she stopped herself. "What I wanted to ask you is if you know where you want to go. I mean, we could just fly out there, but maybe you have a better idea."

"Honestly, I just want to get away from here," Zuko said. "Anywhere will do."

"Okay, how about we fly to… I don't know... the southeast corner of the main island, then? That's not too far from here, but definitely _away_."

He nodded. She held Appa's horn and climbed in the saddle. 

* * *

Katara put her arms on the edge of the saddle and looked down at the ground beneath her. She saw mountains, rice fields and villages pass under her. The Fire Nation was a beautiful country, she thought.

"How much do you know about the Fire Nation?" she asked, breaking the silence that had hung between them for the past fifteen minutes.

"Not much outside of what I've been taught in school. I mean, I know the capital, and Ember Island. But that's about it." He sighed. "And the things I've been taught are mostly propaganda, or straight up lies."

She turned her head to look at him. He was focused on flying them in the direct direction, but he huddled back, the corners of his mouth turned down and his eyes seemed as if they were looking at nothing.

"You look like someone just gave you really bad news," she said, trying to get him to smile. 

"I've been Fire Lord for, what, three months now? And I'm already failing. The list of things I have to do just keeps growing. Every day, I find something else my father has lied about, something else I have to make right in order to restore balance to the world. But I can't do it - it's like I will never be able to do it." 

He paused, and she sought in her head for words she could say that would console him, but she came up empty.

"And the trials - did I even make the right decision to hold them? Was that a bad idea? I don't know, but I'm starting to think it might be. I -" now he looked back, catching her eye, holding her gaze. "- I decided not to put Azula on trial. I know what she has done, to you, to me, to the Earth Kingdom and to this country. But she's my _sister._ Somehow, it doesn't feel right."

He turned his head again, shoulders high as if in anticipation of a beating. 

Katara realized that all that time, she had forgotten to breathe.

"No, I think I understand," she said, speaking slowly as she gathered her thoughts. "I remember after the fight ended, after I chained Azula to the ground..." she pursed her lips, "It was _so_ painful to watch. I actually felt bad for her. For both of you."

A silence fell between them. The only thing they heard was the wind, ringing in their ears. 

"I still don't understand why -"

"I can't stop thinking about -"

She glanced in his direction and saw he was looking at her, too. She took a deep breath.

"Why did you risk everything - your life, the crown - to save me?"

Zuko scratched the back of his head, cracked his fingers.

"I told you no one else had to get hurt. I promised. I couldn't break that promise." 

"Well, that's stupid." 

She saw him looking back in surprise.

"If you would have died, Azula would have taken the throne. We would have _lost._ There wouldn't have been any peace at all. You were our only chance."

He frowned. 

"If I would have gotten you killed, I would have _never_ forgiven myself, do you understand? Never. I'm the one who taunted Azula to shoot lightning at me. If I wouldn't have done that, none of that would have happened." 

"That's even more stupid! You didn't know I was standing right behind you, you couldn't have known. It wasn't your fault. It wouldn't have been your fault!"

They were basically shouting at each other now. Katara had gotten up on her feet, holding on to the railing as she walked towards Zuko. 

"What, you're telling me you'd rather be dead?" he asked her.

"Well, no," she said. "But we almost _lost_ you because of that." She sat down right beside him, his hair slapping her in the face every few seconds. "It still scares me awake at night sometimes," she said with a voice low enough that she hoped he hadn't heard her.

"I sometimes have nightmares about that moment, too," he said. "But in my dreams, I can't reach the lightning in time."

* * *

The clouds have multiplied in the sky when they landed Appa into a meadow. Katara pulled her hair out of her face - riding on Appa never did much good for her looks. 

"It seems there's a village over there," she pointed as Zuko made sure Appa was comfortable with some food and water. "We should probably go check it out." 

As they walked into the village, Katara couldn't help but notice its abominable state. The houses could barely stand upright anymore, and the roads had severe holes in them. The people weren't faring much better. Clothes with threads coming loose, children who were way too skinny. Katara felt the same kind of rage welling up in her stomach as months ago, when they had entered the town of the painted lady.

Only this time, she saw she wasn't the only one who felt that way. Zuko's jaw was clenched, his fingers curled up into a ball that he had pulled up to his chest. She reached out to him.

"This isn't your fault. Don't beat yourself up too much." 

"We should go talk to people," he said, whispering as she was. "As far as I can tell, they don't recognize me."

There was a marketplace here as well, and although it was getting late in the afternoon, there was more than enough hustle and bustle. Katara and Zuko stayed within earshot of each other, although they made a point of talking to different people.

"So… how are you doing?" she heard Zuko ask some older lady, and giggled. She focused on the family in front of her: mom and dad, with a baby on their arm. 

"Well, child, if I'm being honest, not all that well. Those military thieves dropped by again last week, took all my crops without even paying me. I thought the war was over, but they're still abusing their power like before."

"My brother hasn't returned from the war. We have no idea what's going to happen to his family now - his wife and two young children have been able to get by so far, but this can't go on forever. They're staying with us now, but Agni knows our house is too small for everyone..."

Katara could see Zuko getting all worked up. He was shaking, and she couldn't tell whether it was rage or sadness.

"Did you… Was there any improvement after the war, at all?" he asked, his voice trembling too.

"Well..." one man raised his hand. "I'd say that that young Fire Lord, Agni bless his soul, must have a hard time up in the capital, surrounded by all those vultures that served Ozai. He is a good kid, I know that much. I just hope they don't eat him alive over there."

Now, Katara could see the tears spring into Zuko's eyes, and she thought this about the right time to pull him aside.

"Hey, are you still okay?" she asked him, hand on his arm. He blinked away his tears, averting her eyes.

"I'm fine," he said, a tad nasal. "I just didn't know things were just as bad out here as they were in the Earth Kingdom. It just got to me. I'm sorry."

"No, I get it. I had the same feeling when we were traveling through the Fire Nation and we landed upon this little town on the water, where the river was polluted because of a military factory. Those people had it so bad, I just had to help them." Briefly, she summarized the story for him. 

"It sounds like you know more about the Fire Nation than I do at this point," Zuko said and smiled. "What would you do, if you were in my shoes?"

She took a step back, surprised by the question. "What _I_ would do? You really want to know?"

He nodded. She couldn't help but grin.

"I mean, the way I see it, these are the people who you're really doing it all for. Those stuffy governors in the capital have enough money and power already. If you want to help your country heal, you should find out what keeps these people up at night. They need your support more than anyone." 

Before he could respond, she started rummaging through the bag she brought with her. She pulled up a piece of parchment and some ink, turned around and went back to the villagers. 

* * *

As Katara made her rounds, speaking with everyone who was willing to talk to her, Zuko watched. He followed her with his eyes, lingered on the way her hands moved around as she talked and how her skin seemed to glow in the afternoon sunlight. 

He found himself smiling as she smiled, laughing at one of the villagers' jokes. He started to notice little things about her: the way she cocked her head to the side when she was listening intently, or how her eyes lit up when she had an idea. She kept getting ink stains on her fingers, and she was so busy moving around that several strands of hair fell out of place and fell over her forehead. She wiped them away with her hand, only for the hairs to fall right back into the same spot.

Zuko forgot he was even standing there, on that grassy patch in the middle of the square. Others forgot about him too, bumped into him - but he didn't mind. He was just watching Katara now, as in a daze.

"She's a fine girl you have there." 

Zuko turned his head to see who was standing beside him. It was the same man who had spoken so positively about him earlier.

"Take good care of her," the man said, and the crow's feet around his eyes became more prominent as he smiled.

Zuko turned his gaze towards Katara again. He swallowed.

"I will." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My One and Only Thrill - Melody Gardot


	16. Fire Lit Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: some pieces of dialogue in this chapter were inspired by Tumblr posts and/or quotes from Modern Family :)

On their way back, they didn't stop discussing what Zuko could do to make the Fire Nation a better place. Katara kept going through her notes, pointed at ideas that seemed promising, and ran them by Zuko, who would stroke his chin and point out potential roadblocks. They kept going back and forth like that until they reached the palace once more.

Not a moment after they'd landed and started unsaddling Appa, Suki walked towards them. 

"I'm sorry, I have to borrow Zuko for a moment," she said and smiled at Katara, who shrugged and continued brushing Appa's long, dense fur.

"What is it?" he asked as they stepped aside into the gallery. Suki crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned against one of the columns.

"It's Sokka," she said, keeping her voice down as if she was afraid someone would hear them. "He thinks Mai hates him, and it really upsets him."

"I'm sure Mai doesn't hate him," Zuko said. _This_ was what Suki wanted to talk to him about so desperately? 

"She never laughs at his jokes," Suki said. "You know how that hurts him."

"Mai never laughs at anyone's jokes." 

"That's what I said, but I was there when it happened today. It's a mess. She just lifts her eyebrow and stares at him," she insisted.

"Wait. Are you sure?" Zuko opened his good eye wider.

"Positive. She _sits_ there and it's like she's not even listening to him and Sokka completely exhausts himself. I've heard him tell the same story three times already."

"You don't understand," Zuko said, talking faster and in a higher pitch than usual. "That _is_ Mai laughing. She doesn't even do that when I make a joke. I don't think I've ever seen her genuinely chuckle at something. Raising an eyebrow is definitely the best thing you can get."

"When do you ever make jokes?" 

Zuko felt his cheeks burning. "Hey! I'm funny!"

Suki raised an eyebrow and walked away.

* * *

On the other side of the palace, Katara found Sokka enjoying the sun and some watermelon juice. She sat down next to him, trying to rub the ink stains from her fingers without much success.

"Someone had a productive afternoon," he commented as he glanced at her hands.

"It's been great," she said, a sigh in her voice. "We went to this village and talked to so many people. Zuko really wanted to hear what I had to say about everything. On the way back here, we just brainstormed. I feel so energized." 

"You don't look energized," Sokka said, resting his right ankle on top of his left knee. He looked at Katara as he searched with his mouth for the straw in his drink.

"Maybe that's because I can't stop thinking about the fact that this is exactly what I've been missing at home. You and dad never ask me for advice about anything, I have to invite myself to meetings, my life is constantly being decided for me." She fell silent. "That's why I left."

"Hmm." Sokka used the straw to suck the final drops of watermelon juice out of his glass. He frowned. "I should have taken better care of you."

"It's not like that, Sokka, I can take care of myself." Katara tapped her fingers on the bench. "I just wish you and dad would _include_ me in things. Listen to my ideas, take me seriously."

"I take you seriously!" he exclaimed. 

"I still don't have a meaningful role to play at home," she pointed out. "Has anything changed after I left?"

"Well, we both miss you very much," Sokka said. "Dad really worries about you. He stares at the sky all day, waiting for a message from you to arrive."

She felt a sting in her chest. "I'm sorry to hear that. I never wanted to hurt dad. Or you. But I _had_ to go. I hope you understand."

Sokka shifted his weight and put his feet back on the ground. "I don't agree with what you did, Katara. But… I think I do understand. And I think I should apologize for not being there for you." 

He looked her in the eye and spread his arms. Katara leaned in and put her head on her brother's shoulder.

"You should really let Dad know where you are," he mumbled. 

"I know." Katara let go of Sokka and laid her hands on her knees. "I just don't really know what to tell him."

"Why don't you start with what you just told me," Sokka said. "I brought Hawky, he's with the other birds. You can send him with a message."

"Thanks, Sokka." Katara smiled. "Don't you want to send him a message, too?"

"Yeah, maybe I should. I kind of forgot, what with everything that's going on."

"Why are you even here?" She stretched her legs, glanced around the space they were sitting. The Fire Nation had so many little courtyards and gardens, it was hard to keep track. Katara knew they were in the East Wing of the palace now, where most of their rooms were. This was one of the smaller courtyards. It was filled with marble statues of people Katara didn't recognize. Probably Fire Nation nobility, or maybe other royals that she didn't know about. She didn't care to get up and check the plaques.

"You know Zuko offered Dad to pay reparations?" Sokka raised an eyebrow.

Katara nodded. "Zuko told me about the idea when we were still on Kyoshi Island."

"Well, Dad changed the deal a little bit. Instead of Zuko paying money, he wanted the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation to form an alliance through mutual respect and knowledge of each other's culture. I'm basically here to teach Zuko about our tribe, and he's going to show me the Fire Nation's greatest inventions."

"Sounds like a pretty sweet deal on your end," Katara said with a chuckle. "But what are you going to teach Zuko?"

"That's the thing, I don't know yet." Sokka's face fell. "I feel like the sacred art of stewed sea prunes is kind of lost on him, I haven't seen him cook once since I arrived here. And I doubt he's going to turn it into some national delicacy or something."

"I'm sure you'll come up with something in due time," she said. "By the way, did Dad really refuse Zuko's money?"

"He did. But Zuko refused not to pay him. He already told me that I'm going to take three full crates with me when I go back."

"Oh my."

"What's wrong? You look worried."

"I am a little," she confessed. "On the way back, Zuko disclosed a little bit about the financial situation the Fire Nation is in. If he goes bankrupt, there's not much good he can do for himself or us."

"I'm sure Zuko knows what he can and cannot afford," Sokka said. "But I'll check with him one more time, to make sure." He shook his head. "Although I doubt I can change his mind. He's just as stubborn as you are."

"Sokka, here you are!" Suki ran in, sounding a little breathless. 

"Suki!" Sokka jumped up, put his glass aside and hugged his girlfriend. Katara watched the pair with a smile on her face. 

Suki put her hands on Sokka's arms. "I spoke with Zuko, and he swore to me that Mai doesn't hate you. In fact, he believes Mai actually thinks you're really funny. He said she never even raises an eyebrow when he makes a joke."

"Zuko makes jokes?"

"I don't know what he was talking about either," she said. "But this is good news, right? You don't have to worry anymore." 

Sokka kissed Suki on the tip of her nose. "This is the best news I've heard all day. I'm going to find him immediately."

Before either of the girls could say anything else, he darted into the hallway. 

* * *

Zuko opened the door of his study and groaned. He had been gone for four hours and it seemed as if the number of scrolls in the room had doubled. He picked up the nearest one: a lengthy report on the state of the infrastructure of all the different islands. Not the kind of thing he wanted to read right now.

He dropped himself into his chair and rubbed his forehead. Today's trip with Katara had exceeded all his expectations. He had discovered that most regular people in the nation actually _liked_ him, and rooted for him, and were just as fed up with the war as everyone else. Being surrounded by his father's biggest yes-men and -women all his life had given him a false sense of reality. He felt relieved and humbled at the same time: it wasn't him against the world anymore. But he had so many people to take care of if he wanted to do this right.

His door flung open. 

"There you are!" Sokka barged in, swept most of the scrolls of Zuko's desk and sat down. "We have no time to waste, buddy. There's so much you still I have to learn about the Fire Nation!"

"Sokka, can this wait? I'm kind of in the middle-" 

"Nonsense, whatever it is, this is more important. I have made a list of things I definitely want to do. For starters, we should visit your mechanics who made the war thanks and ships. I don't care if they're in prison, I just want to talk. Do you think you have the original plans somewhere? Could I take a look at them?"

Zuko watched his friend in silence as he paced around the room, oblivious to how Zuko was feeling.

Finally, when Sokka had to take a breath, Zuko seized the opportunity to interject. 

"Sokka, I had a long day. We can do this tomorrow. Please, leave." 

"Whoa there." Sokka put up his hands and took a couple of steps backward. "No need to get all jerk-y with me. Get it? Jerky?" He snickered. "But anyway. What's bothering you?"

"A lot, actually." Zuko picked the scrolls from the floor and put them back on his desk. 

"I have time." Sokka leaned against the doorpost, crossed his arms and looked at Zuko. "Now that I know your girlfriend doesn't hate me, I feel much better myself." 

"Well, that's one of my problems, actually." Zuko sat on the edge of his desk. "She might not hate you, but I don't know how she feels about me. Most of the time, she dismisses me completely and acts as if I don't even exist. It's exhausting - but then, every once in a while, she is so nice to me that I almost forget we ever fought. I just don't get it. I don't get _her."_

"Girls are a mystery," Sokka agreed. "One day, they love you, the next day, they hate your guts and you have no idea what happened in between."

"I mean, your sister is okay, I guess." Zuko shrugged. "At least I kind of understand what's going on in her head. Because, you know, she actually tells you."

"Well, consider yourself lucky then," Sokka said and rolled his eyes. "I usually have to drag it out of her, whatever it is. And I usually find out too late that something was actually wrong, so I can't seem to get that right either."

"When Katara and I were on that trip this afternoon, she actually seemed to enjoy herself," Zuko said. 

"Yeah, she told me she had a great time."

"See, that's the thing. Mai would never want to do any of those things. And I get the feeling she doesn't want me to do them, either. She likes that I'm the Fire Lord, but she doesn't like me actually doing the work that comes with the title. If that makes sense." 

"No, it doesn't, but that's girls for ya." Sokka picked up a scroll that Zuko had forgotten and put it with the other scrolls on the desk. 

"I don't know how long I can go on like this," Zuko said and groaned. "I love Mai, I really do, but I have too much on my plate already. If only she would talk to me." 

Suddenly, Sokka's eyes lit up.

"I know just the thing," he said, excitement building up in his voice as Zuko looked at him with a confused look on his face.

"For what?" 

"I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to teach you about the Southern Water Tribe and now I know what that is. You, my friend, are going to get a makeover."

"A what?"

"Don't question the process," Sokka said as he jumped up and down while examining Zuko. "We need to do something about your hair, it's a mess," he muttered to himself as he held a strand of Zuko's hair between his fingers. "And of course, your outfit is absolutely wrong."

"These are my traveling clothes-" Zuko tried to get something in, but Sokka put his finger on Zuko's lips.

"Hush, you don't have to say anything, just listen to me and everything will turn out just fine." Sokka took a step back and stroked his chin with his hand. 

"You are going to take Mai on a romantic date tonight," he declared. "And I'm going to help you prepare."

"This sounds like a bad idea."

"I know exactly what girls like. Come with me." He stepped outside and walked away. Zuko peeked around the corner and saw Sokka standing in the hallway.

"Actually, I don't know where to go," he said and turned to Zuko. "Lead the way. To your bedroom."

"My bedroom?"

"Good to hear you're not deaf. Now, come on! We have no time to waste. I still have to find the appropriate outfit in that closet of yours." 

* * *

"I honestly didn't know they made ice with these flavors," Katara said as she licked on her scoop of watermelon ice cream. She and Suki had decided to discover the capital a bit more. Suki had used her time off to wander around the streets and in doing so, had discovered quite a few nice boutiques and cafes. 

They were walking through quaint little streets, checking out the shops as they walked past them. Merchants were selling fresh fruit and juice on every corner of the street, and it was hard not to be tempted by so many delicious offerings.

"You sure seem to like it here," Suki said with a smile on her face as Katara paid for another smoothie.

"You know, I really do," Katara answered. They strolled at a leisurely pace, and Katara watched a couple of little kids run into a building that could only be a school. "More than I thought I would, actually."

"More than where you've been the past few weeks?" 

Katara didn't immediately answer. She sipped her drink, shielded her eyes against the sun with her hand to look out over the square they had just reached. There was a fountain in the middle. "Let's go sit there," she said and pointed.

"I thought leaving with Aang was the right thing to do," she said as they sat down. The sun burned mercilessly, but the proximity of the fountain gave Katara the opportunity to use her bending to cool them both off a little.

"But it wasn't?" Suki asked, encouraging her to continue talking.

"It just wasn't what I expected," Katara said, taking another sip. "I thought we'd be more of a team, but once he has his mind set on doing something, that's the only thing we're doing. When I point that out to him, he's apologetic, sure, but it doesn't really stick."

"Hmm."

"And it took me until this afternoon to realize that it could be different. Because it _was_ different with Zuko." Katara crossed her legs. "He wanted to know my opinion, he asked me for advice. He treated me like an equal, even though he's the Fire Lord and I know next to nothing about his country."

"Sounds like that's important to you. Being treated like an equal," Suki said.

"Of course it is!" Katara snapped. "Wasn't that the same thing that gave you doubts about moving to the South Pole?"

"It is," Suki said, keeping her voice level. "But you seem to get awfully worked up about this."

"It bothers me that most men seem to think women are nothing more than… accessories. My Dad, Sokka, Aang, they're all the same." 

"Hold on. Isn't that a little unfair?"

"You're right." Katara sighed. "They don't think that. But I do feel as if they don't really pay attention to me. Dad and Sokka don't need my help to rebuild the Southern Water Tribe, Aang doesn't need my help to restore peace and balance in the world. It's nice to know that someone appreciates having you around."

"And you feel like Zuko does that," Suki said. She took Katara's juice out of her hand to take a sip herself. "This is good," she said, smacking her lips.

"Keep it, I've had enough," Katara said and gestured. "And yes, I do. And..." she bit her lip. "... Now that we're talking about it like this, I realize that I wasn't happy for the past few weeks, either. I thought things had changed, but they hadn't. And now I feel like I'm running out of options." 

She put her face in her hands and rubbed her eyelids with her fingers. A cool hand on her arm made her look up.

Suki smiled. "I know it's easy for me to say, but maybe you should stop trying to find your path so forcefully. Just… take a step back, relax. Take a break."

"And where would I do that?"

"Well, you could stay in the Fire Nation with me," Suki offered. "The weather is nice here, you can stay in the palace. We could hang out every day, maybe even go to Ember Island for a couple of days."

"It does sound tempting," Katara said, her voice trailing off. "I don't know. I'd love to spend more time with you, but what about Aang? He needs me."

"Katara," Suki said as she stood up. "I'm saying this with love, but you're actively putting yourself into misery by letting Aang's needs come before your own all the time. It's unhealthy."

"Wow." Katara got up as well and tossed the empty cup in the trash. "What would that have sounded like without love?"

Suki placed an elbow between her friend's ribs. "I'm serious. Aang needs to grow up and you need to learn to let him go. You can't do that if you're smothering him. Maybe he's just not the person you should be around right now." 

* * *

Zuko's bedroom was an even bigger mess than before. Clothes were sprawled out on the bed, shoes scattered on the floor. Zuko stood in front of his mirror, his hair in a messy low bun. He was half dressed, a _yukata_ hanging loose with his bare chest underneath. He grimaced at himself.

"I don't think I can wear this, Sokka," he said to the guy who was rummaging through his closet.

"Hold on… there! Found it!" Sokka stood up straight and held out a cardinal red shirt. "Here, wear this underneath, keep the _yukata_ loose like this and you're good to go."

"That's an awfully… _modern_ take on this outfit," Zuko said.

"If you want to impress Mai, you need to shake things up a little."

"I know how to impress Mai!" Zuko said and pouted.

Sokka kept droning on about all the things Zuko should do during his date. "Hold her hand, unless you get sweaty palms, then you should just put your hand on her waist. Ask about her day, don't just wait until she tells you herself - girls hate feeling as if you're not interested in them..."

"Here, this will do." Zuko picked up a bottle of expensive cologne from one of his drawers and proceeded to spray the contents on himself. The scent was so heavy he almost passed out.

"We should probably go before this wears off," he said.

Sokka frowned. "I think we have a few days." 

"Why does it smell in here as if someone dumped a perfume bottle on the floor?" Mai asked, appearing in the doorframe.

"Because… uhh..." Zuko stammered.

"Never mind. You called me here. Why?"

Zuko tried to think of all the cool things Sokka told him to say, but came up empty. 

Mai rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She turned around and walked away.

"Wait!" Sokka dropped the shirt he was holding and ran out the door, into the hallway. He caught up with Mai.

"It's my fault," he said.

"What, that Zuko lost his tongue?" she looked up at him from underneath her bangs.

"Err, that's right. He is taking you on a date and I was helping him prepare. I'm afraid I told him he should try to sound cool when he talks to you. You know, be as cool as a Southern Water Tribe man. But he obviously doesn't have what it takes." Sokka shrugged.

Mai chuckled.

Sokka's mouth opened.

"Did you..." he stammered, pointing at Mai, who put her hand briefly on his arm before she turned around once more and walked back into Zuko's bedroom.

He was still standing there, no undershirt, cologne wafting from all his pores. She went right up to him, held onto the belt of his yukata and kissed him. "You're stupid," she said and smiled. "It's about time you took me on a date again." 

Zuko felt his cheeks burn. "I… I'm sorry I messed up," he said and gestured around him. "Sokka's idea."

"You should probably put on some actual clothes," Mai said. "And splash some water in your face, that smell is giving me a headache." 

"Right." Zuko dove into his closet and picked an outfit he usually wore. With some aggressive scrubbing, he even managed to get rid of most of the cologne scent. He kept the low bun - it was the only thing he actually liked. 

When they emerged from his room, Sokka was still standing in the same spot where Mai left him. Zuko grinned and mouthed a 'thank you'. Sokka nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

* * *

In the following days, the final preparations for the trials were made. Diplomats and dignitaries arrived at the harbor, and Zuko had to take many trips over there to welcome his honored guests. As the palace was getting arguably more crowded, it became harder and harder to find some space for oneself. 

The afternoon before the trials were set to begin, Zuko, Sokka and Aang were sitting in one of the dining rooms of the palace. King Kuei was also present, sitting at one head of the table while Zuko was seated at the other end. Sokka and Aang were seated in the middle. 

"Chief Arnook sends his regards," Zuko said, his tone much more formal than his friends were used to. "Unfortunately, because of the winds, he won't be able to make it to the capital until later in the day." 

"Since all the other representatives of the four nations are here..." the Earth King said, looking over his reading glasses at the three youngsters in front of him. "I guess we can begin."

Servants entered with lunch. Zuko had made a point of asking his kitchen staff to put a variety of food on the table, not just Fire Nation dishes. And so there was lobster crab, kale cookies, seaweed noodles, cantaloupes and mushrooms, bison steak and vegetable soup. There were dumplings, komodo sausages, and moon peaches. Zuko had even asked Aang for a fruit pie recipe. 

"I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner about our peace treaty," Zuko said, speaking loud as to make himself heard over the sound of his chewing friends.

The room temperature seemed to drop a few degrees as Kuei dabbed his face with a napkin. 

"I expect someone like you to keep their promises," he said with an icy tone. "You were supposed to come to me a month ago. I am highly disappointed in you, Fire Lord."

Zuko clenched his fists. The Earth King was talking to him as he was a child, which, if you put things in perspective, he really was, but he was _also_ the leader of his nation and equal in ranking as the man sitting across him. He got up from his chair, but was stopped by Sokka and Aang, who pulled on his robes until he sat down again.

"King Kuei," Sokka started, swallowing a piece of sausage, "You have to understand that Fire Lord Zuko had other business to focus on." 

Kuei tapped his fingers together and rested his elbows on his arm rests. 

"You see," Aang chimed in, "Assassins are trying to murder him." 

"Staying alive is _kind of_ more important than coming to Ba Sing Se," Sokka added. "I'm sure you would understand."

"Hm." Kuei looked at the table and noticed the bison steak. He pulled the dish closer and helped himself to some of the meat.

"I guess I owe you an apology," he nodded at Zuko. "Do you know who is trying to have you killed?"

"All I know is that they're working for my father," Zuko said, almost spitting out the words. "So far, they've been able to stay out of my hands." 

"I can see why the matter must have taken up a lot of your time," Kuei said. "How about we resume our negotiations after the trials conclude?"

"That works for me," Zuko said. He beckoned a staff member closer to write something in his calendar. "After the trials are over, I am completely at your disposal." 

* * *

After lunch, Aang and Sokka took a walk with Zuko. Zuko had noticed he much preferred holding his meetings while on the move: it gave him more time to think, and the change of scenery made him more creative than he'd be, sitting in a stuffy room. His advisors didn't like it, of course - he had such a brisk walking pace it was almost impossible to keep up with him, let alone take notes. 

But Aang had his air scooter and could use some exercise as well. Diplomacy got in the way of training, and neither of them had done some serious bending in days. Sokka complained a bit, but kept up anyway. 

"Aren't you afraid of the riots?" Aang asked out of the blue.

Zuko smiled. "Not really." 

"You look like you're not saying everything," Sokka said, taking slightly bigger steps than he was used to.

"That's because it's technically a secret," Zuko said. "Uncle and I have been working on a plan for the past few months. With the help of the White Lotus, we have found new governors for all the islands, so we can replace the current ones."

"Who are they?" Aang asked.

"No one is a member of the nobility, that's for sure. They're ordinary, hardworking people who know their islands inside and out."

"Sounds like you're going to surround yourself with peasants," Sokka teased. It earned him an elbow in the ribs.

"I asked Jeong Jeong and master Piandao to join the court as well, but they refused. I guess they don't want to meddle with Fire Nation politics because of their membership of the White Lotus," Zuko said as he turned a corner. 

"That's a shame," Sokka said. "I would have loved to see the master more often." His face turned pale. "Oh, right. Forgot I lost my space sword." Sokka's shoulders dropped. "Just imagine how the master would react to that news..."

"But, Zuko, what about the unrest in the villages around the capital? There will be so many people coming to the city tomorrow. Aren't you afraid at all?" Aang pressed.

They all took a flight of stairs, ending up on the balconies of the palace. They ran all around, except for Zuko's balcony - he had placed guards there after he had found Katara sneaking around in the first week after his coronation.

"Remember when we were in Ba Sing Se with the Earth King?" Zuko asked Aang. "We agreed that I would send him troops to help with rebuilding. Guess which troops I sent there."

"Oh, I know! The troops that were loyal to your war council," Sokka said.

"Exactly." Zuko briefly stopped to look out over the city underneath them. They were on the South end of the palace. On a bright day, one could see the harbor from here - but not today. It was overcast, and chillier than the past few days had been. Summer had finally come to an end. Before long, it'd be snowing in the mountains.

"The war had been going on for so long, we didn't have many experienced soldiers left," he explained as they rested their arms on the railing. "All of them were under the command of my war council. By sending them away, I made sure no one with real fighting experience was left in the country. After that, I disbanded the rest of the military."

"Is that smart?" Sokka asked, glancing at his friend. "There are still threats out there. You might need those soldiers."

"I got this scar on my face because I spoke out against sending inexperienced soldiers into a death trap," Zuko said with a treacherously calm voice. "I'm not about to start doing that now." 

"Then how are you going to defend the Fire Nation?" Sokka insisted.

"Isn't that what I have you guys for?" Zuko smiled and looked at his friends. "Just kidding. For now, the greatest threat to this country is coming from within." He took a last look at the city and picked up the pace again. "Once the trials are over, I will reinstate the army on a voluntary basis."

"But what about those soldiers you sent to Kuei? What if they refuse to obey his orders, or worse, turn against him? You just said they were still loyal to your war council." Aang looked worried.

"Uncle has taken care of that," Zuko said. "I don't know much about it, he wouldn't tell me. But I can imagine a former war general will be able to pull some strings."

Sokka stroked his chin. "How is Iroh able to do all those things while still running a tea shop here?" he asked no one in particular.

"I don't really know either," Zuko admitted, "but I just trust the process." They arrived at the double doors that led to his study. He turned around. "I'm sorry, I have some stuff to take care of," he said. "I'll see you guys later." 

* * *

The first explosion sounded like someone was letting off fireworks. Zuko got up from the report he was reading and walked towards the window. It was late in the afternoon and still clouded, so if there had been fireworks, he wouldn't have been able to see them.

Then, the same sound, but from another direction. Zuko stepped outside his study and found Suki and the others standing there. 

"They're blowing stuff up!" Katara said. At the same time, another explosion could be heard. 

"You should probably stay here," Suki said. "It might be a trap." 

"You think it's the assassins?" 

Suki nodded. "Seems most likely." She turned to Katara. "I'm taking the Kyoshi Warriors to investigate. You're in charge of protecting Zuko now."

Katara nodded. 

"It's nice to know that I don't have a say in any of this anymore," Zuko muttered under his breath. 

* * *

They had put Zuko in a meeting room - Sokka had argued that if they were to come looking for Zuko in the palace, they'd check his office first. By keeping him in another room, the chances of them finding him would be slimmer. Again, Zuko couldn't argue with this reasoning - he couldn't even really be angry with his friends for trying to take care of him. He just wished they would have consulted him while they were doing that.

"Zuko!" Katara, Sokka and Aang stormed in. Katara was carrying a scroll, which she spread out on the table. 

"We've made a map of all the places where the assassin's headquarters could be," she said.

Zuko squinted.

"This is just a map of the Fire Nation," he said.

"That's right. We have no idea where they are."

"You fools!" a voice behind them said.

The four of them turned around as if bitten by an ottersnake. A small figure stood in the hall, laughing at them.

"Toph! How have you been able to sneak in here without us noticing? We have the palace on lockdown!"

Toph snorted. "I could be right under your nose and still sneak past you, Sugar Queen." She walked up to the table and tugged on Zuko's sleeve.

"Listen up, Sparky. I've been tracking these idiots since we left Kyoshi Island. They're moving their headquarters to the capital. I haven't figured out where they're going to stay yet, but I will in the following days. They think they can just hide in plain sight."

Zuko buried his head in his hands. "I don't have time for this!" he cried out. "What am I going to do? The trials start tomorrow."

"That's exactly why they're coming now," Toph said, sounding impatient. "You don't have to do anything, Zuko. I'll take care of it."

"By yourself?" Katara crossed her arms.

"Yes, by myself," Toph said and stuck out her tongue. "Mind your own business, Katara. You have your job, I have mine."

Katara glanced at Zuko, who had rested his elbows on the table and was staring into the distance. 

"Zuko, you don't look well," she said. 

"I'm fine," he growled. 

"I don't think so," Sokka said. "You're even paler than usual." 

"Well, you look great to me," Toph said. Katara sent her an angry look.

"I'm just a little shocked by this news, that's all," Zuko said and gestured dismissively. "Don't worry about me."

"Oh, I would definitely worry about him," Suki said as she stepped into the meeting room. "The search was a bust," she said to Katara. "We found nothing. It could have been a diversion tactic, but we don't know. We'll have to go back later, I just wanted to make sure you're all okay here." 

She walked up to Zuko. "I promised to you that I'd keep quiet, but this is getting out of hand. You haven't been sleeping for a week." 

"You haven't been sleeping?" Katara looked at Zuko with wide eyes. "Are you insane? We need you sharp and fresh tomorrow, not like this!" 

Sokka grabbed Zuko's arm and held him. "There's only one solution: this man needs to go to bed. And if you won't go by yourself, we will force you."

Zuko tried to break himself free, but Aang had already taken hold of his other arm. 

"I'm going to use my firebending if you don't back off," Zuko warned his friends.

"Oh, no you won't," Katara said, and she freed her bending water from her pouch. "If you so much as ignite a flame, you're getting soaked."

"There's any easier way to do this," Toph said. "Just put his hands in some earth." She stomped on the floor and the next moment, Zuko's hands were rendered completely useless.

"Toph, would you mind not breaking down my palace?" 

"Zip it, Sparky. If you complain one more time, I'll make sure you can't talk anymore." 

"I'm going to get Mai," Suki said and ran off. She returned five minutes later.

"What's going on here?" Mai asked. "Why are you all restraining my boyfriend like that?"

"Your boyfriend is on the brink of a nervous breakdown and hasn't slept in a week," Suki said, tapping her foot on the ground. "Maybe you want to talk some sense into him."

"We should get him to his bedroom," Sokka said. The others agreed, and under loud protests from Zuko, they started dragging the Fire Lord to his sleeping quarters.

* * *

"This should keep him in one place," Mai said as she put her knives in the mattress. She leaned forward. "You're an idiot, Zuko. I'm worried about you."

"You're worried about me? So you do care?" Zuko asked with a breaking voice. 

"Of course I do." Mai squinted.

"Quit being sappy, you two," Toph said. Mai turned around, daggers in her eyes, but Toph didn't see it.

"Look, Knife Lady, I don't care how skilled you are with those knives, no public displays of affections on my watch." She paused. "Actually, maybe I do care how skilled you are with those knives. I'm going to see if I can find the headquarters of those assassins tonight. I could use someone with knives. Care to join?"

Mai opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. She frowned. 

"Fine, I'll come." 

* * *

Finally, the explosions had stopped, so they felt safe enough to leave Zuko alone. He was still pinned to the bed, silently worrying about how he was going to explain those cuts to his servants when they came to change the sheets. 

"Zuko?" 

He turned his head - it was all he was still able to do - and saw Katara, lingering near the door. 

"I wanted to thank you for the trip from the other day," she said. "What with all that's going on, I didn't really get the chance to thank you sooner." 

"You don't have to say that," he said, his voice softer now that he wasn't in a shouting match with everyone else anymore. "I'm sure you thought it was boring. Mai always says my work is boring."

"Why don't you just believe me?" she said, stomping her feet on the ground. "It's one of the best things that happened to me in weeks!" She abruptly stopped talking.

Zuko looked at her and noticed there were tears in her eyes. "Katara, are you okay?" He cursed under his breath and tried to break himself free. But it was futile - Mai knew what she was doing. "Katara?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me," she said, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "You're the one we are being worried about. You should sleep."

"It's kind of hard to sleep when someone is keeping you awake by talking to you," he deadpanned.

Katara made a face. "You're right. I'll leave. Go to sleep," she exhorted him.

As the door fell shut behind her, Zuko cursed once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fire Lit Sky - Etherwood


	17. Different Strings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Who's come to slay the dragon  
>  Come to watch him fall  
> Making arrows out of pointed words  
> Giant killers, at the call  
> Too much fuss and bother  
> Too much contradiction and confusion  
> Peel away the mystery  
> Here's a clue to some real motivation  
>   
>   
> All there really is  
> The two of us  
> And we both know why we've come along  
> Nothing to explain  
> It's a part of us  
> To be found within a song  
>   
> What happened to our innocence  
> Did it go out of style?  
> Along with our naivete?  
> No longer a child  
> Different eyes see different things  
> Different hearts  
> Beat on different strings  
> But there are times  
> For you and me  
> When all such things agree  
> \-- Rush_

"Aang, don't walk away from this!"

 _Funny,_ she thought. _I feel like I've said that to him before._

It was the evening after the trials. Katara had been watching in the stands all day, aching to be included, to have her opinions heard. But the delegates had been chosen and she hadn't been one of them, so she had to sit in the audience with Suki and Toph and just watch as Sokka, Arnook, Kuei, Aang and Zuko presided. It had been a very intense day.

With all the former generals and Ozai-loyalists found guilty and sent to the Boiling Rock, Katara knew she should have been happy. But at the celebratory dinner afterward, she couldn't eat. It could have been the overwhelming, almost palpable feeling of relief that hung in the air. It could have been Toph's inappropriate comments throughout the day that still lingered in her brain. Yet, she could feel that the thing that had been gnawing at her stomach had been there since the day she arrived at the Fire Nation palace, perhaps even longer, was something different. Something that she had been pushing away, as she pushed everything away these days, but kept resurfacing with such bitter resolve that she knew she couldn't ignore it much longer before she imploded. Or exploded. Either way, it would be bad.

So she had asked Aang to go for a walk with her. In the cool evening air, she started explaining herself, wrestling her way through the words and the phrases that she had rehearsed in her head but stuck to the roof of her mouth like glue, making her tongue too thick to speak coherently with. She stammered, and blurted, and got tangled up in her own speech. At that moment, Aang interrupted her, told her he didn't want to hear it, and ran off. 

Katara found herself running after him, as she had been doing since the beginning of their relationship. He led the way, she followed - sometimes against her better judgement. They were at the outer edge of the city. There were so few lights out there that she could see the moon and stars when she looked up. 

"Aang!" 

It was a dead end, the street he had run into as he tried to get away from her words. A dead end in more ways than one, Katara thought as he turned around and she held his gaze. He frowned, was breathing heavily, holding his glider - Katara realized he could still escape her at any moment, and she leapt forward to grab his wrist.

"Katara, let me go!"

"We need to talk about this, don't you get it? Just listen to me, for once in your life!"

Her words were like a smack in the face, but he did stop wriggling. 

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I just can't. Be your girlfriend, I mean. And I need space. For myself."

He still looked as if she was beating him with a stick and breaking all his bones. 

"I would have liked that too, you know. Some space, for myself? That would have been _great._ But you know what? I didn't get it. Because I'm the Avatar, and I needed to save the world." 

He jerked back his wrist and stared at her, grey eyes that had never before flickered with such vexation.

She deflated a bit. 

"I'm sorry. I know you're also going through a lot."

"Did you know I've been having these awful nightmares every night? No, you don't, because I didn't tell you. And then there are these incomprehensible feelings of rage and pain that come out of _nowhere_ but I can't seem to shake." 

She noticed he trembled and she moved her hand, but she stopped herself. Now was not the time to fall back into these old patterns.

"Why didn't you come to me?" she asked instead.

"Do you think I didn't notice that you've been much happier in the past few days than you've been the entire time we've traveled together?" He relaxed his face muscles. "I didn't want to take that away from you."

She couldn't help but spread her arms. He fell into them quicker than she could invite him.

"I'm not mad at you," she told the back of his neck. "I'm just mad at myself."

"I'm mad at myself, too," was the whispered response. He sighed. "I know I messed up."

"Maybe you should take that time for yourself as well," she suggested as she let go of him to look him in the eye again. "Check out the Air Temples. I know you've been dying to do that."

His face lit up. "You just gave me an idea. Maybe I could go back to Guru Pathik and resume my training with him."

"You know, that sounds like a great idea."

Arm in arm, they walked back to the palace. 

"What are you going to do then?" he asked her when they reached the gates.

She hesitated. "I… don't really know yet. Suki invited me yesterday to stay around for a couple more weeks. Hang out together. I like the idea, especially because Sokka is here..." her voice trailed off and she stretched out her arms in front of her. 

"...We'll see."

Once within the walls, he told her farewell, saying he was going to try and get some sleep. Katara gave him a last hug. She wasn't tired yet.

* * *

She wandered. She liked wandering, especially around here, because behind every corner could lie a new treasure. 

Her feet led her to the balconies upstairs, where she started taking lefts and rights aimlessly until she ended up at a place that seemed familiar, somehow. When she noticed a tall, rather lanky figure leaning over the railing in the distance, it came to her with a shock: this was Zuko's balcony. She had been here before.

Their conversation from that night came back to her - and she wondered why, after all this time, she was still able to reach his bedroom so easily. Where were the guards? Where was Suki?

From her point of view, he looked deep in thought. She was about to turn around and walk back when he moved for the first time since she arrived. Light from inside fell on his face and she could make out his features - the surprised look on his face as he caught her staring. Now, she would have to walk over there and explain herself.

"How did you get here?" he asked, his words more harsh than the tone with which he spoke.

"The same way as last time," she said and smiled.

Zuko cursed.

"Can't sleep?" she tried.

He shrugged. "I guess. There's too much keeping me awake."

"Like what?"

He gestured around him. "Everything. My country, the assassins, how I'm ever going to restore peace and balance, how I'm ever going to fix my relationship with Mai, what I'm going to with Azula..." He paused, looked at her. 

"Did I tell you about the last time I went to visit her? It was a mess. She just shouted at me..." He paused again, pursed his lips, frowned. She was about to ask him what was wrong -

"Azula knows about the assassins," he said.

"That means she knows who they are," Katara said. "Maybe you should visit her again tomorrow and ask her about it."

Zuko made a face.

"I could come with, if you'd like," she offered.

He raised his eyebrows. "I thought you were going to leave with Aang tomorrow."

"Well, I'm not." She spread her arms and smacked them against her thighs. "We had a big fight, and he decided he's going back to the Air Temples by himself."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"You don't have to be so diplomatic about it," she said, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice. 

He just stared at her. She caught his gaze.

"Oh, you know, don't you?" She was getting really worked up now. "You knew all this time? He _told_ you?" 

He shrugged. It was infuriating.

"Oh, whatever. I guess if you know, everyone knows."

"I'm pretty sure Sokka doesn't have a clue," he pointed out. 

"It's been so hard," she said, not even knowing _why_ she was telling him about this, not even sure if she had consciously decided she was going to tell him about it _at all._

"I thought going with Aang was what I wanted to do. Or at least, that it would help me figure out what I wanted to do. And I guess it did, sort of, but not in a way that he would like. And I didn't want to hurt him - I never wanted to hurt him. But I realized I didn't have a choice."

She glanced over and saw him nodding.

"I know what that feels like," he said, his voice a little hoarse. "I never want to hurt Mai or make her upset, but it seems like that's all I can do. I'm trying, but no matter what I do, she always seems happier when she's around Ty Lee. And, lately, Toph." He looked puzzled.

"Can I offer you some unsolicited advice?" Katara shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I don't want to pry in your relationship - I'm hardly the person to criticize anyone in that regard - but..." she bit her lip. "It does seem like you fight a lot."

"It's probably just the way we show affection," he said. "Some couples hold hands and kiss. Mai and I, we bicker. My parents bickered."

Katara just hummed.

"What?" 

"Well..." 

She avoided his eyes. "I don't know. To me, you're a really sweet guy. But around Mai, you always seem to tense up."

The silence that followed took up a whole minute, during which she furiously hoped the balcony would come crashing down and bury her under the rubble.

"If you're not going with Aang, what are you going to do?" 

The question came so much out of left field that she struggled to answer it coherently.

"Suki has invited me to stay here for a bit," she said. "And I would love to spend some time with Sokka. Away from everything." She sighed. "Is that okay with you?"

"Of course. You're always welcome here." 

His eyes were soft.

"You should probably try and get some sleep," she said. "And I should be going." 

"Yeah. I'll… see you tomorrow then, I guess."

She waited until he went inside, then turned around. She wasn't prepared to stare right into Suki's face.

The warrior-turned-bodyguard stood on the far edge of the balcony. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, and she glanced at Katara. 

Katara held her gaze. No one spoke. Then, she bowed down her head and left.

* * *

The next morning, after he had said goodbye to Aang and Appa, Zuko made his way over to the prison. He hadn't told Katara - he didn't really know if he wanted her around for this.

“Hello, brother.”

Zuko instinctively stepped backwards. Just a little bit, but enough for her to see.

Azula cackled.

“What, afraid even your almighty guards can’t protect you?”

He grimaced. 

“Can you just be quiet for a second? I came to ask you something.”

“And why do you think I’d answer you? Last time I checked, you and that filthy water tribe peasant locked me up in here.” Azula pointed her finger at Zuko. Without warning, she sent a jolt of electricity into the metal bars before her cell. 

“It’s the third time she has done that this morning, Sir,” the guard next to him said. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I’d be very careful if I were you.”

Zuko was actually sort of happy to see that his sister had regained some composure.

“Well, Zuzu, aren’t you going to ask me your question?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Azula always knew how to get under his skin. It infuriated him.

“Zuko! What are you doing?”

Katara rushed in. She took one look at Azula and frowned. 

“I don’t know what games you think you’re playing,” she told the Fire Princess, “But Zuko is not falling for them. And neither am I.”

Azula curled her mouth into an unpleasant smile.

“Well well, look at that. The water tribe peasant is still around. Are you keeping pets now, Zuzu?” She threw her head back in laughter.

Zuko clenched his fists. “That’s enough, Azula!” He blasted fire into her cell, with just enough control not to let it burn her directly.

She didn’t move, she just kept laughing. Zuko started to wonder whether Azula was still mad. She probably was. Just a different kind of mad.

Katara stood next to him, looking at him, then at Azula, then at him again, not saying a word.

He cleared his throat.

“I need your help.”

His voice sounded more shaky than he wished. But it had the desired effect. Azula went quiet, and she moved towards him, eyes glimmering with anticipation.

“Do you, brother? Are you afraid of the dark? Are the palace walls closing in on you? I know they did for me, right before my coronation. The coronation that you stole from me!“ 

Her face was way too close. Zuko realized he made a big mistake coming here. Azula would never help them. They’d have to figure out another way to defeat Ozai, once and for all. Even after all that happened to her, Azula still wanted nothing but revenge. 

He turned around and immediately wished he hadn’t done that. The room crackled with electricity. Time seemed to slow down. He wanted to shield himself from what he knew was coming, but he was too slow. From the corner of his eye, he saw the blue jolt inching closer. So this is how it ends, he thought. Rather different from what he expected.

But he hadn’t counted on Katara. 

"No!” she shouted, and smacked her body against his. They crashed to the floor, landing hard on the stones. Merely an inch above their heads, the lightning got absorbed by the wall.

Before he knew it, Katara was back on her feet again. She ran towards Azula, her face distorted by rage.

“YOU! You ever try anything like that again and I’ll personally see to your tortuous, painful death. And I promise you, it will be even worse than you can imagine.”

Azula just grinned.

“You’re brave, but also misguided. You’ll never stand a chance against me. But I’m sure brother wouldn’t let you defend his honor on his behalf. He’s too proud for that, aren’t you Zuzu?”

“Katara, let’s just go,” Zuko muttered. His guards had helped him up and he was now standing at a safe distance from Azula’s cell.

But Katara had her hands on her hips and wasn’t moving an inch.

“Zuko, you go. I’m not done with her yet.” She furrowed her brow so deep Zuko almost couldn’t see her eyes anymore.

“Yes, Zuko, you heard the girl. Go.” Azula waved her hand dismissively. “I’m sure we’ll become great friends when you leave." 

Again, that smile. That conniving smile that hid treacherous secrets and devilish plans.

He knew how this was going to end. And he didn’t risk his life to save Katara back then, only to send her to her death now. So he did something he didn’t dare to do before. He grabbed hold of Katara’s arm and pulled - hard. He dragged her back into the sunlight under loud protest.

"What do you think you’re doing?” she said as soon as they were outside again. Brusquely, she freed herself from his grasp. They stood across each other, both breathing heavily, staring in each other’s eyes like wild animals.

“Azula just isn’t worth it. She has always been like this. She’ll always be like this. Don’t let her get under your skin like that,” he retorted.

“Let me tell you something, Zuko. You can stop playing the hero on my behalf. I don’t need protection, and certainly not from you. So just leave me alone from now on.”

With that, Katara turned around on her heels and stormed off. 

Zuko exhaled deeply. His guards tried to disperse the crowd that had stopped to watch their heated exchange. He rested his hands on his knees. It felt as if he had just fought another Agni Kai.

“Are you okay, my Lord?”

He closed his eyes.

“I’m doing fine."

He was going to have to think about this for a long, hard time. 

* * *

"Zuko! I need to talk to you."

Toph had a way of getting what she wanted. Never mind that he was in a meeting with his advisors, never mind that he had to make some really important decisions right this minute. 

"I have news about the assassins." 

He grabbed her arm and yanked her into the hallway.

"What is it?" he whispered.

"I know where they're located. You should probably go check it out for yourself."

"Well, how do I find it? Do you have a map or someth-" he realized his mistake and shut his mouth.

"Mai has a map. You should ask her." 

"No one is asking anyone about a map," Suki intervened. She turned to Zuko.

"Look, I know this is important to you. But you really shouldn't go. It's a bad idea. What if they discover you?" 

"Suki, I appreciate your thoughts, but I'm still the Fire Lord," he said. "I can make my own decisions about where to go." 

Toph laughed. 

"You know, that girlfriend of yours, she's cool. She has been really useful in getting information out of people. We had a good time."

"You had a good time? With Mai?"

"Nobility life isn't for everyone. It's nice to find someone else who shares those feelings."

Zuko realized that his girlfriend and the little blind earthbender in front of him might have more in common than he thought.

* * *

Katara signed her name and handed the piece of parchment to her brother. Sokka pushed the message into the tube on Hawky's back and released him into the air. 

"I hope he gets to Dad soon," she said as they watched the bird fly off.

"Hawky is pretty fast," Sokka boasted. "He'll be back with a message from Dad in no time."

They rested their backs against the wall. Katara had told her brother about what happened with Aang the night before, and she could see he wanted to ask her about it some more.

"How do you feel about Aang leaving?" he asked.

"I'm surprisingly okay with it," she answered, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. 

"Sokka?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you know Aang had a crush on me?"

He shook his head. "No idea. And honestly, I'm kind of glad you guys didn't date or anything. I wouldn't have been able to watch my sister kiss someone." He made a face.

Katara elbowed him in the ribs. "You hypocrite! You have a girlfriend!" 

"Yeah, but that's different," he said as he stretched his arms. "I'm your older brother, and you're my little sister. Even though..." he paused. "...Even though you did a great job raising me after… you know."

When she looked at him she saw she wasn't the only one with tears in her eyes.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said to you before. About you not loving mom the way I did. That was mean, and uncalled for, and I shouldn't have said it."

"It's okay." Sokka held up his hands. "I figured you didn't mean it."

"Actually, I think I did mean it at the time," she said, studying her fingernails. "But that doesn't make it fair."

For a while, they both listened to the rustle of the wind through the treetops.

"Would you have killed him? The man."

She sighed. 

"I wanted to, at first. All the way over there, I was building up to that moment, that final piece of closure that I needed. But when I looked him in the eye… I couldn't do it anymore. And I didn't. I left him in that field, that sad, pathetic man."

"Zuko must have been disappointed. That guy is as bloodthirsty as they come."

"Would you believe me if I told you he didn't say a word the entire time?"

"Wow, I'm surprised. I really thought he was in it for the kill."

She didn't respond to that.

"Whew, I can imagine that must have been an awkward ride back, then. Right?" Sokka looked at her, obviously trying to get something more out of her. He was fishing for something, and she didn't exactly know what.

"Yeah, I guess," she said, but he wasn't satisfied.

"Come on, there's something you're not telling me."

"Well, actually," she snapped, "I don't know. It was just like in the Crystal Catacombs. Back then, he opened up to me, and I guess I kind of opened up to him as well. But this time, he was just listening to me, because I was sobbing like a mad person after we returned to Appa. And he just flew us out of there, to Ember Island. I didn't realize that he wasn't flying us back to camp until we got there, so I got angry and he said 'I just thought you might need some time for yourself'. And he told me what that place meant to him, what it was, very briefly. And he kind of just… dropped me there, and he was about to get back on Appa and fly away and..."

"And what?"

"I stopped him. I asked if he could stay with me for a little while. And he did. We just sat on the dock, in silence, watching the waves roll in. I think it must have been hours, because at some point he put his hand on my shoulder and said 'Look, I really have to go and fetch the others before it gets dark'. And when you guys came back I was still sitting where he left me."

Sokka got up and pulled Katara up as well. 

"Well, I'm glad you two made up," he said. "Because watching you fight was tragic."

Katara shoved him.

"Let's go shopping," Sokka said. 

"Good idea."

* * *

The sun had almost disappeared behind the mountains before he found the time to visit Azula again.

"Azula?" 

"I'm still here, dum dum. It's not like I have anywhere else to go."

"I came to tell you that I made a decision."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm letting you out of prison. You'll be transferred to a mental institution. You'll still be isolated, though."

He was met with a wall of silence.

In any other situation, he'd take this as his cue to leave, but he didn't want to. So he started telling her about his day.

"I had a meeting with my advisors about the new trade routes today. In a few months, we're going to trade with the Earth Kingdom again. And I'm sure that Sokka would like to discuss reopening trade with the Southern Water Tribe as well. I also had tea with Mai and Ty Lee this afternoon..."

"Get out! Get out get out get out!" 

Her face was pressed against the metal bars, hands clinging around them as if she was drowning. "I get it! Everyone chose you over me. But it wasn't supposed to be that way!"

She inhaled sharply. "Where's father?"

"He went up for trial yesterday," he said, trying to keep his composure. "He was tried, found guilty of abhorrent crimes and transferred to another cell. You won't get to see him."

"Where?"

Suddenly, he realized she might be asking about this for someone else. Someone who wanted to know where Ozai was, so they could set him free. 

"I'll start visiting you more often from now on," he said instead.

She huffed. "I don't need your company, brother. Don't waste your time."

He hated the way she got under his skin. He hated how she rebuffed him, time and time again, even when he tried to do right by her. He hated that she didn't seem to have changed even a bit after her breakdown. He thought it had cracked something open, but Azula was more shut off from him than ever. 

Zuko could feel the familiar anger claw his way up from his stomach. At the same time however, he also felt something else. 

Regret. Sorrow.

He told her goodbye and left. 

* * *

Katara was a light sleeper, and when she heard the dull sound of something heavy hitting the ground, she opened her eyes. Her heart was pounding in her chest, even though she wasn’t particularly afraid: it was excitement more than fear that made her blood rush and her mouth turn dry. 

Slowly, she slid out under the covers, tip-toeing to the window. It was a chilly night, just as she liked them. Katara had excellent night vision, especially when the moon was as bright as tonight, and within seconds she spotted the tall person on the other end of the courtyard.

Zuko had given her a small room, at her own request. The only thing she specifically asked for was a room that faced the courtyard, so she’d have easy access to a large body of water, should the need arise. It might come in handy now, she thought as she slipped into her shoes. 

Without making a sound, she opened the window panel - which doubled as a door - and stepped onto the pavement. With her skills, she’d be able to reach the dark figure with ease. Katara didn’t waste any time thinking about it. Her muscle memory took over, first pulling the water in the pond closer, then extending it along the length of her mind to its destination. She moved her hands in sync with her thoughts, enveloping the stranger in a thick coat of ice so dense that they’d be unable to move even if they used all their strength.

She heard a muffled cry and knew that she had accomplished her goal. She was already running, her slippers clacking on the ground. But she didn’t need to be quiet anymore. 

When she was only a couple feet away from her target, she came to a sudden stop.

“Zuko?”

“How did you know it was me?“ 

“I’d recognize that hairdo anywhere,” Katara said and she lifted her hands to thaw the ice.

With his freedom returned to him, Zuko moved his limbs and used his fire to dry his clothes. He was wearing the same dark garments they wore on their mission to the Southern Raiders, Katara noticed.

When he turned around, Katara was surprised to see his face covered by the Blue Spirit mask. She gasped and immediately covered her mouth with her hands.

“What is it?” Zuko sounded agitated. He lifted the mask and rested it on the back of his head.

“You’re the Blue Spirit!" 

"Of course I’m not the Blue Spirit.”

“Yes, yes you are.” She suddenly remembered the Ember Island play. Words left her mouth before Katara could stop them. 

“You’re the one who saved Aang when he was captured by Zhao. You were the one the Ember Island Players referenced in the play about us. And now you’re… what are you doing exactly?"

"Well..." Zuko tried to scratch the back of his head, but his fingers grazed against the mask that was still there, and he froze. It looked pretty funny and Katara couldn’t help but chuckle.

“It looks like you were planning to sneak out. What are you even doing bringing those?” She nodded at the Dao swords in their sheath, leaning against the wall that Zuko was about to climb over when Katara froze him in place.

“I was going on a walk,” Zuko huffed, but Katara merely raised an eyebrow, and he turned an even darker shade of pink.

“Alright, not a walk. I was going to see if I could infiltrate the headquarters of the assassins. Don’t tell Suki,” Zuko warned Katara. She shook her head.

“Just let me come with you,” she said. He raised his eyebrows, opened his mouth and then closed it again. Katara frowned, and the look in his eyes turned from sceptical to scared. 

“You aren’t going to tell me I can’t come with you, are you now?” She placed her hands on her hips and brought her face closer to his.

“Of… of course not,” he stammered. “I just thought…”

“That’s a dangerous hobby,” Katara shut him off. She leaned back and started braiding her hair. If she was going on a mission tonight, she wanted it out of her way. 

“You know, we could stand around here talking for a bit longer, or we could climb over that wall and find out who is trying to kill you,” Katara said.

“Right.” Zuko grabbed the Blue Spirit mask from behind his head and placed it in front of his eyes. 

“Aren’t you going to wear anything?” he asked, his voice slightly muffled. 

“Like a mask?” Katara thought about it for a second. “I suppose it might come in handy. Wait here.”

She ran back to her room, opened her bag and rummaged through it until she found the face paint she had used to transform herself into the Painted Lady. She also grabbed her dark coat, which had a large hood that concealed her face. Back outside, she closed the panel behind her and used the reflection in the pond to paint the characteristic marks on her face. She felt sorry about not having the full outfit ready, but she’d have to make do with what she had.

“Ok, ready to go.” She was actually surprised that Zuko had decided to wait for her. While she was getting her stuff, he could easily have snuck out. It was sort of touching that he hadn’t.

He nodded. “Great. It shouldn’t be too far from the palace - they’re not particularly afraid of me, I think,” Zuko said with a sad laugh. 

“We’ll give them a reason to be afraid of you,” Katara promised. “Now, let’s not waste more time." 

And with that, they climbed over the wall and disappeared into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Different Strings - Rush


	18. A Night Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me preface this by saying: I'm sorry! I promise things will work out in the end, just bear with me!

“Are you sure this is it?”

They were standing on the corner of one of the busiest streets of the Fire Nation capital. Even at this hour, there were still people out and about, drinking, laughing, talking. The end of the war had changed the Fire Nation already. People allowed themselves to have fun again.

They were both wearing their disguises. Katara knew no one would probably recognize her, but Zuko was an entirely different story. People already knew him, they knew their Fire Lord had a huge scar on his face. The Blue Spirit mask would cover it, but she could only hope no one would ask him about it.

Zuko nodded.

“The information I got was very specific. They’re having a meeting tonight, and the leader is going to unfold their master plan.”

“Do we know who the leader is?” Katara frowned. She didn’t like having to deal with unknown enemies. It made it impossible to gauge their strengths and weaknesses. Katara preferred to be prepared.

But Zuko shrugged. “Toph couldn’t tell me. Perhaps we can find out tonight.”

Right that moment, they noticed someone knocking on the door. This was their chance. If they were distracted, Zuko and Katara could make their way inside.

Not for the first time, Katara was impressed with Zuko’s talent for breaking and entering. With apparent ease, he found the fastest route to the roof, spotted an air vent that Katara definitely would have missed, and managed to pry the vent open with one of his swords.

The vent was small. Zuko nearly didn’t fit in, Katara had a little more breathing room but not much. The supply of fresh oxygen was a plus. It also gave them the opportunity to listen into the conversations before they were even near the main room.

“…and so, my brothers and sisters, I’m happy to see all your faces again. Since the last time we met, many things have been set in motion.”

Katara could hear her blood rush in her ears. Carefully, she pulled back the hood of her jacket in order to hear better. Zuko, in front of her, pulled back his mask. 

They knew they were in the right spot because light emerged from the bottom of the vent. There was really no space for them to lie next to each other, so Zuko had to lie flat on his belly so Katara could climb on top of him. That way, she wouldn’t have to look at his boots while he was watching the meeting.

Being so close to him, she had her face pressed against his mask. She could smell the scent of his hair - a little bit like fresh laundry - and of his clothes - like burnt wood, but in a good way. Katara thought it was a little gross, but she had to admit to herself that his sweat actually smelled kind of _nice._

She had no place to put her hands, so she ended up just resting her arms on his shoulders. Her mouth was next to his ear.

“Just let me know when it starts to hurt,” she whispered.

“It won’t,” she thought she heard him say, but he was barely audible to her.

They focused on the scene below them instead.

The man who was talking was clearly the leader. He was just out of sight, so they couldn’t get a look of his face. Katara closed her eyes and tried to print the sound of his voice in her memory.

“– Ozai has fallen, but he can be resurrected again. We know the Avatar took his bending away,” - some muffled noise came from the room. Katara guessed there were about seven people she could see from her point of view.

“We are currently studying whether there’s a way for us to undo that. No one knew the Avatar possessed this kind of power, but what can be done can most likely be undone. After all, that would be balanced. And the Avatar is all about balance.”

The man’s voice moved, so Katara guessed he was walking around the room. Next, she could hear the sound of a scroll being opened. Too bad neither of them could see a thing, she thought.

“Our investigations so far have led us to this important artefact. Before us tonight, we see the seven wonders of the world. According to one of our informants, one of these holds the secret to undoing the Avatar’s work. In the coming months, we’ll have to figure out which one it is. If you look around you, you will notice I’ve asked seven of you here tonight. There’s an obvious reason for that.”

The voice waited, as if he wanted one of the attendants to fill in the blanks. When nothing came, Katara heard a sigh.

“Each one of you will be sent out to one of the world wonders and find out what their secret is. When you have to use force, you have my permission to use it. When you find out, let us know as soon as possible. We’ll not be staying here, in order to avoid being captured. You will receive a secret address to which you can send your updates. Come back as soon as you have fulfilled your task.”

People started moving around. From what Katara could see, they were given maps and coin purses. Some were also given weapons, which Katara assumed were for the non-benders.

Suddenly, another voice.

“What are we going to do about Zuko?”

It stung Katara that they didn’t even have enough respect for him to call him by his title.

“Since our first attempt to attack him on Kyoshi Island, he has called in the help of the Kyoshi warriors. We have some sources who keep us in the loop about his whereabouts, but the warriors never leave his side. Then there’s the matter of the Water Tribe girl…”

Katara perked up. In doing so, she nearly bumped her head against the top of the vent while simultaneously elbowing Zuko in the shoulder. Her eyes widened and she hastily lied down again, whispering an apology in Zuko’s ear.

The people in the room luckily hadn’t noticed the commotion above their heads.

“She’s a personal friend of the Avatar and of Zuko as well. It’s unclear what she’s doing here and how long she’ll be staying, but we know she’s dangerous. She was the one who captured princess Azula and imprisoned her.”

“Will we be freeing the princess as well?”

“It’s not our first priority, I have to be honest. Of course, once we have secured the return of Fire Lord Ozai, Princess Azula will be released from prison immediately. But we need to focus on the Fire Lord first.”

The meeting appeared to be over. The people in the room started to chatter among themselves, and Katara decided she had had enough. Carefully, she manoeuvred herself back into the vent. They had to crawl backwards for this part, which was uncomfortable, but they managed.

Finally, Katara was able to breathe freely.

“They’re out of their minds,” was the first thing she said when they were safely outside the vent. Standing in the moonlight, they sat down on the rooftop. Neither of them assumed anyone would come look for them here.

“We’re going to have to stop them,” Zuko said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “We should go after them."

"Usually I'd be all for that, but there's only two of us and seven of them," Katara pointed out. "Maybe we should ask Sokka if he can come up with a plan."

"Maybe..." Zuko pondered. "We probably shouldn't, though. He'll tell Suki, and Suki shouldn't know about this. She'd kill me."

"We can't have that, the assassins would be disappointed they didn't get to you first," Katara said. She pursed her lips in thought. "Toph would probably just want those folks to pulp when she hears about this… and besides, we have no easy way to get around. Aang is gone with Appa. It looks like there's nothing we can do."

Down in the patio, they could hear the sound of people saying their goodbyes. Zuko got up and pulled his mask in front of his face again. With his right hand, he grabbed the hilts of his swords.

“Come on, let’s go,” he said softly. “We’ll figure this out when we get back.”

Without making a sound, the Fire Lord and the Waterbender left the scene.

* * *

The next day, the five of them had lunch at Iroh's tea shop. Over sandwiches and cups of jasmine tea, they discussed their plans for the day. Suki and Sokka were sitting next to each other, as were Toph and Katara. Zuko sat at the far end of the table, facing the entrance. He kept his eye on the door the entire time, as if he was expecting someone. But they all knew he was really on the lookout for anyone who might want to kill him - even if he had no clue what that person would look like.

"Zuko, your birthday is coming up soon," Iroh said as he passed their table with a tray full of empty cups. "You should start thinking how you want to celebrate it."

"That's a coincidence," Katara said as she perked up. "It's almost my birthday, too. When is yours?"

"Winter solstice," Zuko said in between taking bites of his sandwich. He didn't look too happy about it.

"No way." Sokka's eyes turned wide. "Katara's too!"

Now, Zuko stopped chewing.

"It was a near miss, actually," he said slowly, dusting the crumbs off his robes. "I was born just past midnight."

"I was born at noon," Katara said. "That's so funny. I haven't celebrated my birthday in years."

"Neither have I." Zuko glanced at his uncle. "And I was trying to keep it that way."

"Ah, but Zuko, you're the Fire Lord now," Iroh said. "You can't let this event go by without any form of celebration!" 

"No thanks." Zuko pushed his plate away from him and frowned.

"I will personally see to it if you refuse, Nephew," Iroh said with a stern voice.

"Parties are boring," Toph said, as she tore bits off her sandwich and stuck them in her mouth. "I don't get why anyone would want a party."

"This will not be like a regular kind of party, my dear," Iroh smiled. "This will be unlike any kind of party you have ever been to." 

"Does the Fire Nation even remember what a party looks like?" Sokka said, folding his hands behind his head.

Zuko snorted. "Actually, the Fire Nation has a very rich culture. Lots of festivals, and there are better theatre companies than the Ember Island Players."

"I remember the Fire Nation festival we went to in one of the Earth Kingdom colonies," Katara mused. "Everyone wore masks, just like -" 

"Sadly, my father outlawed most festivals on the islands when he became Fire Lord," Zuko talked over her. 

"Yeah, you guys don't even know how to dance anymore," Toph said. "We threw this party for some Fire Nation school kids and they were too afraid to even _move_ at first."

Zuko raised his eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"You know what you should do? If Fire Nation parties were really that great, you should bring them back. Just like the festivals." Toph gave Zuko a well-placed punch on his upper arm.

"Yeah..." Zuko said as he rubbed his arm. "That might actually be a good idea. Maybe people will like me more if I do that. Maybe I should create a new festival to celebrate the end of the war, too."

"If you're going to do that, maybe you should also think about creating a day to remember all the bad things the Fire Nation did during the war," Katara said and frowned.

Zuko's face fell. "You're right," he whispered. 

"How is all the political stuff going anyway?" Sokka asked. "Now that the trials are over, what else are you going to do?"

Zuko just grunted.

"Oof, sounds like you hit a pressure point," Toph snickered.

"Could you all mind your own business for a second?" Zuko pushed back his chair, got up and stormed out of the room. The others turned their heads to watch them go.

Iroh came up to their table again.

"Apologies for my nephew, he-"

"Yeah, we know about his bad temper," Sokka said with a dismissive hand wave. "The question is: who is going to get him back in here?"

They looked at each other - except for Toph, whose eyes seemed at the height of Sokka's elbow.

"I'll get him," Katara said as she put her napkin on the table. "I think I have an idea what this is about." 

She slid out of her chair and made her way outside through the bustling tea shop. Zuko wasn't far: he sat on the stairs, still moping.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" she asked as she sat down beside him.

"I've been awake all night, trying to come up with a way to stop those assassins, and I can't. Not a single idea."

Katara noticed for the first time that day how hollow his gaze was, how pronounced the bags under his eyes were. 

"Sitting out here feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help you either," she said, and put her hand on his arm. "I think it's time we tell the others."

* * *

When they returned to their table, Iroh had taken Katara's seat and was halfway a story about the latest developments in the Fire Nation.

"The White Lotus has reported that some of the former governors have joined the protests against Zuko. It's not an immediate threat, but it seems like their forces are growing in number. There are also still commoners out there, poisoned by the lies and hatred of the Ozai loyalists," Iroh said. "We're trying our best to put out all the fires, but it's not an easy task, especially because the new council of governors hasn't been inaugurated yet."

They knew this was set to happen later that month, when all the new governors would meet for their first official meeting. 

"If I'm still alive by then," Zuko said. For the second time that day, all heads at the table turned to look at him.

Katara poked him in his ribs. "Cut out the doom and gloom. You _will_ be alive, and we will be there to make sure that happens." She glanced around. 

"Zuko and I went to the assassin's headquarters last night," she said. 

Suki opened her mouth to say something, but Katara didn't stop talking. 

"Their plan is to restore Ozai's fire bending, and they think one of the seven world wonders holds the key to do so. They've sent out people to all seven of them, to figure out which one it is. We were still trying to come up with a plan to stop them."

"Now listen here you-" 

"Hold on. You said they're sending out people?" Sokka scratched his chin. 

"That's right." Katara gave Suki an apologetic look. The warrior girl was fuming.

"I don't think we have to stop them," Sokka said. "I think we have to make sure we know what they know, before they know it."

"I'm sorry, say that again?" Toph stuck her finger in her ear.

"What I mean is, there must be information about the world wonders in other places, right? Like, in a library." He sighed. "Too bad we can't go back to Wan Shi Tong's."

"I think I speak for everyone when I say that we should be glad we came out of there alive and that personally, I have no qualms about never going back there again," Katara said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Zuko said, "but the Fire Nation palace has a pretty extensive library. Maybe you can find something in there."

"Yeah, it's probably chuck full of scrolls that you stole from the other nations," Toph said. 

Zuko turned a very dark shade of pink. 

* * *

"Come on, hurry up, we're all waiting for you!" 

Katara and Suki stood in the door with their hands on their hips as they watched Sokka get ready. He was running around the room, looking frantically for his belt.

"I swear it was here this morning - and I can't go without it, it completes my whole outfit." 

"You will be fine without the belt," Suki said and she pulled Sokka away. 

Within a few minutes, he stopped sulking, and they were able to enjoy their evening walk in the chilly air. The entire capital was always full of lights, so it never really felt like it was night time. Suki had mentioned a bar she and Sokka had gone to before, and Katara was eager to spend some time with her brother and her friend.

"Their mango juice is great," Suki said as she pushed the door open. From inside, Katara could already hear the music and chatter. It smelled like alcohol and cigarettes in here - she could imagine herself being three years older and ordering a _real_ drink at the bar, which she would then sip from until she finished it. She had no idea what alcohol tasted like, but she was eager to find out.

"Do you think we could get something with alcohol, instead?" she asked Suki as they tried to find a table. 

Her friend smiled and shook her head. "I don't think so. I tried it once when we were here with the Kyoshi Warriors, but the bartenders can't be fooled. They might throw us out if we ask. Let's not risk it."

When they had received their juices, they made their way through the crowd towards the table that Sokka had snatched for them. He had spread his legs wide, as to prevent other people from stealing the empty chairs that were meant for Suki and her.

"I wonder how Toph is doing," Katara commented as she sat down. She played with the straw in her drink. "Can you really imagine having that much fun with Mai that you want to hang out with her every night?"

"Mai isn't so bad once you get to know her," Suki said and let her eyes dart around the room. "She's just lonely, and I can see why she and Toph would have a lot in common in that regard."

"You mean because they were both raised in these well to do families, but unhappy in that life?" 

"Exactly. I think Toph is providing Mai with some excitement and action. Frankly, I think Zuko should take better care of her. I know he's busy, but it's like he completely stopped trying." 

"Mai and Toph would make a great pair of vigilantes," Sokka said. He put his arm around Suki. "They're too independent to join a group like the Kyoshi Warriors, but they have some unmatched skills."

"Maybe that's precisely what they've been doing every night," Katara realized. "Sneaking out to fight crime. Or something."

The three of them snickered at the thought. 

"Do you think Toph is going to stay in the Fire Nation?" Katara asked.

"I don't think so," Sokka said and emptied his glass. "She likes all that running around too much. Maybe when she runs off, she'll take Mai with her."

"I don't believe Mai would leave Zuko behind," Suki said.

"Maybe she would. I don't know about you guys, but I only ever see them fighting. They don't look like a happy couple to me," Katara said, poking her straw around in her glass.

She looked up and saw Suki's eyes drilling holes in her face. 

* * *

It was almost dawn when they shut the door of the bar behind them and started walking back to the palace. Sokka, high on sugar, was running to and fro, hugging trees and climbing on statues. After two failed attempts to talk him down, Suki and Katara decided to walk on without looking back. He'd follow them in the end, they gathered.

"Can I ask you something?" Suki looked at her friend.

"Sure." 

"Do you like Zuko?"

"Yeah, sure, as a friend. I know what you're going to say - I've been very vocal about what I think of his relationship with Mai. I'm just worried about him, that's all. They fight so much."

"I know." Suki sighed. "I've been around here longer than you. It's getting worse. I don't think it's going to last much longer. But I would advise you to stay out of it. Those two are destructive enough without your help."

"How are things going with Sokka?" Katara said, abruptly changing the topic of conversation.

"Ever since he got here, he's been asking me when we're going to visit the South Pole together," Suki said and sighed.

"But you should! It's summer there now, and I promise that's a much gentler introduction than the other half of the year. You've been here for a few months, surely you can take a couple days off. Zuko won't mind."

"But I promised you we'd hang out, and if I'm gone and Sokka's gone, there's not much for you to do around here," Suki said. "Toph is off by herself and Zuko almost never leaves his study."

Katara gestured vaguely. "Don't worry about me. I was thinking about turning the palace library inside out to find information about the world wonders. Maybe that way, we still have a shot at coming up with a plan to stop those thugs."

"That doesn't sound like taking a breather and carving out some time for yourself."

"This is more important right now. Zuko needs all the help he can get. But you should go. Your relationship with Sokka is important, too, and you guys barely spend any time together. I'm sure it'll do you both good."

* * *

Suki had had no problem asking Zuko for a few days off, especially because Toph and Katara were in the palace now. The plan was made quickly: she and Sokka would leave that evening. Katara had promised to take on the role of water tribe 'ambassador' for the time being. She knew that it didn't amount to much right now, but she liked the idea nonetheless.

On her way to the library, she stopped because she heard some unfamiliar noises. Moments later, she saw Mai and Zuko coming out of one of the rooms at the other end of the hall, engaged in what sounded like a rapid-fire argument. 

She pressed herself against the column she was standing behind and glanced around it. They were too far away to hear what they were saying, but it was clear that this was a fight. Mai pushed her finger into Zuko's chest, who in turn swung his arms around, looking exasperated. She turned around, stomping away, and Katara waited until he would follow her, but he didn't - instead, he went back into the room they had just come out of. 

At once, the palace was eerily quiet. Even the birds had ceased to spread their wings. Katara was painfully aware of the raspy sound of her breathing, and how she had seen something that obviously wasn't meant for her. She remembered Suki's words: _stay out of it._ She knew her friend was right. It wasn't her place to tell Zuko what to do. Everyone was entitled to their own misery. 

She didn't even know why she felt so strongly about this. Mai was not her friend, but not her enemy either. And she didn't actually want to _break them up._ She just hated seeing Zuko so sad and unhappy all the time. And she hated to hear them fight more than anything. 

She decided that she was going to talk to him one more time. Maybe if he told her what was wrong, she could help him make up with Mai. 

* * *

Nights were the worst. Zuko would be in his bed, tossing and turning. He would be out of his bed, sitting in front of his bedroom mirror, looking at his scars. He would climb back into bed, only to watch the sky turn from dark blue, to deep black, to a dark grey again.

If he eventually managed to fall asleep, nightmares would haunt him until the morning came.

At least during the day, he could focus on other things. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have enough to do already, but he always found more. Someone was keeping a report from him that needed reading. Or he made trips to the countryside to hear what people were worried about.

It kept him busy, and it kept his mind occupied. He could think about work all day if he wanted, reading until well into the evening. Often he didn’t stop working until all the other lights in the palace had gone out.

He knew that what he was doing was necessary. He was helping his people, helping his nation become a better place. He was rebuilding the world.

But at the same time, there was an ominous feeling nagging at him from the back of his head.

Mai and Zuko talked, argued, fought. It would get heated - the whole palace could hear it. But no one ever said anything, of course.

Except for Katara. She had come to Zuko’s study the other day, knocking on the door before she entered. He had been busy - when wasn’t he - but she promised she wasn’t going to be there long, she just wanted to talk for a little bit.

When she sat down, she shuffled in her chair, opened her mouth a couple of times without saying anything. Zuko wished he had even the slightest idea what was going on.

“I heard you fighting yesterday,” she said eventually, holding his gaze with intense blue eyes.

“Oh.”

He honestly didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know Zuko, I don’t want to intrude or anything, but… Are you guys okay? It doesn’t sound like you’re okay.”

Zuko tried to remember what they had been fighting about. They argued so often, it would all tumble together in this big knot that he couldn’t untie. In the end, it was all about the same things, anyway.

“Mai hates that I’m working so hard,” he said, taking the time to use the right words. “She thinks I’m shutting her out, creating distance between us. But the thing is, when I try to tell her about what I’m doing, she never listens.”

He sounded annoyed now, he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. He _was_ annoyed, after all.

“She doesn’t care about my work. Or so it seems. And she’s always so moody, so unhappy. Agni knows I’m trying to make time to do things with her… Like, I don’t know, see a play, feed the turtleducks, anything. But she shuts me down every time, locks herself in her room. Or when she does want to be with me, she just… sits there. We don’t talk about anything unless I bring something up and even then it usually turns into a fight.”

He shut up, he already said too much. One of his biggest faults, he thought, was not knowing when to shut up.

“Mai looks happy when she’s spending time with Ty Lee,” Katara said pensively. “She sometimes comes to Suki’s quarters to look for her, and from what I heard from Suki, they’re having a great time.”

“Well, then I guess she’s saving up all her negativity for me,” Zuko muttered.

Katara got up. “I said I wasn’t going to keep you long,” she said. But she didn’t leave, she just stood there, holding the back of the chair with her hands.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to help you,” she apologized to him.

“You don’t have to help,” Zuko said.

“I mean… That came out wrong. It’s not your business. I mean…”

He pushed his face in his hands, breathing forcefully for a few seconds. Every time he closed his eyes, he could feel the sleep tugging at him. But as much as he wished to sleep, he couldn’t.

“It’s okay, I know what you mean.” She waved it away.

“Just… Let me know if you want to talk,” she said.

“Of course.”

If only he could go somewhere he wouldn’t have to think about anything.

* * *

He had ordered the palace workers to shut his mother’s wing, as well as his father’s. If he had anything to say about it, he would have burned the latter to the ground, but the Fire Sages didn’t let him. Something to do with the pristine architecture of the whole place.

But he also didn’t want to be forced to go there, or look at it. He had already moved all the business to the opposite side of the palace, where he liked it much better anyway. He also sealed the former throne room. That place still gave him shivers.

* * *

Zuko tried to only go to bed when he was already so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open. The problem was that the longer he stayed awake, the less tired he became.

It was going to be another one of those nights where he’d be able to see the sun rise.

But this time, instead of sitting around, he went to his side chamber and grabbed the Dao swords off the rack.

The Fire Lord had his own training facilities, of course. They were located at the far end of the palace, outside, near the mountains. It was quiet there.

When he stepped outside, he was surprised to see another person moving around already.

“Who are you?” He drew his swords, slowly moving forward.

“It’s me,” a voice returned from the dark.

“Katara!”

He sheathed his swords again.

“The moon is full,” her voice said. Zuko looked up. It was indeed.

“You couldn’t sleep?” he guessed.

“It’s hard to sleep when that much power is surging inside you,” she said with an amused tone. “What about you?”

“I can’t sleep either."

“I can imagine you have a lot to worry about."

He couldn’t see where she was exactly. Her voice seemed disembodied, floating around in the dark like a perfume, coming and going.

“Do you want to spar?”

“Sure.” At least his trip wouldn’t have been for nothing.

A splash of water hit him out of nowhere.

“Hey! We hadn’t started yet!”

“O yes, we did.” Another splash of water.

“At least come out where I can see you,” Zuko said and wiped his face. “This isn’t fair.”

“It’s not going to be fair at all,” Katara said, but she walked towards Zuko so he could finally see her. She was wearing a matching set of dark pants and a top. It made her almost invisible.

“I’ve fought against benders with these before,” he bragged. “And always defeated them easily.”

“Put your money where your mouth is, then,” Katara said and beckoned him closer. She was grinning.

This was going to be a completely different kind of night.

* * *

“Did you know about this?“ 

Zuko flinched, and spilled ink on the parchment he was writing on. Katara had been studying in the library for the past few days. He hadn't seen much of her - she went inside when the sun rose and only came out long after it had set. But now she was here, standing before him. And she was _not_ happy.

“Did I know about what?” he tried cautiously. 

“ _This._ “ 

Suddenly, his whole desk was covered in scrolls. They were sealed with the wax seal of the Fire Nation library, but when Zuko inspected them a little more carefully he realized they were Water Tribe scrolls. 

"You stole this from us!" 

"Come on, I didn’t steal anything.” He looked up and stared right into Katara’s dark and fiery eyes.

“Oh, let me rephrase. The _Fire Nation_ stole this from us. And you never said anything to me about it!”

“Look, Katara, I didn’t even know they were there -” Zuko didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, because Katara had already stormed out. 

He threw his hands in the air in exasperation. 

“I really didn’t know they were – never mind.” In one swoop, he gathered all the scrolls in his arms and ran out the door.

Katara was sitting on the grass near the pond, tearing up a loaf of bread and feeding it to the turtle ducks. She threw the pieces in the water, not really looking whether she hit one of the poor creatures or not.

“Could you please stop attacking my turtle ducks?” Zuko said. He lifted all the scrolls into his left arm and pointed with his right hand at the ducks, who were quacking anxiously while trying to avoid the avalanche of bread raining down on them.

“Oh no. I’m sorry, little ducklings, it’s not your fault.” Katara put the loaf beside her, raised her knees to her chin and locked arms in front of her legs. 

“You should take the scrolls,” Zuko said, holding them out. But she didn’t make a move to grab them. He sighed, put them down beside her, and sat down himself.

For a couple of minutes, they didn’t speak. The sun was slowly setting behind the caldera, and the shadows grew longer and longer. In this golden light, the whole palace had an almost magical aura.

“Sometimes, I feel really happy here,” Katara said at last. She picked up the bread again, crumbling it between her fingers. “But other times, it’s like everything reminds me of the war, of everything we lost. Everything I lost.”

“Would you believe me if I told you I feel the same way?” Zuko glanced at her from the corner of his eye. 

She pursed her lips. 

“I can see that,” she replied slowly, still not looking at him. The bread was turning into dust.

“I have all these duties,” he said, waving his arms around. “I never have a moment for myself. And yesterday, I realized that I haven't even started looking for my mom yet because I've been so busy that I forgot. I forgot my own mother. But I don’t even know where to find time to _think_.”

He shut up, suddenly embarrassed. 

“Maybe you should tell them all to walk into a volcano,” Katara said. “And just go look for her.”

“I thought we were talking about you,” he said.

“Well, you always find a way to make every conversation about you,” she replied, but she smiled when she said it. 

Once again, Zuko pushed the scrolls closer towards her.

“You really should take them. The Fire Nation has no right to hold onto them. Perhaps you should turn the library upside down, see what else you can find that shouldn’t be there.”

“Maybe you can come help me,” she said. “That should be fun.”

“If I do that, will you come with me to find my mother?”

Zuko closed his eyes. Out of nowhere, he felt Katara grabbing his hand and giving it a light squeeze.

“I will, I promise." 

He felt the heat rise to his cheeks. Katara squeezed his hand again.

"You’re almost cute when you turn pink like that." 

Zuko didn’t know whether to be offended by the _almost cute_ remark, or the fact that she was making fun of him for blushing. He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn’t find any words. What came out was a total disaster.

"I guess you’re almost a nice person when you smile?”

Luckily, she laughed. 

“I’m glad we’re friends, Zuko. Thanks for the scrolls. Let’s meet at the library tomorrow morning. Maybe we can find some clues about where your mom is while we’re there.”

He nodded, glad to have this weird moment behind them. 

“Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow." 

He let go of her hands for the last time that day.

* * *

“I didn’t know it snowed down here,” she said.

It was a few days later. They had started walking in the midst of the night, with the idea of watching the sunset at the top of the highest peak of the caldera. Katara had brought her jacket, but it was much chillier than she expected.

“Yeah, it does sometimes. Usually it doesn’t get down into the valley, though.”

It was almost morning now. The sky had already turned grey, and she could feel the pull from the moon slowly fading away. Soon, the sun would take over. Zuko’s element. She glanced at him, walking in front of her, guiding the way. He was carrying a walking stick that he used to point out interesting tidbits along the way.

They had come out of the forest about half an hour ago and Katara was pleased with the view. From here, she could see the entire capital, as well as the lake and the villages more downstream. If she tried very hard, she thought she might even be able to see the shore.

“We’re almost there,” Zuko said, and he pointed his stick towards the top of the mountain. He was right. Katara judged the distance between them and the peak to be roughly another then minutes.

“Just in time for the sunrise,” she said cheerfully.

As soon as they sat down, Katara spotted the first rays of sunshine making their way into the sky. They were like paint brushes, coloring streaks of pink into the clouds.

She pressed her chin to her knees and took a deep breath. As she felt the last drops of enhanced attunement disappear from her heart, she heard Zuko exhale sharply.

“You feel it too?” she asked, but she knew the answer.

He nodded and closed his eyes. It had become a sort of ritual between them, to be fully present the moment their elements were awoken, or put to sleep. And because theirs were opposite, they balanced each other out.

“You rise with the sun, I rise with the moon,” Katara whispered to herself as she wove her fingers through her hair.

Before, she hadn’t really noticed the waning and waxing of the moon’s spirit within herself. She had felt the surge of power when the moon was full, and the thrilling energy during the lunar eclipse in the North Pole, but she wasn’t paying attention to the more subtle motions that she went through, day in day out.

Likewise, Zuko, who never possessed a talent for introspection and reflection, had felt quite overwhelmed by the way Sozin’s comet had set his inner fire ablaze. He had talked to Katara about it, and they both discussed their thoughts with Iroh, who taught them some meditations they could use to tune in to the spirits a bit more. They had practiced them together, twice a day, dawn and dusk. It had brought them together in a way nothing else had.

As far as Katara knew, theirs were the only elements that even experienced these ebbs and flows of power. She wondered what it meant. She wondered whether “opposite elements” was really the right term, as she had wondered more often these past few weeks.

“What are you thinking about?”

Zuko’s voice was raspy and hoarse. The thin air made it harder to breathe, harder to speak.

“I was just…” she paused, unsure about which part of her musings to share with him.

“I was thinking about all of this,” she decided on. She gestured at the sun, now already halfway out of the ocean, still bright orange in color.

Zuko pressed his palms together to create a small flame between his hands.

“You mean the sunrise? Or meditation? Or what?”

“All of it,” she replied. “The way our elements are seen as opposites, how you gain power when I lose it, and the other way around.”

“It’s all about balance, isn’t it?” Zuko caught her eye. “About not letting one element become all powerful, all the time.”

“But I don’t think the airbenders and earthbenders have something similar,” she said. “At least, I’ve never heard Aang or Toph mention something like that.”

“Maybe there’s a different kind of connection between water and fire,” he said.

Katara closed her eyes to feel the tickle of the sun on her eyelashes. 

“What kind of connection do you think that is?” she mused.

“I don’t know.” She heard Zuko get up. The next moment, he was next to her. She opened her eyes to see him lying stretched out, hands behind his head.

“I personally always thought water and fire were more alike than opposites, honestly. I mean, Uncle studied the waterbenders to come up with a firebending technique. You can’t do that if the elements have nothing in common.”

“Isn’t the difference more about the attitude of the bender?” she asked. “Like airbenders are fidgety and always flying around, while earthbenders are stoic and stand their ground. Firebenders are powerful and have a temper, waterbenders are fluid and adaptive.”

“You think I have a temper?”

“Not at all,” Katara said with a sly grin.

Zuko laughed.

“You might be right. But, firebenders aren’t all the same. And neither are waterbenders. I’ve seen you scream at people more than once, and I had to adapt to so many different ways of living I can hardly keep track anymore.”

Katara nodded. “Aang is very much like an earthbender when it comes to his convictions. And Toph… I mean, she _is_ kind of unique in how she just enjoys traveling more than actually settling down in one place.”

“So we agree.” Zuko sat up straight again. Shoulder to shoulder, they followed the rise of the sun with their eyes. The higher it rose, the brighter it became - and the harder to keep watching.

“What does bending feel like, for you?” she asked.

He shrugged.

“I can’t really say. It’s warm, I guess. And I always feel more energized when the day starts. As if someone is adding fuel to the fire within me. When I bend, I can feel the warmth going through my body…” he opened his hands. “If you control your breathing, you can control your fire. You’ll know exactly where it goes, what strength it has. And I guess I feel that inside me.”

“It’s actually not that different for me, you know,” Katara said. “I mean, it’s not a warm sensation. It’s cool. But it’s very similar to what you just described. Except I feel much stronger when the night falls.”

She smiled. He smiled back.

“Maybe we’re not really opposites after all, then. More like two sides of the same coin,” she said.

“You sound like Uncle,” Zuko said. “Speaking of him, I want to bet he made tea and breakfast. Do you want to climb back down and get some?”

“Absolutely.”

The sun had now fully emerged and driven out the darkness. The sky was blue, and the morning full of promises.

* * *

"Zuko, I am so proud of you. The past few months have not been easy, and yet you have succeeded with flying colors."

Iroh carefully placed a pot of steaming hot tea between them on the table. He proceeded to pour them both a cup. It was only yesterday that Zuko and Katara had had breakfast together at the shop, but it felt like ages ago. There was so much going in Zuko's life, he hardly had time to make sense of it all.

"That may be true, Uncle, but for some reason I can't take care of the Fire Nation and of my personal life at the same time." 

The last customers of the day had just left. Zuko enjoyed coming here to end the work day: he knew his uncle would have some useful advice for him most of the time, and otherwise, he'd just listen and let Zuko vent. 

"Mai and I are like strangers to each other. I thought things would ease up once everyone was out of the palace, but it hasn't. Quite the opposite, actually. She's spending all her free time with Toph now, and it almost seems like they're plotting something against me."

"Toph has been here a few times as well," Iroh said. "In fact, she said she was going to stop by today as well. She could be here any minute." He took a sip of his tea. "Maybe you've been neglecting Mai too much. How much time do you actually spend with her?"

"Well, not much..." Zuko admitted. "But it's not like she's the only one I can't spend time with. I'm surrounded by friends, and I hardly have time for any of them!" 

Iroh coughed.

"It seems like you have plenty of time to meet with Katara."

Zuko's face suddenly felt hot.

"That's different! We're working together to stop the assassins. Katara has been studying in the library, and she gives me updates every day."

His uncle merely raised an eyebrow.

"Hello Uncle Iroh!" 

"Toph!" Iroh got up. "Please, sit. I'll bring you some tea and a cookie."

The earthbender put her feet up on the table without hesitation and sighed. Zuko watched her close her eyes and smile. She seemed quite comfortable, almost as if she was at home.

Maybe Toph could read minds, because at that moment she said: 

"Sparky, I've made a decision. I'm not going back to my parents. You should adopt me."

Zuko almost choked on his tea.

"Wha...What do you mean? I can't adopt you! I'm not even eighteen myself!" 

"Well, it would sure make a nice birthday gift when you have your birthday party next month."

Zuko crossed his arms and looked away. "I thought you're supposed to _get_ presents when it's your birthday, not _give_ them," he muttered.

Iroh returned with a third cup and a large cookie. He handed them to Toph and pulled in another chair. He looked earnest.

"Toph..." he paused, turned to Zuko.

"Zuko, Toph, I wanted to address both of you. I overheard what Toph just said and I have to say… I've been thinking about this privately for some time now. If Toph really wants to stay here, I want her to know that she will have a home with me."

Zuko opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" he asked.

"Yeah, old man, are you joking?" 

"No, Toph, I just enjoy your company very much. And even though I may not be able to officially adopt you, you can stay here for as long as you like."

Zuko turned his head sharply to look at Toph and noticed her eyes were a little red. 

"Are you okay?" He had never seen her cry. It was _Toph._

Then, another painful blow on his right arm. 

"Toph! Why?" 

"That's what you get for being part of my family," she said and grinned. He couldn't help but laugh. 

* * *

Iroh had kicked them out because he had to clean, so they were on their way back to the palace. The late afternoon sun stretched out their shadows in front of them. On the ground, they were almost the same height. 

"As your newest family member, I deserve a seat at all of your meetings," Toph said, as she went through her list of demands. "Also, I need a better room. One with a view."

"You can't even see the view!" Zuko protested.

"Of course I can. I see with my feet. Besides, right now, it takes me ages to get to your office. And you bet that I'm going to hang out there a lot."

"I'd really rather you wouldn't," he said, but his words were drowned out by another wave of Toph's ramblings.

"Another thing. I'm a little concerned about your well being," she said.

Zuko groaned. "Well, you can go stand in line. You, Katara, Suki, Uncle..." 

"No, seriously. I've been talking to Mai. And those fights the two of you are having are hard to miss, too. I'm blind, not deaf. Neither of you deserve this kind of crap. Take it from me, I know what bad relationships look like." 

She cracked her knuckles. "Take my parents. They pretend to be all hunky dory in front of everyone else, but behind closed doors it's a mess."

"You don't need to tell me," he said. "My mother and father had a famously bad marriage. I guess all my relationships are doomed to fail. All I can do is fight, and screw up, and be a bad boyfriend."

"You know that's not true. We don't fight all the time. You and Suki don't fight all the time. Heck, even you and Katara don't fight all the time anymore and you two took forever to become friends."

She stopped talking. 

"Well, you're my friends. That's different, you know," Zuko said. Toph still said nothing. He looked at her.

"What's wrong?" 

She opened her mouth and closed it again.

"Nothing. I just think that if you and Mai can't make each other happy, you should just break up, because now everyone is a victim of your constant bickering."

"I heard you and Mai are having a good time," he said, trying to change the subject.

"We really do." Toph smiled. "We're working together."

"Working? What kind of work would that be?"

"We're creating an underground spy network," Toph said. "We use it right now to get information on the assassins, but we could use it for other stuff in the future. Just imagine: a secret organization that has people all over the world!"

"As long as you're not plotting world domination," Zuko said, not entirely convinced that she wasn't.

"I have enlisted June as well," she said. "The bounty hunter, you remember her, right? I thought she was awesome."

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. This could only end terribly.

"Well, at least Mai is somewhat happier now. That counts for something. Thanks, I guess." 

He looked up and saw someone running towards them. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be Katara. She was holding something - it looked like a piece of paper.

"You'll never believe this!" she shouted when she was within earshot. A couple of seconds later, she caught up with them, slightly out of breath. She was indeed holding some paper - a letter, Zuko could see now. It was bearing the seal of the Southern Water Tribe.

"It's from Hakoda!" Katara's eyes were glistening. "He says that he misses me and that he understands that he was wrong. Apparently, Arnook wrote to him as well. He wants me to open my own waterbending school when I come back - he says that there are some kids who show signs of bending abilities. And he promises that I'll become the water tribe ambassador when I turn sixteen. It's everything I ever wanted!" 

She threw her arms around Zuko, who promptly took a step back, realized his mistake and slowly put his arms around her waist. It _was_ everything she ever wanted. 

And it would mean that she'd _leave._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Night Away - Pat Metheny & Brad Mehldau


	19. Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _  
> Here we stand  
>  Worlds apart  
> Hearts broken in two, two, two  
> Sleepless nights  
> Losing ground  
> I'm reaching for you, you, you  
>   
> \-- Journey  
> _

She was already waiting for him under the tall oak tree when he arrived. He halted, watched her from afar. The morning light framed her face. It gave her an otherworldly appearance, as if she hadn't just left her bedroom, but emerged from the depths of the ocean. 

He swallowed something and walked towards her.

"Good morning," she said and smiled as she held some scrolls close to her chest. Zuko smiled, tried to say good morning as well, but the words got stuck somewhere halfway up his chest. He masked it by pretending to have a coughing fit.

He opened the door to the library. Inside, it was rather cold, and a little stuffy. Katara had been her more often than he had, he realized as he gazed around to take in the scenery. He could see the evidence of her presence, too: cups of tea, scattered all across the floor. Zuko leaned in to pick one up, held it between his fingers.

"So, where do we begin?" he asked, the first words to leave his mouth that morning. His voice cracked. She giggled.

"As you can see from the cups..." she paused for a second, "...I've been working on this side of the library, mostly. But I think there's more to find in the back. I found this scroll the other day which referenced some materials from way before Sozin." 

"And we can find that in the back?" he repeated her.

"You don't know the layout of your own library?" 

She shook her head and laughed. 

Katara had invited Zuko here because she wanted to make sure he could continue their research when she left. Just a few days ago, she had received a letter from Hakoda, who had practically begged her to come back. Of course, Zuko could understand that she missed her home, and he knew she had so much to look forward to now. But when she had told him the happy news, he had frozen in place, a sinking feeling in his stomach as she wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped up and down with excitement. 

He knew his reaction had been stiff and formal, but he honestly thought he was going to fall apart if he hadn't kept his composure like that. She had looked deflated, sure, but he tried to placate the situation by telling her that he had just been thinking about their hard work on figuring out the assassin's plan, and how he was going to continue that work when she left.

Much to his surprise, she had bought the story - and now they were here. Honestly, he didn't even know if he could spare a second to spend in this place, let alone hours on end. 

"Zuko, if this isn't your crown, whose is it?"

Katara pointed to a glass case in the center of the library. It contained a delicate piece of silk, upon which a single crown was placed.

Zuko recognized it immediately.

"That's my mom's," he said. "I mean… it used to be my mom's."

"You mean when she was still living with you in the palace?"

"Yeah." He didn't really know what to tell her. This was not a subject he enjoyed talking about.

"Do you want to tell me about your mom?"

He glanced at Katara. She was smiling, encouraging him with her eyes.

He cleared his throat.

"Uh, sure. So, I'm afraid I don't know much about her life when she was younger, but I know my parents got married pretty young. Azulon arranged the marriage, just like he did with my uncle. Ursa - did I tell you her name is Ursa? - was not expected to become Fire Lady, so their wedding was a little different too. A little less formal, I guess. But she was a firebender. That was a strict requirement for them to marry."

"So that's what a female leader of the Fire Nation is called?"

"I mean, not really. Remember when we fought Azula? She would have been Fire Lord, not Fire Lady. We've had some female Fire Lords in the past, most of them reigned after their husbands had died. But, well… you know. Things changed."

Katara had a puzzled look on her face. "But what if Azula became Fire Lord and married? Would he have been called Fire Lord as well?"

"Probably not." Zuko chuckled in spite of the fact that the thought of Fire Lord Azula frightened him beyond reproach. "I guess they would have had to come up with a new name."

"Awfully complicated," Katara said. "In the Southern Water Tribe, you're either chief, or chief's partner, or nothing." Her face darkened. "Not that _we_ ever had a female chief. I guess people would laugh at the idea. At least your sister would have been able to become Fire Lord without any trouble."

"We definitely gave her some trouble," Zuko said. He permitted himself to squeeze Katara's upper arm lightly. She beamed a smile back at him.

"We sure did. But continue, about your mom."

"Oh, right. So, they married, and not long after, I was born. And then Azula, about one and a half years later. You know, I loved having a baby sister. I thought Azula was so sweet, and small, and I just wanted to play with her. But when we grew older, my father started paying attention to her more and kind of... changed her."

Katara placed her hand on his arm.

"I guess that's when my mom knew she had to protect me. From him. Because she had already lost Azula." He swallowed, trying to blink back the tears that were stuffing his throat and gathering under his eyelids.

"We'll find her," Katara whispered. "I promise."

She traced the edges of the cassette with her finger, staring at the crown underneath. In the dim light of the library, the diadem shone and flickered with a warm glow, as if it were alive. 

"Can I try it on?"

"Uh, that's not really supposed to..."

But she already unhooked the top and reached into the cassette. 

"How do I put this on?" Katara stuck out her tongue as she tried to pin the crown into her hair.

Zuko wrapped his hands around hers and gently took the crown from her.

"Look, Karara, I appreciate your interest in my culture. But this is...personal. I'd rather keep it in here, if you don't mind."

"Oh." Her cheeks colored. "Yes, of course. I mean, I'm sorry. That was insensitive."

"You can try my crown if you want," he offered. Before she could say anything, he reached into his top knot and plucked the crown away. He put it in Katara's open palms.

"I still don't know how to put it in my hair," she pointed out.

"Right. Let me help with that..." He stepped around her until he stood behind her, then carefully grabbed her hair. Without saying anything, he made a top knot not unlike his own, with fingers that over the years had grown accustomed to the motions. He tied it together with the ribbon that had already been in her hair, and placed the crown in the center.

"Whoa. That's heavy!" she exclaimed.

He chuckled. "I know how you feel. That's exactly what I thought after one week of wearing it. But you get used to it."

"How do I look?" Katara turned her face around to look him in the eyes. He fell silent as he studied her.

"What?" She searched his face with uncertain eyes. "Is it weird? I'm sure it's weird. Let me take it off."

She already reached into her hair, but he stopped her.

"No... I actually like it. It looks good on you." He traced the edges of her face again with his eyes. Her olive skin, which had darkened even more because of the sun. Her dark brown hair - that top knot looked good on her. And the crown... Zuko thought he had never seen it shine so beautifully.

"It does?" She darted away. "I need to see it." Eventually, she found a mirror. She gasped, brought a hand to her face.

"What's wrong?"

"I almost didn't recognize myself."

"But do you like it?"

He went to stand beside her, and they stared at each other through the mirror. He pulled his own ribbon out of his hair, letting it fall down. It was growing longer every day. He still considered cutting it, because his reflection in the mirror started to remind him more and more of his father. But at the same time, he couldn't actually bring himself to do it. 

"Look at us, just like we're a couple!" Katara laughed.

"Heh, yeah." He averted his eyes.

"Come on, don't be offended. I'm sure Mai is dying to wear that crown."

"Actually, I don't think she is. Mai probably would hate being Fire Lady more than anything in the world."

"Why?"

"Because it's not just a title, but you also kind of need to do charity work and meet people. My father didn't allow my mother in the war room, but there have been Fire Ladies who were actively involved in the politics of the Fire Nation. Some say they were more powerful than their husbands."

"I'm not surprised," said Katara. She gave the mirror one final look, then grabbed the crown and gave it back to Zuko.

"Here. Thanks for letting me borrow it. And I'm sorry I took your mother's crown, I shouldn't have."

"Don't worry about it," he said and smiled. "You'd make a good Fire Lady."

"Well, if Mai ever needs a stand in, she can write to me."

His quick fingers made a new top knot. Without looking, he put the crown back in. The weight had become familiar to him now, after wearing it for just a few months. 

"I don't think I could give my mother's crown to anyone else," he said, speaking to no one in particular. "It reminds me too much of her." 

"You can always make another one," Katara pointed out. She looked at him. "Hey, what's wrong? Is the thought of marrying scaring you that much?"

He laughed in spite of his own inner turmoil. 

"Don't tell me _you_ are looking forward to getting married."

"Well, no." She puckered her lips. "But we do have a tradition in the Water Tribe of marrying young. My mother was only sixteen when she married my dad. _I'm_ going to be sixteen in a year." She shivered.

"The Fire Sages will probably expect me to start looking for a bride, too. Sooner rather than later." He stuck out his tongue.

"My dad almost sent me away to the North, off to marry some guy I had never met. But I rebuffed him, of course. No way that I was going to do that."

Zuko grimaced. "That's horrible. I would never force anyone to be my wife. I'd rather be alone than knowing that someone hates every second of being around me."

He closed his mouth.

"Let me show you the rest of the library," Katara said in hushed tones. "Otherwise, you'll never be able to continue my research once I've left."

"Right." 

He let her lead the way as the thoughts in his head spiralled to new depths. 

* * *

"How can I be so stupid?" 

Zuko stood under the tree next to the turtle duck pond and threw his hands in the air. A little turtle duckling swam up to him, curious if the tormented soul on the shore would have some food to spare. 

"What's wrong with me?" He looked at the duckling. She quacked.

"I'm a terrible boyfriend, a terrible person - someone no one should be with." He let his shoulders hang and sat down on the grass. The duckling came out of the water and walked up to him, still wondering if he'd have any food for her.

"Just imagine," he said, looking at the duckling as she climbed into his pockets, "I'm telling Katara that I would never want to be with someone who hates being around me, and I just go on pretending to have a decent relationship with Mai. Who am I kidding?" 

The duckling quacked a disappointed quack when she realized that the loudmouthed human did not, in fact, carry food. At the same time, she enjoyed the softness of his clothes, and decided to nestle herself in one of his pockets.

"And why can't I just tell Katara that I'm going to miss her?" Zuko burst out once more. "I mean, should I? What do you think?" He opened his pocket to look at the duckling. She looked up at him with her beady little eyes and quacked. 

"Fine. I won't. You're right. If I do that, she might feel bad. And I wouldn't want her to feel bad. Or stay here for me - I've seen how that worked out with Aang. I don't want to make her feel that way."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, mulling over what to do next. 

"I think I should just avoid her." 

Suddenly, he got up, startling the duckling. She started quacking incessantly, and he got her out of his pocket and put her back on the grass.

"If I avoid her," he said to the duckling, his face still close, "I can't accidentally tell her how I feel. And then she can leave in peace. And I can be miserable in peace."

* * *

Katara paced the hallways with such a speed that everyone she passed pressed themselves against the wall in order to prevent a collision. She was looking for Zuko, unable to find him since their conversation that morning. Normally, she would have seen him at lunch, or he would have invited her for a cup of tea at Iroh's in the afternoon. But none of that today - could he be upset about what she did with his mother's crown that morning? 

"Aren't you afraid of walking into walls, running around like that?"

Katara stopped dead in her tracks. 

"You don't happen to know where Zuko is, do you?" she asked Mai.

The long-haired girl rolled her eyes. 

"I guess he left this afternoon on a trip to the islands. He won't be back before the evening."

"Oh." 

Normally, he'd invite her to come along. 

"Cheer up, he never tells me anything either," Mai said and shrugged. "I got used to it. I had to."

Katara watched the other girl as if with new eyes. For the first time, she thought she could look behind Mai's carefully curated mask and see what was really going on down there: someone who was lonely, locked up in a palace that may very well be a prison for her.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm okay." If Mai was surprised by her asking, she didn't show it. "Toph has been fun to hang out with, actually. With her around, I finally have something to do." 

She gave Katara a pointed look. "Honestly, I don't understand how you do it. Sitting in meeting rooms all day, talking about politics. It's the most boring thing ever."

Katara laughed. "I always enjoyed getting to know other people better," she explained. "Helping people grow. You know what I mean?"

"I don't, actually." Mai produced a kunai from her robes and swung it around her finger. "But if that's what you like, Zuko could learn a lot from you. All he knows is how to shut people out."

Katara hesitated. On the one hand, she knew she had already done her fair share of meddling. On the other hand, these two people were _so obviously unhappy_ with each other, she felt like she had no choice.

"I know this is personal, but… are you still happy in your relationship?"

"My parents sure are," Mai said. "And I guess that's the only thing that really matters. I shouldn't waste my potential, now that I'm dating the Fire Lord. Things could be worse, you know."

"Just because your parents have certain expectations, doesn't mean you can't live your own life," Katara said.

"Easy for you to say. I grew up in this kind of life. There are always expectations, you can't just break out of them."

"Toph has, though," Katara pointed out. "She is from one of the richest families in the Earth Kingdom, and she has completely abandoned that life." 

Something shifted in the look on Mai's face. Katara couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was, but she saw it happening. Color returned to her cheeks, her eyes lit up. Even her posture seemed to change. 

"I have to go," Mai said, sounding a little breathless. "Thanks for the… whatever this was."

Knowing that she wasn't going to find Zuko any time soon, Katara decided to return to the library.

* * *

Hanging out in his uncle’s tea shop may not have been the most Fire Lord-y thing to do, but it made Zuko happy. Once a week, he’d take the afternoon off to help Iroh serve customers, wash dishes, and generally spend time together.

“Thanks for all the help today, nephew,” said Iroh as he put down his broom. The last customers of the day were saying their goodbyes.

“No problem, Uncle,” Zuko said. He liked to help. It forced him to focus on the things in the present, what was under his hands, that which he could directly influence. 

“How is everything at the palace?” he heard his uncle ask, as if the old man could read his mind. His face fell a little.

“King Kuei is still not agreeing with any proposal I send out about the colonies. If it goes on like this, I’ll have to go meet with him _again_ , and it probably won’t change anything. The new governors haven't been formally inaugurated yet, and already I'm hearing about death threats. The assassin's are still right under my nose and I have no idea how to defeat them. At least I have transferred Azula to someplace else. Hopefully, that will keep her safe from them..."

“And there’s Katara,” Iroh interrupted him.

Zuko flustered. “What do you mean, Katara? What about her?”

“No, I mean, there’s Katara!”

Iroh pointed outside. The slender Water Tribe girl walked past the shop windows, seemingly on her way to somewhere. Zuko wished he could make himself invisible, but remained frozen to the ground instead.

He had been avoiding her for two full days now. His servants kept telling him how often Katara had asked about him - invited him to do things together. Normally, he'd have swept his schedule clear in order to hang out with her, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. 

Zuko started waking up earlier so he could get breakfast before her and be in his study already, not to be disturbed. He stopped inviting her to meetings, didn’t ask her along anymore on his tours around the city. When he saw her outside by the pond late in the evening, he walked on, his heart bleeding with every step.

He wanted to talk to her so badly, it almost consumed him.

And now she was about to set foot in his uncle’s tea shop, and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

“Hello Iroh!" She caught his eye and raised her eyebrows. "Zuko!”

She was radiant. She had brought along some scrolls, Zuko noticed. Waterbending scrolls she got from the library, probably.

“Hi Katara,” he managed to get out. He turned around and took off his apron, his cheeks already feeling hot.

“Uncle, I think it’s time to go. See you next week.” He dropped the apron on the counter and started walking towards the door.

“Zuko, hold up! You want to hear this, I promise.”

Her voice made him stop, and turn around, and look at her. He couldn’t speak, so he just stood there and stared.

“Come, sit,” she said and patted the bench she was sitting on.

He swallowed, moved toward her and sat down. His clothes seemed glued to his skin.

Katara opened one of the scrolls she had been carrying. On it, a story was written. It was accompanied by paintings, beautifully done.

“This is one of the folk tales surrounding the Aurora,” Katara said. “Zuko, remember we were trying to figure out what the seven world wonders are? The Aurora is one of them.”

“What’s the Aurora again?”

“The Northern Lights. Or the Southern Lights. That’s the problem, they’re not the same. I wish I knew what the difference between them was, but I’m afraid all I could find about the Aurora is this. It’s folklore, so probably not entirely relevant, but I thought Iroh might know more. Given you’ve been in the spirit world, and the story is about spirits.”

Iroh, who had joined them with a pot of tea and three cups, looked at the girl and smiled.

“It’s been a while since I’ve traveled to the spirit world, my dear. I don’t know how much help I can be, but I’ll try my best.”

Zuko still felt Katara’s body heat next to him like a small fire, and he inched away from her.

“Uhh… So, how do we know the Aurora is where we need to be?”

“We don’t,” admitted Katara. She put a lock of hair behind her ear. “But we have to start somewhere and this is as good as anything.”

“Okay. So what’s the story?” Zuko snapped his finger against the scroll. Katara snatched it away from him.

“Hey, be careful! This scroll might be centuries old. It’s still in good shape, let’s try to keep it that way.” She shot him a look - embarrassed, he turned his head away from her.

“I think I know what this is about,” Iroh said and smiled. Katara’s eyes widened.

“You know the story?”

Iroh gestured around him. “I even named this shop after it.”

Both Katara and Zuko leaned across the table to hear more.

“The tale of the Northern Lights comes from the Northern Water Tribe, of course,” Iroh began. “It’s the story of the Fire Fox, a legendary spirit with a tail made of fire. While hunting on the ice, it would smack its tail against the ground. Sparks would fly off his tail and be shot into the air, where they formed the Aurora.”

“But the Northern Lights serve a second purpose. You see, the Fire Fox is also one of the guardians of the Spirit World. And as you may know, our North Pole and South pole are places where the fabric between our worlds is very thin. If one wants to enter the spirit world, it’s actually the perfect place to do so. I should know, because I did so myself, many years ago.”

“Go on, uncle,” said Zuko impatiently. “Tell us the rest of the story!”

Katara put her hand on his arm to calm him down. To him, it felt as if she put a burning hot poker on him. He instinctively pulled away his arm.

“I traveled to the North Pole after my defeat in Ba Sing Se. No one knew where I went, not even my family. The legend says that if you meet the Fire Fox and he deems you worthy, he will use his tail to open the Aurora for you, which then serves as a bridge between our world and the spirit world. The Northern Water Tribe actually has a set of rituals around this, where they sometimes ask the Fox to accept some of their people into the Spirit World. The Southern Tribe,” Iroh nodded at Katara, “has different rituals, but I don’t know about them. I’m sure our waterbending master has more information about that.”

But Katara suddenly looked sad. She shook her head.

“I wish I did. But there wasn’t much time to perform rituals of any kind during the war. We were just trying to survive.”

All three of them went quiet for a little while. Iroh put his hand on top of Katara’s and squeezed. Zuko could slap himself in the face for not thinking of doing that.

“The history of your tribe isn’t lost, my dear,” Iroh said. “You’ve found many waterbending scrolls in the library already and I’m sure there’s even more treasure in there. And I’m sure your father and grandmother will have plenty of stories to tell. You just have to ask them.”

Katara looked up and smiled.

“Thank you. For the story about the Fire Fox, and everything else. I’m looking forward to going home again and learning more about the history of my tribe. Finally, my life has a purpose again.”

Zuko looked the other way so she wouldn’t be able to see his face.

Katara got up, rolled up the scroll and put them in her bag.

“Zuko, I promise I'll continue our research when I'm back home. I don't know if the Aurora is what the assassins are looking for, but if it is, I'll be pretty close to it. Thanks for the tea, Iroh. It was delicious as usual. I hope you'll come visit me in the South Pole!" 

He turned around to watch her walk away. When he looked back, he saw his uncle stare at him.

“If you think acting like this is going to convince her to stay, you’re wrong,” Iroh said.

Zuko didn’t respond.

* * *

"Have you seen Zuko lately?"

Katara stormed into the courtyard. Her question was directed at Toph, who had been lounging on one of the benches. 

"I think I caught a glimpse of him at lunch time, why? Is Madame Fussy Britches upset with the Fire Lord?"

"Yes, I am." Katara growled. "I'm leaving in two days and that arrogant jerk pretends as if I don't exist. He's driving me crazy!" 

"Hmm." Toph got up in a seating position and crossed her legs. "I might have a hunch about what's going on with Sparky. Do you want me to talk to him?"

Katara hesitated. "I don't know, Toph. I have a feeling that that's just going to make things worse." 

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing." Toph held up her hand. "I promise."

"Alright then, I guess." Katara closed her eyes for a second. "I just wanted to spend some time together before I left. Is that too much to ask?"

Toph picked her nose. "It's Zuko. If his first cup of tea isn't to his taste, he can mope about it all day. Who knows what has gotten his panties in a twist."

* * *

Toph had made it clear that she wouldn't be able to talk to Zuko before dinner, so that night, she'd had to endure another one of those infuriating meals. She was sitting across the table from Zuko and Toph, the one listlessly stabbing his food with his chopsticks, the other one using her hands to shove the food in her face. Katara tried to make conversation, but Zuko merely hummed - Toph was never really an engaging conversational partner to begin with. 

The final straw came when Zuko produced some scrolls and started reading them at the table.

"Do you _mind?"_ Katara felt the heat rise up in her stomach. "We're having dinner. You know, one of our last meals together before I leave? I thought _maybe_ we could spend them, actually, oh, I don't know, _talking_ to each other?"

Zuko glanced at her and swallowed whatever he was chewing. "I'm sorry, I just really need to finish these," he said. 

"Alright, that's it. I don't know what's going on with you and why you won't tell me, but I'm done. And don't come after me!"

She slammed her hands on the table, got up and shut the door behind her with such force that the sound rang in her ears.

Toph turned towards Zuko. 

“You know, you’re so easy to read. I’m surprised Sugar Queen hasn’t figured it out yet. But then again, I think you may not have figured it out yourself.”

Zuko put down his scroll and stared at her.

“What are you talking about?” he grumbled.

Toph giggled, a sound that didn’t really match with her forceful personality.

“The signs are all there. The sweating, the heartbeat, the useless blabbering that comes out of your mouth… You really don’t know what I’m talking about?”

Zuko sighed.

“If you’re trying to say I’m messing up my friendship with Katara by acting like a jerk then yes, I know what you’re talking about.”

“Not really. I mean, do you know _why_ you’re acting like a jerk?”

“Because I don’t want her to feel pressured into staying in the Fire Nation because I’ll miss her when she leaves?” he tried.

Toph shook her head.

“Uh-uh. Although you’re doing quite a good job at pressuring her into running away from you as fast as possible.”

She jumped up, walked to the other end of the room and leaned against the wall.

“You people are all so oblivious about your own feelings. I kept telling Katara last year that she obviously had a thing for Haru, but she kept denying it. Like you guys don’t know I can literally feel it when you’re lying.”

Zuko didn’t know whether this required a response, so he said nothing.

“See, you’re doing it again,” Toph suddenly snapped.

“I’m not doing anything!” he protested.

“You’re sitting there feeling sorry for yourself because Katara is mad at you but you never stop to think what it is that makes you act this way?” Toph threw her hands in the air in exasperation.

“If you know it so well, why don’t you just tell me,” he bit back.

“You’re in love with her, of course, dummy,” she replied with a triumphant smirk.

In a reflex, he stuck out his hands in front of him, trying to remove himself from those words as far as possible.

“What are you talking about? I’m not in love with her?”

“I’m not in love with her?” Toph mocked him. “Yes, you _are,_ Zuko. And because you’re you, not only are you making your own life miserable because of it, but Katara’s too.”

“Ugh.” He slammed his hand in his face.

What if Toph was right? What was he supposed to do? They couldn’t be together. Katara wouldn’t even _want_ to be with him, after everything he did to her. Besides, he was still with Mai, even though that was barely a shadow of a relationship.

“You’re only giving me more reason to stop talking to her altogether,” he said through his fingers.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Toph said. “Look, I don’t know much about love and relationships, but I definitely know it’s a bad idea to keep something from Katara.”

“Even if you’re right, and I’m not saying you are,” he warned her, because he could hear her protesting, “There’s no way this is going to work. I’m the Fire Lord. She’s from the Water Tribe.”

“Like I said, I’m not the one to go to for relationship advice. You should probably ask Sokka. Or Suki. They’re disgusting together.”

She made a face.

“All I’m saying is that you should stop lying to yourself. And stop lying to Katara. You’re ruining this for all of us.”

* * *

He couldn't eat another bite after that. As he sat there, trying to make peace with the weight of the words that had just rained down on him, he felt a growing restlessness. He should probably talk to Katara. After all, if she left feeling like this, she'd hate him forever.

"Katara?" His voice carried far in the empty hallway. 

"I thought I said not to come after me." 

He followed the direction of her voice until he found her, leaning against a column and looking at the city lights. 

Zuko cleared his throat.

“Katara, I’m sorry. You were right. I was avoiding you. But it’s not what you think.”

He paused to gauge her reaction, but she wasn’t even giving him so much as a look.

“So, anyway,” he stammered, “What it really was… The thing is… I’m just…”

Now she turned and raised her eyebrow.

His voice lowered to a mumble. “I am really going to miss you when you’ll leave. But I didn’t want to say anything that could change your mind. So I thought it better if I just… stopped talking to you.”

As soon as the words had left his mouth, he realized how dumb it sounded. He raised his shoulders, expecting a scolding, or worse.

When nothing came, he looked up to find Katara with tears streaming down her face.

“I thought you were mad at me,” she whispered.

“I thought you were mad at _me_.”

“You should have told me."

“I know. I’m so sorry. I was stupid, and I ruined our friendship. I’m a terrible person.”

Katara opened her eyes wide.

“Don’t say that! You’re not a terrible person. And you didn’t ruin our friendship. You did a stupid thing, but we all do stupid things.”

She put her hand on his arm, and when he didn’t move, she hooked her other arm around his neck.

Carefully, he wrapped his own arms around her waist.

“I’m just happy to know I was wrong to think you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore,” she said, her breath hot against his scarred ear.

He loosened his grip.

“Katara, you’re one of the most amazing people I have ever met.”

She tried to look away, but Zuko squeezed her arm.

“I would never want nothing to do with you. Why would you think that?”

She shrugged.

“I guess I’m used to people I care about deciding I’m not worth it to stick around for.”

All of a sudden, he understood.

“I’m not going to forget about you. Not ever. Besides, you’re the one leaving me behind, not the other way around.”

She laughed through her tears.

“I guess you’re right about that. Promise me you’ll write to me, though.”

“I will, if you write back.”

“Of course! And you should come visit.”

They both laughed, still holding onto each other.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” she said.

He chuckled. “I kind of deserved it, I think.”

Katara was the first to let go. With one hand, she wiped away the remaining tears on her face.

“Come on, let’s go back, before Toph turns the dining room into a pigsty.”

* * *

Zuko fell down on his bed, face into the pillow.

“You haven’t told her,” a voice said from the hallway.

“Go away, Toph.”

“Why didn’t you tell her?”

“I said, _go away_.”

But of course, the little earthbender stayed where she was.

“Are you still not convinced you’re in love with her?”

“Toph!”

Zuko got up and closed the door.

Toph chuckled.

“So you _are_ convinced. What changed your mind?”

He didn’t respond, just went back to lying on his bed. He grabbed the pillow and buried his face in it again.

“Leave me alone,” he said while talking through the fabric.

“You’re going to have to tell her, sooner or later. I don’t know if someone ever told you, but you’re a terrible liar. Either she’s going to find out, or you will explode because of all your repressed feelings.”

“I shouldn’t tell her anything. I’m with Mai. She’s leaving for the South Pole. I’ll just get over it. Whatever this is.“

Toph sighed.

“Fine, suit yourself. But don’t come crying to me when your feelings don’t go away. Or when your heart gets broken.”

“Will you just leave already?”

Zuko wanted nothing more than this day to be over.

* * *

On the day of Katara's departure, Zuko was hiding in his office. 

He had seen her at breakfast that morning, where he shoved a _melonpan_ in his mouth to prevent himself from talking to her too much. They might have made up, but that didn't mean that Zuko was going to ruin everything by telling her how he really, deeply, truly felt about her going away. 

Was Toph right? She couldn't be - he loved Katara as a friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. He was upset by her leaving because he was going to miss her presence in the palace, their conversations, and her company in general. But he would probably feel the same way if Sokka left. Or Suki. 

And yet. 

But whatever it was, it couldn't last. He had told Toph and he stood by it. Maybe, he thought, this whole situation wasn't so bad. Things would go back to normal - Katara would leave, and he would get a shot to repair his relationship with Mai. 

"Oh. You're here."

Mai always had this unique way of announcing herself.

"Yes, I am," he said. "Why are you here?"

"Zuko, we need to talk." She came forward, dropped herself into a chair and leaned back, elbows on the armrest.

"Uh… okay."

"We need to break up."

"Oh." That certainly wasn't what he had been expecting.

"Don't act all surprised. You know as well as I do that this isn't working."

"Well...uh..." 

He couldn't exactly tell her what he had been mulling over for the past 24 hours.

"Besides, you didn't really believe that I was going to hang out in this palace for the rest of my life, right?" She waved her hands around. "This isn't for me, Zuko. For you, maybe, because it's your _destiny._ "

"But what are you going to do then?"

"Toph and I have been working together on this spy network, and I really enjoy it. That June lady is quite nice as well. She invited me to tag along with her for a while, learn some tricks as a bounty hunter. Who knows where I'll end up. In any case, I'm leaving the Fire Nation."

She got up from the chair. Zuko shot up as well.

"Are you… are you sure?"

It felt as if someone had reached inside his chest, cracked open his ribcage and was now holding his beating heart so firmly he thought he was going to pass out. The scar on his abdomen started aching again as well.

"I am." 

"Well, I've never seen you so determined about anything." 

Why is it that when people leave you, they show you that part of themselves that you loved, but thought they had lost along the way? Did they bury that because of you? Or was it the relationship that dulled these things out? And if that is the case, does that mean that you never were right for each other? 

"I'm sorry, I've taken you for granted. I failed our relationship."

"That's not just on you, Zuko." Mai was almost in the hallway. She looked back. 

"I can't stand hanging around this miserable place any longer. If you want to find me, just ask Toph. But I won't promise you'll get an answer."

Zuko could only stare.

* * *

He was going to miss Katara's departure. He would have to hurry.

When he arrived at the dock, everyone was already there. Toph, Iroh - and Katara, of course. 

"I'm sorry for being so late," he exclaimed, still a little bit out of breath from running so fast. Palanquin bearers be damned. 

"That's an interesting outfit, Nephew," Iroh said with a straight face. 

Zuko realized he wasn't wearing his top knot and crown, and that he also forgot to put on his regal overcoat. Now, it looked like he had walked in wearing a nightgown.

"I'm glad you could make it," Katara said. 

"Me too," he said. She hugged him, and he held her as close as he could. He counted in his head - when would it be appropriate for him to let her go? - but he didn't let go, and neither did she. 

Should he try to find the right words to tell her how much it ached to let her go? 

"Katara." 

His own voice surprised him.

She let go of him, one hand lingering on his arm. Her eyes so bright, he forgot what he was about to say.

"I'm sorry we haven't spent that much time together in the past week," he stammered.

"It's alright. We talked about this yesterday, remember? Don't worry about it."

But was that a hint of disappointment in her eyes? He couldn't tell for sure - it was gone as soon as he registered it. 

Katara went and hugged the others - she even went so far as to hug the guards, with whom she had developed a close relationship over the past few weeks. In fact, Zuko thought, of all his friends, she had been the one who was interested the most in his culture, the people that lived here. 

He watched the ramp close behind her, the ship's engine roaring.

She was gone.

As Zuko stood there, frozen in place, Toph came up to him. She got on her toes and punched him.

"Well, your highness, you've royally fucked that up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, this was a tough chapter to write! So far, the chapters have been following each other in time quite closely, but after this turning point, things will be a little more spaced apart, until the finale. I'm guessing the following two or three chapters will have some little scenes of this 'in between' period.  
>   
>  _Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey_


	20. The Road Not Taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Everytime I see her face  
>  On the street in the hollow of on the hill  
> Another time and another place  
> I feel her in my heart still  
>   
> Everytime I see her face  
> On the street in the hollow in the bend  
> I see her in my mind and then  
> I go down the road not taken...again  
>   
> \-- Bruce Hornsby _

"Katara!" 

"Dad!" 

She ran towards the tall man who was waiting for her at the dock. He spread his arms. Katara smacked her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes. She was home.

Hakoda had creases around his eyes and mouth, and the first grey streaks were visible in his chestnut head of hair. He put his arm around Katara's shoulder as they walked back to the village.

"Wow, you mentioned you guys got some work done, but this..." her voice trailed as she took in the scenery. There was little left of the kind of shabby village she had left behind so many months ago. From the ground in front of her rose something that more closely resembled a small town, with buildings of various heights. Katara counted at least seventy smoking chimneys.

"I admit it feels a little too big for us," Hakoda said as he guided her to his new igloo. "But at least we have enough space to host guests now, and to hold celebrations." He looked at her. "We could throw you a birthday party, if you like."

She smiled. "Thanks dad, but I'm good." 

Katara took a deep breath. The air was filled with the scent of dinner. On winter evenings like these, the sun would barely set. Instead, a midnight sun would rest right above the horizon, casting a reddish light on their homes. She loved to watch it when she couldn't sleep, which was often. 

"I'll see you at dinner then," Hakoda said and put his hand briefly on his daughter's shoulder.

* * *

Later, when Katara had unpacked most of her stuff, she went outside to find dinner. Hakoda had told her where his new igloo was, but she got lost in the unfamiliar streets. For a second, she was on the verge of tears: could she really call this home when she didn't even know where she was? But she turned another corner and recognized the hide hanging in front of the igloo. _Finally._

Inside she found many familiar faces, who welcomed her without hesitation. This was her tribe, she thought as she found a hot bowl being pushed into her hands, her cup filled to the brim with the dark liquor that Hakoda had never allowed her or her brother to drink. She took a sip - it tasted like liquid smoke, and left an almost burning sensation as she pushed it down her throat. Katara sucked in her cheeks and tried her best not to cough.

The food was much better, and she rejoiced in the familiar tastes on her tongue. For a while, she ate with her eyes closed, savoring the richness of her stewed sea prunes. 

When she opened her eyes, she found another quite familiar face in front of her.

"Pakku!" 

She reached out, both of them gripping each other's forearm in the customary greeting of the Southern Water Tribe. His ice blue eyes pierced right into her, and she returned the stare.

"You look tired, child."

She sighed. "That's because I am." She tucked her feet in under her and took another bite of her stew.

"How is your brother doing? Hakoda told me he is still in the Fire Nation." Pakku couldn't hide the slightly disapproving look in his face. Katara decided to ignore it.

"Yes, Sokka is still in the Fire Nation. He's there because of the reparations Zuko promised to pay to our tribe."

"Reparations? Shouldn't the Fire Lord send some money instead?" 

"Dad preferred it this way," Katara said. "Although I know for a fact that Zuko is going to send Sokka back with money anyway. That's just who he is." 

"Your father also told me about the waterbending school you'll be opening here." Pakku's eyes looked much friendlier now.

"I'm starting the preparations tomorrow," Katara said and nodded. "Although I have no idea where to begin, honestly. Training Aang is one thing, training an entire class is quite another."

"If you want," Pakku seemed to hesitate, "I could offer some guidance."

"You know, that would be great." Katara smiled. "I could use all the help I can get."

* * *

"This is starting to look pretty good." 

Hakoda stepped into the igloo that Katara had chosen as her waterbending school. She had spent the past week working on it, shaping it to her liking. She had picked one that was close to a source of running water, so she could demonstrate how the different states of the water changed the way a bender would connect with it. Right that moment, she was finalizing the seats for her pupils. Tomorrow, she'd be ready to meet them.

"Thanks." She grinned. "I worked hard for this."

"I know you did." Hakoda crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked around. "So this is where the magic happens, isn't it?"

"Well, this is where I'll teach the basics. For more advanced techniques, we'll go outside. There's a stage there, too. More space for people to spar." 

"As long as you don't overburden the infirmary with all your pupils," Hakoda said and narrowed his eyes in delight. 

She elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "You know that I'm a healer, dad. And who knows, maybe one of those kids is, too."

"Are you going to teach healing too?"

"I might. Although I feel like I'm not enough of a proficient healer myself yet. What I do is mostly instinct. And you can't teach instinct."

"I'm sure you'll figure out a way," Hakoda said. "Say, now that I have your undivided attention, I wanted to talk to you about something else."

They walked outside and stood in the afternoon sun. Katara shielded her eyes from its light as she looked at her dad. 

"You'll remember that I promised you to become the Southern Water Tribe ambassador when you turn sixteen," he started. Katara felt her heart sink. Was he going to take that promise away from her? 

"Don't worry, I'm not here to renege my promise," he said when he saw the look on her face. "I just wanted to update you on the latest developments. All the leaders of the different nations have been sending letters back and forth to discuss how we're going to approach diplomatic situations. Nothing's been finalized yet, but there'll most likely be some guidelines." 

"Guidelines?" Katara chewed on the inside of her cheek. "Wait, you said 'all the leaders'. That includes Zuko. He never mentioned anything like that to me." 

She blew air inside her cheeks. Typical Zuko, to just _forget_ to tell her these kinds of things, especially when he knew how important that was to her. 

Hakoda laughed. 

"Don't get all worked up. Zuko wanted to tell you about it but we specifically asked him not to. Country leaders can't just discuss everything with anyone, you know. Not even their friends."

"So what about those guidelines?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Well, there will likely be some formal exams as well as an interview. And we're in the process of creating official seals that can be used on documents and such. We wouldn't want some imposter trying to influence our politics."

"Does that mean there's a possibility I might not get the position after all?"

She was genuinely worried now.

"I don't think there's a chance you'd fail those tests, Katara. But yes, theoretically, it's possible. But look at it this way: if the Fire Nation is sending an ambassador, we want to make sure we can safely welcome that person in our home, right?"

Katara exhaled sharply. "If Zuko sends them, I'm sure they can be trusted. He wouldn't betray us like that."

"Of course he wouldn't," Hakoda shushed her. "All I'm trying to say is: diplomacy is a tricky business. Are you sure you're still up for it?"

Katara pursed her lips. No doubt in her mind - she wanted this more than anything. 

* * *

"Happy birthday, Zuko!" 

They had confiscated the new ballroom in the palace to play games and drink the sweet wine the Fire Nation was famous for. At least, Zuko and Sokka were drinking. Suki felt that she was still on duty and refused, and everyone except Toph thought Toph was too young to drink. After twenty failed attempts to steal the bottle from Sokka, she'd given up. Suki had offered her some mango juice instead.

"It's not that I mind celebrating my birthday," Zuko said, his speech slightly slurred. "I just wish Uncle wouldn't make such a big deal out of it."

"How did you get him to back down anyway?" Sokka asked.

Zuko shrugged. "I promised him he could do what he wanted next year." He shook his head and closed his eyes. "Stupid promise. Stupid."

What they were doing could hardly be called a celebration. Suki had asked the kitchen staff to send up some dinner, but once it arrived, Zuko claimed he wasn't hungry and didn't touch anything. Sokka, never one to turn down free food, was more than happy to take over. After dinner had finished, they had started playing some drinking games. With Suki and Toph not drinking, it quickly became a competition between Sokka and Zuko to see who could get drunk the fastest - they both weren't used to the taste of alcohol, and although it didn't take long for the effects to be noticeable, they had a hard time swallowing their drinks. 

"Let's try another game," Sokka said as he shifted his weight. "Man, this floor is uncomfortable, let me tell you."

"We're all sitting on the same floor, Sokka," Zuko snapped.

Sokka looked at Suki, who shrugged and made a face. Zuko hadn't told either of them what was going on - it was bad enough that Toph thought she was onto something. He couldn't stand the thought of Sokka teasing him about this, or Suki wanting to have a serious conversation about responsibilities and duty. And Katara was her friend, too, so she'd probably tell her right away. Zuko didn't want that to happen. This secret, these feelings, they'd get buried in alcohol tonight. After that, he hoped they'd be gone.

"Alright, but this is going to be the last game," Suki said, eyening the bottle Sokka was holding. "You two have had about enough."

"You're not my mother," Sokka said. "And you're not his mother, either."

Suki rolled her eyes. 

"But I am responsible for taking both of you to bed when all this is over. And I want to make my job as easy as possible."

The game, which Sokka had just come up with, involved a guessing game. If you could make a correct guess about someone else - and it could be about anyone, really - they'd have to take a sip. If you were wrong, you had to take a sip. So far, both Sokka and Suki had guessed wrong. Now, it was Toph's turn.

"Sparky," Toph started as she got up to her knees to top off her glass of mango juice, "I guess you're keeping a secret from all of us."

"That's too vague," Sokka protested as Zuko got a coughing fit.

"Alright." She grinned. "I guess you're pretty upset about a certain person leaving."

"Shut up, Toph." Zuko suddenly got up and marched away, leaving his glass of wine on the floor. Sokka picked it up and knocked it back before anyone could say anything. 

"Toph!" Suki turned to the girl next to her and frowned. "It's his birthday, you're not supposed to make him more upset than he already is."

"Lady, you're not the boss of me. I can do whatever I like. And right now, I like teasing Sparky a little bit. He should get used to that."

"Toph, that was really insensitive," Sokka said, joining Suki. "You know he's still gutted that Mai has broken up with him."

"That wasn't what I - oh, whatever." Toph put down her glass and crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

"I'm going to check on him." Sokka grabbed the bottle of wine and stood up, taking Zuko's glass with him as well as his own. 

He didn't have to look far - Zuko was right outside of the room, leaning against the wall. Sokka joined him. Without saying anything, he poured the wine into their glasses and handed one to Zuko. They both took a sip, watching the clouds create shadows in the gallery.

"You're lucky you have Suki," Zuko grumbled, barely audible.

"I am," Sokka agreed. "But that doesn't mean things are always easy. When we went to the South Pole together, she had a hard time adjusting to the cold. And the ice. And the snow. And the food." He paused. "We worked it out in the end, but I never really understood how much impact those cultural differences can have on a relationship. There were days where all we did was fight, honestly." 

"Mai grew up around the palace and she never bothered to try and like it here," Zuko said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He held his glass in front of his mouth, inhaling the aromas of the wine. 

"Well, everyone is different in that regard, I guess." Sokka finished his glass and bent down to put it safely on the ground. "I remember Katara loved it here. So much so that I thought she'd never go back home again."

Upon hearing Katara's name, Zuko finished his drink with a big gulp and choked on the liquid. Trying his hardest not to cough _again,_ tears sprung into his eyes and he thought he was going to pass out. 

"Look, buddy, I'm going to travel back to the Southern Water Tribe in a month or so," Sokka said all of a sudden. "My dad asked if I could come home. Apparently, I'm needed there."

"Of course," Zuko said, barely able to make himself heard. "Family is important."

It dawned upon him that he had a family member who needed him, too. 

* * *

The halls of the hospital were long, white, and eerily quiet. 

Azula was in the room furthest from the entrance. Zuko didn't know if the hospital staff had done that on purpose, or if it was simply because this room was the nicest. He did remember asking them to put Azula in a nice room. One with a view. 

And a view she definitely did have. From the window - there were metal bars in front of it, but they were painted white so it didn't entirely look like a prison - he could see the garden and the valley below, as well as the shore and the ship on which he had come. 

They were on one of the most rural islands of the Fire Nation. It was a tiny island, miles away from the capital. Zuko had chosen this particular hospital because he was sure no one could get off or on this island without being seen. That's how tiny it was. 

"How are you doing?" 

No answer. Azula was sitting with her back towards him, eyes rested on a blank wall. Maybe she had her eyes closed, Zuko thought. Who knows. She definitely wasn't paying attention to him - or trying to make him think that.

He decided not to repeat his question and instead walk around Azula's chair until she'd have to look at him. She seemed frozen in place, but he noticed her eyes were following his every move. 

Azula's hands were covered in some kind of transparent gel. It was one of Sokka's inventions. Although it didn't completely stop firebending attacks, it did slow the fire down significantly. Also, it rendered Azula unable to bend lightning, which had been a relief for the entire hospital staff. They applied it twice a day. From what Zuko had heard, Azula didn't complain. These days, she didn't complain about anything anymore. And frankly, that was worrying him.

He pulled up a chair of his own and sat in front of her, studying the expression on her face. She tried to catch his eyes, but he averted her gaze, instead zooming in on the black strands of hair that hung from her forehead. She didn't let anyone touch it, so it was growing out at an alarming rate. It almost reached her elbows now, and it looked greasy. 

Zuko didn't know why, but for some reason, he had the urge to hug his sister.

Before he could get his arms even near her, she already swatted him away, like a fly. Her hands were still precise and deadly, he thought, like always. Azula was still in there, somewhere. He just needed to find her, and bring her back. The real Azula, the one who was underneath this terrifying mask of indifference.

"You should just let me die if all you plan to do is leave me here to rot," she said when he sat back down again. Now, he did look her in the eyes. 

"But I guess you're too weak for that," she continued. "Because you didn't even allow father to die an honorable death, did you Zuzu? No, you left him to rot as well, in a prison cell no less." 

She spit at his feet. Zuko watched it for a few seconds, focused on his breathing exercises. He wasn't going to gain anything from arguing with her. 

"It's always so cold in here," she said, her tone almost as if she was completely normal again. "This gel is cold, too."

It was the dead of winter now, and indeed, they could stand to heat this room a little better. 

"I'll speak with the head nurse before I leave," he promised. Slowly, he unbuttoned the jacket he was wearing. He had his breath of fire, after all - something Iroh had never taught Azula to do. 

He handed Azula his jacket, but she jerked her head away. Without saying anything, he rose from his chair, walked around her and draped it around her shoulders. 

"I'll be around more often, I promise," he said to her back. "I'm sorry for not visiting you sooner."

* * *

_Katara,_

_How are you? I'm writing to let you know that I'm almost done with my training with the Guru. I thought, if you don't mind, I'd love to stop by the South Pole for some more waterbending training. If there's one thing that I've learned the past months, it's that I still have so much more to learn._

_Aang_

Katara tapped her pencil against her lips, then wrote: 

_Aang,_

_You're always welcome here. I'm looking forward to seeing you again._

_Katara_

She rolled up the letter and wrapped a piece of string around it to keep it together. She could use the same hawk that Aang used to send his letter for her reply. 

After she had stepped outside to release the bird and watch it fly away, she stayed in place, hands on her hips. The wind blew across the tundra, making her shiver inside her parka. She should go back inside, she thought, but she didn't. Somehow, braving the bad weather allowed her to think more clearly.

From Aang's little note, she could at least make out that he was happy. He was one of the people she knew who was able to transfer their emotional state onto the paper without spending one letter about how they were feeling. 

He would have changed, just as she had changed, she realized. She wondered how, and how much. Would he be tall? At least _taller._ Last time she checked, he was still only thirteen, and when Sokka was thirteen, he was still very much a kid. Not that he wasn't a kid now, but he was sixteen, which definitely made a difference.

Funny how much could change within such a short time frame. Katara felt as if she hadn't changed at all if she looked at it day to day, but if she tried to remember what she was like a year ago, she couldn't help but conclude that she almost didn't recognize that person anymore.

How would things be between them? Better, she hoped. 

Her mind wandered to the other side of the world. Zuko hadn't written to her in months, and his last letter had been pretty succinct: he did mention that he and Mai had broken up. Why did reading that little sentence create such turmoil in her stomach? Why did she have a hard time sleeping for a few days after she received that letter? And why was she thinking about him now? 

Katara inhaled, realizing she had forgotten to breathe. She stared into the sun, blinding herself, but she couldn't drown out the thought that came up with every beat of her heart: 

All this time, had she been falling for him? 

* * *

They bowed to each other first, then held each other's arms, then hugged. 

The ship was ready. Zuko admired the craftsmanship the Southern Water Tribe warriors put into their vessels. They were so different from the Fire Nation fleet, much smaller, but they were indubitably much faster and more agile. Plus, they didn't need an external source of fuel. All they needed was the wind, and of that, they currently had plenty.

"Take good care of my girlfriend for me, would you?" Sokka smiled and winked at Suki, who was standing behind Zuko and pretended not to notice.

"Uhh… sure." He didn't really know what to reply. "Take good care of your sister for me, then."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized that had been a stupid thing to say.

Sokka raised his eyebrows, but thankfully didn't comment any further. Instead, he said: "It's funny how everyone seems to be leaving the Fire Nation all of a sudden. Last week, we said goodbye to Toph, and now I'm going back to the South Pole. From what I'm guessing, Aang won't stop by for a while either - it's like he's fallen off the face of the earth."

"Right," Zuko said. "It'll be boring here without you all. At least Toph will come back in a few months. Not because of me though. She said she can't miss Uncle's cooking." He made a face.

"Not to worry," Sokka said, more cheerful than the situation warranted. "We'll see each other again soon."

"Promise." 

As they hugged each other once more, Zuko couldn't prevent himself from thinking that both of them knew full well that it'd probably be a very long time before they'd see each other again. 

* * *

"Stop, that doesn't go in there." 

Katara pulled the crate closer and fished Sokka's leather pouch out of it. 

"Sokka, I told you a thousand times already. Food in the crate, non edibles in the basket over there." 

"Whatever." Sokka caught the pouch as Katara threw it at him and dumped it in the basket next to him without looking. He chewed on a seal jerky. "I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this."

"I'm making a big deal because it's fun," Katara said slowly as she repeated herself for the tenth time that day. "Wouldn't you like to receive gifts and letters from our friends?"

"But I'm not receiving any," Sokka said in a sulking voice. "I'm the one sending them out. And knowing Zuko and Toph, they're not going to send anything back."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."

Katara avoided her brother's look because she knew he would notice her blush. She couldn't even see her own face and she knew it was there.

"Say, is that Zuko's letter you're writing there?" Sokka stood up from his stool and glanced over Katara's shoulder. She shielded her words with her hands.

"Go away! Yes, this is Zuko's letter. What about it?"

"Nothing. Just that you seem to have an awful lot to tell the poor guy." Her brother picked a sheet of paper off the floor and turned it around, slice of seal jerky still in his mouth.

"Dear Zuko..."

"Give me that!" She snatched the first part of her letter out of his hands.

"Yes, I have a lot to tell Zuko, but it's mostly political stuff," she said. "Besides, maybe instead of being all over me, you should start paying attention to your own work. Your letter to Suki is barely two sentences long."

Sokka put up his hands in the air in exasperation. 

"I'm just teasing you, Katara. I couldn't care less about what you're writing to Zuko about. It's probably boring. As if you'd be writing him a love letter." He snickered in himself. 

Katara was happy he wasn't looking at her right now, because she could feel the heat rise up from her neck to the tip of her head. She had not written a love letter. But she did spend way too long thinking about how to tell him that she missed him without him getting suspicious. 

She picked up a box full of seal jerky and dropped it into the crate with a loud _bang._

* * *

Zuko unlocked Azula's door with the key he had received from the head nurse and entered her bright, white room. It was just as empty as last time, even though he had told Azula that she could send for her stuff from the palace, if she wanted to. 

Apparently, she didn't want to. Zuko worried that before long, she wouldn't want anything anymore.

"Happy birthday, Azula," he said with a quiet voice as not to scare her. She was sitting in her chair again. He noticed she - or someone else - had put it closer to the window, so she could watch people in the garden. 

"I have something for you," he continued when she didn't look up. "It's not wrapped, I'm afraid." 

He waited to see if she would turn around to look at him now, but she didn't. Her hair was still down, but he did realize that it had been cut - all strands were the same length now. He wondered how they had bribed her long enough to sit still for this.

"It's uhh..." he struggled to find the right words. "It's not really a _thing._ It's a promise. The promise that you'll have more freedom from now on. The staff told me you have been really well behaved. And I wanted to make sure you know that I appreciate that. So, from today onwards, you are allowed into the common rooms at all times, and you can take one trip a week. To any place you want. You'll still be chaperoned, of course." 

He swallowed.

"I don't understand why you keep trying, brother. I thought I made it clear that I don't want anything to do with you." 

Her voice found a way to push a knife in his stomach and twist it around. Zuko looked down, as if he could watch the blood spill out of his wound and on the floor.

"Because I love you, Azula." 

His lips were dry, and he licked them. Talking to his sister like this felt like walking into a death trap.

"Love is foolish. And stupid." 

Could he hear her voice break?

Zuko walked towards her and crouched down next to her, until his face was at the same height as her elbow. He looked up at her face. Her eyes were milky.

"We've had this exact conversation for the past twelve times that I have been here." 

It was a statement, not a question.

"Did father ever tell you he loved you?" he followed up.

Azula pursed her lips and squinted her eyes. Zuko had never seen someone try so hard not to cry.

"It doesn't matter. He didn't have to."

He got up. 

"I think it does."

He was almost at the door already when she turned around.

"Mom loved you. Look what that got her."

Zuko held in, placed his hand on the doorframe and looked his sister in the eye as she sat in her chair, wearing her white hospital clothes. He studied her frown, the expression on her face that he couldn't describe. It almost resembled worry.

"She loved you too, you know," he whispered, not sure if she heard him.

"If you're going to say nonsense like that, just leave," she snapped as she averted her face. 

Zuko was almost certain he had seen tears on her cheeks. 

* * *

"It's a good thing you're back, Aang," Sokka said as he raised his glass. Hakoda had given them a bottle of Fire Nation wine Zuko had gifted him with, on the condition that Aang couldn't drink a drop. Fortunately for them, Aang had no intention of ever touching alcohol.

Much to Katara's relief, Aang showed absolutely no signs of infatuation anymore. Their embrace was warm and tight, but not awkward, and when he glanced at her, it wasn't with those longing eyes she had become familiar with. Instead, it felt as if her family had finally found solid ground. 

"I have such a great idea for the Air Temples you guys," Aang said as he helped himself to a second serving of steamed vegetables. "I'll show you the plans tomorrow, Sokka. Maybe you can help me restore them to their former glory."

"Sounds cool," Sokka said as he chewed on his meat. 

"And another thing," Aang said. "I have fully mastered the Avatar state." He glanced at Katara, and she nodded.

"That's great to hear, Aang." She sipped from her glass of wine. It reminded her of Zuko.

"I'm now connected to all the cosmic energy in the universe," he continued in between bites. "And I had a vision recently. Maybe the Air Nomads haven't been completely wiped out."

"What do you mean?" Sokka, who had been leaning back in his chair, snapped forward again and slammed his hands on the table.

"I don't exactly know, but everything is connected, right? Separation is an illusion."

"And so are pants," Katara deadpanned. She pouted when no one laughed.

"Anyway, I can feel my connection to my people, still. But lately, it's been… stronger, somehow. And I think that might be because there are still some Air Nomads alive and out there. Somewhere."

"Where?"

"I don't know," he admitted, looking glum.

"You'll figure it out, Aang, I'm sure," Katara said as she put some more vegetables on his plate. "Here, eat these. They're good for you."

"Katara, you're not his mother," Sokka said. 

"Oh, right. I'm sorry. Habits." 

"It's okay, Katara." Aang smiled at her.

Katara chewed on her lip. "You said you still feel a connection to your people, Aang..." 

"Yeah?"

"Well, what if..." she paused, looked at Sokka, who nodded and placed his hand on top of hers.

"What if we could reconnect with the people who have left this world?"

"You mean talking to the dead, or something?"

"It's not improbable," Sokka mused as the stack of bones on his plate grew and grew. "You can still talk to your past lives."

"That's different," Aang protested. "I am the Avatar."

"Yeah, and you won't let us forget that for a second, eh?" 

They all laughed.

Katara sloshed her wine around in her glass, watching it as it refracted the light from the lantern in their midst. As usual when she talked about her mother, she could feel the dull pain in her chest that had been there ever since it happened. It had changed over the years, from the sharp sting of a knife being twisted in her heart, to the slow and steady drumbeat that it was now. She could forget about it now, for days on end even. But it was always there, waiting. On some days, it had been the only way for her to know for sure that she was still alive. 

But now, she realized that alongside that pain, new feelings had emerged as well. Feelings of friendship, and belonging. It changed how she experienced her loss. Somehow, it had become something bittersweet; something that made her able to smile through her tears, to get up every day, knowing that she wasn't alone in her thoughts and feelings. 

Before she knew it, her mind had wandered off to Zuko again. 

"Sorry to disturb your party," a deep voice behind her said.

Hakoda had a letter in his hand. "I have a formal invitation from the Fire Lord. Apparently, they're hosting an event to commemorate the end of the Hundred Year War."

With a shock, all those present at the table realized that it had been almost a year ago. 

"Is it a party?" Sokka asked. "Or more like a service?"

"I'm … not sure," Hakoda said, rereading the letter. "It says something about the former colonies of Yu Dao," he mumbled. "Apparently, Zuko and Kuei aren't done negotiating that one yet."

Aang groaned. 

"You should go and do something about it," Sokka said and poked Aang in the ribs. "With you newfound Avatar wisdom, I'm sure you can put some sense in those two."

"Katara," Hakoda said, "How would you feel about being the representative for the Southern Water Tribe? According to the invitation, there's a formal service and a meeting about the colonies." 

Katara hesitated to answer. On the one hand, her impulsive self would love nothing more than to scream and start packing her bags straight away. On the other hand, it would mean she'd have to see Zuko again, and she had tried so hard for the past few months to make peace with the fact that she missed him more than she thought she was going to. More than she wanted to admit to herself, too. 

Before she could answer her father, Sokka interjected.

"Dad, I think we should all go. We've all fought in this war, we should all be there."

"I agree," Aang said. "And I'm sure that's what Zuko meant as well." 

"Alright," Hakoda said. "I guess we better start packing then." 

As the others around her got up and left the table, Katara stayed where she was. Her eyes were glued to the lantern, watching the little flame behind the glass dance around. 

Was she ready to see him again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Hornsby - The Road Not Taken


	21. Now I'm In It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before the finale - which will span another few chapters. You have to fall before you can rise: like a phoenix from the ashes. So even though this chapter might hurt a little, I hope you will stick around for the landing. I promise it will be a happy ending.  
>   
>  _Something in the way that I felt when I woke up  
>  Told me that I shouldn't give in, give up hope  
> Told me that I shouldn't fight what I felt  
> Told me I should not let go 'cause  
>   
> We cannot be friends  
> Cannot pretend  
> That it makes sense  
>   
> Took me so long to fall  
> Now I'm in it, now I'm in it  
>   
> \-- HAIM_

As Appa started their descent, Katara looked down at the land beneath her and felt the pit in her stomach grow. _She was back._

It had been, what, six months? When she had left, they were in the dead of winter. Now, summer had returned once more, painting the familiar hills and mountains in a different light. More vibrant, she thought. As if this country had been waiting for _her_ to return, as well.

She could see their friends in the garden before she could hear them. Their tiny figures, arms waving. As soon as Appa touched the ground, everyone jumped off, eager to run into each other's arms. Suki smelled like soap and leather, Toph had a distinctive, somewhat musky scent that reminded Katara vaguely of the foggy swamp. And Zuko… 

"Katara! Wake up!" 

"Hm?" 

She jerked her head up, unable to recollect what she was supposed to be doing. Aang smiled at her, eyes wide and bright. _He_ always smelled like fresh fruit, and animal fur.

"Aren't you coming? We're having tea in the courtyard."

"Oh, sure. I'll be right there." 

The others were already in motion, merrily chatting away, catching up. Sokka and Suki were walking arm in arm, and Toph was entertaining Hakoda with tales of her trip to the Earth Kingdom. Aang ran after them, chasing Momo. There was only one person missing.

"It's uh… good to see you again," a husky voice behind her said.

She cramped up, the little hairs in her neck standing up straight. 

"Yeah, it's good to be back," she said, her head tilted somewhat to the right, so that she would be able to address him directly without having to look at his face. 

A silence came over them. Katara decided to start walking, so that she'd have something to focus on at least. Judging from the sound of footsteps beside her, he must have had the same idea.

"I liked your gifts," he said, sounding a little unsure, as if he was still second guessing his own opinion. "They were… nice."

"You liked them? I mean, it's nothing, really. Just some random things I threw in a box." She wasn't going to tell him that she had spent weeks on that scarf, only to realize once she was done that Zuko would receive her package near the end of spring. By then, she was both too embarrassed to send it, and too stubborn not to. Besides, she _really_ wanted to send him that letter, and a letter should never come unaccompanied.

He hadn't mentioned the letter, though. Not so much as a peep. Katara dared to look at him fully now, and realized with a shock that not only had his shoulders broadened, and his facial features matured, he had chopped off his hair again as well. It was now the same length as last summer. 

She decided she wasn't going to ask him about the letter.

"I'm sorry about you and Mai," she managed to get out instead.

Zuko sighed, almost inaudible, but she saw the expression on his face change.

"It's probably for the best," he said, choosing his words carefully.

When they entered the portico, Zuko steered to his right. Katara stood still. 

"Aren't you coming with us?" 

"I wish." He smiled without much enthusiasm. "My advisors seem to have found something in the library that I have to check. Something about the assassins." 

"Oh." She tried her hardest not to sound too disappointed.

"I'll… I'll see you later." He gave her a traditional Fire Nation bow and left. 

* * *

"King Kuei, you have to understand..."

"I don't have to understand anything, _Fire Lord Zuko._ You just have to listen."

Watching the argument between King Kuei and Zuko was like watching Aang and Sokka play a game of airball. The accusations and snappy remarks flew across the table with such speed and ferociousness that none of the other esteemed guests had been able to interject. 

"When I arrived at your palace this morning, I expected a civil conversation about the future of the colonies, not a barrage of verbal threats. It seems that I have misjudged your character - you are, in fact, very much your father's son. Just as eager to lay claim to land that is not yours to claim."

Before Zuko could respond, the entire table exploded into chaos.

"Your highness, I really-"

"Hey old man, have you gone insane?"

"Listen here, no one insults my friend like that-"

Katara was perhaps the loudest of all of them. 

"How could you? Zuko is _nothing_ like Ozai!" 

She stood up from her chair, noticed that all the others were standing, too. Toph with her fists curled, Sokka pointing his boomerang at Kuei, Aang holding up his hands in despair. 

"If everyone could please return to their seats," Hakoda said, his deep voice drowning out everyone else's. Katara looked at her dad and saw an unfamiliar fervor in his eyes.

"King Kuei, if I may," Hakoda waited until the others sat down again before standing up himself. He pointed at Zuko, who sat at the far end of the table, teeth gritted in what looked like a desperate attempt to restrain himself.

"I have come to know Fire Lord Zuko as a kind and just leader. He is brave, and his heart is in the right place. Since his rule began, the relationship between the Fire Nation and the Southern Water Tribe has improved immensely. As for the colonies..." he paused. "You will understand that a leader has a duty to his people first. A leader is no one without his people. And Zuko feels that the people in Yu Dao are his people, too. I have to say I agree with him. After all this time, these people are as much Fire Nation as they are Earth Kingdom. You cannot fault him for trying to look out for his own."

Katara watched her father as he spoke, calm and collected, poised and to the point. She admired him in that moment, the way he knew exactly what to say, and the way he had not only diffused the tension, but managed to stand up for Zuko in a way that she or the others hadn't been able to do. 

She looked to her left again. Zuko's face was contorted in agony, slouched in his chair, top knot coming loose. His good eye was red, as if he had been rubbing it too much. She thought she knew what he was thinking about: this meeting wasn't coming to an end, and if it went on like this, the negotiations would be stalled again.

The fire in her heart rekindled, and she stood up.

"Dad?"

Hakoda raised his eyebrows, but didn't stop her.

"I wanted to say something." She rested her palms flat on the table, looking around their group. She laid eyes on King Kuei last, and stayed with him.

"A year ago, the people at this table ended the Hundred Year War. We weren't sure if we were going to make it, but we knew we had to try. It was our only chance. And look at us now - we're stronger than ever, closer than ever. Our nations are recovering, and that's because we support each other. And we need that support to move forward."

Katara paused to put a strand of hair back behind her ear.

"If we want a better world, we have to work together. We need compassion, and kindness, and we need to make an effort to understand each other. All this fighting and bickering is not getting us anywhere. These talks have been going on since the end of the war, and we haven't moved forward." 

She turned her head to catch Zuko's eye, turned back again to check if Kuei was still listening to her. Only then, she dared to look across the table, in her father's eyes. 

"Instead of fighting over who gets the colonies, which clearly isn't getting us closer to a solution, how about we open our eyes and realize that the world isn't so divided anymore?" 

She felt the blood rise to her cheeks. 

"The people in Yu Dao are just as much Fire Nation as they are Earth Kingdom. To force them to live in either one of the nations would mean that we neglect who they are in their hearts. Our world needs a space for them - and we should be the ones to create it. Who is to say there won't be more unions between the nations? We should be looking forward, instead of trying to bring everything back to the way it was. That's the past. It's not coming back."

She stopped, slightly out of breath. No one spoke. Had she gone too far?

"Katara, that's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? You better not be trying to take my place as the idea guy."

Sokka slammed his hand on the table right as Toph landed a well-placed punch on his shoulder. 

"Shut up, Snoozles. You're not the only one with a good idea from time to time."

"King Kuei, could you agree with Katara's idea to give the land to the people of Yu Dao?"

Zuko leaned forward in his chair, eyes focused on the face across from him. Kuei tapped his fingers together in front of his face, staring into the middle distance. Katara felt the words bubble up in her throat again, but she saw Hakoda raising his hand across the table and understood the message. She curtsied and slunk back into her seat.

"I understand the merits of the idea," Kuei said, drawing out the words, "but I am unwilling to entirely give up control of the region."

Now, Aang spoke up for the first time.

"Your highness, in the past year, I have traveled around a lot. One of the places I visited more than once was Yu Dao. Every single time I have been here, there was unrest, and your forces haven't been able to solve that. Katara is right: this can't go on like this anymore." 

Was this the new Aang, the fully formed, matured Avatar? He had only just turned fourteen, but he truly sounded wise beyond his years. 

"As the Avatar, it is my duty to restore and preserve balance in this world. The only way to restore balance to the region of Yu Dao is if we instate a council of leaders, who can keep each other in check."

"This guy, always going on about balance," Sokka joked. It earned him another one of Toph's punches.

"The council should be chosen by the people themselves," Aang continued. "The last thing Yu Dao needs is another foreign leader ruling over them."

"In the Southern Water Tribe, it definitely helps that the chiefs are chosen by their peers," Hakoda chimed in. "It improves the legitimacy of the position."

Everyone collectively held their breath as they waited for the two leaders to give their blessing.

"I'm with the Avatar," Zuko was the first one to speak.

All eyes laid on Kuei. The seconds of silence were almost unbearable.

Finally, the Earth Kingdom ruler gave a small nod.

"Perfect," Aang said, breathing a relieved sigh. "Let's hold another meeting this afternoon, to draw up an agreement and discuss the specifics." 

He turned around. "Hakoda? Maybe you can be present as well? You have the most experience with this kind of leadership."

"Of course." Hakoda's eyes glistened.

* * *

The sound of fingernails on crystal. A brief cough.

"If I uh… if I could get everyone's attention?"

Zuko stood up, holding his empty glass. Behind him, servants appeared with bottles of the finest Fire Nation wine.

"I would like to make a toast to Aang and Katara. Without their help, there wouldn't have been an agreement today, and I would still have had a headache." 

Muffled laughter around the table. 

"I'm proud of you, daughter of mine," Hakoda whispered to Katara, who was sitting next to him.

She smiled. 

"You still have a lot to learn about knowing when it's your turn to speak," he continued, a smirk on his face, "but you have shown courage and spirit today. Qualities an ambassador from the Southern Water Tribe should definitely possess."

He raised his glass and nodded, right as Zuko finished his own little speech. A cheer went up, and Katara picked up her glass to take a sip of the dark, slightly tangy liquor. 

* * *

The songbirds woke him early, as usual.

He preferred doing his rounds at this hour, the last and darkest hour before dawn. If he focused his eyes, he thought he could see the sky turn grey at the end of the horizon, but it could just as well be his imagination playing tricks with his mind.

The grass was still damp from the night, but the air was already pregnant with the scent of the first flowers to open that day. He made his way across the courtyard with a slow and steady pace - the only time of the day when he wasn't rushed, and he wasn't going to ruin that.

When he walked into the kitchen, he found it already occupied.

"Katara!" 

"Zuko!" 

She promptly dropped a platter of cookies she was balancing on her lap. Zuko bent down to pick up the ones that had rolled on the floor. When he stood up straight again, he stared right into her blushing face.

"I didn't think I'd see you here. Not this early, at least," he said as he handed her the cookies.

"Yeah, I… I couldn't sleep. All the adrenaline from yesterday."

"Right." He scratched the back of his neck. "Thanks for everything, I guess."

Her eyes lit up.

"You're wearing my scarf!"

"What? Oh. Yeah." He tugged at the shawl around his neck. It was heavily embroidered and quite thick. Way too hot for this time of year.

"I didn't think a Fire Lord would get cold enough to wear a scarf in summer," she said and smirked.

"Well, I..." his cheeks suddenly felt hot. "I just happen to like it. A lot. And besides, it's still quite chilly in the morning, which is why I wear it now."

"Alright, if you say so." She stuck out her tongue and took a bite out of another cookie. For a few seconds, the only sound between them was of her jaws, crushing the biscuit.

* * *

Katara knew that the only way to prevent herself from saying too much was if she couldn't talk at all. She chewed ferociously, so focused on keeping her mouth shut that the taste of the cookies escaped her completely. 

He still hadn't mentioned the letter. Not even once.

Should she just tell him what she had been trying to convey on paper? That she missed him so dearly that it felt as if there was a hole in her stomach? That she spent entire days reminiscing of their days together, replaying scenes over and over in her head? Her mouth was dry, probably because of all those cookies, and every time she thought she had enough courage to say something, she seemed to choke.

Still, not a word. She panicked.

"I'm going to the lake to do some bending practice," she spat out the sentence, a lie, but it was easier to lie than to tell the truth to him. "I'll see you around."

"Oh. Of course." 

He stepped aside to make way for her. 

* * *

As soon as he watched her rush out of the kitchen, he knew he had made a huge mistake.

"Some tea, my Lord?" 

"Thanks, Haruki." 

His tea sommelier somehow always managed to know exactly when Zuko needed a hot beverage in order to get his thoughts back in order.

The slender man handed him a cup, and Zuko took it from him without looking at him, without thanking him. His eyes and his mind were completely occupied by Katara, who was nearly out of sight now.

When he received the package, he didn't notice the letter at first. It had been covered by the scarf, and so he discovered it when on a particular crisp morning, he fished it out of the crate. And there it was, in her handwriting, his name on the enveloppe.

He had read it at least twenty times.

He kept it under his pillow now, pulling it out every evening before bed. Holding it in his hands, flipping it over again and again as he tapped it with his index fingers. He couldn't stop staring at it, trying to decide whether his imagination was playing tricks on him or whether he was actually reading it right: that she missed him, so much, and that she had been thinking about him.

Zuko had wanted to ask her what it all meant. Mostly because she would confirm that it was nothing but a friendly note, and that he shouldn't be reading too much into it. Because he _was_ reading too much into it. But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to actually form the words, to actually risk bursting the bubble he had been living inside for the past few weeks.

He reached beside him to grab one of the cookies she had left behind and stood in the doorway, munching on the food that was entirely devoid of flavor. 

There was no way to escape the sinking feeling in his stomach. He had failed: he was falling even harder for her than before. There was no way back. He loved her, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

Zuko felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise when he thought about what Hakoda and Sokka might say if they heard about this. 

It didn't make sense to pretend anymore. They weren't friends - they couldn't be just friends. But could they ever be something else?

* * *

As the sun reached the highest point in the sky, the Fire Sages ignited the four great fires. 

A commemorative event for the end of the Hundred Year War should be a solemn one, Zuko had agreed with Katara. So he and Suki had tried to come up with a series of rituals that would do this occasion justice.

All of those who were present wore traditional, ceremonial clothing from their own nations. Even Toph had been coerced into donning a formal dress instead of her usual garbs. 

Zuko looked around at his friends and couldn't help but notice Katara. Her dress was deep blue, like the night sky, with long sleeves and embroidered with fine lace. The patterns were akin to constellations, and so exquisite Zuko could only guess she had made them herself. Around her head, she wore a crown of little white flowers, which contrasted with her chestnut hair. It was breathtaking.

All the nations performed one of their most sacred rituals, those related to the anniversary of death. Although both Hakoda and his Uncle were present, they had decided it was up to team Avatar to perform these rituals, as a way of continuing traditions into the new generations.

For Zuko, this meant using his firebending to create intricate forms in the air, something he had been practising with his uncle for at least several weeks. Not because he wanted to impress anyone, but because he had realized that going through the motions helped him find peace within himself. When he was done, he ignited a candle that would burn for the next twenty four hours.

After him, Toph performed the ritual for the Earth Kingdom. Earthbending being the least spiritual of all the four nations, she had declared at first that she didn't know of any rituals and wouldn't be performing any, but after some gentle nudging from Iroh, she had remembered a ritual from back home that involved using earthbending to create a statue of the deceased person. In order to convey the magnitude of the losses of the Earth Kingdom, Toph created not one, but at least a hundred small statues of all different kinds of people. 

Zuko was unsure what the Southern Water Tribe ritual was going to be. He hadn't given them much time to prepare, and he remembered vividly his conversations with Katara about how upset she had been that she knew so little of her own heritage. But it seemed that the scrolls she had taken home with her had inspired her: he couldn't exactly place his finger on it, but her bending looked different. She had access to the entire body of water running alongside the courtyard, using it to create intricate forms in the sky. She ended by creating an ice sculpture of a fox, and Zuko realized it must be a depiction of the Fire Fox they had talked about with Iroh.

Lastly, it was Aang's turn to perform: he played a double role, both as Avatar and representative of the Air Nomads. As the latter, he made a symphony out of thin air, using his bending to create sounds. It was an otherworldly experience, and it was quiet long after the tones had faded away. 

As the Avatar, he held a speech. He kept it brief, recounting his experiences of the past year, and how important it is to keep memories alive when you're building a new future. By the end, Zuko was overcome with emotion: and judging from the sniveling around him, he wasn't the only one. 

* * *

It was Katara's favorite time of day: the moment day turned into night. Dusk settling in, the last light setting the sky on fire. She wandered through the palace gardens, carefully placing her feet so that she would go unnoticed. In the distance, she could hear music and the sounds of conversations: she wanted to steer clear of them, wanted to be alone with her thoughts for a little while longer.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed him sitting near the pond. She hesitated. She didn't want to intrude, and besides, she already felt so conflicted about being here - talking to him would only make things worse.

After the ceremony had ended, Katara had made up some excuse to leave, to get out of her dress, get away from everyone and everything. Finally alone, she had felt safe enough to let her emotions get the better of her. She had walked, and walked, and walked, until her feet were full of blisters and her legs so sore that she could hardly stand up straight anymore. 

Spirits, why did she have to fall for _him,_ of all the people she could have fallen for?

She had derided herself for giving such a glowing speech about the union of nations when she couldn't even begin to think about what her father or Sokka would say when she'd confess her feelings to either of them. 

Katara had sunk to her knees, in the middle of the forest. Everything hurt, both inside and out. Being around Zuko made her jittery, her heart pounding in her chest, hot as if she had a fever. There was no way this was healthy. She would have to forget about these feelings, just let them die out… 

But it was so hard, as every time she closed her eyes, she saw him. Wherever she went, he was with her, in her thoughts, in her heart, in the center of her body, where all things gravitated to. 

She never knew that love could feel so much like suffering.

Katara tore her eyes away from the motionless figure near the pond, standing on the tip of her toes as she turned around and made way for the portico. Once she'd be inside, she'd be safe, she thought, unconsciously holding her breath.

"Katara?"

He sounded as if he hadn't spoken in years.

She had no choice but to face him again.

They locked eyes in an instant. All around her, Katara could feel the air crackle with static electricity, and for a second she worried that Azula was hiding in the bushes, but then she realized that this was _her,_ and maybe _him, too,_ although she didn't allow herself too much hope.

Zuko was on the other side of the garden and yet it was as if he was breathing right onto her skin, leaving blushes on her cheeks. He didn't avert his eyes, so neither did she. She was breathing hard, trying to take in as much oxygen as she could with every breath she drew. 

In that moment, Katara wanted nothing more than to run up to him, and kiss him, and tell him she loved him. But her legs refused cooperation, and so she just stood there, taking it all in.

He started walking towards her.

Chills went down her spine as she watched him come closer, until he encompassed her entire view, and she could see the freckles on his skin and the specks in his eyes. 

Neither of them spoke a word.

Could it be that he liked her too?

"You left your sash at the ceremony today," he broke the silence and held up his hand. In a reflex, she looked down, breaking the spell between them - as if he didn't already ruin the moment. She reached for the sash, and her fingers lingered in his palm.

_He held onto this all day?_

But she pushed the thought away. He probably got it from a servant, someone who couldn't find her and figured that the Fire Lord would see his friends later anyway. 

"Thank you."

"Don't worry about it."

The silence between them had changed, the sky had turned as dark blue as her dress from that afternoon. It was a clear night - she'd be able to see the moon if she looked up. But she didn't.

Katara counted the seconds that passed as they stood there in silence, both trying to look anywhere but at each other. One moment, he looked as if he wanted to say something and she almost gasped, but nothing happened. 

"I have to go," she said at last, moving past him without giving him so much as a last look. Her heart cried silent tears with every step she took.

* * *

He had wasted his only chance to tell her how he truly felt. 

Zuko couldn't even bring himself to turn around - this was the second time she was walking out on him, and he only had himself to blame. 

He looked at his empty hands, curled them into fists and relaxed them again as hot tears welled up behind his eyelids. How was he ever going to recover from this? How could he be so _stupid?_

In six months, he would turn eighteen. His advisors had already told him they wanted to start looking for a bride soon, and he just… couldn't do it. Not after this. Not after he had finally come to terms with the reality of his feelings for Katara, how they had never _really left,_ even though he had tried so hard to will them away. 

He only wanted to be with her. And now he was afraid she'd never want to see him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I will not post an update next week, because I'll be writing for Zutara Week! My goal is to create seven prologues/opening chapters for seven possible WIPs that I could work on besides this one. I'll post all my contributions to AO3 as well as on Tumblr, so if you're interested, definitely go check them out and let me know if there's any particular story that you'd like to see continued. Thanks so much for all the love and support so far! Your kudos and comments have made my days multiple times. <3  
>   
> Now I'm In It - HAIM


	22. Slowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very long while! After Zutara Week, I took a much-needed break of ... everything. But I'm back, with a long chapter. We'll pick up the pace again for the final few chapters. Hope you'll enjoy the ride!  
>    
> _Fire love  
>  Aqua mind  
> Earth to touch  
> Air to Rise  
>   
> \-- Max Sedgley_

It wasn't that Zuko hadn't _tried_ to let his birthday go by without drawing attention to it. But Iroh hadn't forgotten his promise from last year, and so his uncle was having none of it. A celebration it would be, and Zuko would have to live with it. After all, how often does a Fire Lord turn eighteen?

Invitations had been sent, palace servants were ushered around. Iroh ordered cake and flowers and sparkling wine. The best benders from every nation would be performing, and Uncle wouldn't be Uncle if he hadn't invited everyone he could think of. The palace halls would be packed, and it was a good thing that the weather had been uncommonly agreeable for the past few days. The idea of being trapped in a ballroom filled with people already made Zuko heave. 

He sat in his study, still wearing his work attire. Iroh had ordered the palace tailor to sew a special garment, and Zuko knew it was waiting for him in his bedroom. He wasn't looking forward to trying it on. 

A knock on the door.

“Come in,” Zuko said, finding some papers to hold and pretend he was busy.

“Oh, I can come back another time if you-”

“Katara!” He immediately put down the scrolls. “It can wait.”

He had absolutely no idea what they were even about to begin with.

“We just arrived,” she said. “Everyone’s here. Even Gran Gran decided to come!”

Katara was still wearing her travel clothes. Judging by her hair, they probably arrived on Appa, which meant that when she said everyone, she meant _everyone_.

Zuko groaned.

“That’s great. Now Uncle can embarrass me in front of everyone I know.”

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad. Happy birthday, by the way."

She put a couple of steps forward and reached across the desk to give him a hug. She smelled like leather and sea salt.

He awkwardly put his arms around her. He had kind of locked himself in, as of late. Not that he didn’t want to leave - he wanted nothing more. But the threat reports, having dwindled in the past few months, were on the rise again. Traveling would mean exposing him to more risk, and Suki all but forbade it during their latest meeting.

"You too," he said, remembering Katara turned sixteen today.

“I’m going to change into something else and freshen up,” she said. “I’ll see you in a bit!”

He waved, but she had already bolted out the door. Her scent lingered in the air. 

* * *

Zuko slowly made his way down the stairs. His new robes were heavy, and warm, and itchy. He tried to loosen the cape a bit and almost tripped as a result.

“Zuko!”

His uncle waited for him at the bottom of the stairs, arms spread out wide.

“I’m glad you made it,” Iroh said, a hint of a chuckle in his voice. “The celebrations can’t start without the guest of honor!”

Zuko flinched upon hearing that word. To him, none of this had anything to do with honor. It was humiliation, nothing else.

Iroh gestured for the guards to open the double doors that led to the courtyard. Zuko was blinded by bright lights. He heard hundreds of voices, chanting his name, singing songs. He smelled roasted beef and fireworks.

People grabbed his hands, pulled him forward, into the crowd. He was being slapped on the shoulder, praises were sung in his ear. The scent of perfume near his left cheek, then his right. He tried to say something, but his voice was drowned out by all the other noises.

Finally, he saw familiar faces. Sokka barged through the crowd, smacking people with his boomerang left and right, holding a bag of fire flakes. He spotted Zuko and immediately ran in for a hug.

“I can’t believe it’s been so long!” he yelled in Zuko’s ear when he let go. His face was all smiles.

“Come on, Toph and everyone else are over here.”

Zuko followed him to one of the long tables that were placed near the edges of the courtyard. Of course, Toph was munching on all the food within reach. Suki, who had allowed herself a night off, was talking with Katara at the far end of the table. They were drinking the Fire Nation's famous wine.

Zuko consciously turned his back to the girls. Aang appeared in front of him. The boy was almost his height now, and they locked eyes for a brief second before Aang pulled him into a hug.

“You’ve grown!” was all Zuko managed to get out when Aang let him go.

The Avatar smiled. “My voice is deeper too!”

 _If I can spend the night with my friends, it won't be so bad,_ Zuko thought. He accepted a cup of wine from Sokka and was about to sit down when Iroh found him and whisked him away, chiding him for foregoing his duties as Fire Lord and host.

And so, instead of catching up with his friends, he had to spend the next forty minutes shaking hands with diplomats and their wives, making small talk with their daughters, rubbing up to Fire Nation noblemen and -women. The more faces Zuko saw, the less excited he became.

He was already surrounded by politicians and diplomats most of the day - in his rare hours of spare time, he was either practising his bending and sword fighting skills, or poring over the sparse notes he received from Toph's spies. He had asked her if she could try and find out something about his mother, but so far, they'd come up empty handed. That didn't stop him from memorizing every sentence in every letter he received: he wanted to make sure he didn't miss anything important. 

Zuko had been successful in getting the economy back on its feet. That, and his work with Aang in the former colonies of Yu Dao, now renamed Republic City, had made him a little more popular as Fire Lord. Turned out, people enjoyed living in peace time. Zuko had closed most of the polluting army factories, but had done everything in his power to find new jobs for the workers. The new governors appreciated their Fire Lord's empathy. They found him to be a good listener, someone who wouldn't tolerate injustice and cruelty. 

Because of this, the threats against him had been dormant for a while. It was a shame good things couldn't last forever, Zuko thought as he forced a smile while talking to the twentieth politician of the evening.

And the worst part was yet to come.

Iroh introduced him to a young lady. And another. And another. A whole slew of young women had lined up to meet him. It didn’t take long to realize what his uncle was plotting, and Zuko didn’t like it one bit. Sure, they were all nice girls, pretty too, but he wasn’t in the mood. Making conversation with strangers was not his thing and he didn’t dance, so what was the point?

When he felt another hand on his arm, he turned around fully prepared to shoot fire at someone’s face.

“Oh my, you don’t look happy at all.”

Katara had a shocked expression on her face, which soon turned into a chuckle.

“Do you need help?”

“Uhh… Maybe? If you know how to make Uncle stop forcing me to talk to all these girls all night.” Zuko heard someone shout his name and he tried to hide his face behind his cape.

“I think I know just the thing.” 

He didn't want to tell her that he had been trying to avoid her, keeping tabs on her as he made his way about the courtyard. Although he had remained in contact with Sokka, Aang and the others, he hadn't talked to Katara again after that fateful night in the palace gardens. She had left without saying goodbye, and he understood what that meant. Giving her space was really all he could do. 

But now, she was seeking him out, linking her arm in his. She had changed into a long gold and blue dress, which contrasted against her dark skin. Her hair was braided into an half updo, her characteristic hair loopies tightly pulled back, with ivory colored beads woven into them. 

Katara smiled.

"Now, we walk."

They paraded forward. Katara instructed him not to look ahead, but make eye contact with her and lean in a bit, as if they were having an intense conversation. Every other minute, she would throw her head back and laugh.

It worked. Girls stopped approaching him, and Zuko could finally breathe again.

After another five minutes of walking and chatting, Katara dragged him to the center of the courtyard. A dance floor had been created, surrounded by torches. Their flames casted shadows on the dancing couples.

Zuko glanced at Katara. The soft light made her eyes sparkle. 

He realized he had stopped breathing and inhaled sharply.

"Something wrong?"

He shook his head.

"You just… you look ridiculous."

"Excuse me?" 

"Uh… what I meant to say..." 

He choked on his own words.

"What I meant to say," he repeated when his coughing fit was over, "is that you look ridiculously _beautiful."_

The clasp of his mantle pressed hard against his throat. He tugged on it, flailing his arms about in a vain attempt to create a breeze that would cool him down.

Katara snickered and leaned forward. Her slender fingers found the clasp and unhooked it. As the weight came off his shoulders, he sighed.

"Thank you. That thing has been bugging me all evening."

"You're welcome. And thanks for the compliment." 

He picked the cape up from the floor and handed it to Katara. She put it around her shoulders and clasped it shut. It was a little too big for her and it dragged on the floor, but it actually suited her outfit.

She pointed at the dance floor. 

"Do you want to dance?"

"Not really." He made a face. Iroh had forced him to take formal dancing classes, but he couldn't hold rhythm if someone beat him with a stick. 

"If you don't ask me to dance, I'm sure some of the other girls would love to have a go," she said with a warning in her voice as she planted her elbow between his ribs.

"Alright, I get the hint." Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose, held out his hand for Katara to grab. Her hands were soft, and cool. He closed his fingers around hers, gave the lightest of squeezes.

"Are you nervous?"

She grinned. He groaned.

“Just follow my lead,” Katara said. She guided him through the motions, while Zuko focused on not stepping on anyone’s toes. The more they moved, the hotter it became. He tripped over his own feet and stumbled forward.

Katara caught his weight, stepping backwards to prevent them from falling over. Gently, she pushed him back upright.

“Are we done?” Zuko clung to her arms, begging her to call it quits.

“Almost. I promise."

She took him from one more spin around the room. Zuko felt eyes pricking in his back, but Katara kept making light conversation with him to distract him. 

“Thanks for saving me,” he said when they stepped off the platform. 

“You’re welcome.” 

In the silence that followed, he tried to come up with words to say, sentences to string together so they'd fit a coherent narrative that would explain why he hadn't written to her at all, and that whatever happened or didn't happen between them, it was _behind him now,_ and they could be friends, or at least, he hoped they already were friends, but they could be _normal_ friends -

"Aang and I are leaving tomorrow."

"So soon?"

“Aang has heard rumors of Air Nomad sightings in the Earth Kingdom mountains. We’re going there first thing tomorrow morning.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

Zuko didn’t know where to look. How was he supposed to say goodbye when they had only just said hello?

Katara provided the answer. She stepped forward again and hugged him tight.

“It was great to see you again, Zuko.”

“It was good to see you again, too, Katara.”

He forgot to ask for his mantle back. 

* * *

Katara walked away with a spring in her step, vibrating limbs and a heartbeat so fast she thought she was going to faint. 

She stretched her hands, curled her fingers. It was a miracle, but she had not only _survived,_ but _thrived_ that evening. She had been able to talk to him, smile at him, dance with him. For once, she didn't turn into a blubbering mess. 

Only when she reached the other end of the courtyard, she realized she was still wearing his mantle. 

"That was quite a show you put up there," a voice behind her said.

"Suki!" 

She turned around, smiling. It had been so good to see her friend again - they hadn't seen each other in ages.

"We need to talk." The older girl gave her a pointed look and nodded towards the balcony. 

"We do?"

Suki pursed her lips. 

Standing on the balcony, above the masses of people celebrating Zuko's birthday, a calm came over her. She flung her arms over the railing, as she had done so many months ago, and stared into the crowd without looking for anyone in particular. From here, she could smell the roses that surrounded the courtyard. 

"You know he's in love with you, right?"

Suki's voice pierced through the night air, landing in her ear with a _zing._ She jerked her head up.

“What are you talking about?” She rearranged the mantle's clasp so that it wouldn’t press on her throat as much. It was a delicate piece of clothing, with golden embroidery on a burgundy piece of silk. It was beautiful, Katara thought.

Suki sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Zuko. Loves. You,” she repeated. “Like, desperately.”

“I don't know what you mean."

Katara didn't look at her friend. 

“Yes, you do."

“How do you know all this, anyway? Did he tell you?”

“Well… No, not really. But I swear it’s true. I just know it.”

“How?” Katara persisted. 

“I’ve seen him look at you.”

“That’s not very convincing." She snickered.

“He also couldn’t stop talking about you before,” Suki said. “But he's been… different, lately. Sullen, withdrawn. And I _know_ something happened between you two when you were all here for the ceremony."

“We just had a misunderstanding,” Katara said and shook out her hair, waving through the strands with her fingers. “But that was months ago. I’m sure he’s over _that_ by now. I know I am.”

"Are you? Because -"

“Suki is right, Katara. Our favorite firebender has a massive crush on you, and that’s putting it mildly.”

Both of them turned around and saw Toph emerging from the shadows.

“How long have you been standing there?” Katara raised an eyebrow.

“Long enough to hear what you were talking about.” Toph got up to them and rested her back against the balcony railing. She had grown in the past year, but she still wasn’t quite as tall as Katara and Suki.

Suki crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“See, Toph says it too.”

“And I know when people lie,” the earthbender added. “Such as when you said you never had a crush on Haru.”

Katara blushed.

“Well, that was over as soon as I saw the mustache,” she mumbled.

Suki looked down and found Zuko in the crowd. He was surrounded by Fire Nation girls who all squealed and touched his arms and cheeks and hair. He looked frightened.

Katara followed Suki’s gaze and chuckled.

“Poor Zuko.”

She straightened her dress and finished her drink.

“Look, guys, I appreciate you telling me this. But we’re just friends. Besides, we hardly ever talk anymore.”

Toph smacked her finger against Katara’s arm.

“Just don’t go around breaking his heart by doing something stupid. You’ve been warned now.”

“I still think you’re wrong,” said Katara. “I’m not his type. But thanks for the warning, I guess.”

Suki raised her eyebrows.

“So… How do you feel about him?”

“We’re friends!” Katara exclaimed. “That’s all there is to it. Gee, why does everyone want me dating someone so badly?”

“Katara, I can feel it when you’re lying,” said Toph.

“I’m. Not. Lying! Look, I like Zuko a lot. We get along great. He really understands me and he’s always there for me. He’s a good friend. I don’t want to lose that friendship. So please, stop talking about him being in love with me. That just complicates things, and I’m so done with complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be complicated,” said Suki. “Look at Sokka and me. We’re doing just fine.”

“My brother is great, but he’s not the Fire Lord of the Fire Nation, the former sworn enemy of our tribe,” said Katara. “That relationship would be all kinds of complicated. Just thinking about it gives me a headache.”

“Or butterflies?” Toph teased. Katara punched her on the arm.

“Enough. I want to focus on myself for a change. All my life, I’ve been playing the part other people wanted me to play. I'm doing fine for myself, and I already told my dad that I don't want to marry. I don't care what our traditions are."

“Who said anything about marriage? I’m just trying to get you to admit your own feelings,” Suki said.

“Oh, so now you know what I’m feeling, too? You both have quite the nerve. I’m going downstairs, trying to find someone to talk to who isn’t obsessed with my love life.”

As Katara stormed off, Toph and Suki sighed simultaneously.

“They would be perfect for each other,” said Toph.

“I know.”

“Maybe we should ask Iroh for help.”

“I’m sure _he_ knows how Zuko is feeling. Although I can’t imagine being wrong." Suki tapped her finger against her lips.

“Trust me, you’re not wrong.” Toph clasped her hands together. “I tried to get Zuko to admit his feelings for Katara for a really long time. Actually, I’m surprised Katara hasn’t noticed yet. It’s written across his face.”

“Maybe it’s a Water Tribe thing,” mused Suki. “Sokka hasn’t said anything about it either and I’m sure he’d want to know if someone was in love with his sister.”

“Sokka also didn’t notice Aang was in love with Katara and that was the most obvious thing that ever _obvioused_. Then again, it took Katara forever to get in on that too, and that was just because Aang literally made a move.”

“Zuko is definitely not going to do that. I think he’d sooner set Ozai free than kiss Katara.”

“Which is probably a good thing. For some reason, Sugar Queen doesn't strike me as the type who'd enjoy a surprise smooch.” Toph grinned.

“But if Zuko doesn’t do anything and Katara just sticks her head in the sand, nothing ever happens."

“Leave that to Iroh. He’ll know what to do.”

“Are we sure about this?” Suki looked out over the courtyard again. “They’re two of my best friends. If this goes wrong, who knows what will happen.”

“Suki, they’re literally already in love with each other. Katara is in denial, and Zuko is just…being Zuko, but this _will_ work. Besides, I wouldn’t wish either of them on someone else.”

“I guess you’re right. Will you talk to Iroh?”

Toph cracked her knuckles. “I’m drinking tea with the old man tomorrow morning. I’m sure he’ll have picked up on this as well. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

The two friends slowly made their way down the stairs and mingled with the crowd again. Above them, the sky turned a pinkish grey.

* * *

“You look like you could use some tea.”

He didn’t protest as his uncle got up to brew fresh tea. The shop was already closed, the last light of the day lingering on the empty tables. He saw his own shadow, stretched out before him on the stone floor.

“Come, sit.” Iroh pulled a chair closer and patted his hand on the seating. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Zuko sat down and groaned, hiding his face in the palms of his hands. He reached in his hair to pluck the Fire Crown out of his top knot, which he quickly undid. His hair fell down, tickling his chin.

“I can’t sleep. All of these responsibilities… they’re weighing on me. I can’t make a left turn in the palace without having to sign another decree, read another report, calm another concerned governor."

He removed his hands from his face, revealing bloodshot eyes and a pale complexion.

“Here, drink.” Iroh placed a cup in front of him. The liquid was steaming hot. Zuko wrapped his hands around it, taking comfort in the warmth that spread pleasantly through his fingers.

Iroh sat down, took a sip of his own cup, folded his hands and placed them on the table.

“Leading a nation is hard, my dear nephew. And you can't do it without making some mistakes here and there. But you are doing well. I'm proud of you - and your people are proud, as well."

“What mistakes am I making?” Zuko asked, ignoring everything else. 

“I think the only mistake you’re making is not giving yourself some rest,” Iroh said and sent his nephew a smile. “You’re working so hard, trying to do everything right at once. You forget to eat, to live. You can’t sleep because you’re always thinking about the next thing on your list.”

"Apparently, the next thing on my list is to find a wife," he grumbled through gritted teeth. 

"Ah, yes. I already warned master Han that this would likely be a problem for you." 

Iroh sounded suspiciously upbeat. 

"Wait, you knew about this? You're okay with this?" Zuko almost spat out the swig of tea he had in his mouth.

"Zuko, the life of a ruler is not his own. There are… expectations." 

His uncle leaned forward, placed his hand on top of Zuko's and patted lightly.

"A marriage will be arranged for you. You won't even have to think about it."

Zuko frowned. "What, I can't marry someone I love?"

"What does love mean to you?"

"Uncle, don't give me that nonsense." He put a warning in his voice, one Iroh conveniently ignored.

“Your tea is getting cold, Nephew.”

“It’s not,” Zuko mumbled, and he put the cup to his lips. As he expected, the tea was still scalding hot, burning his tongue.

“When I was your age, my father had already made up his mind about who I was to marry.”

Zuko jerked his head upwards.

“Did you love her?”

“I didn’t meet her until our wedding day,” Iroh said, gazing somewhere in the middle distance. “She was beautiful, and very kind. We were a good match. My father had made the right decision.”

“But did you love her?”

Finally, Iroh turned his head to look at him. His eyes were soft, and a little sad.

“I didn’t love her immediately, but over time, we grew very close. Unfortunately, she left this world while she delivered our son.”

Zuko shivered. When he grew up, it had always been Uncle Iroh and Lu-Ten. He never had an aunt, and he never asked for one. He felt shameful now, not asking his uncle about her sooner. He lowered his eyes.

“Zuko, the past is not something we can change. Neither is the future. The only thing we have any control over, is ourselves, how we view the world, and how we treat the people around us. So, let me ask you again… what does love mean to _you_ ? Have _you_ , perhaps, ever been in love?"

His breath trembled.

"Wha… How… Who..."

Iroh got up and went into the kitchen to do the dishes. The night made its entrance, creeping through the windows with chilly air and long shadows. 

"Toph paid me a visit this morning."

Zuko slammed his hand in his face and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"She told you."

"She told me. Although she didn't need to. You're not the kind of person who deals with their emotions in a _delicate_ manner. Your feelings were already clear as day to me. And yet I see you struggling, suppressing them, pretending as if that part of you doesn't exist. And you suffer because of it."

Zuko closed his eyes, trying to forget about his heartbeat and the lump in his throat.

He didn't want nor need any help with this - he thought he succeeded in burying these feelings, in fact, he was sure of it. Until she came to his study, of course, and danced with him under a moonlit sky, and wore a dress that made her eyes look even more blue than usual. Every time he thought he had it under control, someone would say her name, and it was as if the gates of Azulon had been opened and he was staring down the vast ocean in front of him.

"It doesn't matter," he muttered under his breath, pushing his thumbs into his eyelids. "It doesn't matter. If this is what love is, I don't want it. It gives me pain in the chest. Some days I wake up feeling as if I can't breathe. I can't get work done, I just stare out the window and sigh. I forget to eat. It's -"

"Zuko, do you love Katara?"

He shut his mouth. If he would say yes now, everything would be different. So far, he had only admitted this to himself - never said the words out loud. But what if he did? How much more _real_ would all of this become? How much more pain would it cause him? 

But if he said no, he'd lie. And Zuko didn't like lying.

"I see," Iroh said, placing cups on a drying rack.

“Uncle, it’s a stupid idea. She’s a girl from the Southern Water Tribe, a place the Fire Nation has attacked viciously and ruthlessly. I’m the face of that nation, the very person her people always had every reason to hate. Besides, my own people won’t be so happy about it either. Just imagine, if the Fire Lord married a waterbender!"

He lowered his head.

“But most importantly, it will never work because Katara doesn’t feel that way about me."

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that." Iroh waved his finger. “As usual, you are not paying enough attention to your surroundings.”

“Uncle, it’s hopeless. Forget about it. I know I’m trying to.”

“Those feelings are a part of you, Zuko. Embrace them.”

“And be miserable? Thanks, I’ll pass.”

“You can hardly be more miserable than you are now.”

“That’s just rude, Uncle.”

Zuko touched his cup, noticed his tea was cold, heated it up ever so slightly with his bending and drank the remaining liquid in one big gulp.

“I’m really going now. It’s getting late.” He got up, grabbed his crown and held it in his hand. Iroh reached for him, grabbed him by the wrist.

“My dear boy, you’re still young. Listen to this old man and don’t negate your feelings. They’re worthy of your attention.”

He wrestled himself free and left without saying goodbye.

* * *

The air was always thinner, high up in the sky. 

Katara took a deep breath and leaned as far over the edge of Appa's saddle as she thought responsible. Aang was sitting on the sky bison's head, steering them in the direction of a mountain top he had so far only seen in his visions.

It was supposed to be a quick trip: they hadn't packed much. Sokka, Hakoda and Gran Gran were still waiting for them in the Fire Nation, and she couldn't be away from the South Pole for too long, either. But she had promised Aang she'd go with him, and so here they were.

"All these peaks look the same!" Aang complained. 

"Well, it's your vision. I don't even know what we're looking for exactly."

"A mountain top," Aang said. "With clouds around it."

"Hmm." Katara glanced around. "That doesn't really narrow it down, no."

All of a sudden, Aang steered Appa towards the right. Katara's stomach pressed hard against the wooden saddle. 

"You could have warned me first."

"Sorry. I just felt something. A presence."

Katara shrugged. This was Avatar stuff. She had learned not to question it.

"They must have been here, recently. No doubt about it. We should land somewhere and explore."

They touched the ground about a mile from the peak. Surrounding them was nothing but rocks, some weeds, and clouds. Katara was glad she brought her parka, because the wind was biting up here.

"Maybe they're hiding," she suggested. "Maybe we wouldn't recognize them as Air Nomads."

"Well, they'd still be _people,"_ Aang pointed out. "And I see no one."

"We could climb to the peak?"

"Sure."

They both knew the chances were slim they'd find anybody up there - these mountains weren't exactly people-friendly. 

But as they reached the top, there was _something._ A flicker of the light. No, a ripple in the air. No…

"What's that?"

"Might be dangerous-" Katara stuck out her hand to hold him back, but dropped it. He was old enough to make his own decisions. 

He prodded it with his glider. It went right through and disappeared. From where Katara was standing, it looked as if Aang was only holding half a glider.

"This is weird," he said as he scratched his head. "I think I should meditate on this. Perhaps my past lives can tell me what this is."

Katara made herself comfortable on the ground. She knew this could take a while. 

Aang sat down, slammed his fists together and closed his eyes. His tattoos started to glow. 

She rested her chin on her knee and wove her fingers together. Aang was still a boy to her, but even she could see his features had changed. His jawline was more pronounced, his eyes less round and childlike. 

How much could change in such a short period of time - after the celebration of the end of the Hundred Year War, Katara had wanted to return to the Southern Water Tribe as quickly as possible. She hadn't been able to explain herself to her dad, or her brother, or Aang - how could she, when she didn't really understand it? But they didn't stop her, and so they traveled back. 

She had started working even harder than before, barely taking a break to relax. She taught six children in her bending school, both from the Northern and the Southern tribe. Arnook had set up an exchange program for benders with the south, and even adults sometimes stopped by to take a class with her. 

Her most important achievement was the resurrection of the Southern style of waterbending. Zuko's scrolls had proven a treasure trove of information. With them, she was able to single handedly master the Southern style, which enabled her to pass it on to her pupils. Her evenings were filled with bending practice, and if she wasn't doing that, she was studying for her diplomatic exams. 

Her father had brought her all the materials she needed. There were written exams about the histories of the various nations, customs, laws. She was like a sponge, devouring every bit of information - she had always been good at studying. Hakoda had also kept her informed about the progressions with the former colonies, now to be called Republic City. The city state was set to hold elections before the end of the year. 

A council had been formed, consisting of all the leaders of the different nations, as well as Aang. The newly chosen representative of Republic City would join their ranks right after the elections. Things weren't easy, but Aang had stepped into his role as Avatar unlike ever before. Watching him negotiate filled Katara's heart with pride. He had been spending most of his time in the city, helping out with both political and social matters. Often, he'd come back to the South Pole to update Katara of what was going on.

She loved to listen to his stories, even though he mentioned Zuko more than she'd like. The young Fire Lord felt personally responsible for the success of the newly formed city state, so he traveled to Republic City often, consulting with Aang about obstacles and challenges to overcome. The citizens had been apprehensive of the two at first, but Zuko and Aang had worked very hard to earn their trust.

Even Sokka played a part: he was flown in on Appa frequently to help construct new buildings and implement his latest inventions. Soon, Republic City would be the most technologically advanced region in the entire world. Katara was happy to see Sokka thrive and make the most out of his training. Although part of herself wished she could have been involved more - it had been _her_ idea, after all - she had her school to focus on, as well as her exams, and for the first time, she felt like she could safely put these matters into the hands of her friends and family.

She had made some sporadic visits to the city, to admire the work already done and meet some of the people Aang had told her about. Every time, she carefully questioned Aang before she went, making sure she wouldn't be able to run into Zuko. Another reason for her visits was that she wanted to gauge if it could be a place she could commit to - she'd have to choose a nation to tie herself to as ambassador. Others would then serve as ambassadors for the other nations, but Hakoda promised her she'd get first pick. Her final exam, then, would be an interview with the leader of her chosen nation, to see if her knowledge was extensive enough to be approved.

Katara kept telling herself that she didn't want to go to the Fire Nation - too hot, too different from the South Pole, too many insects during the summer. But her stomach betrayed her every time she listed those reasons for herself, and reminded her of her deepest, burning desires. Hakoda asked her to make a decision before the end of the week. She had three more days, and she was stalling.

Aang woke up from his trance, his face not betraying any emotion. Katara got up immediately.

"Everything okay?"

"I'm fine, don't worry. From what we can tell, the genocide of the Air Nomads had created such a disturbance in the balance of the world, that the fabric between our world and the Spirit World has been ripped. Right here." He pointed at the ripple.

Katara pulled out her map.

"Let's see. Here are the Air Temples… and here are we..." her voice trailed.

"You're not going to believe this. We're _exactly_ in the middle between all the different Air Temples."

Aang stood up. "I have to go inside."

"Aang, wait! I want to come with you."

He pushed his hand against her chest. "No, Katara. I'm the Avatar. Who knows what we'll find on the other side. You've never been into the Spirit World before."

She pouted. "Fine, I'll wait. But don't stay away too long." 

_It's a good thing we never got together,_ she thought to herself, _because I wouldn't have been able to put up with this stuff all the time._

He made good on his promise: just a few minutes later, Aang stepped back into view.

"It's the Spirit World, alright," he said, looking a little confused. "I don't understand. What do the Air Nomads have to do with the Spirit World? It feels as if they've been here… _recently._ How's that possible?"

"I don't know Aang," Katara said, raising her hands. "But I do know that we promised Gran Gran and Dad that we wouldn't be away for too long. I don't see anyone around here to ask questions, and I don't think this spirit portal is going to talk all of a sudden."

Aang frowned. "We can't leave yet. I still don't know what happened here."

"You can come back as soon as you've dropped us off at the South Pole," she promised. "I have a good feeling about this." She squeezed his shoulder.

"Well, if you feel hopeful, I'm sure we're on the right path. Because if it weren't for your hope, we wouldn't have been here together at all."

He smiled at her, and she smiled back. They had been through so much together.

Back in the air, Katara suddenly realized that she had read about these spirit portals before. Where was it… in one of Zuko's scrolls she had taken with her to the South Pole. 

She watched the back of Aang's head, and debated whether she'd tell him about it.

No, she decided. She didn't want to give him _too_ much hope. Once they were back at the South Pole, she'd do some digging of her own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Max Sedgley - Slowly


	23. Rain

"Sparky, you in here?"

"I thought you could see me with your feet," Zuko said without looking up. He rummaged through his papers, trying to find the wax seal that he used to sign off on official decrees. It was around midday, and he had been locked in his study since before dawn. 

Toph dropped herself on a cushion and crossed her legs as she stuck her finger up her nose. Zuko pretended to ignore it as he picked up his tea cup, where he found his seal on the bottom, wet and smelling like Jasmine.

"I have news about the assassins," she said without further ado. Zuko's spine tingled and he sat up a little more straight. 

"What about them?"

"It looks like they finished their search quest. They're going after something called the Aurora Australis."

"What's that?"

"How should I know? I just came to tell you the news. That's all." She got up, wiped her hands on her pants and stomped out without saying anything else. 

Zuko sat perplexed for a couple of seconds, his mouth slightly agape. When Toph made her appearance, she'd usually quip about Katara and ask him if he was thinking about marrying anyone soon. She knew what to say to make him agitated, and she never failed to deliver. Until today.

Could it be that she was actually worried about him? 

His hand went to his mouth, supporting his chin as he closed his eyes in thought. He had heard that term before, he realized. _Aurora Australis…_ he must've read something about it in the library while doing research. The only logical thing to do would be to find out what, exactly, he had read.

The palace halls were empty when he rushed through, royal robes flinging behind him. Zuko held his crown with his hand - the ornament had a habit of sliding out of his hair whenever he moved too quickly. It had caused some embarrassing scenes before, such as when he bowed a little too fervently in front of a new governor and the crown had hit the poor woman in the face. 

He pushed open the library door with his elbow. Inside, dust clouds moved across the rooms without hindrance, illuminated by the sunlight that shone through the dirty windows. Any noise from outside was muted due to heavy carpeting on the floor and the cherry wood paneling on the walls. No one would hear you in here. 

It was both a comforting and a terrifying thought.

Zuko stalked across the room towards the area of the library Katara had shown him so many months before. He turned a corner and gasped.

The entire southern wing of the library had been scorched to ashes. The red carpet was burnt to a crisp, the walls covered in black shades. There was nothing left of the books and scrolls, only their bookcases still stood erect, be it barely. 

Zuko didn't know whether to burst out into tears or scream out of anguish. He settled for something in between and slammed his fist hard on a side table.

"Zuko! What's going on-" 

Suki ran in and immediately turned quiet when she took in the damage. Zuko was still pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes when she grabbed his shoulder and dragged him out of the library.

"No! I have to go back!" 

"Zuko, you can't. We don't know when this happened, maybe the person who did this is still in the palace."

"I don't care. They'll have to fight me."

"Zuko!" 

Suki held both his shoulders and stared him straight in the face. 

"You're going to the safe house, as we discussed. This threat is too close to you. I'll have Ty Lee escort you."

He brushed her aside and turned back to where they came from.

"No. I'm not going to keep running from them forever. If it's a fight they want, they can have it."

When he returned to the scene of the crime, he kneeled to take a swipe of the ashes with his finger. Curling his hands into fists, he gritted his teeth: _think, Zuko, think! What did you read on that scroll?_

He couldn't seem to connect the dots, and it frustrated him to no end. In situations like these, he knew only one solution. 

* * *

"Zuko! What a pleasant surprise. I didn't expect you until later this afternoon."

Zuko heaved - he had come running, stopping a few feet before he entered the door as not to upset the patrons of Iroh's tea shop. He needn't have bothered: they were upset by the sight of their Fire Lord anyhow.

Now, he sat at the table furthest back, kind of hidden in the shades as the other customers tried their hardest _not_ to look as if they were trying to catch a glimpse of him. He took a sip of his tea, realized it was still piping hot, and slammed it back on the table as he tried to cool his burnt tongue. 

"Do you want to tell me what made you come here in such a hurry?" Iroh asked as he held a tray filled with drinks. Zuko shook his head and waved his uncle away. 

He wasn't ready to tell Iroh what happened yet - Zuko knew the old man would be just as worried as Suki, and he didn't need more people making the case that he should leave. As if he was a coward. No, hiding somewhere in the mountains was not an option. He wanted to face these monsters head on.

But the problem was, he didn't know _where_ to go and face them. Aurora Australis… why did it sound so familiar to him? Zuko pained his thoughts, staring into the shop without really looking. Nonetheless, the other customers noticed his intense stare, and worried Zuko might have reason to punish them for something. Even though he had never expressed murderous intent before, they hadn't forgotten what living under the previous Fire Lords was like.

Zuko felt a headache coming up. He had a lot of those, lately. Inexplicable as they were, they almost always forced him to draw the curtains and lie down in his room until they passed. They were so bad, he thought he'd rather be dead.

His uncle came back, noticed his cup was empty, and promptly served him another one. As Zuko picked up the cup, he fingered the edges of it, as it comforted him to hold something _real_ in his hands, something that grounded him to this earth. 

He noticed the cracks in the clay were more pronounced than he remembered, and when he turned the cup in his hand he saw why: Iroh had decided to engrave all his tableware with the shop's name and logo. 

_The Fire Fox…_

Zuko's eyes flung open as he jerked up in his chair. In the shop, several concerned cries were heard. No one responded to them.

"What's wrong, nephew? Did you burn your tongue again?"

But Zuko couldn't answer. His mind was racing: he suddenly remembered the conversation he had had with Katara and Iroh about the Fire Fox, the fire spirit who lived in the northern arctic and was said to create the Aurora. The text he had been reading, it came back to him now, had been about the connection between fire and water spirits. It was all about balance again, cosmic balance in the universe. The Fire Fox was the guardian of the northern arctic, and the southern arctic was… 

He pushed his fingertips into his temples as he tried to remember. 

"Night sun!" he cried out. Around him, people's faces became even more confused, if this was even humanly possible.

"My dear boy, maybe you should get some fresh air. What are you talking about?"

Iroh was kneeling beside him, holding his hand up to his forehead to check for a fever.

Zuko swatted the hand away. "I'm _fine_ , Uncle."

"What were you talking about, just now?" Iroh persisted.

"Nothing. I just remembered something I had been reading." 

He coughed, took another sip of his tea, all the while averting his uncle's eyes. The man had a knack for drawing the truth out of him when he wasn't ready to spill the beans yet. 

Night Sun was the only name the jaguar spirit who guarded the South Pole was ever referred to. It was supposed to be a fearsome creature, and people who claimed to have met it were few and far between. Zuko frowned. This couldn't be everything. He still didn't know what Aurora Australis was. 

"Uncle?"

"Hmm?" 

Iroh was humming a tune, which usually meant he was washing the dishes.

Zuko stood up, his lanky figure impressing once again the people in the tea shop. 

"Do you know what Aurora Australis means?" 

He said it like a whisper.

"That's the Southern Lights, Zuko. In the South Pole-"

Before Iroh could finish his sentence, Zuko had already bolted out the door.

Outside, rain started falling on the pavement.

* * *

  
As she held onto the railing of the ship, Suki wiped the rain from her face. It was pouring down, soaking her clothes to her body. She was so cold, she thought she might never get warm again.

"Miss, come inside!" 

One of the sailors waved at her, beckoned her to the open door he was standing in. But she shook her head, stubbornly refused to let go of the railing. If this was the spirits' way to let her know they, too, disagreed with her departure, then she might as well endure it.

Zuko was of the course the one who wouldn't hear anything other than that she _was_ going to take this vacation she had planned months ago. Suki had tried to reason, plead, at some point even beg - but he didn't want her to stay, period. 

"I have other Kyoshi Warriors who can help me," he had said. "And my staff is much more reliable now, too. So you're going, Suki. And you'll enjoy it. Promise me."

They had been standing on the dock, an umbrella above their heads. 

"You should start thinking about retirement, too," he had added. "You've been at the palace for more than a year and a half. You should start doing something _you_ want to do."

Suki had wanted to say that protecting him was something she was _honored_ to do, something that fulfilled her with great purpose. But Zuko's words had struck a nerve: for nearly two years, Suki hadn't spent a single thought about what she might do if not for this. Sure, Sokka had alluded to things here and there, but those were _his_ wishes, not necessarily hers.

So now, on her way to the South Pole, she'd have plenty of time to think about what it was she might pursue for herself. Katara was doing well for herself now, with both the bending school up and running and the ambassadorship to look forward to. Maybe she could pick her friend's brain to see what she'd have to say.

And then there was Sokka, of course. Her wonderful boyfriend, who had been so patient and understanding all this time. In his last letter, he mentioned he wanted to discuss something when she arrived - what could that be about? He _was_ almost turning eighteen. Could it be that Hakoda was ready to hand over the reins to him?

Suki shook her head, and wet strands of hair stuck to her skin. She chewed on one, squeezing the rain water out of her hair. Aside from her personal issues, she needed to talk to Katara about Zuko. Iroh and Toph had tried their best, but the boy was way too stubborn for his own good. Perhaps she'd have more luck with her friend. She'd have to think of a strategy. 

* * *

The next day, rain was still coming down in sheets.

Zuko paced around in his study, making a turn once when he reached his grandfather's bust, and once when he reached the end of the carpet. It was raining so hard, it seemed almost night time.

It had become eerily quiet in the Fire Nation palace after Suki had left. She had resisted, but he was adamant about her leaving. Not because he wanted her out of the way, but he was concerned - always working, never taking any time for herself. If she went on like this, she'd be burnt out before she was twenty five.

He returned to his present topic of worry: what to do about the assassins. They had business at the South Pole, which meant that Katara could be in danger. 

_There are other people in the Southern Water Tribe whom you care about,_ he told himself. And Suki was going there for her break, as well. 

He had no choice: he'd have to go after them, immediately. 

Katara's face appeared in his mind's eye, but he pushed her away. This wasn't about love - it was about safety, and protecting friends, and doing what's right. His feelings would have to come later.

But she kept ringing in his ears with every step that he took and with every breath that he drew. As he made it to his room with a fast pace, his heart beat to the cadence of her name. 

Zuko forcefully pulled open his drawers. It made such a loud noise that Ty Lee, his current Kyoshi Warrior on duty, came in to check on him.

"Zuko," she squealed, "are you alright?" 

"Does it look like I'm alright?" he asked, furiously staring at her amidst a heap of clothes, which had been ejected from the drawer when he had opened it. On his bed were his dao swords, other travel equipment laid scattered on the floor. 

Ty Lee gasped and put her hands in front of her mouth. 

"Are you playing dress up?"

Zuko didn't reply. He got up, removed the crown from his hair and put it on his nightstand.

"Zuzu?" Ty Lee tried. 

Something inside Zuko snapped.

"Ty Lee, get _out_ of my room if you know what's good for you!" 

The warrior girl slinked away, crestfallen, and Zuko saw her resuming her post just outside his door. He shook his head, immediately feeling remorseful for his outburst: after all, it wasn't really Ty Lee's fault. It was his, and his alone. He had made a mess of things by not being open with Katara, and now everyone was in danger and he would have to set things right.

When he had packed everything he needed, he turned his head around the corner.

"Hey, Ty Lee? I'm sorry. For… just now."

He noticed the girl was trembling, and her lower lip had a dangerous pout. But as soon as his words registered, she was all smiles again, throwing her arms around him. He felt the heat rise from his neck to his cheeks.

"Oh, I knew you didn't mean it, Zuko! I was just thinking to myself, what would a boy like you need all those clothes for, and so I thought, maybe you're bored. Because I can imagine I'd be bored, you know, if I had to sit in an office all day, like you. So maybe you wanted to do something fun, together?" 

She cocked her head to the side as she looked at him.

"Uhm, I'm actually… going hiking. With Uncle. In the mountains."

"Are you sure? Because it's raining..." she came out from under the portico and looked up. 

"Oh! Nevermind. It stopped raining. You're so lucky, Zuko!"

Zuko nodded, unsure of how to get rid of her without making her cry again. After another five minutes of listening to Ty Lee's chatter, he put his hand over her mouth. 

"I have to go now," he said. She tried to say something, but he didn't let her. As fast as he could, he ran away, leaving Ty Lee dumbfounded. 

* * *

On the other side of the ocean, Katara's bedroom was littered with empty bowls and cups. Paperwork was sprawled out over her bed and the floor, covering almost the entire surface of her room. Katara herself was wearing a nightgown she hadn't peeled off of herself in at least a week, and she hadn't taken a bath either. Her hair was knotted and greasy, held together by a bone clamp on top of her head. 

"Katara!"

Sokka, the only human being left on this planet without any regard for personal space or privacy, pulled the hide in front of her doorframe away and barged in. 

"There's a Fire Nation ship coming into the harbor," he said, not taking notice of the chaos. "Are you coming?"

 _Zuko,_ she thought, and got up immediately. On the way out, she snatched a parka from her dresser, pulling it around her as she got into her fur boots. 

Katara practically ran outside, straight to the harbor, where the ship had just docked. She stared into the sun as the ramp at the front of the ship started to open. She held her breath.

It was him.

She was transfixed, staring at him as he emerged from the belly of the ship. He wasn't wearing his Fire Lord regalia, but travel clothes, this time not having forgotten to pack a parka. His hair was hanging loose, his bangs almost covering his eyes. 

He caught her eye, and she exhaled forcefully. She didn't dare to look away, and neither did he.

Zuko embraced Sokka. As he did, it dawned upon Katara how unkempt she looked, how gross she felt. When he came over to greet her, she ducked underneath his arms. 

"I have a cold," she improvised. "It's very contagious. You probably shouldn't hug me."

He looked puzzled, but shrugged, and gave her a courtesy Fire Nation bow. She bowed in return. Her hair slid in front of her face, and she whipped it back with her hand, wishing she could sink right through the snow and disappear, but alas.

"Tell me buddy, why are you here? Not that we're not happy to have you," Sokka said.

Zuko glanced around. "Not here," he said, lowering his voice. "Can we talk in private somewhere? Katara, I need you there as well."

He stared at her again, and she said 'Sure' but her voice was shaky and she couldn't seem to pull herself together. Katara chastised herself, for looking like this, and talking like this. 

Zuko leaned towards her.

'You look great.'

His voice was so soft Sokka couldn't possibly have heard him. He gave her a tiny smile, and her mouth fell open. Surely, he must've been joking. With _this_ hair, and _this_ outfit? But she saw his face light up, his eyes glisten, and she couldn't help but return his smile. 

"Sokka, I have some stuff to do first. Could we meet later this afternoon?"

"Sure." Her brother whistled a tune. "We'll have to ask Suki and Dad if they can come as well, and I know for a fact that Dad will be in another meeting until well past midday."

He grabbed Zuko by the shoulders. 

"Come on, I'll have to show you around! Things have changed since you were here for the last time, you know."

Katara watched him being dragged away. _Good,_ she thought. _Time to take a bath._

* * *

She lowered herself into the soothing water of the hot springs. Her clothes sat bundled up on the ice, wrapped in a hide to protect them against freezing stiff.

Katara was hidden by a large wall of ice. It was exactly why she’d chosen this spot. This was meant entirely for her, without distractions from duties. Everyone else could wait.

Stretching her sore limbs, she let the water envelop her until only her head was above the water line. She had wrapped her hair into a bun, held together by a silk scarf that she’d bought in Ba Sing Se. It was expensive, but protected her wavy curls from the damaging heat.

“…no one’s here. We have the whole place to ourselves!”

“Are you sure we should be doing this?”

“Absolutely. You can’t leave the South Pole without having experienced this. It’s divine.”

Katara closed her eyes. Sokka. And Zuko, she thought it was his voice she heard. Of course her brother would have the same idea she did. She could only hope they wouldn’t come here and-

“This is my favorite spot. It’s right behind this wall of ice, where no one can see…oh, hi Katara.”

“Wait, did you say _Katara_?” said Zuko with a slightly panicked voice.

Katara opened her eyes to look at Sokka’s beaming face. He was wearing his clothes, still, but she wasn’t, and she knew exactly what was about to happen.

“It’s just my sister,” Sokka said and waved his arm to beckon Zuko closer. Katara frowned and furiously shook her head, but Sokka didn’t notice.

“Uhh…I don’t know, Sokka. Maybe we should leave Katara alone.”

 _Thank the spirits_ , she thought.

“What? No way! This is my favorite spot for a reason. Katara won’t mind we’re here. Right, Katara?”

“Well, actually…” she started, but Sokka wasn’t really listening to her anyway. He unwrapped his own hide, undressed quickly and jumped into the water. It created a wave that engulfed Katara before she realized it.

“Sokka!”

Angered, she bent a large wave of her own and smashed it into his brother’s face when he came up for air. It sent him into a huge coughing fit.

“What’s that good for?” he asked in between taking big gulps of air.

“I was here first. And I _do_ mind that you guys are here. I wanted to spend some time by myself, and now you’re here, making noise and getting on my nerves.”

She didn’t mention her biggest concern - the fact that they’d be together in the water, without swimming clothes. Katara did not feel comfortable with that at all. If it were just her brother, sure, she’d seen him naked a million times before. But Zuko? No way.

“Zuko, my dude, are you coming or not? You’re missing out!”

Sokka positioned himself on the edge of the hot spring, closed his eyes and sighed a contented sigh.

Katara rolled her eyes.

“Fine. If you’re going to be _that_ jerk, I’ll find a different spot.”

Carefully, she climbed out of the water, checking for signs of Zuko. But he didn’t appear, and she got the hide from under her clothes to wrap herself in.

Without thinking, she turned the corner around the ice wall.

“Oh!”

Zuko was standing shirtless, in the process of removing his pants. Her cry stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Katara!”

Flustered, he raised his pants again, standing up straight facing her. It gave her a good view of his torso, and the scar right at the center.

The scar he had because of her.

“I’m sorry,” she said after she realized she had been staring. “I didn’t mean to-”

“I’m sorry we disturbed your-”

They both stopped speaking, started, stopped again. Cautious, they looked each other in the eye, trying to guess who was going to talk first.

“I’ll just go. Enjoy the hot spring,” she said at last. He nodded and walked past her, brushing her arm. 

She kneeled, picking up the clothes that she had dropped when Zuko startled her. When she picked up her parka, she found something strange underneath.

An arrow-head, made from steel. She put it between her thumb and index finger and closed one eye to look at it from up close. This couldn't be from one of the tribesmen, she knew for a fact: all their weapons were made out of bone. 

Katara frowned and closed her hand around the arrow-head to take it home. She had a sinister feeling about this.

* * *

Back in her room, she placed the arrow-head on her nightstand and twisted her damp hair into a loose braid. Picking up bowls and cups as she went along, she searched for the last scroll she had been reading before all the commotion from that morning.

As soon as she found it, she forgot about the dishes she had left behind and sat down on the floor to read. Soon, she was completely engulfed by it, her eyes racing across the parchment as she frantically tried to find that one thing she had been looking for ever since she returned.

Spirit portals. What had she read about spirit portals?

"Katara, the meeting is about to start."

Sokka stuck his head around the corner.

"Yeah, I'm coming," she said, although her voice sounded distant and she didn't break eye contact with the page before her. 

Right that moment, her eye fell on the very word she tried to find: spirit portal. Her hands started shaking as she lifted the scroll in the air with both hands, getting up on her knees and feet simultaneously. 

_Two spirit portals exist: one in the North, and one in the South. Portals are created when huge amounts of spiritual energy are released. The spirit portals are hard to find: it is believed that they have been protected by ancient waterbenders because of their potential power. It is possible that special waterbending techniques have kept them hidden. The only way to open a spirit portal is during a solstice, when the fabric between the two worlds is the weakest. Only the Avatar has the capacity to open or close a spirit portal._

That was it. Nothing about the origin of spirit portals, but it would explain why the genocide of the Air Nomads created a third spirit portal: Katara could only imagine how much spiritual energy would have been released in that gruesome event. She shivered.

The others had already arrived at the meeting. 

"We waited for you," Hakoda said, not unkind. Katara held on tight to the rolled up scroll in her hand, and sat down on a cushion. Zuko got up and explained why he was here: the news from Toph, the discovery in the library, his realizations. 

"I still don't know what their plan is, but I knew that I needed to get to you as soon as possible. You might all be in danger, and it's my fault." 

He let his head hang.

"Aren't you in much more danger than we could ever be? Especially by coming here." Sokka clasped his hands together and placed his index fingers against his lips. Suki agreed. 

"You shouldn't be here, Zuko. I told you that before. Go home."

But Zuko waved away his friends' protests. Katara, who hadn't said anything up until now, thought about her discovery near the hot springs and turned white as a sheet.

Hakoda saw it. "Katara, what's wrong?" 

"I… I..." she stammered. "I found an arrow-head this morning, near the hot springs. Steel, not bone, so it's not ours." She glanced at Sokka and Hakoda. 

"But there's more. I went with Aang a couple of weeks ago to look for signs of the Air Nomads. The day after your party," she nodded at Zuko. "And… we found something. A portal to the spirit world. And I remember I read something about those portals before, and..." 

She placed the scroll she was still holding on the table and spread it out for the others to see. With a few broad strokes, she summarized what was written.

"I don't know if this is at all connected," she said while looking at Zuko. 

"It might as well be," he said. "We better find out."

Sokka clapped his hands. "Perfect, because I already came up with a plan. How about we-"

Zuko held up his hand. "Look, I'm sorry Sokka, but I don't want anyone else to get hurt. This is _my_ problem, and I should fix it. So I will." 

He smiled, but it lacked sincerity.

"You're going to need a waterbender if you want to look for that portal," she said with a combative tone in her voice. Her hands were clenched to fists and all her muscles were tense. He wasn't going to keep her out of this. 

Hakoda shook his head, but Katara looked at him with a fierce gaze, and he kept quiet.

"Excuse me, I think it's a little unfair that Katara gets to go on an adventure and I have to wait it out here," Sokka protested, but Suki pulled him back on his cushion.

"You and I can go on plenty of adventures together Sokka," she warned him, raising her eyebrows at her friend. She grinned. 

Katara rolled her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rain - The Rippingtons


	24. Topaz: Gem of the Setting Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I really, really, really hope you'll enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> _All these lights are changing  
>  See them everywhere  
> In my veins like lightning  
> I don't even care  
>   
> And the crowd is heavy  
> I don't wanna move  
> All these colors in me but all I see is you  
> \-- London Grammar_

They set up camp in silence. 

All around them, icy fields stretched out until the horizon - a vast, empty space. Every now and then, a chilling wind picked up snow particles, blowing them in Zuko's face and hair, where they melted. The sun had disappeared, but the sky was still light blue, streaked with pink hues. 

"This is it?"

"I think I already told you it's not always visible," Katara said, her voice laced with annoyance. "Just help me set up the tent."

He turned his gaze down again, held onto the fabric as Katara stepped backwards until they had completely unfolded the tent. She hammered the pegs into the ground with a rhythmic drum.

"I thought you were going to bend us an igloo," Zuko confessed as he pushed their supplies inside.

"If I were to do that, why did we carry all this stuff up here?"

The tent was actually spacious and comfortable enough for the two of them. Katara had picked most of their supplies, familiar as she was with the perils of camping in the tundra. Together with Zuko's firebending, they should be able to hold it out for quite a while. Not that Zuko was exactly looking _forward_ to sleeping out here, but at least they'd be together.

Once they were set up, Zuko made a fire. Katara opened a package of seal jerky and wordlessly handed him a piece. He chewed on it as he stared into the flames, letting the warmth dry out his eyes. 

"I'm happy you're here with me," he said eventually, drawing out the words. 

"It's the least I could do. You need a waterbender."

"Right."

She hadn't been talking much since they left - but then again, neither had he. There was a tension between them, something he couldn't quite place, but it stilted every attempt at conversation. Katara seemed withdrawn and distant - keeping Zuko at an arm's length while refusing to leave his side. He had drawn so many breaths already, a question burning in the back of his throat, but he deflated every time, letting the moment pass and the silence continue.

Above their heads, night fell. 

"Zuko, look!"

Katara pulled on his shoulder, nudging him to bend his neck upwards. When he did, his breath got caught in his throat. The sky was filled with stars, more than he had ever seen before. And right that moment, a green wave shot through the air. And another, and another. Dancing like the flames in their campfire, the southern lights illuminated the night, casting an otherworldly glow on the land beneath them. 

Both Katara and Zuko got up, mouths agape, a smile on their faces. Standing next to each other, their shoulders touched, and Zuko felt Katara's hand brush against his own. Without thinking, he cautiously grabbed hold of one of her fingers. He felt his stomach turn, his heart beating so fast that he was sure she would be able to hear it. 

After another few minutes, he spotted the moon. 

"Look," he pointed. "It's full."

Katara frowned. 

"I didn't know there was going to be a full moon tonight," she mumbled.

"You didn't? I thought waterbenders always knew those kinds of things."

She didn't reply, but he could read the worry off her face. 

From the corner of his eye, a glistening caught his attention. As he turned, he let go of Katara's hand. 

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"There was a light." He scratched the back of his head. "Over there."

"Are you sure? I don't see anything." 

Now they both peered into the darkness, but whatever Zuko had seen, it didn't reappear.

"Maybe we should go check it out," he offered. "I don't really know what else we could do right now, to be honest."

Katara pursed her lips and nodded. 

* * *

They left their camp as-is, although Katara did think to bend an ice wall so that the tent would remain out of the wind as much as possible. Their food had been stowed away and sealed shut, so that predatory animals wouldn't catch its scent. 

"Be careful," Katara whispered as she pulled her hood over her head and raised her shawl so that it covered her nose and mouth. "Who knows what we might find out there."

There wasn't much in terms of a plan, but Katara used her bending to propel them forward as fast as she could. Droplets of sweat appeared on her forehead, Zuko noticed when he glanced aside to look at her. Her eyes were dark, focused on the plain before them - until she caught him staring and implored him to mind his own business. 

"Look for the light instead," she snapped.

He tried to, but it was as if he had imagined it. No matter which way he turned his head, the tundra remained dark, even as the aurora danced above their heads. 

What he _did_ see, however, was an elevation in the landscape, coming closer rapidly. He couldn't explain it, but he thought the light must've originated from there. So he sought Katara's gaze again, and pointed. She raised her eyebrows and changed their course ever so slightly. 

The elevation turned out to be much higher than Zuko had anticipated - the hills were at least five times higher than he was. It was the only landmark in the further desolate landscape. As they jumped off their 'vehicle', the wind picked up, and with it, icy particles swirled around them.

Without stopping, Katara raised her hands, creating a dome that easily rivaled the one she made when they were visiting Yon Rha. Zuko resisted the temptation to remove his shawl and complement her on it - they were on a mission, and however impressed he may be, this simply wasn't the time. 

"What are we looking for, exactly?"

"I don't know, Zuko. You wanted to go here. So now we're here. Keep your eyes open, I guess."

They circled the hills, four of them in total, at least three times before Zuko thought to crouch and inspect the ground below their feet. He steadied himself against the rocks. Promptly, he lost his balance as they crumbled underneath his fingers. Katara shot forward to help him back on his feet when she gasped.

"What?" 

Behind the part of the wall that Zuko had inadvertently tore down, a previously hidden compartment had appeared. They both drew a sharp breath as Katara stuck her hand inside, pulling out a tiny rolled up piece of parchment. 

"We found something, didn't we?"

"Shh." She put her finger to her lips as her eyes shot across the page. "It says there are hidden caves underneath the ocean. The Water Temples. It's a network that runs underneath the entire South Pole."

She paused, bit her lip.

"What is it?" Zuko wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. 

"I think I know where the spirit portal is. There's supposed to be a room without a ceiling in the center of the Antarctic. It's the most sacred, most spiritual place of the entire South Pole. And I think we can reach it through the temples."

"Alright, so we go and find it," he said, more impatient than he was willing to show her.

"But… where?" Katara seemed distraught. "I've lived here all my life and I've never found an entrance."

He tapped his chin. "Maybe, since the caves are under water, the entrance is under water as well. If they're anything like the other temples, only a waterbender could enter them."

"Zuko, that's brilliant." She put her hand on his arm for a second.

The ocean wasn't far from where they were, fortunately. Katara used her waterbending to get them under water without getting wet or unable to breathe, but it was dark, and hard to see anything in these depths. Zuko couldn't risk using his firebending to make light, so all they could do was slowly move forward, squinting to try and see if they noticed anything out of the ordinary. 

They floated there for what seemed like forever, occasionally startled by fish swimming past them. Katara tried to steer them close to the ice, which produced the very real risk of involuntarily crashing into the icicles that stuck out like spears. 

Zuko was still trying to avoid those sharp edges when Katara elbowed him in the ribs. Following her finger, he saw it too: a strange flow of the water, right next to a wall covered in algae. 

Using her bending, Katara was able to easily remove the organisms from the wall. Underneath turned out to be an enormous drawing of what looked like waterbenders performing some kind of ritual. 

They were in the right place.

Zuko realized the wall was actually a door, sealed off just like the Avatar temples in the Fire Nation. 

"I might not be able to get us in here," Katara whispered, barely audible above the steady hum of the ocean. 

"Yes, you can. You're the greatest waterbender the world has ever seen."

She took a deep breath, counting herself lucky that the moon was on their side tonight. 

* * *

Immediately behind the door were stairs, leading almost vertically upward. This prevented water from flowing in, so they could finally breathe actual air again. Katara was the first to break the surface, filling her lungs without hesitation. The water sloshed against the doors, and she could see where the salt had eroded them over the centuries. Once all of this was over, she'd have to ask Toph if she could fortify them - that is, if she'd ever be able to convince her friend to make the trip.

"Let's not waste time," she said. All her senses urged her forward, into these unfamiliar caves that felt so comforting at the same time. 

But Zuko was still on his knees, cupped his hand as he lowered it into the water. 

"Look how it glows. What do you think that is?"

"Could be the influence of the aurora, or the full moon," she said. "I'm not sure. But we have to keep moving. Who knows where those thugs are."

* * *

These walls, too, were covered in drawings. Intricate depictions of festivities, of hunting activities, of rituals. It was as if the caves were telling them a story, spun out over miles and miles, spanning multiple centuries. 

They carefully made their way through. The ceiling was low, they couldn't exactly stand upright. Katara touched the walls of the cave with her fingers, letting them glide along with her as she walked. Seeing this, being here - it made her heart heavy and light at the same time. With every inhale, she felt an unspeakable sadness tug at her from within, mixed with relief: these caves, preserved from the attacks of the Fire Nation, but forgotten by its people. If only these walls could really, truly tell her their stories. 

Zuko held a flame in his hand, barely big enough to light the path in front of them. Behind them, the darkness closed in quickly. 

“What if they’re following us?”

“I think we would have known by now, don't you?"

Katara kept moving, and even though they couldn’t see where they were headed, they felt the push of the earth underneath their feet, indicating that they were still climbing.

“Can you extinguish that flame of yours?” she asked, sounding unnecessarily prickly.

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Zuko closed his palm. The darkness enclosed them immediately.

They had to stand still, waiting for their eyes to get used to the new situation. Katara knew Zuko was closeby, but she felt very alone all of a sudden.

“Look. Over there.”

In the distant, almost indiscernible, a faint light. 

“How did you know?” 

Zuko's voice hovered somewhere around her ear, and Katara felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise.

“Something about this cave reminded me of another cave I was in, a long time ago. The Cave of Two Lovers. Have you heard of it?”

Silence.

"I'm sorry, I shook my head but realized you probably wouldn't see that."

She sighed. 

“I can’t believe you’re supposed to be royalty and yet you know absolutely nothing about anything other than Fire Nation culture. And even about that, you don't seem to know much. Didn’t they teach you anything in school?”

“Did they teach _you_ anything in school?” he retorted.

“We didn’t _have_ a school, Zuko. It was wartime, remember. We barely had anything.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“It’s never too late to learn.”

She picked up the pace again, carefully moving towards the light. 

“So, it’s a story of two lovers, divided by a mountain. Their countries were at war, but it didn’t stop their love. They created the cave and its labyrinth and made it so that you had to trust in the power of love to get to the exit. Otherwise, you’d be lost forever.”

"Power of love..." Zuko's voice trailed. "What does that mean?"

"Oh, I thought you had to kiss," she said, wishing he hadn't asked her about that part. "But it turned out you had to dim all your light sources. The crystals in the cave would glow and lead the way."

"I see." 

When they reached the light, Katara realized these weren't glowing crystals, but something else. Gemstones.

"Oh wow," she heard Zuko say behind her. "Those are topazes, I believe." 

"Whatever they are, there's more over there," Katara said as she stepped into the next room, which was entirely littered with gems. The ceiling was raised here, so she stretched her back, turning her head in every possible direction. The stones had colors ranging from bright orange to a deep purple, creating the effect of a sunset right in the middle of the cave.

“It’s beautiful,” both of them said at the same time.

“This must be ancient,” Katara mused. “I wonder whether these were placed here or if it’s a natural phenomenon.”

“It doesn’t look man made to me.” 

Zuko grazed his fingertips over the edges of the gems. "They're warm..." he muttered. "Almost _alive._ "

Katara pulled them both out of their contemplation.

"We have to go. I wish we could stay, I really do, but we have a mission."

"Right."

They walked on, a little brisker now that they could see something. The tunnel took a left turn and then forked into two tunnels.

“Now what?”

“You take the left one, I take the right,” she said. "If your tunnel forks again, turn back, so we can figure out a strategy together."

“Okay.”

* * *

It was only after ten minutes of walking by himself that he realized this probably had not been a good idea. What if he found something? He couldn’t call out for her. What if something happened to her?

He was about to turn around when something moved in front of him. Zuko jumped back, ignited two spheres of flames in his hands.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” a voice came from the dark.

“Who are you?”

“Doesn’t matter. What does matter however is that if you try to attack, my helpers will knock you out before you know it. So why don’t you play nice?”

Zuko didn’t respond. Instead, he pushed his fist forward in the direction of the voice, sending a blast of flames along with him.

“Now, now. So much aggression. I told you that if you try to attack, I would have you captured. But don’t worry, we already have your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my–”

Before he could finish his sentence, something heavy landed on his head. As the dark spots on the edge of his vision slowly closed in on him, he faintly smelled blood.

* * *

On her side of the tunnel, Katara reached another fork in the road and turned back, as they had discussed. But as she went in the direction Zuko had taken when they split up and couldn't find him, the sinister feeling that hadn't left her since she first found that arrowhead in the snow came to the forefront of her mind and made her stomach sink.

She started running, further and further, screaming Zuko's name without thinking about the consequences of getting caught in here. 

Without warning, she ran right into a crowd of people. In what could only be described as a huge hallway, a fire was lit, with at least twenty people sitting around it. They had turned to look at her, and Katara realized two things: she had found the secret lair of the assassins, and she was in huge trouble.

"It appears we have a visitor," someone said. Others got on their feet and walked towards her, weapons in hand. She prepared herself for a fight, even though she was immensely outnumbered.

"Hold it right there."

A stern voice - one that sounded distinctly _female_. 

"Who are you? Come out if you're not a coward!"

Katara yelled at the top of her lungs, trying to scream over her own fear which was paralyzing her, pinning her down to the very spot she stood in. She wasn't going to show them, though.

"Behind you."

She made a sharp turn on her heels. Out of the shadows appeared a woman. Katara was unable to tell how old she might be - she had no wrinkles, but she definitely wasn't a child.

There was also something unsettlingly familiar about her.

Katara raised her arms, the water in her bending flask almost begging to be released. It was still a full moon out, she reminded herself. She could still win this. 

The woman locked eyes with her, and she set her jaw, waiting for the fight to start.

"If you want him to live, you'll have to do exactly as I say."

_They had Zuko._

It was then Katara knew she was defeated.

She lowered her arms, and two men grabbed her wrists and chained her. 

"Smart move." The woman studied her nails and smirked.

"I don't know who you are, but you disgust me."

"Now, now. No need for these harsh words. I just need your help."

"I'm not helping you!"

"As you wish. But you know what that means."

They took her through a dizzying number of tunnels, winding up and down, deeper and deeper into what must be the heart of the labyrinth. Crates full of gems were piled up near the walls - when Katara noticed this, she started screaming, kicking the men who were walking behind her, but she stumbled and grazed her knees as she landed on the rocks. It hurt so much tears sprang into her eyes, but she didn't want to give them the satisfaction of laughing at her, so she didn't make a sound.

One of them yanked her back up by her elbow and pushed her forward again, pushed and pushed and pushed until they reached another hallway. Katara felt a chill in the air - when she looked up, she saw the moon. This was the place she and Zuko had been looking for. The center of the caves. The most spiritual place in the entire South Pole. 

And everything was about to go horribly wrong. 

"Katara!" 

A voice she would recognize even if she were dead. 

"Zuko!"

He was on his knees, kept far away from her, his hands enclosed in earthen domes just like the ones Toph made when they had tried to get him to sleep. It all seemed so far away now, a memory she might as well have created in her head to comfort her - surely, this wouldn't be the end? It couldn't be. They hadn't come so far for nothing.

Zuko's face was covered in blood, and he had a wound on his head that she almost couldn't bear to look at. 

"Don't do it!"

"Don't do what?" She wasn't doing anything. Not yet at least.

"We're going to need you to open the spirit portal," the woman's voice came from behind her.

Katara laughed. The sound was strange to her own ears.

"You have the wrong person," she said. "I'm not the Avatar. Only the Avatar can open spirit portals. This whole… thing..." she tried to gesture but had forgotten her hands were still chained behind her back, "has been a waste."

An impatient tapping of feet.

"Silly girl. The portal isn't closed, it's just sealed off. By ancient waterbenders, with an advanced technique. It died out when the Southern Waterbenders were decimated. But you..." 

She stepped into Katara's view, and the woman's grin sent a chill down her spine.

"You, my dear Katara, have the scrolls. You have studied the Southern style. You would be able to unseal the portal, and release its energy for the world once more."

"You're insane." 

"Perhaps. But that should be of no concern to you."

"Who are you, anyway?" 

She was trying to bide time, thinking as fast as she could. What options did they have? Could they escape? 

No answer.

"You're a coward, you know that?" 

The woman turned her back towards Katara.

"Why don't you just go to the Northern water tribe? There's a spirit portal there." 

"Both portals give entrance to different parts of the spirit world. Mere mortals would have a hard time finding their way there - they might not even survive. And it just so happens that this portal leads us exactly where we want to be. But that's all you need to know. Any more questions, and your friend won't live much longer."

Katara jerked her head up, but Zuko shook his. _Don't do it,_ he mouthed, clear for everyone to see. 

"It's not worth it, Katara. Get out of here!"

But his guards punched him in the head once more, and he lost consciousness.

"No! Zuko!"

The sound was deafening. She didn't understand who was screaming, until she realized it was her. And she couldn't stop, either. Hot tears streamed down her face, the blind rage consuming her so much that she started convulsing. The pressure on her wrists was released, she could move her arms again. Unable to stay upright, she slid on the floor, barely able to break her fall.

"Well?"

Katara had a choice, but it wasn't _really_ a choice. She did, however, have to make a decision. 

"I'll do it. You have my word. Just promise me you'll let him go."

"I don't make promises to little girls."

Katara wanted to claw the woman's face off, right then and there. Instead, she got on her feet again, touched her painful wrists - the skin red where the chains had cut her. The woman stepped aside, allowing Katara to tread onto the platform that stood in the center of the room. It was slightly raised, bathing in moonlight. On top of it, something that looked like a well, sealed with a lid.

She brushed over the carvings in the stone, reading the ancient inscriptions she had familiarized herself with in the past few months. Circling the well, she took it all in, felt the moon shining on her head, her neck, her shoulders. And she understood - not just the way to break the seal, but what she had to do to make sure they'd be able to escape. All she needed was a little luck, and some help from a moon spirit named Yue.

"Hurry, little waterbender. We don't have all day."

Katara lifted her trembling hands, felt the flow of the water inside the well underneath her fingers. Its pull was strong, stronger than any other water she had ever bended. This was no ordinary water. But then again, this was no ordinary place. And she was no ordinary girl.

Only a waterbender with exceptional skills would be able to raise the water level inside the well, so that the puzzle could be solved - secret compartments, opened or closed due to water pressure. Katara closed her eyes, tried to create a mental image of what she had to work with. If the situation hadn't been so awful, she would have enjoyed this.

All the while, Yue was watching over her shoulder, whispering in her ear. 

"I know what you're trying to do. And I want to help. But you'll have to be quick. I can't hold them off forever."

Afterwards, Katara couldn't exactly remember what she did, or how she did it. But as soon as she solved the puzzle and the lid started to pull away, and the woman leaped forward in anticipation, she changed her stance. As she shifted her weight, she closed her left fist, and everyone who wasn't her or Zuko dropped down on the floor in the greatest display of bloodbending ever performed. At the same time, the moon had increased its shine seemingly tenfold: a blinding white light, just like what Zuko had seen out in the snowy fields. 

And Katara ran. Instinct took over, propelling her forward while everything else in the room blurred into a haze, except for Zuko. She saw him, clear as day, his eyes closed but he was breathing still. When she reached him, she pulled him on his feet with sheer willpower, holding on to him, praying to the spirits to keep him alive. 

Yue told her where to go, which turns to take in this vast complex of alleys and corridors. They stumbled, nearly tripping over, ran until they were once again surrounded by the deafening silence. By now, Katara hoped, they were far enough, unable to be followed by anyone. 

She allowed them to lower their pace, but still held on to Zuko's clothes with her hands, which she had clawed into him as they moved. He was awake, but hadn't spoken a word. 

Katara turned her eyes towards the ground, trying to find the exit Yue had promised would be here. She shivered at the thought of having to return to the icy ocean waters, but it was their only shot - their only hope for survival. They'd have to make it, and she'd have to be the one to do it.

With a force she didn't even know she still possessed, she opened the door, descended the flight of stairs and used her bending to get both of them into the ocean. Holding onto Zuko tightly, she swam upward, towards the light. 

They barely made it to the surface, Katara's protection dissolving as soon as her head emerged from the water. The cold seeped into their clothes, made them even heavier, water gushing into their boots. It also jolted Zuko fully awake, rasping and coughing as he shook his head, the throbbing pain of his wound suddenly all too present.

Snow, underneath their fingers. Land. They collapsed, holding onto each other so tightly that their knuckles turned white. Katara's hair, soaking wet, stuck to her face, and she closed her eyes as she pressed her forehead against Zuko's.

And she didn't know who started it, who leaned in first, but suddenly, they had bridged whatever distance still existed between them. Her lips on his, his on hers - where the one ended and the other began, they couldn't tell. She buried her fingers in his arms, his hair. He held her face with both hands, so cold they were almost frozen, but it didn't matter anymore. 

They gasped for air, tears streaming down their faces. Katara stroked Zuko's scar, placed her palm on the side of his head to heal him, but she couldn't, and she wanted to say something, to apologize, but no words came out. And he looked at her, his golden eyes so soft. He leaned in, pressed his lips on hers with a hunger that made her knees weak. She grabbed hold of him with all the strength she had left, drawing him in closer, pressing her forehead against his again. Carefully, Zuko wiped the wet strands of hair out of her face, cupping her cheek, her palm on top of his.

When her breath had steadied, and she could feel the cold of the night in her bones, Katara realized how perilous their situation was.

"We have to get up," she managed to get out. "Otherwise, we'll freeze to death. We're soaking and I…" 

_I can't bend,_ she wanted to say, but the words escaped her.

He nodded, pressed her to his chest as they scrambled to get up. Katara put her arms around him, afraid to let go. If she lost him now, it would be forever.

The snow storm hit them before they could take a single step. Wind howling around them, they couldn't see a foot ahead. Katara was too tired to move, but too stubborn to die. She bended a tiny dome around them, muscles aching as she struggled to keep it alive. 

Zuko still had his arms around her, and she breathed in his scent, taking comfort in knowing that at least, she'd be close to him when the snowstorm would bury them. 

She had wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she had _always_ loved him.

But she knew they wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. Already, her fingers were slipping, her grasp becoming weaker and weaker. Soon, she'd slip out of consciousness. They weren't going to make it. This was the end.

But then.

Barks. Lights. Voices. 

Someone tried to unhook her fingers from Zuko's parka. She didn't let them. 

"...Katara?"

Warmth, lots of warmth. Moist seeping from her clothes, her skin, her hair. Fur tickling against her cheek.

"They're still alive, but barely."

"Zuko! Katara!"

Sokka. Suki. Katara recognized their voices and wanted to say something, tell them what happened, but she couldn't. She couldn't even open her eyes. 

Again, someone trying to separate her from Zuko. But she still heard his heartbeat in her ear and she didn't want to let go, didn't dare to let go. At the same time, she felt his muscles tense, his arms tightening around her.

Eventually, they gave up. They were lifted in the air together, put on a dog's sleigh, wrapped in furs and blankets and surrounded by people who loved them. 

It was only then, rocked softly back and forth by the steady rhythm of the moving sleigh which carried her to safety, that Katara allowed herself to drift into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Topaz: Gem of the Setting Sun - The Rippingtons  
> Baby It's You - London Grammar


	25. Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! (there will an epilogue, too, no worries). You'll find it to be relatively short, and hopefully sweet.

For a while, all he felt was pain. 

He couldn't really specify  _ where  _ \- his entire being hurt. From far away, he thought he could hear people talk, thought he saw shadows moving in the darkness. But he'd always sink back into the void again, drowning out the sounds. 

It was only after a week - although Zuko didn't know this - that the fog started to lift. He felt himself being pulled back into consciousness, until the moment came where he could feel how he was forcefully pushing down his eyelids. It made no sense, he reasoned, to keep his eyes closed when he  _ knew  _ he was awake, so he opened them.

The ceiling was dark. Dust particles floated into view, further disorienting him. Where was he?

He closed his eyes again, squeezing them to clear his vision. Then, he heard a muffled groan next to him. When he looked to his left, he saw Katara.

Her hair was splayed out on the pillow, long, lazy curls draped around her face, tickling in her neck. Her brows were furrowed, her mouth slightly open. She was still fast asleep, that much was certain. 

As he watched her, Zuko's memories seeped back into his mind, creating chaos. He remembered the ice cold water, the starry sky, the snow underneath his fingers. How the Antarctic ocean had frozen their clothes to their bones and almost killed them. He also remembered, with sudden clarity, something else. It sent a hot flash through the depth of his stomach, so intense he had to gasp for air.

Their kiss.

How much he didn't want to let go of her, and neither did she let go of him - clawing their fingers into each other's flesh until they passed out. 

Zuko had the sudden urge to reach out and grab Katara's hand. For the first time, surprising even himself, he did just that.

Her skin was a little dry - but her hands were soft, and cool. Not unpleasantly so, not as if she was dying. Just, cool, like lying on a river bank on a hot day and dangling the tips of your fingers into the water. 

She didn't wake up, didn't tighten her fingers around his. It didn't matter - he let his gaze wander over her face, studying every detail. After a minute or five, his arm started hurting from stretching it for so long. But he wanted to hold on, just a little longer.

When he let go, he told himself that the faint smile on her face was probably a product of his imagination.

* * *

There were hides in front of the entry. He couldn't tell whether it was day or night, but he felt energized enough to get out of bed to check. 

Slowly, he supported himself on his hands until he sat upright, then twisted until his legs dangled from the edge of the bed frame. The floor was covered in hides as well, to prevent the cold from creeping in. Near the entrance, a pair of boots - as was customary in every Water Tribe igloo. They were a little too tight, but served the purpose. 

As soon as he drew the hides aside, the bleak sunlight hit his face, blinding him for a second. Then, he felt the wind gripping on his tunic. 

_ I probably should be wearing something warmer if I'm going to stand outside for much longer. _

When he could see again, he noticed that the plain in front of him was vast, and empty. Save for the endless glittering of snow and ice, there was nothing. No houses, no smoke rising from chimneys. 

For a second, panic gripped his heart. Them being rescued had just been another fever dream - they were alone. Completely alone. 

But his reason took over, reminding him that he was  _ alive _ , and that he wouldn't have been if someone hadn't rescued them. 

At that moment, someone familiar turned a corner.

"Zuko! You're awake!"

Zuko jumped two feet into the air and pushed his hands against his ears. Sokka's yelling was ringing in his ears - his ears which, until a second ago, hadn't heard anything but complete silence for a long time. 

Sokka shot forward, supporting his friend with two hands as Zuko's knees almost gave out under him. 

"Is Katara awake, too?"

"She might be, given that you screamed loud enough to wake a polar bear dog from hibernation," Zuko mumbled.

That earned him a soft elbow between the ribs - he cringed again, and Sokka, realizing his mistake, tightened his grip. 

* * *

But Katara wasn't awake. They both stood at the far end of her bed, hands gripping the railing, and stared. 

"I'll get you something warm," Sokka said eventually and walked to a cabinet in the back to fetch Zuko a coat. 

"Can you walk?"

"I think so." 

He put his arms through the sleeves and turned up the collar. A question burned on his lips, one he couldn't help but ask:

"How long have we been here?"

"About a week," Sokka said. 

He shrugged as Zuko sank back on his bed, worry churning around in his stomach. This one question raised so many other ones - he couldn't decide which one to ask first, so he said nothing. 

The moment passed. 

Sokka watched him, one eyebrow raised. When Zuko showed no signs of moving, he said:

"You might want to talk to Dad." 

Zuko nodded. 

* * *

The reason Zuko couldn't see anything when he stepped outside was because he was looking out from the back entrance, used to get patients to the infirmary quickly without having to go through the village. There was another entrance at the front of the building, and when they went through that one, Zuko sighed a relieved sigh when he saw the familiar igloos again.

Sokka guided them through the new street plan with ease, leading them straight to Hakoda's igloo. Zuko put his hand on the hide hanging in front of the door frame, but hesitated.

"What's wrong?" 

"Maybe your dad is busy," he said. "I don't want to disturb him."

"Don't be silly. Just go inside, it's freezing out here."

He exhaled sharply and pushed the hide aside.

The first thing he noticed was the crackling fire at the center - it seemed to call out to him. His element. Feeling its warmth awoke his muscles, lessened the stiffness in his joints. 

Hakoda was in deep conversation with another tribesman. When Zuko entered the igloo, he paused, eyeing him. Zuko, unsure of what to do with himself, stopped dead in his tracks. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'll just go-"

"Hey, what are you doing?" Sokka said from behind him. "I said, go inside!"

Zuko felt two hands pushing him forward. He lost his balance and fell on his knees to the floor.

"Sokka!" Hakoda's deep, bass voice filled the entire room. "Your rudeness is going to give you a lot of trouble when you have to negotiate, I'll tell you that much." 

He got up and reached out his hand to Zuko, who grabbed it to get back on his feet. 

"Here, take this." 

In his hands, Zuko suddenly found a mug of strong, black tea, as well as a cushion for him to sit on. Hakoda gestured for him to wait as he finished his conversation, and Zuko wasn't inclined to protest. When the man was done, Hakoda joined Zuko and Sokka in a little circle. No one spoke.

The Southern Water Tribe chieftain rested his calm, blue eyes on the young Fire Lord. Zuko noticed that although the man was smiling, Hakoda looked worried, too - and Zuko knew exactly why. Shame bubbled up inside him. He shouldn't have allowed Katara to go with him on that mission, he should have rejected her offer. He had put her in danger, and the fact that they had almost died was his fault. 

He wanted to say something, offer an apology of sorts, but Hakoda raised his hand before he could open his mouth. 

"I'm glad to see you're alive and well," the chieftain said.

Zuko lowered his eyes.

"How is my daughter?"

"She's still sleeping," Sokka answered for him.

"I held her hand," Zuko added. "She didn't feel feverish. I think she's alright." 

He realized he had just admitted to touching her while she was asleep and his ears suddenly felt hot.

Hakoda raised his eyebrows. Zuko expected something, a scolding maybe, and he averted his eyes. 

Instead, a soft voice.

"I haven't had a proper night's rest since that day."

Zuko remembered all his questions - how had they gotten back here, what happened to the assassins, did his Uncle know how he was doing? - but he didn't dare speak up. 

"We were out hunting," Hakoda said, "when suddenly, the pack started acting strangely. Howling, scratching, forcefully trying to make the sleigh shift course. We're trained, us hunters, to follow our instincts - but the dogs will always have better instincts than we have. So we changed course. We didn't even know what we were looking for until we found you, the two of you, barely visible in that snowstorm." 

He paused.

"You were freezing," his voice lowered. "I remember plucking snow particles from Katara's eyelashes. Your skin was already turning blue from the frostbite, your clothes absolutely soaked. We were lucky there was a waterbender among our group, so that we could at least get the water out of your clothes. We rushed all the way back to the village, and I didn't dare..."

He didn't finish his sentence, but Zuko knew intuitively: Hakoda hadn't dared to look back, back at his daughter, out of fear of seeing with his own eyes what his heart wasn't ready to admit. That she was dying, perhaps already dead.

"But we were on time, Dad," Sokka said, reaching out to put his hand on top of his father's. "We made it." 

He turned his face to Zuko. 

"There was some frostbite, and the other healer in the village isn't half as good as Katara, but she assured us that she was going to make it."

"That you  _ both _ were going to make it," Hakoda corrected his son.

"It's okay." Zuko took a sip of his tea. "You didn't have to worry about me. Katara is your daughter."

Hakoda smiled.

"You don't understand, Zuko. You are also my son." 

He was in the process of swallowing his tea when those words reached his ears, and he choked. Coughing and flustered, he tried to regain his composure without much success. How could he contest this clearly false statement? He glanced at Sokka, who just shrugged. 

"We've been watching over you ever since," Hakoda continued. "We took shifts, making sure someone was with you at all times, until we were sure that neither of you would stop breathing in the middle of the night." 

The healer had warned them it could still take a while until they'd wake up - that it was probably best not to disturb them. When the body and mind are healing, all one could do was let them take their time. 

"She said that you would wake up when you were ready. And now, here you are." 

Hakoda opened his arms and pulled Zuko in for an embrace. Feeling the man's heartbeat against his ears, Zuko allowed himself to sink into the hug, allowed himself to not be the responsible adult. His breath got caught in his throat. 

When he let go, he noticed streaks of grey in Hakoda's hair that he was sure hadn't been there before.

Sokka coughed a horribly fake cough. Hakoda raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, that's right. There was one thing… peculiar when we found you." 

_ Uh oh. _

"You absolutely refused to let go of one another. Impossible to separate - and not for lack of trying. We only managed to peel you off of each other when we came back to the village and discovered you had both lost consciousness - but even then, it wasn't easy." 

Zuko swallowed. He knew why he had been holding on to Katara so dearly, so eagerly - the feelings washed over him as if he felt them for the first time. Again, he gasped - he was barely able to hide it. The sensation of their kiss, the agony he felt as his consciousness slipped away from him. He wasn't going to leave her behind. Not like this. Not ever again. He had to hold onto her, had to keep her close… had to keep her safe. 

When he opened his eyes he forgot that he had closed them at all. Sokka and Hakoda were looking at him, lines around their mouth, waiting for an explanation. Or maybe they already understood. Maybe they just wanted him to apologize for what he had put them through. 

"I..." but the words got stuck, tumbled all over each other. How do you tell a man that you love his daughter? How do you tell a friend that you love his sister? And have loved her for a very long time? How do you make sure that they know there's not a hair on your head which would think of taking her away from here, from her family, from her tribe, from the place where she's needed the most? Even though you wished she could be with you for all eternity, to wake up every day and see her just like you saw her back there, sleep in her eyes and a steady breath, chest rising and falling slowly as her dark curls framed her face?

"I'm sorry, I never planned for this to happen."

Zuko's shoulders dropped, he didn't even dare to inhale as he waited for the verdict to land upon him. He feared them both, in this moment, feared their judgement and their scorn.

"We're all fools in love," Hakoda said.

Zuko raised his head. "You're not mad?"

"Of course not. I love my daughter, and if this is what she wants, then I support her. But it's up to her - not me - what she does with her life, and whom she spends it with. But you're welcome in this family, my son." 

And as both Hakoda and Sokka hugged him so tight he felt his muscles ached, Zuko couldn't figure out why his cheeks were wet with tears.

* * *

She was aware of the room she was in before she opened her eyes. She recognized the scent of the balming oils, the creaking of the wooden cabinet in the corner of the room. Katara had decorated this infirmary herself, and she had an excellent sense of knowing where she was. 

Even though she wanted to fight her conscious state a little longer - to sleep in, just as she did when she was really young and her mother was still alive - she knew she had been in here for a long time already, and that a lot of people were waiting for her. She stretched her limbs underneath the covers, felt her muscles ache and protest, her joints cracking with every little movement. 

Next to her, an empty bed. But you could see someone had slept in it - it was hastily made. Could it be who she thought it was?

Katara slid out from under the covers, the chilly air immediately taking hold of her legs and feet. She found a coat on the floor and pulled it on, shoved her feet in the pair of boots by the door - slightly too big for her. 

The early morning light bathed the entire south pole in a faint orange. The sky was powderblue, and she looked up - much to her surprise, the moon still hung in the sky. It was tiny, and bleak, and far away, but it was there, and she could feel its pull. As if Yue was smiling at her, glad to see that she was okay, that she made it out alive. 

When she lowered her head to look in front of her, she saw him. The person she thought - nay, hoped - had been in the bed beside her. She would recognize him anywhere. Back straight, a little stiff, the dark blue parka huddled around him. Elbows at his sides, holding something Katara could only presume was a cup of tea. He was staring out over the icy fields in complete silence. She didn't dare walk up to him, disturb him - she startled him two times on a balcony already, and she wasn't going to do it again. 

So instead, she sat down on the bench next to the entrance, letting her hands drop into her lap as she watched him watch the sun rise. This must feel like a surge of power for him, she thought, remembering their conversation on top of the mountain in the Fire Nation. But the moon was still there, and Yue was taunting her, it seemed. 

With a deep sigh, he turned around, and Katara saw he wasn't holding a cup of tea - he had his arms crossed in front of his chest, having been in deep thought. She searched his face for a clue, noticed a certain kind of sadness in his eyes that she couldn't quite place. Did someone die? Was everything okay? 

So many questions, but she kept quiet, waited until he saw her. Despite her attempt to be subtle, he still jumped up a little when he noticed her, but she also saw his face lit up, a bright smile which opened his eyes wide, and opened her heart even wider. 

He ran towards her, and she flew off the bench, not letting him get to her before she flung herself at him. They smashed into each other, chest against chest, with such force that she got the wind knocked out of her. She breathed in his scent, his familiar scent of burnt wood mixed with the unmistakable Southern Water tribe smell of leather and salt. The wind picked up, and they got even closer together, until her face was so much pressed against his chest that she could feel every beat of his heart against her cheek. He had his arms wrapped firmly around her, his stubble rubbing the tender skin of her temples. 

"We made it," she said, still breathless. It came out as a whisper. 

He released her, held onto her shoulders as if he was afraid she'd run from him if he dared to let go. His eyes lit up as he met hers.

"We did. We made it." 

She lowered her eyes. 

"I'm sorry I unsealed the portal. I had no choice. If I wouldn't have done it, they..."

Tears came over her, her lip trembled. But he held onto her face, one hand covering each ear. 

"If it weren't for you, we would have both died there. You saved us. You saved  _ me.  _ Again. I should really start thinking of a way to repay you."

Katara laughed through her tears, wiped them off her cheeks with her hands. 

The wind picked up again, and something changed between them. Now that they had started talking about what happened, there was no denying it - they'd have to say something about  _ that _ , even though neither of them knew how. Their deepest feelings, so easy to express when the peril of death was dangerously close, so hard it was now to speak freely, afraid as they were of being rejected.

She set her jaw, looked him square in the eye as if to say: you can't hurt me. No matter what you say now, I can take it.

But he stared back, stared until she thought she was going to fall from not knowing which way was up anymore. And then she heard him draw a sharp breath.

"Katara, I love you."

Her legs swayed under her, as her heart sank into her stomach then came rising back up into her throat, beating so fast she thought she was going to explode. Her palms were sweaty and she ran out of breath, so she opened her mouth, regaining her calmth.

"Well then..."

Her voice was shaky, but it was hers again. She grabbed his hands, pulled them towards her face and held them there.

"Your hands are cold."

He nodded, so enamored that he couldn't speak. 

Katara didn't have to say it back - although she would, later, but right now she didn't have to say anything, just hold his gaze in this morning light as she feels the moon slowly fade out of the sky. Was Yue here just to watch this scene unfold?

And he leaned in to kiss her, so different from the last time, which was also the first time. Now, he pressed his lips on hers ever so lightly, slowly, as if to be so present in the moment that the moment would never stop. Katara got on her toes so he wouldn't have to lower his head too much, returning his kiss, fingers gripping into his hands so tightly that her knuckles turned white. 

When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against hers. They stood like that for a little while, eyes closed, the rising sun warming their bodies.

"Things are going to change now, aren't they?" he whispered.

She smiled.

"They have changed already." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who joined me on this crazy journey. When I started this fic, I had never finished a WIP before in my life, let alone finish one with the length of a serious novel. What started out as a lonely passion project has now turned into something other people actually enjoyed to read. I've said it before and I will say it again: your enthusiasm and love for this story made it so much more enjoyable to write. 
> 
> As you will notice, there are a lot of loose ends at this point. That's because I decided, about halfway through the story, that this will need a sequel. I can't possibly tell everything (the assassins! Zuko's mother! Azula's redemption!) within the next couple of chapters, because that wouldn't do it justice. And I also didn't want to go on with this fic until it's an epic of 250K+ words, because... well. So this will be the end of Book one, and the sequel will explore zutara's budding relationship alongside all the other problems I have introduced in this universe. Hope you'll stick around for part two. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3 
> 
> _Dawn - Dario Marianelli (Pride & Prejudice)_


	26. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this epilogue took me way longer than it should have - apparently I need to be in a bad mood in order to write. Make of that what you will. This last chapter wraps up GOTSS, but I will continue the Topaz Trilogy (yes, I ambitiously decided this will be a trilogy) within some time. But first, I have to give some love to all those other WIPs I came up with during Zutara Week 2020. Please, bear with me.

He knew he'd find her in the library.

It was the dead of night, and Zuko couldn't really tell why he had woken up, nor explain why he wanted to look for Katara so badly. She had insisted on keeping her own rooms at the palace, even though they weren't _really_ trying to keep their relationship a secret. Things were just ... complicated, at least on this side of the ocean.

Of course, the palace workers knew. It was impossible to keep anything from them, given that they'd come in to open Zuko's curtains in the morning, and Katara would be there sometimes, softly snoring, her dark hair spread out on the pillows like a palm tree leaf. But Zuko had asked them not to tell anyone, and they seemed to be happy to comply. Katara was well-liked in the servant's chambers.

But they hadn't been sleeping together tonight. Zuko had an all-day meeting in the morning, and they both knew that they'd be up for hours past midnight if she spent the night. So he had climbed between his sheets by himself, staring at the ceiling until he felt the soft, dark embrace of sleep coming over him.

And now he was wide awake. 

From where he stood in the hallway, he could see light escaping underneath the library door. She was in there, she had to be.

Careful not to alert her, he pushed against the door, standing on the very tips of his toes. The library, luckily, was the only room in the palace that was carpeted, and so he was able to sneak inside without making a sound. 

Katara was sitting at one of the tables, a tall candle standing next to her. Zuko noticed the stumps of three other candles lying next to it. The table was covered in scrolls, and she was scribbling furiously on another piece of parchment paper. 

He put his hand on her shoulder, noticed how her muscled tightened under his fingers before she realized who he was. 

"Don't tell me you've been here all night," he said with a soft voice as he pulled his legs underneath him to sit next to her. 

"Oh, but I have," she replied, shaking her wavy hair loose and sticking some strands behind her ear. There were ink stains on her fingers. Zuko took her hand, cupping it with his own. Katara lifted her eyes to meet his - and not for the first time, Zuko was struck by her beauty.

"I've been trying to uncover more about our friends from the South Pole," she explained. "We've lost touch with them since that time..." her voice trailed. Neither of them were fond of remembering their dreadful ordeal in the biting cold. It may have been the thing that finally brought them together, it had also almost meant their deaths, and those thoughts always resurfaced feelings of despair and anguish. 

Zuko held her hand a little tighter. 

"Did you find anything?"

She shook her head, her curls getting loose from behind her ear and falling in front of her face. 

"Not much yet. I was hoping I'd figure out where they are, or what their actual plan is. I've been reading news reports while studying this-" she tapped on a set of scrolls with her fingernail. "- it's about the Southern Water Tribe mythology. I guess I must have overlooked this one when I cleared out the library." 

Zuko had asked Katara to gather all scrolls related to the Southern Water Tribe, because he couldn't stand the thought of having all those stolen items under his roof. She had managed to dig up an entire boatload of scrolls and papers. 

Katara's eyes suddenly darkened, and she frowned. She tugged on the scrolls to bring them closer, scanning the page with a feverish look in her eyes. Zuko glanced at the paper, but he couldn't make out any words. Most of the ancient Water Tribe texts were written in a different language, with a different alphabet altogether. Katara had taught herself how to read it within a few months.

"Why did I overlook this the first time I was reading this?" Katara mumbled, making another note. 

"What?" 

Zuko hated the feeling of being left out of something important. 

"It says here..." she took a sharp breath. "Remember I opened the spirit portal?"

Katara had been feeling guilty about opening that portal ever since they had returned from the cave. Both Sokka and Hakoda had tried to reason with her, telling her that she didn't have a choice and that they were much happier to see her alive than have a closed portal. Zuko had tried to comfort her as well, although he didn't really know how - it was clear that Katara, more than anyone, understood the possible dangers of this now opened portal, and she blamed herself. He, in turn, blamed himself for forcing her hand, but whenever he tried to bring up those concerns, she dismissed them with a fervor that startled him.

"Which you only did because you had no other choice," he reminded her, but she waved the words out of the air between them as if they were pig-flies buzzing around her head. 

"This passage is about spirit portals. Mostly about how they're created and how they're guarded, which I already knew... I guess that's why I skimmed it. But here, at the end, the text mentions the different uses of spirit portals."

"Aren't they just a passageway to the Spirit World?"

"Apparently, when a spirit portal is opened, there's this unleashing of energy that can be captured." 

"Captured how? And then what?" 

The more Katara talked, the more confused Zuko became.

She didn't reply. Instead, she rummaged through her papers, pulled another one closer and almost pressed her nose into the ink while trying to read it.

"Katara, I'm getting worried."

"You should be."

Zuko's heart sank into his stomach.

"What is it now?"

"It says here that captured and stored energy can be used to restore bending to a person who has lost it."

"You mean... But that can't be. Aang was the first person to take away someone's bending."

She shot him a look. "Do you really think that Aang was the first Avatar to know about energybending? Do you _really_ think he was the first Avatar to ever take away someone's bending?"

"But if it's something only the Avatar can do, then how could normal people capture energy and use that energy to return bending to someone? Wouldn't you need the Avatar for that, too?"

He was grasping at straws, here, but his heart didn't want to admit what his mind had already acknowledged.

"I don't know, Zuko." Katara sighed. "I wish I knew. But I want to bet that those thugs know the same thing we know now. We don't know if they were actually able to capture that energy - I have no clue how they would have done that. But if they succeeded, they can only have one goal."

"They're going to try to return Ozai's bending."

His voice was bitter.

"Hey. Zuko, look at me." 

Katara put her hand under his chin and lifted his face, looking him square in the eye. There was a fire burning in her gaze. 

"We're not giving up. I'm not giving up. We're going to capture them, and put a stop to their evil plans. Ozai is not going to terrorize us ever again. That's a promise."

He laughed in spite of himself, got up on his knees and pulled her in for a hug. 

"Thank you, Katara," he whispered into her shoulder. 

"Don't thank me yet. There's a lot to be done still." 


End file.
